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Saturday, December 7, 2013

But I LOVE My Husband, Isn't that Enough? What is with this RESPECT Bit?!?

At my cousin Don and Michelle's Wedding, 2005
What is it about RESPECT? Can I not just LOVE him? Mahal na mahal ko naman siya e! (I love him very, very much!)

Ladies, men are VERY different from us women. We are wired differently by God. It just is the way it is. Let's rejoice in our differences! Let us embrace our femininity! I myself love being a woman. I love being showered with kisses and affection and being told by my husband that I am beautiful in his eyes. I love it when he does little things for me that show me he cares and is thinking of me like putting up the curtain in my pantry and carrying my heavy boxes for me. It makes him look so macho (manly) in my eyes! :)

Conversely, to a MAN, the way they feel LOVED is not by mere words. Talk is cheap usually. They want to SEE your love in action, and the way they can test if you truly LOVE them is not by sending them mushy texts all the time or even of writing telenovela letters (the gushy, makes you teary-eyed kind, oh how we love THOSE!), but by showing them the language of RESPECT.

This is Love and Respect author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' diagram for marriage. Very interesting!

No wonder!!!!

I remember during an extremely emotional conversation with my husband where he told me that I should have a little MORE FAITH... to which I said, "But I have a strong faith in God!"and he countered by saying, "I meant have more faith in ME", it hit me that my husband was in pain by my lack of faith in his abilities to lead our family. This was back in 2010.

In retrospect, I did not have real FAITH in God in that season of our married life, for I only relied on myself. I was putting everything in MY HANDS. Where does God fit in the picture, when we grab it away from His Hands? I had lots of depressive and anxious periods during that time. Serves me right! I was so yabang(prideful)! Akala ko ang galing-galing ko. (I thought I was so able.)

When we RESPECT our HUSBANDS, they feel LOVED!!!

I remember there is this Filipino saying, "Di bale nang di ako mahal ng mga tao, basta't nirerespeto ako!" (It doesn't matter if I am not loved as long as people respect me or fear me!)

In MEN-SPEAK, RESPECT is the language of LOVE. When they feel that we trust them and their abilities, when they feel that they have a say in their family, when they feel that we hold dear their opinions over very controversial family matters, they feel LOVED.

On the other hand, no matter how many gushy emails you send your husband or long letters you write, if he does not feel respected at home, he will find your WORDS EMPTY.

I think there was a long stretch of time when Dong didn't believe my love letters or cards simply because TALK IS CHEAP. Walk the talk. You love me, therefore RESPECT me.

I am talking about REAL RESPECT here. Faking respect would not do, the same way, fake love towards us won't feel right. We know it when somebody is just faking it or feeling patronizing towards us. The "sige na nga, magawa na lang" (alright, just for the sake of it) mentality will NOT WORK.

What God is asking from us is to repent of our sins of disrespect and learn or relearn or for most of us DISCOVER what RESPECT is to our men.

I think we all have grown up in an era where women are so empowered in the workforce that they carry over this superwoman persona at home. The man is left with no role to fulfill because the woman can work outside the home too. If you are one of those women who are so self-reliant and/or earn more than your husband, please leave that persona in the workplace and humble yourself in the home. (I wish I had known this earlier!)
Super Busy Woman, 2012 - Araneta Coliseum (Pic Made by a Nikkalite Fan)

As it is written in Colossian 3:18-19:
Rules for Christian Households

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 

Colosas 3:18-19

18Mga babae, pasakop kayo sa inyo-inyong asawa, gaya ng nararapat sa Panginoon. 19Mga lalake, ibigin ninyo ang inyo-inyong asawa, at huwag kayong maging mapait sa kanila. 

For more on this topic, click on my friend Peacefulwife April Cassidy's blog post on What Is Respect In Marriage.

My prayer is that we learn the language of RESPECT. In respecting our husbands, in effect we are also respecting God because it is our duty as wives to honor our husbands' God-given authority over us. May we all be richly blessed! :)

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