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Saturday, December 14, 2013

The Wind Beneath My Wings



A Dream Come True for me - to sing and dance at the Araneta ("Superbass" by Nicki Minaj) to a full crowd! - July 2012



There is this saying that: 
"Behind every great MAN is a great WOMAN."

Well, in OUR married life, for the majority of it before I became a "peaceful wife", the opposite was true.

My husband was far from achieving his full potential to be deemed as great, and I was even farther in terms of supporting him to be deemed great too. In fact, I was almost never behind him in anything. I was always in front of him. I was great at leading, directing, deciding and forcing Dong to see things MY way, until eventually, I think he just gave up on trying to lead and left me to do whatever I wanted to do. Not because he had no choice, (he could do his best to make me see things his way) but because he LOVED me.

To him, the GOLDEN RULE ruled:

                                         "Do unto others as you want them to do unto you."



He wanted to be treated with love, so he showed me his love in the best way he knew how to love a Type A, opinionated, extremely motivated, used-to-getting-her-way go-getter -- to step back and just allow me to do what I wanted to do with my life -- and he would just COMPLETELY SUPPORT me. Kung saan ako masaya, doon siya. (Where I was happy, that's where he will be happy too.)

Newscaster - 1999
I have been a broadcaster for 15 years, starting with RJTV 29 and for the most part with the government network, People's Television, where I was a newscaster and TV host for more than a decade.

It was in PTV where I honed my talents in delivering the news, interviewing and hosting. I am really grateful for all the breaks that they gave me there. By the end of my stint, I was equipped with all the necessary skills to handle bigger tasks.

In 2012, when I transferred to UNTV, that was when things started getting even more interesting. It was to be a year of fulfilled dreams...

No sooner had I gone into the new network, than when I was given all sorts of jobs -- all of which I wanted to have and experience:

A primetime evening newscast...
Ito Ang Balita at 5:45 pm weekdays

A primetime morning newscast...
Hataw Balita with Daniel Razon on weekday mornings
A daily morning radio show...
Bom Dia with Annie Rentoy, weekdays at 4am
The girls of Pondahan then



I learned so much from this show!
A chance to join the intelligent discussion of the Pondahan ni Kuya tropa (troup)....





My own documentary program....


Istorya touched my heart and stretched my spirit. 


A chance to work with crimefighter and brave commentarist Ben Tulfo....

Off-cam, Bitag is kind and easy to talk to.
On-cam, Bitag is scary to criminals and errant officials.

 
With host, Richard Reynoso
A chance to sing and compete in A Song of Praise Music Festival...











Chances to sing almost in any event and every show....

Singing at a religious event for Ang Dating Daan - April 2012
Singing 'Firework' by Katy Perry at the Araneta - Mar 2012
Pondahan ni Kuya Daniel


And as if these were not enough, the Lord also allowed me to experience other "shallow" dreams of mine, like:

Having my own billboard....
Posing in front of our Ito ang Balita billboard along EDSA

Having my own print ad...
A half page spread!!!

Winning an award...
Anak TV Award for IAB - Dec 2012


And many, many more...
UNTV Radio Mobile Booth

TV plug shoot
Radio Anchoring

As if that weren't enough, the Lord even allowed me to experience how it was to have my own fans' club!
  The Banner on my Nikkalites Facebook account                     




In short, I was able to do in ONE YEAR, ALL that I ever wanted to experience as a broadcaster/TV personality, than I have ever done in my 14 years of being in the industry!!! It came to  point when I thought, "Is the Lord going to take me already?" and 
"Is this God's Idea of a Joke?"

Thank you for bearing with me on this exhaustive list. I even removed other highlights because it would get even longer.

I had to do this though for you, dear sisters in Christ to see my husband's great love for me and how it led to where I am now in this season of my life.

Being that busy, where was my husband in all these and how did he take it? 


He was right behind me -- supporting me, comforting me, boosting my morale, believing in me, feeling proud of me and what I have accomplished. As it was then when we were boyfriend-girlfriend way back in 1997,  was how it was also during my "superstar" year in 2012. He was always the wind beneath my wings, pushing me to greater heights and not once did he attempt to "dull my sparkle."
Dong has always been my most avid supporter and NUMBER 1 FAN! Dec 2003

My prideful self though, although she was extremely grateful for such a loving man beside her at all times, was also saying "With all the wind he is giving me beneath my wings, I think I might rise sooooo high and leave the stratosphere! I wish he'd do something with his life. I am looking bad in all this, since he can't catch up with me! When people see me as "successful", they'd want to know who and what Dong is, and if they see that he is nowhere near my level of "success", how would that make me look?!?"

I am so ashamed of my thoughts then. :( Prideful, ugly, full of self. :(

1 John 2:16

16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.

1 Juan 2:16
16 Sapagka't ang lahat na nangasa sanglibutan, ang masamang pita ng laman at ang masamang pita ng mga mata at ang kapalaluan sa buhay, ay hindi mula sa Ama, kundi sa sanglibutan

2 Cor 10:12
We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

2 Corinto 10:12 

10:12 Sapagka't hindi kami nangagmamatapang na makibilang o makitulad sa mga ilan doon sa mga nagmamapuri sa kanilang sarili: nguni't sila na sinusukat ang kanilang sarili sa kanila rin, at kanilang itinutulad ang sarili sa kanila rin ay mga walang unawa.  



James 4:6



But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:  “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble."


Santiago 4:6 

4:6 Nguni't siya'y nagbibigay ng lalong biyaya. Kaya't sinasabi ng kasulatan, Ang Dios ay sumasalansang sa mga palalo, datapuwa't nagbibigay ng biyaya sa mga mapagpakumbaba.


* * * * *



Pictorial for a UNTV plug

I do have to be transparent so you can see through my heart, in order that, hopefully you too will see yours, to check if they too are full of pride, self-love, and conceit, as mine was.



In January 2013, I was forced to resign due to some unfortunate circumstances with the network. The content of which I will no longer get into.

I was pregnant with our fourth child then and had a lot of time in my hands. I used this to go into self-introspection and finding out my true life purpose.

The Birth of Isabelle Veronica -- on our wedding anniversary April 17, 2013
When I gave birth, that was the time the Lord really spoke to me and showed me the error of my ways. When I realized the gravity of my sins of pride, I repented and decided that since I have already experienced and reached my dreams, it was time to support Dong's.

A Pic made by a Fan
I was tired of leading.

I was tired of pursuing my career.

I have lost my desire to be a "superstar."

I had an increased desire to stay put and be led by my husband.

I was happy the Lord allowed for me to experience all that I wanted to experience in that area, not because I deserved it, but because with that out of the way (been there, done that),  He could now get my FULL ATTENTION. He could now talk to my heart. And this was what I heard spoken to me:

"Nikka, My child, you have always wanted to live your life to the fullest. Now that you have given up your worldly pursuits, and I have made sure you experienced ALL you wanted to do in your career  so that there was no stone unturned... Now that you have realized that all that was wonderful because it came from Me, but were all fleeting at best...  this season of your interior life, the one away from the limelight, will be your most fruitful ever."

Here is an excerpt from my diary written on September 1, 2013:



"Can I stand not being known, noticed, pampered? Can I stand simply being a housewife with part-time work and not this stylized career woman who is something to somebody every single moment? Can I be happy with simply being Mommy Nikka, whose highlight of the day is if the kids kiss her and tell her they love her? Can I revel in just being Dong’s sidekick and not the other way around? Can I stop my seemingly overbearing attitude to be in control of everything especially with regards to the family’s finances and future?


I will have to find out, with the only way how… to start this phase of my interior life with God holding my hand and helping me every step of the way. With much prayer and love, I give you the old Nikka o Lord. Change my heart. Change my mind. Make me love You and my husband and kids the way You want me to. Lead me, Lord. Today is the start of my new life."


I wrote this in my journal even before I came upon April Cassidy and her blog, "The Peaceful Wife". I decided on this even before I knew about the RESPECT journey. The Lord knew what was to happen even before I knew it myself. God is truly amazing.

I am grateful to God for allowing me -- weak and foolish me -- to experience so many highs in my life. I attribute it not to my talents but to God's Mercy. Him Who knew how frail I was, and soooo needy of human accolades and achievements. Apparently, He gave me all that because He wanted me to die, alright -- die to self.

As I share with you my journey into this new peaceful and lovely phase in my life, I pray that you too dear sister in Christ, will experience true peace from having submitted fully to the Lord, and from having accepted Him into your hearts as Lord and Savior.  Only then, can you truly spread your wings and... fly! :)

May we all be richly blessed!
 
Thank You.. Thank You.. Thank God for you Dong - the wind beneath my wings.

6 comments:

  1. Well done (though I know it is not by YOUR power, but by His, and by His grace) but well done for ALLOWING God to lead you in being the wife and mother He created you to be. Am on the other side of the world, and also 'struggling' with these same issues. My husband has said to me a number of times that I try to control everything, and in my own eyes now I am seeing that really I do, but really I can't (if that makes sense?). That jornal entry - that 1st paragraph might as well have been written by me:(

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    1. Hi Ems!

      Glad to'meet' you! :)

      All over the globe -- no matter what race, color or nationality -- all of us women are alike due to our fallen nature. We are all daughters of Eve. :( Which means, that we all have the "desire to rule over our men."

      Genesis 3:16

      "To the woman he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

      Desire here does not mean sexual desire but desire for the man's positional authority over the woman... So, the battle of the sexes really began in the Garden of Eden because the desire to dominate Adam was so strong for Eve (God's curse to her and to all of us wives) but Adam would rule over her (the same way our husbands will rule over us).

      What is "natural" is our desire to control. What is "unnatural" is submissiveness.

      That is why we have to die to this sinful flesh in order to not follow our worldly spirit wants, which is to control our husbands... and instead be filled with the Holy Spirit and therefore respect and submit to Christ first, then to our better halves.

      If it would make you feel any better, just knowing you have a problem is already a HUGE FEAT in and by itself. Knowing what is 'ailing' a sick person is the first step towards curing the sickness, the same way that knowing what is 'wrong' with your spirit is the first step towards 'fixing' it with God's Able Help! :)

      I was blind to my own sins of disrespect and pride for those dark years. I really thought I was so responsible, hardworking and a good leader! I was blind to my judgmental attitude and self-righteousness. It was so easy to point out my husband's flaws while glossing over mine.(Well, I couldn't see my own faults! I thought I was so spiritual and being so tolerant of him despite his many faults! I felt I was almost a saint for all my 'selfless' behavior!) Yuck, right?

      It was only when God convicted me of my sins and opened up my spiritual eyes did I see myself for what I really was, and I cried for days. :( I could barely talk.I was overwhelmed with the enormity of my sins against my husband, my family, my friends, and most especially against God Himself. :( I repented for my many, many sins and on September 1, 2013, I submitted to Christ and to my husband, let go, and let God. It was deathly scary! It was like jumping off a cliff! I jumped though and I am alive!!! :) More alive than ever! I haven't turned back since. :)I would rather die than to revert to my old controlling,negative, worried self!

      I pray that Christ give you His Peace too, Ems. The Peace that the world cannot give. All it takes is a tiny opening to say that, "Lord, I do not want to control things anymore. I do not want to control my husband anymore. I know that my 'control' is just an illusion because the more I control, the more I feel restless and unhappy. I want to let go, Lord.I want You to control my life, our lives. I don't know how to start. I am afraid! But I trust that when I do make the leap of faith, You will be right there catching me."

      I will keep you in my prayers. Whatever part of the world you may be in, our God is sovereign and He will work miracles in your life.

      God bless you sister in Christ! :)

      Sincerely,

      Nikka

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  2. * to not follow what our worldly spirit wants

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  3. Hello Ms. Nikka, sana po makabalik po kayo sa UNTV 37 someday kahit hindi ko po kayo naabutan noon and your very talented. Thank You and Diosmabalos!!!

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  5. Dear Veronica,

    Could you please comment one story I've recently read - https://kami.com.ph/49583-huge-furry-spider-crawled-head-girl-amazing.html ? If it's no bother, of course. It's about a girl who used to be afraid of spiders. But guess what?
    She's gone to a pet shop and got a huge spider - it's a tarantula! What a fantastic article! And I think it's just like a moral compass for us all.

    As for me, your story is a great example of what God's love can do. And I'm pretty sure that you are a great author.

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Feel free to comment. I would love to discuss things with you. :)