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Thursday, January 16, 2014

Marital Sex

Dong and I enjoy 'acting' for the camera. And NO, this was not taken 'after'! Naughty you! ;) - 2011

Sex.

Whooo...

I feel inept and shy to talk about it, honestly. :P I find myself blushing just at the thought of writing about it!

As a Filipina, we are not as open to discussing it, as maybe people from the Western world are. It is still a taboo topic in most families. In my family, it was neither ignored nor always talked about. It was just silently understood that sex was not to be taken lightly. It was not until recently with the surprising increase of single moms, that talk about sex and sex before marriage has been considered somewhat "normal" here in the Philippines.

I am in no position to judge other women, so what I am about to write here in this blog post are purely from my point of view and from my own experience.

Dong and I made separate vows as young teenagers to God (this was even before I met him or knew him) that we would keep ourselves chaste till marriage.

Wedding Day - April 17, 2004.  I was sharing here about having kept myself chaste till marriage.
Already husband and wife -2006




When I met him and when we became a couple, he divulged to me that he had a secret. I lost my breath for a while, thinking that he would say that he was married or that he was gay (!) and I breathed a sigh of relief when he said with much 'embarrassment'  that unlike most of the men of his age, (28 at that time) he was still a VIRGIN. He said that he vowed to God to not give of himself to anyone other than his future wife.

I was floored!!! I made a similar vow to God at 15! This was the man God must have prepared for me!!! :) He was saving himself for the one God was preparing for him, just as I was saving myself for the one God was preparing for me! :) We were the perfect match! :)



Not to say that there were no temptations. My then boyfriend, now husband Dong was very attractive to my eyes, just as he says I was beautiful in his, and amidst raging hormones and feelings of being in love, it was so easy to just throw away our vows and just do it. But for reasons that can only be attributed to God's Grace, we never did. Not once in our seven years as girlfriend and boyfriend. Not until we got married.

Fooling around in front of camera, a year as bf-gf -- 1998

                                            Ephesians 5:31

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Suffice to say, our FIRST NIGHT was our honeymoon night and boy, was it awkward! LOL.

First Night was on April 17, 2004 (wedding night) :)
Well, this blog is not about that, so let's skip that part. :)
5 months pregnant with our first child

Rest assured after a few hits and misses (haha!), we got it right (somewhat) and that union bore us our honeymoon baby.

Exhausted from 12 hours of labor - Dec. 27, 2004
 Before we did "the deed", we knelt down and prayed to God that should the act bring forth a child, that that child may glorify Him. We consecrated the future child to God. Thirty-seven weeks after we consummated our love, Therese Claire was born. :)



Three years after, our love bore a second child, albeit by 'surprise' ... Andre Rafael. :)

4 months pregnant with Andre - May 2007 (featured in a magazine) :)
Knocked out 1st  time from a hard labor  - October 23, 2007
Yeah, I grow huge in pregnancy! - April 2010








Three years after, we got 'surprised' again by our third pregnancy. Another boy! Reuben Theo. :)

We did Lamaze!  I didn't lose consciousness. -- Dong was there to assist me. :) - May 20, 2010

37th week of pregnancy






And just when we thought we were done, God gives us another 'surprise' three years after again!!! My namesake, Isabelle Veronica. :)
Knocked out 2nd time on 4th baby - April 17, 2013, our 9th wedding anniversary :)


Wow. From not knowing anything about sex, we now have FOUR children -- spaced three years apart, born normally without epidural for the first three except for the last. :)

Simply amazing.

God couldn't have spaced the births more perfectly. Save for Therese whom we prayed for and  "planned", the three kids were all pleasant surprises ("wrong" counting, withdrawal-gone-"wrong", moved period-that-became-a-pregnancy). But in God's Greater Scheme of Things, there is no such thing as a"mistake". Every single one is a gift from God.  We are grateful to the Creator of Life for making us co-creators. These children are His and we are only stewards.

                                Genesis 1:28                                                    28 "And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Our four gifts from God :D

In our highly sexualized times and cultures, just what is SEX in the Bible and how does it fit into a godly marriage?

                                 1 Corinthians 7:1-40

                                          English Standard Version (ESV)

       Principles for Marriage

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I am a bit guilty about this, in that, my husband who initiated almost all of our lovemaking got a BIG FAT NO from me most of the time. :( 


Not that I found him unattractive. On the contrary! But, I usually was too busy, too tired, too this, too that. At my most controlling behavior, I also was too bitter and too resentful of him to add  that to my list of things to do! I felt that I was already exhausted from my long to-do list as the self-proclaimed leader of the family! Sex was the last thing on my mind and if I engaged in it, it felt like a marital chore. Dong was/is always a gentleman and he never forces me. He always waits for me to be "in the mood". He also is very mindful of my cycles and practices much self-restraint and self-control, when I am in my "unsafe days". Especially since we have seemed to be SO mathematically 'wrong' in our counting in the last three. LOL.

Family of 6 in San Mateo - 2013

After I got into my submissive journey, that was when I realized that I had to submit to my husband in EVERYTHING, including the marriage bed.

                                           Hebrews 13:4


"4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."

                                               

Not to say that I  have no say now to my body. 

Not to say that Dong is  licensed now to be "Christian Grey-dominant" and I, "Anastasia Steele-submissive" (That is so not Christian and that is so not the description of Biblically submissive! Be wary of that book, sisters!)

Not to say that I  have no control now over my sexuality.

But that, since I now have decided to let go and to let God, and have decided to respect my husband including his sexual desires, I should now make it a point to give of myself wholly and totally in all aspects, including marital relations.

It shouldn't feel like a chore.

It shouldn't feel like something I should get over and done with.

It should always be a wonderful and beautiful experience. One that is an intertwining of souls and not just of bodies. After all, marriage is not just a contract but a covenant. Sex within marriage is not carnal; it is sacred

Sex within marriage -- the complete union of man and wife as one body -- is representative of the unity of Christ with His Church. It's total. It's selfless. It's what God designed for man and wife to enjoy and cherish, while being open to the possibility of being co-creators of God through procreation

In ending, since this post is making me feel really uncomfortable (!) (but I write upon the promptings of the Holy Spirit so I obeyed), SEX within MARRIAGE under the commandment of Christ for us "wives to submit to our husbands", is just another aspect of how we can experience a deeper bond with our mates and how we can respect our husband's leadership.

New Year's Eve 2012
Since I became submissive to him, Dong has become even more gentle and has shown and expressed his desire for me even more. And since he is more manly now and is stepping up the plate, he has become more desirable too in my eyes. Sexy both ways. Win-win! ;)

God wired men to desire women. Women, since the fall of Man, have "desired to rule over men"! After crucifying this sinful flesh though, what was once a "desire to control" our husbands has now turned into a "desire to follow" them. Hopefully, this will also turn into a passionate desire for our husbands too, in every.aspect.of.the.word. ;) 

                                              Ephesians 5:33


33" However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

May we all be richly blessed! :)




3 comments:

  1. I didn't think that Catholics practiced withdrawal? Am I mistaken?
    It might be a cultural difference.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Anonymous!

      A lot of Filipino couples still adhere to that type of "contraception." I do not know what the Church's stand on it is, but I do know that ALL sorts of artificial contraception are prohibited and considered a sin.

      Delete
  2. Loved this article!! It's such Truth!!

    ReplyDelete

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