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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

From Control Freak to Control-Free!

In the Control Room of the PTV OB-VAN, used for TV Coverages - 2011

According to Wikipedia, a  CONTROL FREAK is "derogatory term for a person who attempts to dictate how everything around them is done. "

Control freaks are often perfectionists[3] defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing themselves once more to childhood angst.[4]
Control Freak Nikka - 2010
Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves,[5] and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness.[6]
When a control freak's pattern is broken, “the Controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness … But feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves”.[7]
In terms of personality-type theory, control freaks are very much the Type A personality, driven by the need to dominate and control.
           Paradoxically, the ultimate form of control is actually letting go.[8]
(Bold letters are mine.)

Yikes. Wait a minute, when did Wikipedia interview me for this one?!? 
In front of the control van, before the TV coverage for NBN -- EDSA Anniversary, 2011

Yes, I was a control freak. 
As a singer, controlling the high notes is a must!

I am a recovering control freak.
I think I have been a "control-holic" for the past 37 years.
Every now and then, I would be "sober" for a while, but would then fall off the wagon, and go back to my controlling ways. 
Control was addictive.
It was my "feel good drug". When I was 'on' it, I felt like I was on top of things, that nothing could go wrong and that everything would be alright.
When things were out of my control, I felt depressed, fearful and hopeless.
I liked the feeling of being in control. It gave me a natural high. I was on top of the world!!!

Radio Control Booth, UNTV - 2012

But, then we all know that CONTROLLING things, people and events is just an ILLUSION.
We really have no hold on anybody, on anything and on any circumstance.
We can't even control OUR lives, but we can CONTROL ourselves.

          On September 2013, I quit cold turkey.
Not a turkey, but a parrot! ;) Same avian family! - Zoo trip 2010
I have let go and let God.
I have been "sober" for FIVE MONTHS. :)

At 38 years old, I can honestly say I have said NO to every opportunity to CONTROL my marriage and specifically, my husband since September 1, 2013. :) Praise God!!!

Not to say that to let go of control is to let one's life go haywire.
One still has to control some things in order to have a semblance of order.

Like, controlling the behavior among children...

Teaching Therese's classmates how to put icing on the cookies -- 2009

Or, controlling computer game playing...
Therese at the young age of 4 playing Nintendo DS!

Or, controlling sleeping habits...
Father's Day - 2009

If there are no methods of "control" or rules, there will be anarchy and chaos!

What we are referring to here is the type of CONTROL that seeks to lord over people and events. As though if one was not followed, the world would end.

It's the type of CONTROL that is unhealthy on all levels and that makes the CONTROLLED person resentful of his/her CONTROLLER.

I was a CONTROL FREAK for 37 years of my life.
Controlling the Control Pad, radio booth - 2012

When I got into the respect journey in September 2013, that was when God opened my eyes to the enormity of my pride and desire to control everything, including Him! That left me restless and lacking in peace. I felt as though the world was on my shoulders. I was always depressed, tired and afraid.

I did not know that all of those negative feelings were due to my CONTROL FREAK tendencies.

When I let go of my own will, that was when I experienced TRUE PEACE. :)
When I seeked God's Will, and His Will alone, that was when I experienced TRUE JOY. :)

When I let go of my desire to control Dong and to change him, and instead as the Lord commanded in Ephesians 5:22-33 accepted the call for us "wives to submit ourselves unto our husbands as unto the Lord", that was when I experienced TRUE FREEDOM. :)    
Super happy :D
"Hi everyone.  I am Nikka Cleofe-Alejar. I am a recovering CONTROL-HOLIC.  I have been CONTROL-FREE for 136 days, 13 hours, 50 minutes and 5 seconds (the clock is ticking!).
I have let go of my will and have let God take over. I am no longer a CONTROL FREAK.
                                                  I am finally and truly FREE. :)"
                                  Matthew 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

May we all be richly blessed! :)



    1. Hi K! Glad to 'meet' you. :)

      Admitting that you have a problem with control is a first step. Since you are aware of it, let's proceed to Step 2 which is to let go of this irrational desire to control everything and everyone, just so you will feel secure that everything is alright.

      For me, it just came to a point when I was just tired of feeling scared all the time. I did not want to feel fearful of the future all the time. I was tired too of leading in my marriage.

      I just told God I was letting go... I was surrendering to Him ALL desires to control everything and everyone. I let God take control of my life. That means, handing over the reins to Him in ALL THINGS, including my marriage.

      When I did that, I meant it.

      Surrendering control meant keeping still. Not going ahead of my husband or his plans. Surrendering to God meant not going ahead of God Himself. He is the God of the past, the present and the future.He knows what will happen in the future, I don't. Giving up control meant trusting Him that no matter what happens, because He is in control, I will be alright. Things will turn out for the best. "All things work together for good to those who trust in Him."

      When I did that,I finally rested. My spirit is at peace. I can die today knowing that God is in control. Even at the worst possible scenario I could think of, God has my back. I will be okay simply because He will never leave me nor forsake me.

      It was hard at first. It was like jumping off a cliff! Super scary!!! But when I did, it was the most FREEING DECISION I have ever done in my life. As a Christian who professes to love Christ, not giving up the idol of control is like being a non-Christian. Because if one is of Christ, it should be that it is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me. If I am always fearful, stressed and controlling, it just shows that I do not have Christ in my heart. I have MYSELF as god.

      I pray that God touches your heart and may His Spirit inspire you to give up your controlling ways.When you do that, and after you have done that... it will really set you free. You can now rest and go through life, at peace and joyful. :) The peace of the Lord is amazing. It is not of this world. He gives it to those who FULLY trust in Him. "Come to me all you are weary, and I will give you rest."

      God bless you K!




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