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I am a born talker.
I talk a lot.
I like hearing myself talk.
I talked for a living as a news anchor and host.
I like talking to my husband.
I like talking to my friends.
I like talking. Period.
So, how is that a sin? Just because I like or love to talk, I already am sinful?
Well, not really.
However, when one is super talkative like I was/probably still am (!), one is bound to fall into the trap of sinning.
I really thought nothing of it, till I read April, The PeacefulWife's Blog on this same topic.
I checked my Bible and there it was!
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
|PTV - 2011 I loved changing my FB Profile Pics!!!|
|FHO in our former house in QC - 2008|
- I felt obligated to tell people that they were wrong or what they should do to make things right.
- I had an opinion on anything and everything and I felt that I should speak my mind at all times.
- I engaged in seemingly innocent chikahans (get-togethers) where we talked about marital woes of others or the latest gossips or inside stories.
- I felt in the right to "insult" a sinful person (to my mind) out of "righteous anger" (Yikes!)
- I was quick to judge others but slow to judge myself.
- I supported and agreed with friends to be disrespectful to errant husbands.
- I had a hard time keeping to myself things that should only remain private.
- I would start and end sentences with, "Kung ako iyan..." as though I was always correct and I was always right! (Yuck!)
- I would compare people or their work with myself or my work and think myself or my work to be better than them/theirs, although I would never say that to their faces!
I did not bridle my tongue. My religion was worthless. :(
That was what the Lord wanted me to have done... to have HELD my TONGUE. :(
|Events Hosting - Dec 2010|
I didn't think I was that bad. In fact, I really tried my best to not gossip. I also was not quarrelsome unless provoked. And I did try to be sweet and courteous as much as possible to everyone.
However,I know NOW that that was NOT ENOUGH.
Because of my enormous pride and self-righteousness, God did not answer my prayers.
There was a time two or three years ago, when all that came out from my mouth almost every time I prayed was,
"Lord, if you can only change Dong, show him his path, give him direction... things would be wonderful for our family."
"Lord, please change him and make him more persevering, more focused, more determined... you know, like ME (!), then things will be perfect."
God must have put on Earphones to drown out my persistent nagging. I was really persevering, as in makulit, alright. I believed that I should "pray unceasingly". I just did not know that part and parcel of that command from God was that before He could listen to me, I should first have a pure heart. That, I did not possess. :(
|I was plastic as plastic goes. Events hosting -2011|
There I was making my case to God about Dong's being complacent or lacking in drive and ambition or whatever fault I could see in him for that particular time, while completely leaving out MY OWN SINS of pride, of wanting to control, of self-righteousness and lack of faith in God. I was acting as though God should submit to MY WILL! Not His Will but MY will be done! How plastic! Very Tupperware! (Tupperware is a great product though. ;) Hehe. Bawi!)
Later on, maybe because I just got so fed up and tired from "controlling" events (control is an illusion and it is a great sin!), I just gave up and I remember putting my forehead to the bathroom door, crying, saying "Lord, I cannot change him. Please search my heart (At that time, I felt God will not search anything bad in my heart! Surprise!) and just make me change my perspective of things. If I cannot change the situation, at least I can change how I deal with the situation."
That prayer, miraculously was ENOUGH for God! It gave Him enough wiggle room to change my heart.
That started my transformation...
- I was able to see Dong in a different and kinder light.
- I was able to enjoy being with him again.
- I was able to lessen my controlling behavior somewhat.
- I was able to feel short periods of true peace.
When I started looking at Dong as my partner in this journey called life, since he was my husband after all, I became more tolerant and more understanding of his faults. (I was still feeling very much above him at that point, but at least I was less judgmental! Pwede na rin!)
It was only after I gave birth to our fourth child that God started working in my heart double and triple time.
|At our last day at hospital - April 19, 2013|
Circumstances were that :
- I was without work and I did not want to work.
- I was always reading spiritual books.
- I was enjoying motherhood so much.
- I was craving for the limelight less and less.
- I was wanting more and more privacy.
- I did not want to lead the family anymore.
- I just wanted to be still and to stay put.
|At Therese's school. I was pregnant with our 4th. - 2013|