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Monday, December 9, 2013

Shouldn't Respect Be Earned? And What If I Am In An Abusive Marriage? Rerespetuhin Ko Pa Rin Siya?!

Taken by our son, Andre while Daddy was being playful hehe
"My husband doesn't DESERVE my respect because he is NOT respectable!" "Respect should be earned, not forced, and that applies to husbands as well!!!"

I can almost hear this being said (with anger/disbelief) by an unloved wife while reading my blog posts on the site.

Well, don't fret, I do agree with you! :)

To a greater extent, YES, respect has to be earned. Especially in the workplace or any area outside of the homefront.

But, when it comes to our husbands, we are commanded to RESPECT them whether they deserve it or not. They may even need it most, when they DO NOT deserve our respect.

We may not like the fact that God commands us to respect our husbands and to follow their leadership (Ephesians 5:22-33), but that is how marriage works – it is God’s Grand Design.

Remember too that timing is everything.

If you already felt that during the courtship and dating period, your man was NOT RESPECTABLE o karespe-respeto, it would have been ideal to have gotten out of the relationship then. After all, you are not bound to each other yet. (Thing is with us women, we get into marriage hoping to change our men. An exercise of frustration and futility, but that is meant for another post!;)


When you already have married your man, by the power of the Law and by God's Commandment for husbands and wives, you are no longer separate individuals, but ONE single unit. 

Genesis 2:24

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

2:24 Kaya't iiwan ng lalake ang kaniyang ama at ang kaniyang ina, at makikipisan sa kaniyang asawa: at sila'y magiging isang laman.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record o sirang plaka, after we get married, we wives are expected to unconditionally, unequivocally, no-holds-barred...

RESPECT our husbands.

It is written in Ephesians 5:33 that a husband should:

 “... so love his own wife as himself"

and a wife should see to it that she

"... respects her husband.

SIMPLE RULE to follow.

So darn hard to do!

What if babaero na siya, basagulero pa, tambay sa tindahan na wala pang pang-itaas, walang trabaho, ang taba na at panget pa, etc etc... does he deserve my respect???!

The truth?


Sorry ladies. The truth hurts.

Here is a link on Peaceful Wife April Cassidy's blog on the topic: He doesn't DESERVE my respect.

Some important points April raised are that:

  • Our disrespect and control make it very difficult for our husbands to hear and obey the voice of God themselves. (I Peter 3:1-6)  Then our husbands are focused on our voice and our sin instead of God’s voice.
  • Our respect for our husbands and our willingness to honor their leadership are necessary for a healthy marriage according to God’s wisdom and His design. (Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:3-5, I Corinthians 11:3, I Peter 3:1-6)
  • Our respect for our husbands and biblical submission to them (unless they ask us to clearly sin) demonstrates to our children and the world what our relationship with Christ should look like, it is a witness for the gospel of Christ.
  • Our disrespect of our husbands and our usurping their control maligns the gospel of Christ (Titus 2:5).
I am addressing wives here who are married to imperfect men but are otherwise "normal" in that the husbands are simply:

  • unable to lead
  • passive
  • detached
  • not showy of feelings
  • demotivated
However, those who are "very abnormal" or even engaged in "evil behavior" are not covered by these precepts. Dear precious sister in Christ, when you are being abused and used, that is considered a SERIOUS MARITAL PROBLEM. You would need professional help and intervention. We are also called to NOT RESPECT the sin! However, we must learn to DETEST the SIN but LOVE the SINNER.

What I view as "abnormal behavior" is when your husband is a/an:

  • alcoholic
  • drug addict
  • sex pervert
  • killer
  • psychotic/sociopath
...then this blog or its resources may only help in a limited way. You would need outside and professional help to correct your husband and his erroneous behavior.

BUT even then, it would help greatly if we as wives maintain a gentle and quiet spirit that cares deeply for the spiritual being trapped within that sinful physical body.

Here's a link on how to handle a marriage with SERIOUS problems such as abuse:

My prayer is that wives may be instrumental to the saving of the souls of their husbands in serious sin, while at the same time, not sinning themselves by maintaining a quiet and gentle spirit that is non-judgmental and compassionate towards their life partners in this short journey called life.
Poor Dong, he will inflate that all by himself!!

Galatians 6:1 

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Galatians 6:1 

Mga kapatid, kung ang sinoman ay masumpungan sa anomang pagsuway, kayong mga sa espiritu, ay inyong papanumbalikin ang gayon sa espiritu ng kahinhinan; na iyong pagwariin ang iyong sarili, baka ikaw naman ay matukso. 

Another prayer would be that wives with otherwise kind and loving (but clueless) husbands, find it in themselves to change their spirits first -- from nagging and controlling, to trusting and submissive -- so that God will be glorified. Changed women help God change husbands! This is a totally God Thing, of course! We are just instruments in that change, if it happens, when it happens, when God wills for it to happen. :) 
May we all be richly blessed! :)

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