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Thursday, January 2, 2014

Purpose of Peaceful Wife Philippines

Dong, posing for my camera before going off to work - 2006

"Okay, we get it. You have a great husband. Stop rubbing it in."

"Glad you have a wonderful relationship with Dong, but that stuff won't work with me. You don't KNOW my husband!"

" All your posts are just making me envy you and your relationship. I have it so bad. My husband is ___________________ (Fill-in-the blanks)... So far from the ideal man! "

"Your posts are not helping! They are just making me feel more miserable!"


I don't know if I have already appalled or repelled some of you who are reading my blog posts, thinking that this is just a venue for me to boast about MY MARRIAGE.  That is so NOT the purpose of this blog. I apologize for any misunderstanding. :(

This blog is NOT about my husband, although I have no choice but to talk about him often, if not all the time, because after all, this is the Peaceful Wife Philippines blog. I couldn't talk about being a wife, without talking about my husband. A requirement for a wife is to have a husband after all...
Father's Day 2012

This blog was NOT put up in order for me to brag about my husband! Definitely not! In reality, I was very hesitant to put up this blog even after my husband suggested I write about God's Design for Marriage, specifically for Filipinas, because he was very disappointed with the state of Filipino marriages nowadays. He said that people viewed married life and children as a burden. I was super afraid to write about things that were seemingly archaic, outmoded and basically "weird" to the modern woman. I wanted to keep things to myself because I knew for a fact that the content was not a popular one.

I was afraid to write about my experiences because I knew that I would have to put myself and my life out there, for people to formulate opinions on and judge, and I knew that if I were to be authentic, I could not gloss over my faults and imperfections. I would have to write about my sins. Not a good sight! 

I was afraid to write about Dong because he too might be judged. I would have to share about his weaknesses too or perceived faults that I had of him for many years. I couldn't gloss over those too. If this blog were to touch anybody's heart, I would have to be HONEST and REAL even if it would picture him/me/us in a bad light.

When I was starting in my "respect journey", my husband said that he was enjoying whatever it was I was doing (my submissive spirit) and that he wanted for more couples to experience what we were experiencing. I was CONTROLLING as controlling goes, previous to my decision to let go and let God. I was a Type A, overachieving perfectionist. I was at the time, just tired of leading and feeling resentful over it. I told God I was handing over the reins. I was willing to follow Him by following His God-ordained authority over me, my imperfect husband, Dong, even if I was deathly scared of doing so. It's like jumping off a cliff, not knowing if I would come out of it alive.

But I jumped, and I am not DEAD! :) Yahoo!

Yes, I have died to myself. Yes, I have buried the old domineering Nikka, but God has given me a new and renewed spirit that is so peaceful and gentle in place of the super worrisome and faithless one, that I would rather die (physically) than revert to my old ways!

Initially, Dong also had his own misgivings about putting up the blog. He told me, "I want you to write about it, yes, but it might be hard for us as a couple. We would always have to be perfect because we will have to raise the bar. They will look closely at our marriage." To which I said, "Maybe not, honey. People can relate more to imperfect people who commit mistakes but just try to be better again and again." And he nodded in agreement.

I did not write a blog the moment he told me to do so, just to be clear about it.

I only wrote it three months after.

Taken from Daily Mail UK
I had to seek God's Will first. I had to search within my heart if I had what it takes to write about something so alien already to the modern Filipina/ modern woman, with the big chance of getting negative feedback! My people-pleasing tendencies were acting up again. I did not want to ruffle any feathers. Couldn't I just keep this to myself? I didn't want to share it because I might offend my friends and family members who were in "bad marriages". I didn't want to write about it because people who knew me might view me differently, i.e. a weirdo, a crazy lady, a religious nut or worse -- all of the above.

After much prayer though and discernment, I realized that:
  • This was not about me.
  • This was not about Dong.
  • This was not about OUR marriage.
Sharing about Dong and I, and our marriage will be used by God to touch the hearts of wives who are in miserable relationships because of their extreme desire to control their husbands.

After much prayer and discernment, my fears dissipated and it became clear to me:
  • This is all about God.
  • This is about spreading His commandment for wives to submit to their husbands as unto Him.
  • This is about helping open up the eyes of those wives who are ready to let go and to let Him reign in their homes by following His beautiful Order of things.
Scripture teaches that the husband must treat his wife as an equal, even though he rules over her and she submits.
Just like my Titus 2 mentor April Cassidy, The Peaceful Wife, I aim only to counsel women. 
I hold this blog loosely in my hands. I will continue to write as long as the Spirit inspires me to. However, if at any time, I see that I am no longer honoring God by it, and am veering away from the purpose of this blog, I will, in a drop of a hat, just let it go.

My aim is to glorify God alone.

The purpose of the Peaceful Wife Philippines blog is to spread about God's Great Design for Marriage that we seem to have already forgotten about, never heard of, or trivialized. All good that will come out from this is God's Doing. All mistakes and flaws are mine.

My prayer is that there will be more hits than misses in my imperfect writing. I humbly ask God to just supply my readers with the missing pieces and to make whole whatever is found lacking in my blog.

May we all be richly blessed! :)

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