When the Wife is the Breadwinner -- A Look into the Role Reversal in Providing for the Family

I am a homebaker. I bake bread and cakes and all sorts of goodies. :)

What is a BREADWINNER?

My first attempt at making pan de sal
- a staple for Filipinos at breakfast :)
- 2013

bread·win·ner

ˈbredˌwinər/

noun

1. 
   

   a person who earns money to support a family.

According to Wikipedia:

The breadwinner model is a paradigm of family, centered on a breadwinner -- "the member of a family who earns the money to support the others".^[1] The breadwinner is usually a heterosexual male, as the model is based on patriarchal norms, with the male working outside the home to provide the family with income. The female usually stays at home and takes care of children and the elderly.

Why the word BREAD-WINNER? What is it with BREAD and WINNING?

According to a foodie blogger, muchadoaboutfooding.com,

The definition of the word itself is "a member of a family whose wages supply its livelihood," which has the tendency to refer to the male head of the household.

The first known use of this word was in 1771 or more commonly 1818 when it was used to refer to the "skill or art by which one makes a living." A compound word, the bread in "breadwinner" refers to the food that was a staple for many households throughout history and for the overall general referential term for food, and winner is what you all know it as.

The breadwinner was the person who was able to "win" the most "bread" for the family, most likely the one who had the highest paying job. It's a term that many still use today!

(Note: If it were here in the Philippines, a more apt term would be "RICEWINNER", because bread is not really a staple in our country, although we do love our pan de sal for breakfast or merienda (snack). But, to NOT have rice in our meals? That is unthinkable!)

Rice is always a staple in any Filipino party. :) - Feb 2014

The Biblical roles of the husband, based on some Bible verses are the following:

1. PROVIDER: "But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. " 1 Timothy 5:8

2. HEAD OF THE FAMILY: "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. " 1 Cor 11:3

3. PROTECTOR: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, " Ephesians 5:25

4. LOVER: "Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. " Col 3:19

Given what we know as the definition of "BREADWINNER" and what the husband's Biblical roles are in the family, how come more and more women are "winning the bread" nowadays?

Modernization, feminism and women empowerment are some of the reasons why wives are no longer confined to the home. None of those are exactly "evil" in and by themselves, but they have all contributed to the present reality of women as breadwinners.

I would like to point out some DECEPTIONS that women of today widely believe to be "true" with regards to "having a career" or "being the breadwinner" by citing some excerpts from Nancy Leigh De Moss' book, 'Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free.' I summarized it into TWO Big Deceptions:

DECEPTION Number One:  A family cannot survive on ONE income.

It is widely assumed today that a family simply cannot make it without two incomes.  It is true that one of the unfortunate by-products of the feminist revolution is that our economy has become dependent on two-income families.  However, that does not necessarily mean that families cannot survive on one income.
The truth is, God gave to man the primary responsibility to be the "breadwinner" for his wife and children. The Enemy has seen to it that it has become extremely difficult to function this way, but it is always possible to live according to the Truth if we want to.

No it's not easy; they don't have a lot of material things many people consider necessities today. Yes they make sacrifices -- in a sense; but the sacrifices pale beside what they are gaining in exchange. In virtually every case,

• these families are content and have joy;

• the have a better sense about values and the things that really matter than do many two-income families;

• they have learned to pray and depend on God for everything from "daily bread" to college tuition;

• the parents and children have close, loving relationships with each other;

• they are actively involved in serving others in practical ways that many families don't have time (or energy) to do when both parents are working outside the home.

Now you tell me, who is really sacrificing?

In a fallen world, I realize there are some situations where the "ideal" may not be possible. However, realities such as the prevalence of divorce and single moms should not make us throw out the ideal. It should make us more conscious of the desirability of God's Way. We must resist caving in to the culture. After all, it is the culture of "working moms"  -- at least in part -- that has given rise to an increased divorce rate, more single moms, more affairs, more teen violence and more stressed-out, depressed, exhausted women.

Deception Number Two: When my husband is passive, I should take on the breadwinner role.

God created the man first and gave him the responsibility to lead and feed those under his care. The woman created from man was made to be a receiver, to respond to the initiative of the husband. Even the physiological differences between men and women express this fundamental difference.

Interviewing Nikki Valdez, a singer

But who is leading and feeding in this account? Not the man, but the woman. And who is responding? Not the woman, but the man. Something is wrong with this picture. And ever since, the same things has been wrong with the sons and daughters of the first couple. That role reversal became the pattern for the way fallen men and women relate to each other.

As was true with Adam and Eve in the Garden, our instinct is to blame the other party for this problem. As women, we are quick to fault men for being passive and to insist that if they were not so inactive --- if they would just do something --- we would not take matters into our own hands.
Over the years, women have insisted to me that their husbands' passivity has "forced" them to take over:

• "My husband won't work. If I didn't go out and get a job, we would starve to death!"

• "If I let my husband take the lead in financial matters, he would drive us to bankruptcy!"

I can't help but wonder to what extent we women have demotivated and emasculated the men around us by our quickness to take the reins rather than waiting on the Lord to move men to action. We can so easily strip men of the motivation to rise to the challenge and provide the necessary leadership.

At times, I have asked women who are frustrated by the inactivity of their husbands, "What would happen if you didn't jump in to handle the situation?" You think you have to go to work because he won't get a job? If he gets hungry, he will probably work! You feel you have to take charge of the finances because he is irresponsible with money? He may go bankrupt. But that may be exactly what it takes for God to get his attention and change his character. You must be willing to let him fail --- believing that ultimately, your security is not in your husband but in a sovereign God who is not going to fail you.

My former TV program with the government network - 2011

I "believed" the two deceptions above and took on the breadwinner role in our marriage sometime between 2009 to 2011. At first I "believed" that we could not survive on my husband's income alone. And then, when he resigned from his job due to stress, I "believed" that our family would not survive if I didn't take action.

All throughout those years, I felt miserable, "masculated" and unloved. I felt bitter and resentful, thinking that my husband had left me to fend for myself and our family. My husband on the other hand, felt depressed and redundant. So much so that he wanted to separate from me, or even, die! He felt that I was soooo unhappy but he was unable to save me from my misery. :(

Very pregnant with Isabelle

2 months old Isabelle Veronica

In my decision to submit fully to God and then to my husband Dong was also my decision to STOP working. That was the ONLY solution I could think of that would allow God to work through my husband. 

The more I earned, the more paralyzed my husband seemed to be in providing for our family. The more I went about my business, the more he seemed to be lost in his own life purpose. In trusting that God would provide for us through my husband, I did the most impractical thing a gainfully employed woman with four little ones could do -- I quit working! God had timed it to be when I was pregnant with our fourth and I wanted to rest also during the pregnancy and after childbirth. We still had some financial resources and our home bakeshop, and I trusted that if my decision to submit was really God's Will for me, He would provide for our family and His children won't go hungry.

At that time too, I have told myself that I would rather we starve than for me to continue being resentful and proud. I needed to do something drastic because I would rather have "lean months" with love and respect, than "rich months" full of bitterness and strife. In view of eternity, any inconvenience or sacrifice would be worth it, as long as I got my spirit right with God! I trusted that God would see us through. It was a crazy, some might even say STUPID idea (!) but I was convinced in my heart that God would not forsake us!!!

And He did not indeed! He provided generously and on the dot. God is really never too early, never too late, just right on time, all the time!:)

Reece helping me with the pandesal, while I looked on. :) - Jan 2014

You see, just around the time I submitted to God and to Dong, we were able to sell off our property that had been on the market for on-and-off, give-or-take seven years. Having received a windfall due to the sale, from a buyer out of nowhere (!), we were now "free" from financial constraints. I could now focus on my God-ordained role as helper to him and as nurturer to our children; and he could now fulfill his God-ordained role as head of the family and provider.  

GOD had provided!!!

My "crazy and stupid" idea turned out to be a true test of my faith in God. In believing that I would be led by God in following my imperfect husband's leadership, I also believed that God would provide for us through my passive husband's headship. No matter that between Dong and I, it is usually I, who has had more career opportunities in the past. It didn't make "worldly sense" to simply STOP. But it made perfect sense to me since I started my submission journey.


To re-quote De Moss : "You must be willing to let him fail --- believing that ultimately, your security is not in your husband, but in a sovereign God who is not going to fail you."    I was not only willing to let Dong fail, I was even willing to let our family experience 'hardship' while in transition! That was how much I believed in God's Sovereignty and His Great Design for Marriage!


I felt that if I STOPPED, God would work wonders in my husband and MOVE in his life. Something that for all my HUSTLE and BUSTLE in the past only led to his "PARALYSIS" and INACTION. The "Dominant Wife/Passive Husband Recipe for Disaster" in action. I believed that if I stopped working, Dong would step up the plate as the breadwinner once more, like in the early part of our marriage.

It was an extremely scary leap of faith but I did it! I jumped and God caught me (thankfully!) and kept me safe. :) Praise God!!!

* * *

Husband and Wife in a Bread-making seminar

In an ideal world, the man would always be the provider and the woman would always be the nurturer. The man is the one "tilling the soil" and the woman is the one "bearing the children". There would be instant RESPECT right there for the husband from his wife because the God-ordained roles are in place. RESPECT comes naturally in this setup.

However, in a fallen world where there is massive unemployment and imbalanced career opportunities, more often than not, it is now the women who are "winning" the "bread" for their families. In such a scenario, should wives still submit to their husbands, even when "RESPECT" no longer comes naturally, because of the reversal of roles?

According to April Cassidy, The Peaceful Wife, in her blog post, 'Reversing Economic Role Reversal':

I have corresponded with Laura Doyle “The Surrendered Wife” author and Nina Roesner “The Respect Dare” author – and both concur that when the wife is the only breadwinner it is very often a recipe for disrespect, depression and turmoil.  It IS possible for a wife in that position to give up control, allow her husband to lead and respect him as the God-given head of the home – but it is MUCH more difficult.

                             GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE – THE VERY GREAT MYSTERY

There is something about a husband being the provider – I think it is because he is to be a picture of Christ in the marriage, caring for and providing for the church.  

When the husband is the sole provider or main provider – that causes an “automatic” level of respect in the heart and mind of a wife.  But when the wife is the sole provider or main provider – that triggers an almost irresistible disrespect. 

It’s not just hard for a wife to respect her husband in that situation, it’s very difficult for a man not to work.  Most men find their identity in their work.  There are many studies about men who stay home as dads about incredibly higher levels of depression and even significantly more heart attacks at earlier ages.

So – what is a wife to do in this situation?  Sometimes she can’t “just quit” because he needs a job first before she could cut her hours or quit.

Let me say, I don’t believe it is a sin for a wife to be the sole breadwinner – and there are times it is unavoidable.  The sin comes in our attitudes.  That is where we will have to be vigilant.

The wife being the primary breadwinner of the household, already produces some sort of friction in the home; what more when the wife is the SOLE breadwinner? This kind of marriage setup makes it even harder to submit to a husband who is not "manly" enough to "fulfill his provider role", but it can be done, with a lot of effort, a lot of humility and a lot of prayers, BUT it won't be an easy ride, that's for sure. :( The wife though must still respect her husband even when he is not bringing home the bacon, but is possibly cooking it himself for when his wife gets home....

When they get "Oscar", they lose their husbands.

An aside: I wrote a blog post on "The Oscar Love Curse" months back. It has been recorded that when an actress brought home "Oscar", it almost always led to her divorce or separation a year or so after her win. It might not be about "providing" anymore but role reversals are more often than not, a great cause of  strain in any relationship -- rich or poor, famous or obscure. Something about going against how we were wired by our Creator produces unsatisfactory results. :(




If one is to really believe in the concept of Biblical submission, one also must believe that God will course His Material Blessings through the husband's leadership. Things must be done, to as much as humanly possible, not reverse the roles for it to not be an uphill battle which almost always leads to disrespect, but if for reasons like ---  a really, really, bad economy; disability; or any other grave reason --- that makes the husband unable to provide temporarily or even permanently, then one should make the most out of this "unnatural" setup for it to still glorify God. But, for as long as one can prevent the reversal of roles, one should strive to keep the God-ordained order in place. This is the ideal and the kind of orderly setup where respect comes naturally and easily. In all instances, humility of heart and mind is a must.

My husband has gotten back his breadwinner role when I
submitted to him.

Here are some Bible verses that keep our focus on God as the Great Provider, Who cannot be outdone in Generosity, even when the husband is NOT the primary or sole breadwinner, and when it is through the wife that the Lord is coursing through His Material Blessings:

Cinnamon rolls I  was about to bake :)

Romans 11:36

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

36 Everything comes from the Lord. All things were made because of him and will return to him. Praise the Lord forever! Amen.

James 1:17

Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)

17 Everything good comes from God. Every perfect gift is from him. These good gifts come down from the Father who made all the lights in the sky. But God never changes like the shadows from those lights. He is always the same.

1 Corinthians 4:7

English Standard Version (ESV)

7 For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?

Philippians 4:19

English Standard Version (ESV)

19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 10:3

English Standard Version (ESV)

3 

The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry,

    but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.

Matthew 6:25-34

English Standard Version (ESV)

Do Not Be Anxious

No anxiety Isabelle :)

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:33

English Standard Version (ESV)

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

God is the Giver of ALL Gifts. From Him, all good things come. No matter to whom it is He courses His Blessings through (may be the husband or the wife or both), may nobody forget that all that we have and possess are just "lent" to us on "borrowed time." May we never boast of His Gifts, but with humble and contrite hearts, be grateful for them and be generous to others who might also be blessed by them; and in so doing, create room for the Lord to bless us even more -- Him Who could never be outdone in Generosity. Him Who is our GREAT Provider. 

In this season of my life, I direct my sight towards Christ and Him alone. In reading the Bible, my spiritual hunger has been appeased. In following Him and His Teachings, my spiritual dryness has been abated. Thanks be to God! :)

                                                      John 6:35

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."

Now, THIS is The Living BREAD that is a true WINNER! :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)

The Working Woman's Dilemma -- What Should I Choose -- Home or Career?

The picture above would give you a gist of how uber busy I was in 2012 as a career woman. I went to work at 4 am for my daily radio program -- 'Bom Dia'; had a daily TV morning show soon after that at 5am -- 'Good Morning Kuya'; went straight to my co-hosting chores with a crimefighter TV Host on Mondays and Wednesdays; had tapings throughout the week for my documentary program, 'Istorya'; and I ended the day with my daily TV evening newscast, 'Ito Ang Balita' at 7 pm. That was when I was not busy with other things like events hostings and baking or other "money-making" ventures. 

Ito Ang Balita newscast with my co-anchors - 2012

2012, as I have shared in my previous post, "Wind Beneath My Wings" was my banner year, so to speak. I did in one year, all that I have ever wanted to do in my more-than-a-decade broadcasting career.

Screenshot  of my daily business newscast
 at PTV,the government network,
'Money Matters' - 2009

Previous to that, I was also gainfully employed with the government network as a newscaster and TV host, for on-and-off more than a decade. (I usually took time off when I was pregnant or have just given birth.) I was a career woman; a working girl... and for the most part, I enjoyed it and reveled in it. Talents and skills were gifts of God after all, and I made sure that I did my 110% best in whatever job that was thrown my way! My employers and co-workers praised me for my "commendable work ethic" and ability to "shine" in any project given me. That stroked my ego sooooo much! I felt so validated!

Pondahan ni Kuya Daniel (Good Morning Kuya) - 2012

Poor Reece. Mommy usually had no energy
to tutor her and so she got cranky and snapped
at her before. :(

However, I always felt guilty too for being away from home most of the time. :( I felt very satisfied, being able to fulfill that creative, workaholic part of me, but I knew that my children were getting the short end of the stick by not having Mommy home to be with them, as often as they'd want her to be. Mommy was so busy pursuing her dreams to stay put. :(




When I was home, drained of all my energy by the end of the day, I got short-tempered with my children when they could not understand a simple school assignment. I had no patience or strength to wait for them to "get" it. I snapped at them often while my eyelids drooped from exhaustion. I felt it "justifiable" to get irked at them because I was working for them anyway. All  my hard work was for them, right?

But of course, God knew better. It was more for me, myself and I, than it was for them. Money-wise, YES, but the "fame", the "adulation", the "prestige"... NO. It was all for me and my insatiable desire to "matter."

Winning the Anak TV award - Dec 2012

   1 Samuel 16:7 part

]

"The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Being "just" a mother and a wife  were not enough. I needed to be busy to fill up a void in my soul. I needed to be deemed "worthy", and work did that for me. I desired the world's accolades. My husband's and children's praises did not count.  :(

I was deceived. I believed in the lie that:

"A CAREER OUTSIDE OF THE HOME IS MORE VALUABLE AND FULFILLING THAN BEING A WIFE AND MOTHER."

This was one of the lies that Nancy Leigh De Moss in her book, "Lies Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free" pointed out. (Dong bought me this book early in our marriage as a gift.) 

Allow me to share with you her convicting insights on this particular and "powerful" lie which many modern women blindly believe:

Half a century ago, a handful of determined women set out to achieve a philosophical and cultural revolution. Convinced that women needed to throw off the shackles of male oppression, they wrote books, published articles, taught college courses, marched in the streets, lobbied Congress, and in myriad ways succeeded in capturing the minds and hearts of millions of women.

They redefined what it means to be a woman and tossed out widely held views of a woman's priorities and mission in life. Concepts such as virtue, chastity, discretion, domesticity, submission and modesty were largely eliminated from the vocabulary, and replaced with choice, divorce, infidelity and unisex lifestyles. The daughters and granddaughters of that generation have never known any other way of thinking.

One of the most devastating objectives  and effects of this "new" view of womanhood has been to demean marriage and motherhood and to move women -- both physically and emotionally -- out of their homes and into the workforce. 

Statistics indicate that the gender gap has narrowed dramatically in matters of hiring practices, pay scales, and educational opportunities -- results that activists have worked long and hard to achieve. But what about the unintended consequences of this newfound freedom? Whoever expected we would have to live with such things as... 

• pressure placed on women by their peers to  "do more" than be "just a wife and mother";

• the status of a "homemaker" being devalued to something less than that of a serf;

• millions of children coming home from school to empty houses or being relegated to after-school child care programs; (or in the case of the Philippines, being left to be "brought up" by live-in yayas or nannies);

• mothers giving their best energy and time to persons other than their husbands and children, leaving those women perpetually exhausted and edgy;

• families that seldom sit down and have a meal together;

• emotional and physical affairs being fanned by married women spending more quaity time with men at work that they do with their own husbands;

• women who don't have time or energy to cultivate a close relationship with their children and who end up permanently estranged from their grown children;

• inadequately supervised children becoming exposed to and lured into pornography, alcohol, drugs, sex and violence.

Our longtime nanny, Ate Sepa, with our second child Andre
in one of her visits - 2007

I was brought up by extremely hardworking parents who were outside the home most of the time. In effect, I got very attached to our nanny, Ate Sepa (pronounced Ah-teh, a term of respect for an older lady), who served and stayed with our family for 16 years. She only left when she got married and had one child at age 41. (We consider her now as a part of our family and she is welcome to visit us anytime. She really is a rare find! :)

Mama was the TV director for the longest-running children's show
on TV, Pen Pen de Sarapen. I was one of the hosts and
voice over announcers. - 1991

This kind of "marriage peg" that I witnessed growing up made me believe that it was "normal" and "natural" for both our parents to always be out and for us to always be left with our nanny. They were also too busy with their careers, they had not much time for each other!

Especially vivid in my impressionable mind was my Mama's passion for her TV career. She would leave us for long stretches of time to attend conferences abroad; she would come home very late from tapings and not lift a finger to do housework or attend to my father because she was almost always already very tired. The most "fun" she had was when she was in her workplace. She was the "life of the party" and so it was not surprising that she was sorely missed when she passed away due to cancer at the young age of 43 by her officemates, whom she considered her "family". Her candle burned out too soon. :( 

'Pilipinas Ngayon Na' was a weekly public service program
 of mine for the government network in 2006.

Mama was my "peg" in terms of what I wanted to happen with my career. Whereas she worked behind the scenes as a TV director/producer, I wanted to work on-camera as a TV host and newscaster. I was willing to spend long hours in pursuing my dream of becoming established in my field, like she had done in hers. My only contention was I would not permit out-of-town shoots, out-of-the-country coverages, or work that would take me away from my children for long periods of time. I was traumatized by Mama's excessive traveling. I did not want my children to suffer the same "fate". :(

In an events hosting for Philips - 2008

Early in our marriage, I was a happy and contented housewife and homemaker following my "demonic possession". But the desire to achieve and make something out of myself beckoned. Later on, opportunities arose that allowed me to do just that. I was fulfilled with all my shows. I loved being in the limelight. I had great fun maximizing my potentials... but they were still not enough.    :(

There would be days when I felt that life had no meaning.

There would be moments when I felt that my work did not matter to anybody.

There would be times when I still felt worthless even when I was so busy.

Our happy and lovely kids :)

Dare I say it, there were even times when I would consider my children a bit of an obstacle  to pursuing my career. :( But I loved my kids and considered them to be blessings, but when one was prideful and self-centered, one is unable to go beyond the self. Anything or anyone that prevented one from making the self "happy" and "fulfilled" were considered "burdens" or "hindrances." I never wished them to be non-existent for I cherished motherhood greatly, but I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I wanted to be a wife and mother with a kick-ass career.

In short, I wanted to "have it all"...

In pursuing "having it all" (and having experienced it somewhat in 2012), I was left to say to myself: "So this is how it feels to "have it all"... It still feels empty. It seems to be just vanity. It's not all that it was cut out to be... Surely, there is more to life than just this?!"

Singing at the Big Dome in 2012

In determining our priorities as Christian women, we must first ask: Why did God make women? What is His Purpose and Mission for our lives? The Word of God provides women of every generation and culture with the Truth about our created purpose and primary role and calling. When we embrace the Truth and establish our priorities and schedules around it, we experience true liberation.

In Genesis 2:18 we find the first and clearest statement of why God created the woman:

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

There you have it -- God created the woman to be a helper to the man -- to complete him, to be suited to his needs. Her life was to be centered on his, not his on hers. She was made from the man, made for the man, and given as God's gift to the man. Her relationship with her husband was the first and primary sphere in which she was to move and serve.  Her husband was responsible to work to provide for their material needs.  She was to be his helper and companion in reflecting the image of God, taking dominion over the earth and reproducing a godly seed.  

Together they were to populate the earth with future generations of men and women who would love God and seek to fulfill His purposes in the world.  The woman was uniquely designed and equipped -- physiologically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually -- by her Creator to be a bearer and nurturer of life. In a multitude of ways, she was endowed with the ability to add life, beauty, richness, fullness, grace and joy to the family unit. 

There is no greater measure of her worth or success as a woman than the extent to which she serves as the heart of the home.

The Scripture is clear that a married woman's life and ministry are to be centered in her home. This is not to suggest that it is necessarily wrong for a wife and mother to have a job outside her home -- unless that job in any way competes with or diminishes her effectiveness in fulfilling her primary calling at home. Further, it is important for women to evaluate their reason(s) for working outside their home and to identify the deception behind those reasons. 

When the Lord convicted me of my sins in September 1, 2013, I was tired of pursuing my selfish career pursuits. I have experienced it "all" (in a small scale) and I was over and done with it. I was ready to listen to what God wanted me to do, not what I wanted to do.

When I evaluated my reasons for working, I realized that they were all from deceptions by the evil one:

• If I didn't work, my children would go hungry because Dong could not provide for them the way I could!
• If I didn't work, people would forget about me and in this (broadcasting) industry, you were only as good as your last project or show!
• If I didn't work, people would view me as a "failure" since I would "just" be a wife and mother. That's not exactly worth boasting about. It's so easy to be "just" a wife and mother but difficult to be "somebody" in the field of journalism!
• If I didn't work, I would be doing God a disservice because He showered me with so many talents and capabilities. Surely, He did not give me those to just "waste" them at home!
• etc. etc.

D-Day for 4th baby,
At hospital elevator :)
April 17, 2013

When I realized how prideful all my reasons for working were, I stopped and asked the Lord to search my heart further. By then, I had just given birth to our 4th child, and being a firm believer of "everything happens for a reason", I said to myself, "Surely, this did not happen for nothing. Four children! Four human beings, needy of my love and affection. I couldn't give this new baby my time and myself if I would still continue with my demanding career." By then too, I was tired of leading our marriage and of always being fearful of the future. I was ready to hand over the reins....

That was the time when I let go and let God and submitted to Him, then to my husband Dong. :)

With one of my edible creations for Veronica's
Kitchen, our home bakeshop. :)

                                                                                           
As an update,  I have some broadcasting voice-over sidelines, and am busy with my home-based bakeshop, Veronica's Kitchen, but those are just my "sidelines". I am helping augment the family's income like the Proverbs 31 woman, while not losing sight of my real role in our home -- that of my husband's partner and our children's nurturer.

I am not twiddling my thumbs or just lying down all day doing "nothing" though... I am still busy  but in a fulfilled, joyful, peaceful, just-right kind of way. :)

Isabelle Veronica :) - Feb 20 , 2014

• What I am "busy" with is being my husband's supporter and helper while he works towards achieving his plans for the family. 
• What I am busy with is being our children, and being Therese and Andre's "driver" to and from school as well as their tutor in all their lessons. 
• What I am busy with is attending to and disciplining our third child Reuben (whom I nearly neglected from being too busy before!) who is in his Terrible Three's phase, so that he does not grow up spoiled. 
• What I am busy with is breastfeeding our little one, 10 months old Isabelle, so she will be healthy and strong.  
• What I am busy with is cleaning our house, cooking our meals and making sure my husband and children come home to a neat and homey abode. (We have let go of one helper -- we used to have two -- in order for us to save on expenses and for me to be a full-time housewife and hands-on mother to our kids.)

I am the "boss" in this kitchen! ;)

I am "busier" now and more fulfilled than ever. Far more joyful than when I was a stylized career woman, simply because I know my priorities now and have been released of all my spiritual bondages when I fully gave up my life to God nearly six months ago. :) When God opened up my spiritual eyes, I saw my "true" sinful self and repented for my mountains of sin. I also died to myself that time (and I still crucify this sinful flesh each and every day since then). God showed His Mercy on me and gave me a new "me". The old was gone, the new has come! :) Praise be to God!!!

                                   

                           2 Corinthians 5:17

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!

It's a joy to be unknown and still feel
that I matter.:)

Not to say that I won't go back to working ever again, but simply knowing my true calling and my real role in the family, I could now choose jobs that do not go against my (God-ordained) priorities. I could also now choose jobs that would not steal much of my time from my family. I used to choose "blindly" because of my bottomless desire to "matter" or to be deemed as "somebody", even when it was at the expense of my growing family. :(

I am now content being obscure! :) Who would have thought the day would come that I would actually say that?! Not me! :P

Always "made up" - 2012 

But, if the Lord so wills that I be back in the "limelight" again for His Greater Glory, I will follow Him. He can do with me as He pleases. But for now, if the Lord allows, I just want to be away from everything that has to do with going on-camera or putting on makeup. :) I get enough of my creative juices flowing by blogging. (God designed me to be creative -- whether by appearing before the public or through writing. Writing gives me fulfillment while at the same time, allows me to reach out to others because of my ministry towards fellow wives.:) But if the Lord "orders" me to stop writing for this blog, I will drop it instantly.  It's all about Him and His Will... even if it makes me "happy."

In ending, to the question: "The Working Woman's Dilemma -- What Should I Choose -- Home or Career?", my answer is:

By virtue of marriage and motherhood, a woman's place really is in the home. But, this does not mean that all women should simply quit their jobs and stay home. God does use women in the workplace for His Work too! We as women must be able to use our God-given talents for His Glory both at home and at the office.  

However, when caught between a rock and a hard place, I think we should always choose home over career. 

Our "yellow" and bright family :) - Feb 22, 2014

A great career may leave a great impression to those who had a chance of working with you. You might even be able to contribute greatly to the advancement of a company or an industry... 

BUT a peaceful and joyful home leaves a lasting legacy to one's children... which they would pass on and on and on to future generations. Here's a verse my sister shared with me which is a great testimony on why motherhood is so important:

2 Timothy 1:5 

I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. 

   Our beautiful eldest, Therese, said:
"Mommy I don't 
want you to work. I love you!"

If one is given the chance to become a wife and mother, grab the opportunity to leave a lasting mark in the children's impressionable minds. :) There is no greater joy than seeing them grow up to be godly children. :) 

Our eldest child Therese asked me one day if I will go back to working. I asked her "Why Lovey? Why are you asking?" She said something that broke my heart. "Because Mommy, I love you. I want you to be with me all the time. Before, you would always go home so late!" I assured her, "I will be with you a lot these days, baby. Mommy will just follow what Daddy wants to happen but I will still be busy baking!" :)

I know some of the wives reading this blog post may not have the "luxury" to just stay at home and be with their husbands and kids, for practical reasons. But, I pray that even if you are a working wife or a working mom right now, may you not lose sight of your true calling in the home, that is, as helper to your husband and as nurturer to your children. 

Work must never get in the way of those. Take it from a former workaholic who had her priorities so wrong and who had gotten them so mixed up. :( It was horrible and caused much restlessness. :(

It pays to set our priorities straight and to allow God to set them for us! :) It just makes everything beautiful, orderly and peaceful. :)

Home is really where the heart is and where it should always rightfully be. :)

Aren't fun moments like these priceless? :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)