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Friday, January 31, 2014

Breaking The Devil's Strongholds: From Bondage to Freedom

My husband and best friend, Dong - Aug 2013

                      As a recap, my bondages were:


I had an eating disorder because of a 'fat' comment by Papa -1986



Papa's approval was my oxygen. - 1994

I controlled Dong so Papa would 'favor' him. -2009

The eating disorder stemmed from a thoughtless comment by Papa which led me to controlling my weight at all costs, because if I didn't, I felt unworthy to live.

My unusual approval-seeking behavior from Papa stemmed from growing up without his attention which led me to controlling areas in my life that would please him (including my weight and my relationship with my then boyfriend Dong) because if I didn't, I felt unworthy to be his child.

My controlling behavior would manifest itself full-scale in my marriage with Dong after my father's death because unconsciously I was thinking that to control Dong and our lives would mean a "better" life for us that (my now dead) Papa would approve of, because if I didn't control our lives, it would go haywire, and I didn't want to put my Papa down (even in death!).

Poor Papa. He had no idea how my obsession with him and his approval wreaked havoc in my life. :( I didn't know of it too till the Lord convicted me of my sins in 2013. Thirty-seven years too long. :(

                                 Wow. Just wow.

Writing it all right now made me realize just how I unbelievably, single-handedly made Papa my IDOL -- not just an admired human being -- but IDOL as in IDOLATRY.  
As though he was my god.

Papa with 2 year old Nikka - 1977

His approval and good favor were all I ever lived for. Not getting those at any one time would always lead me to think of myself as a failure.  His death would not give closure to my issues with my father. His death would only intensify already supposedly buried issues. Like zombies, my issues were brought back from the dead to haunt me and debilitate me during those sad, pathetic years.  It is ludicrous admitting that now but that was what happened to me. :(

Note: I would like to stress that I do not BLAME my father for the things that I did and for the bad things that had happened to me. I do not believe in playing the victim card. He may have had some faults and failings on his part, yes, but I had the free will to act and react correctly. What happened to me was a result of my having believed in the deceptions of the devil. What happened to me was the result of my having allowed the Father of Lies (satan) to "set shop" in my soul. I was acting based on those lies, not based on our Heavenly Father's Truth. The Father of Lies just used my earthly father (Papa) to hold me in bondage for the most part of my 37 years in life. He used my obsession with Papa and his high opinion of me, as his stronghold over me. 
The epitaph of Mama and Papa - Loyola Marikina
But the Heavenly Father showed Mercy on me, convicted me of my sins and made me into
a new creation. My Papa can now finally rest in peace (I kept on 'resurrecting' him before!) because I now have Christ's Peace.


                Here's a timeline of the events that happened:

  • In late December 2003, I got possessed by an actual demon, but was exorcised in January 2004 and given a new lease at life. I was still single then.  :)
    8 mos pregnant- 2013
  • In April 2004 to 2008, I was married and protected under my husband's headship and was relatively happy and contented. :)
  • In November 2008, Papa died. :(
  • In 2009 to 2011, I got oppressed on a daily basis by believing in the devil's deceptions and by letting my sinful flesh rule. I was at my worst controlling and prideful behavior towards my husband. :(
  • In late 2011, after Dong's emotional outburst when he said he couldn't take it anymore, I told God to change how I viewed things if I couldn't change Dong or the events in our lives. :(
  • In 2012, I fulfilled all my dreams career-wise, and Dong and I started to become a team again. :)
  • On April 17, 2013, our 10th wedding anniversary, I gave birth to our fourth child, surprise baby Isabelle Veronica. :)
  • On September 1, 2013, I finally let go and let God rule in my life and submitted to my husband's leadership. On this day, the Lord gave birth to the new ME. :)

2012 was indeed a GREAT year for me career-wise. I was able to do EVERYTHING I wanted to achieve in one year, that I haven't been able to do in my more than a decade in broadcasting. I will not go into it at full length in this post, but you can read about it here. :)    
Made by the president of my fan's club, the Nikkalites. :)-2012

Suffice to say, that part of my life had to happen in order for the Lord to get my FULL ATTENTION. With that out of the way, I was free to listen. Before that  "superstar year", I was still restless about my career, wanting to be utilized and over-utilized so that I can be squeezed out of all my talents. I wanted to experience so many things as far as broadcasting was concerned! 2012 did that for me... and I can say that I have no regrets. :)

2013 was to be a year of births and new beginnings for me. :)

Peaceful Wife Philippines Nikka :)

  • In April 2013, I gave birth to our second daughter, Isabelle Veronica.
  • In June 2013, we were able to sell the family house and buy our own small house from the sale late that year.
  • In September 2013, God convicted me of my mountains of sin; I died to myself and was given a new me. I let go, let God, and submitted to God, then to my husband.
  • That same month, I chanced upon April Cassidy's blog, The Peaceful Wife, which further confirmed that I was on the right path.
  • In December 2013, upon my dear husband's suggestion in September, I started blogging about my submission and faith journey. With April's proposed idea on the title and my husband's blessing, 'The Peaceful Wife Philippines blog' was born.

What is my purpose for seemingly enjoying airing my 'dirty linen' in public?

These things I write about are too personal. I know them to be quite intimate, so why am I sharing it with the world, at the risk of being shamed, criticized and judged?

It's because I want other fellow wives to experience the peace and
January 12, 2014
joy that submission to the Lord and to one's husband gives. :)

This is now my ministry. 

When a once blind person has been given the gift of eyesight, wouldn't that person want to praise the good Lord for the healing and share it to the world?

That is how it was with me. I was once blind but I can now see! I was once dead but I am now alive!

I was once in bondage, but I am now free! :)

         So, I now ask you, fellow wives, what are your bondages?

I burned my face from an oven accident in June 2011.
It didn't blind me but I was still 'spiritually blind' then. :(

If you do not know and are still blind to them at this point, ask yourself:
"Am I restless, depressed, hopeless, joyless?"
"Am I always fearful, panicky, angry, scared of the future?"

"Am I always judgmental, critical, unforgiving, bitter?"

Those are tell-tale signs that something is not right in your soul, dear sister. :(

Ask the Lord to search your heart. Ask Him to show you your sins.

Burns covered with makeup like sins
 hidden from my eyes and others' - June 2011 

When the Lord convicts you of them, you will feel so ashamed at first, but allow Him to show
everything to you, so that no filthy thing is left in your heart. Every single rotten sin must go. Only His Spirit should reside.

After repenting for your sins, offer to God your life. Let go of the past. Let go of your false beliefs. Let go of the strongholds that the evil one has been tying you down with for so long.

And let God. Let God cleanse your soul. Let God give you a new life. Let God take full control.

And fellow wives, after submitting to God, respect and submit to your  husbands. 

It was that humble gesture of submission that God used in order to FREE me from ALL my BONDAGES!!!

Greg and April Cassidy
I still don't know why it was in submitting to Dong (for real) that God found the opportunity to talk to my heart, but that was what happened with me. He does as He wills. And this was what happened too with April when she submitted to Greg, and what has happened and is currently happening to hundreds of wives from all across the globe.

Truly, this must be something worth trying, don't you think so, precious sister in Christ? :)

In my submission to Dong, God found the opportunity to break, little by little at first, and then all at once, the ties that have bound and chained me for so long.

          That is my prayer for you too, dear wives.
Our family at an aunt's house  -- January 12, 2014

Life is too short.

If you were to die tomorrow, what would you have wanted to have accomplished?

Me? I want to have lived life to the fullest by serving my husband and our children. :)

Precious wives, God is our Master. We are His Masterpieces. He knows us intimately. He knows how our lives would function effectively, if we only followed His Manual, The Bible. Let's stop resisting His Call. Let us be true followers of Christ. Let us do as He said:

                                          1 Corinthians 11:3-16

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife[a] is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife[b] who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful
April praying to God. She prays with her head covered.
for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head.
 For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 

My daughter and I in a field trip recently - Jan 28, 2014
April and I and some other peaceful wives practice head-covering while praying  -- not to be legalistic about it -- but because we feel that this honors God. I myself usually wear scarves on my head nowadays because I am new in this submissive journey and I need "props" to remind me of my beautiful place and role in the family. (I am super wary of my old self resurfacing!)  

It is not an anting-anting (something that has magical powers) but a loving reminder of how I am under Dong's headship and am protected under his leadership. You need not practice head-covering though, if you do not feel led by the Spirit to do so. It's motives that matter to God after all, not rituals. 

I do not claim to be perfect or say that I no longer have my struggles (It is believed that the devil haggles for our souls till our last breath.), but knowing the Truth and fulfilling my designated role in our family has made those struggles just "necessary evils" in order to conform myself to Christ -- to make me change for the better as a result of my sufferings. His Grace is sufficient. :)

                                2 Corinthians 4:16-18

16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[a] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

You too can be a peaceful wife, precious sister in Christ! :)

With our son Andre - January 25, 2014

Should you need any help, given my limited wisdom, I will do my best to help you let go and let God and submit to your husband. You can send me an email ( or just leave a comment anywhere in this blog. :) It would be my greatest pleasure to be of service to you. I do not claim to know the answers, but together let us search for them, by looking to God's Word. :)

In ending, I would like to share with you something I found from my archives. My letter to my husband Dong on the day of our wedding in April 2004. I think God wanted me to find it. I don't even remember writing this anymore. :P

April 17, 2004

Praise and Thank God for you Dong, my love, whom God has betrothed to me even before you and I were born. With great humility I offer you the following:

I offer you my body.  As a young girl, I remember consecrating myself to God and offering Him my life. I remember telling Him to help me preserve my body for the one Whom I will marry. And

sinful and weak though I am, having fallen so many times in the past, and having given in to countless temptations, I praise God that with His Mercy and Grace, and with the Holy Mother’s intercession, I can still humbly offer you this body of mine that has known no man. Accept me, then, my love - a virgin - that will be united to you tonight in our matrimonial bed.Grant that this body too, united with yours, shall produce the good Lord, God-fearing and God-loving individuals.  Let us produce God His much-thirsted for saints!

I offer you too my mind.  Given a nature that is far from meek and docile, I ask the good Lord’s help and the Holy Mother’s intercession, to help me be chaste, humble and submissive to you, my husband.  With God’s Grace, may I learn to be your helper in life and love.  May I be our home’s light, giving it joy and peace.  Grant that God will help us raise children whose only desire is to love and serve the Lord.

I offer you lastly and most importantly, my heart.  Here resides my deep love for God.  Grant that in loving God with my whole body, mind, heart and strength, I too shall love you to the utmost of my abilities. Forgive me for my sins and frailties, my love.  I promise, with God’s help to be loving and faithful to you. You and only you.  To be your confidante, your best friend, your lover, your helper, your spiritual warrior, your wife.  From now till forevermore.

Dear Lord, I offer you my soul.  Grant that I do nothing apart from your Holy Will. Take my will, o Lord, for I am proud and sinful. 
Mr. and Mrs. Dong Alejar - April 17, 2004
Grant that I love my husband and raise the children You will entrust to us, with a sincere love focused only in honoring You, praising You and loving you o God, in and through our family life.

All this I ask through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and through our Lord, Jesus Christ, Who Lives and Reigns now and forever…


P.S. I feel like a new bride nowadays. Not just of Dong, but of Christ. :) Please include me in your prayers that I may never again lose my way... As it was then, so it is now, God has saved me again from myself and from the evil one. I will cling on to Him now and all the days of my life. So help me God.
The Alejars - August 2013 :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)


  1. "Papa's approval was my oxygen". Yes this. Made me cry. I discovered this at age 26 when my dear husband turned to me and said "why does my opinion only matter when I agree with your dad?" That was nearly two years ago- I feel like God spend a year stripping the idols out of my life (included my father) and putting hubby in leadership.. including him moving our little family 600 miles across the country from my parents. I thought it was the worst thing that could have happened at the time- my dad literally said you leave, I am not coming to see you out there. But I kept pushing forward in obedience to God and deference to my husband. And God provided an amazing church here, a great job for my husband, a community of support. There are still days when I feel like I don't know what 'I" want because I always just wanted what my dad wanted for me. But I don't have the empty scary directionless feeling that I got when I began to put God and my husband above my father's approval. I was really rudderless the first six months- which just served to show me how pervasive my need for that approval had been. Without it, I didn't know how to get through the day. :) But God is so good!! Thanks so much for sharing your story- it was a good reminder in a way, of how MUCH God has blessed me, brought me through and how He can work all things for good.

    1. Hi MVerina! :)

      Praise God for what He is doing in your life! :) Seems to me you and I are alike in that our "idol" was our father. We aim to please our dads more than we aim to please God. :(

      When I realized this, I was able to break free from the bondage that was my unnatural obsession with my Papa's approval.

      When we were still children, as it was written in Ephesians 6:1, ("Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.") we really should obey our parents.

      However once we get married, this is what we should remember:

      Matthew 19:5 says, And he said, 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'

      Having become one with our husbands by the sacrament of marriage, we are no longer under our father's authority but under our new God-ordained authority, our husbands.

      And this is the new commandment for us wives:

      Ephesians 5:22 22 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."

      We still will forever love and honor our parents for this is written in THE TEN COMMANDMENTS to "honor thy father and thy mother", but by virtue of marriage, we should now respect our husbands "more". In the sense that whatever they think is best for our marriage must be honored and followed. Not to say we do not love or respect our fathers anymore (God will look unkindly on children, even adult ones who do not love or honor their parents!) but that we should now be able to gently tell our fathers that since they've "given us away" in marriage, it is now our husbands Whom God had ordained to take care of us and protect us, whom we must submit to.

      I hope this somehow helped. :)

      You are indeed blessed and yes, God makes things work all together for GOOD for those who trust in HIM! :)

      God bless you, sis. :)


  2. Please pray for my family that Gods order, will and purposes would be made manifest, that my wife will stop fighting my headship and I will be able to love her as I am commanded too.
    It sounds like your husband is truly blessed, I hope he is the loving man God wants him to be towards you.

    1. Hi JP,

      My husband is very kind and loving. He is my best friend. I am blessed to be with him. :) Since my submission to God, then to my husband Dong, our marriage has been peaceful, joyful and full of love.

      I will pray for you that your wife will be able to respect and submit to you too. God really designed for marriages to be that way. I will pray too for you that you "love her as Christ loved the Church, and was willing to give up His Life for her."

      God bless you.



Feel free to comment. I would love to discuss things with you. :)