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Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Superwoman Syndrome - "I Can Have It All!!!"

"S" is for Super Stressed - 2012


You know the type.

She has a "successful" career...
TV News Anchor for a morning news program 

She has a doting husband and a growing family...

Family of 6 - kids aged 3 years apart

She has a thriving business...

Edible Disney Cake and cupcakes I baked and decorated for Veronica's Kitchen 

...and she still has time to engage in various hobbies and pursuits!
Dance Rehearsal for a concert

I am president and founder of Filipina Homebakers Online. I love my FHO sisters! :)

... And she even has time for God!
Singing at a religious event

Well, I used to think "I had it all."

From the outset, I think in the worldly sense of the word, I may have "had it all" (whatever that means), but I also knew that in the midst of all that busy-ness, was unrest and a lack of true peace.

What's with this impossible standard we women have set on ourselves anyway?

The myth that we SHOULD have it ALL and CAN have it ALL?!

Why can we not be happy and content with :

  • being a wife
  • being a mother
  • staying at home

Why do we need to be all those PLUS

  • have a full-time job
  • have consuming hobbies 
  • be fit and sexy
  • and on top of that be active in church?

Well, dear sisters, the HARSH TRUTH is we, (I am no exception obviously) have bought into the LIE of the devil that "We CAN have it ALL."

According to Nancy Leigh de Moss, author of 'Lies Women Believe':

Photo Credits: The Parenting Connection
"Women who subconsciously believe they are supposed to be able to juggle all these roles are likely to end up exhausted and overwhelmed by all the demands of their time.

The Truth is, no woman can wear all those hats effectively. Sooner or later, something (or someone) is going to suffer.

Frustration is the by-product of attempting to fulfill responsibilities God does not intend for us to carry. Freedom, joy and fruitfulness come from seeking to determine God's Priorities for each season of life, then setting out to fulfill those priorities, in the power of the Holy Spirit, realizing that He has provided the necessary time to do everything that He has called us to do."

April, 'The Peaceful Wife' with her 'Respected Husband', Greg
At the start of my submission journey (to Christ and to my husband Dong), I wrote an email to April Cassidy, The Peaceful Wife, (whose blog the Lord directed me to, a few short weeks after I gave up my desire to control my life, my husband and everything/everyone around me!) regarding this topic of : "Can I Have It All?"  She put that topic up in her site in October of 2013, adding her own inspiring thoughts to the matter. Since then, we have become frequent email buddies and long-distance friends.:) What's even more wonderful is that the Peaceful Wife Philippines blog is now part of The Peaceful Wife's blog for 2014. As April herself said, "Wednesdays are Nikka days." This is none of our doing. It was the Lord Who made sure we 'met' when we did. We and a whole lot other peaceful wives are working together to share God's Great Design for Marriage. All Glory goes back to Him alone! :)



 The honest-to-goodness truth?


We were all given by God the same number of hours in a day: 24.
The same number of days in a week:7
The same number of weeks in year: 52

We are limited. Our time on earth is limited.

So, why are we killing ourselves faster with all these frenetic (usually senseless) activities that leave us harried, hurried and frazzled?

Because we are believing the lie that Satan has instilled in us that:
 "I don't have time to do everything that I am supposed to do!"

Nancy Leigh De Moss of 'Lies Women Believe' shares with us a powerful insight:

"In fact, the Lord Jesus Himself was given only a few short years on earth to accomplish the entire plan of redemption. Talk about a long "to do" list... Notice what work Jesus completed in the thirty-three years He was here on earth. Yet at the end of His Life, He was able to lift His Eyes to the Father and say,:
"I have glorified Thee on earth:I have finished the work which Thou gavest me to do."                   John 17:4
Photo Credits:

                    THAT IS THE SECRET! :)

Jesus didn't finish everything His disciples wanted Him to do (Some of them were hoping He would overthrow the Roman Government!). He didn't finish everything the multitudes wanted Him to do (There were still people who were sick and lonely and dying). But He did finish the work that GOD gave Him to do.

The Truth is that all I have to do is the work that God assigns to me. The frustration comes when I attempt to take on the responsibilities that are not on His agenda for me."

My charismatic Mama, Thea :)
When I realized that I was nearing the age my mother died, (I turned 38 last December. Mama died at 43.) that was when I reassessed my priorities. If I only had a few short years to live, what will I have wanted to have done with my life? From the point of view of death, things just have a way of becoming clearer.

I searched my heart deeply for the answer to this one.

My answer?

If I were to live only for a few short years, I would have wanted to have lived life the the fullest -- with my husband and our children. :)
Therese and Andre

That was the time too  that I let go and let God reign.
     I was tired of controlling my life, my husband and everything and everyone!
     I was tired of being uber-busy.
     I was tired of playing the "I can have it all" charade.

I wanted then to not just live for myself and my goals and dreams.

I wanted to start supporting my husband's dreams.

Andre with chocolate-y Reuben
                       I wanted to live the life God wanted for me. :)
Isabelle with Therese

Starting in our home.:)

Our home now is my ministry.

Most career women look down on stay-at-home moms. Admit it.
Even some stay-at-home moms say they are "just housewives."

At the other end of the spectrum, SAHM's sometimes envy or berate working mothers, judging them to be selfish or unconcerned with their families. Most career women feel so spent from having to juggle multiple roles.

Let's stop judging each other. It is not kind. :(

Though I am taking on the role of the housewife and stay-at-home mom now in this season of my life, I won't be lacking for things to do.

My best friend and husband, Dong
I will take care of my husband and our children.        

I will support my husband Dong in his business plans.

I will cook and bake for Veronica's Kitchen.

I will be administering to fellow peaceful wives via this blog.

I will be spending a lot of my time in prayer.              
If the Lord so wills to put me back in broadcasting, I will prayerfully consider it. :)

There are so many ways to glorify God, be it at home or in the workplace.  Let no woman demean another woman for whatever life choice she makes. We are all called differently according to God's Purpose for us. Just because one's path seems correct doesn't mean it's the ONLY path. We are all unique. 

I believe that :

                                                  Romans 8:28

"... in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose."

Captain America? Not.
At the end of my life, I pray that I will have lived a FULL LIFE, one lived according to God's specific Purpose for me. :) I pray that you too will find that Purpose He has for YOU.

Let's drop the Superwoman mentality now. We are not superheroes. :P

We also should drop the "I can have it all!" mentality. It is not possible nor is it healthy, and it is really worldly. :(

Once we know the life purpose given to us by God, let's focus on that and glorify Him doing that. And rest assured, we may not "have it all" (in the worldly sense of the word) but we can "do it all" (all that God wants us to do for Him), because:


 Philippians 4:13

          13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Now, that is the REAL SUPER POWER! ;)

May we all be richly blessed! :)


  1. It is so hurtful how you and some other thrusts wives speak to women and the tone you all use. Women will not follow your suggestions until you writers get it right. and stop making everything about husbands. Because if you are not careful, you are soon exalting husbands above God and we all know that is dangerous

    1. Hi Anonymous!

      I am sorry, but what do you mean by "so hurtful"? If the way I presented this beautiful and humbling biblical truth of submission and respect to one's husband hurt you in any way, that is not and never was my intention.

      GOD is to be exalted above all humans, husbands included.

      But in view of the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, marriage is a vehicle that the Lord has given to us married wives to glorify Him further through our respect and love to our spouses, and to our children.

      Yes, it is dangerous to exalt not just husbands but anybody for that matter over God. That is pure idolatry. But I do not see how loving and respecting and submitting to one's husband out of obedience to the Lord could be seen as anything but pleasing to the Lord.

      Again, if you felt judged in any way by my recounting of my own life story, apologies. But, truly that was not my intention.

      God bless you.

      In Christ,



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