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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

"Ikaw Ang Boss Ko!" (You are the Boss!)

"Kayo ang BOSS ko!" This is the famous line that our current Philippine president, President Benigno S. Aquino  III remarked in his inaugural speech. He said, WE are his BOSS/ES. Filipinos are generally a bossy bunch so that is so NOT a problem with us! It is he who has a HUGE problem, what with the common Filipino's general disdain for authority and penchant for NOT following rules and laws when in OUR country. When the Filipino is abroad though, he/she is the ultimate model of good behavior! What gives?

As a general observation, Filipina wives are respectful of elders. We are taught to say "po" and "opo" to elders and to people of authority at a young age. Filipinas are also generally respectful of their bosses in the workplace.  (To non-Filipinos "po" and "opo" could be likened to always ending one's sentence with a respectful word such as 'maam' or 'sir' or 'please'.)

Respect then is ingrained in our language, but do we carry that over to our marriages, not just in speech but in deeds?

Words such as takusa and ander de saya are part of our Filipino language.

Takusa is short for "takot sa asawa" or scared of one's spouse/wife.

Ander de Saya literally means "under the skirt (of the wife)", which means that the woman in the marriage is the one leading and the husband is hiding behind her. This is also a term that can mean henpecked or persistently nagged.

Men like joking about it. Even our very own senator Panfilo Lacson, said in a press conference, when he was branded as "gay" by Senator Miriam-Defensor Santiago that he was not gay, but ander de saya.
Feisty Senator Miriam Santiago vs 'ander de saya' Senator Panfilo Lacson

 Actor Cesar Montano (whose wife has filed a legal separation complaint against him recently) said in one interview when he was still married to wife, actress Sunshine Cruz, that he was unwittingly also ander de saya.
Cesar and Sunshine with kids in happier days

  Actually, even I find those comments funny! Must be the Filipino in me. We love to joke about anything and everything! (Even when it is inopportune, inappropriate or in bad taste. :P )

Now, all kidding and Filipino humor aside, what does God say about wives in marriages?

1 Corinthians 11:3

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 

1 Corinto 11:3

3 Datapuwa't ibig ko na inyong maalaman, na ang pangulo ng bawa't lalake ay si Cristo, at ang pangulo ng babae ay ang lalake, at ang pangulo ni Cristo ay ang Dios.


 1 Peter 3:1-2

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

1 Pedro 3: 1-2

3:1 Gayon din naman, kayong mga asawang babae, pasakop kayo sa inyong sarisariling asawa; upang, kung ang ilan ay hindi tumalima sa salita, ay mangahikayat ng walang salita sa pamamagitan ng ugali ng kanikaniyang asawang babae;
3:2 Sa pagkamasid nila ng inyong ugaling mahinhin na may takot.

This is a Filipina barong (top) and saya (skirt) - my outfit for my newscast in 1998 during the Centennial Celebration of Philippine Independence. Dong visited me at home after work. :)
Nothing was written there about husbands being ander de saya. In fact, it is us wives who must be subject to our own husbands. The husband is the leader. The wife, the follower.

And as for the takusas of the world. Should husbands really fear their wives?

Ephesians 5:22-25

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...  
(Italics are mine.)

Efeso 5: 22-25

5:22 Mga babae, pasakop kayo sa inyo-inyong sariling asawa, na gaya ng sa Panginoon.
5:23 Sapagka't ang lalake ay pangulo ng kaniyang asawa, gaya naman ni Cristo na pangulo ng iglesia, na siya rin ang tagapagligtas ng katawan.
5:24 Datapuwa't kung paanong ang iglesia ay nasasakop ni Cristo, ay gayon din naman ang mga babae ay pasakop sa kani-kaniyang asawa sa lahat ng mga bagay.
5:25 Mga lalake, ibigin ninyo ang inyo-inyong asawa, gaya naman ni Cristo na umibig sa iglesia, at ibinigay ang kaniyang sarili dahil sa kaniya; 

Husbands then should LOVE their wives, not FEAR them.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 Juan 4:18
 18 Walang kasamang takot ang pag-ibig at pinapawi ng ganap na pag-ibig ang anumang pagkatakot. Hindi pa ganap ang pag-ibig ng sinumang natatakot, sapagkat ang takot ay kaugnay ng parusa.

Taken from My Pinoy Humor Blog
I do not mean to be a killjoy. I am very bungisngis (easily giggly) and really can laugh at the corniest and silliest jokes, but I am SERIOUS with this, precious sisters in Christ. It may tickle a funny bone in us when we watch about henpecked husbands in TV shows or movies or when they are used as the butt of jokes, but as changed women, as much as possible, let us not get too entertained by them.

The ander de saya and takusa husband is funny only as a caricature, but is not funny in real life. Just look around you, and I am sure that you have encountered such a couple at least once, and it is not a funny sight. It is actually sad and quite pathetic. :( 

Dong and I once saw such a couple. The wife was shouting expletives at her husband in front of us. It was so loud and the husband looked so forlorn, that it just broke our hearts. We pitied the husband so much! Dong even said, "Buti, di pa nagpapakamatay yung mister!" (It's a good thing the husband still hasn't killed himself!") 

My prayer is that the Filipina wife may find joy in everything she does and humor too even in the most depressing situations (We are a resilient race!), but that when it comes to her husband, may she not be domineering and overbearing, but instead, with Christ in her heart, respect and submit to her husband as unto the Lord. 

May we have more respectful wives who support their husbands' leadership, so that we will have less/no more ander de sayas and takusas who malign God's Great Design for Marriage and more masaya and may say husbands (happy and empowered husbands). There can only be one Boss in the home, and that is the husband (next to Christ, of course). 

Husband Dong, ikaw ang boss ko! :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)

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