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Monday, January 27, 2014

Part 3: Salvation and Redemption : Coming Full Circle -- My Demonic Possession (The Untold Story - 3 Parts)

Saved by his love and God's Mercy -April 17, 2004

(Editor's Note:  Part 1: Depression and Oppression 
                           Part 2: The Possession 
                         The blog post you are reading is already Part 3: Salvation and Redemption)


Just a short re-run:

  • Papa and I had a grave misunderstanding around August of 2003.
  • I left home and found my own place that same month.
  • I was still very prayerful till October of 2003 even attending daily mass.
  • By November, Papa's lack of attention or concern towards me caused me extreme depression.
  • My depression led to an extreme oppression by the evil one. 
  • That oppression led to my possession, some time in November after my Papa's birthday.
  • Dong saved me from fleeing to a foreign land to be somebody's sex slave in January 2004.

The series of events are what transpired after Dong realized that he was fighting more than just a human being. It was spiritual warfare. He was a very religious person and he knew that we were up against the devil, who used that pervert to get to me.

The first thing Dong did was to tell that old Carribean author to stay away from me.

The night that he found out that I was possessed, he did not leave my side. He slept beside me to watch over me. When he awoke, he told me he had very bad dreams filled with many demons. Because of that, he told me that I should leave the apartment immediately, never to come back.

At that time, Papa and I were still not in speaking terms, so Dong did what he thought was best. He
made me stay in their house where he still lived with his elderly parents and adult brothers. (In the Philippines, unmarried children still live with their family until such time that they get married.)

"I" was dazed during this whole period and "I" would give him these crazy, evil, sometimes lustful looks. Every time "I" would do that, he would place one palm at the back of my head and pray over me. He would also say aloud, "In the Name of Jesus, get out *satan!" till my eyes looked normal again.

 Mommy Letty's 76th bday. She is a living saint.
His mother, Mommy Letty is one of the most saintly people you would ever have a chance to meet. Dong told her about what had happened to me and she believed immediately. That same night when they took me in, we prayed the rosary. She led the prayers and also took out her Bible.We recited Psalm 91 and St. Michael's prayer over dark forces.

Dong started looking for a priest who could exorcise me. There were not much priests with that gift, so we went from church to church until we ended up in Dela Strada Parish in Quezon City. They were to have a "healing mass" that Friday. We decided to attend that particular mass.

After the mass, the priest asked those who needed healing to come forward. There were many sick people, but I was spiritually sick so I too came forward. Even Dong did so. Dong told him about what had happened to me, so the priest said some extra prayers for me. When he prayed over me and blessed me with Holy Water, whatever evil entity that was residing in my body, left me. I felt as though I was floating. My feet were on the ground but I felt so light. I also felt much peace.

Days passed by quickly and Dong would continue to accompany me to church to hear daily mass. We would take in daily communion and I would confess to a priest daily too. I prayed for repentance and deliverance from my sins. At this time too, I was still not talking to Papa. I didn't want to tell him what had happened. He might not believe it and even if he did, I was afraid he would be too heartbroken at what had happened to me. I too could not talk about it without somehow pointing an accusing finger at him seemingly to say:  "See! Look at what you have done!"

So, I opted to delay going to Papa till I was really spiritually and physically well.

One day while at church just before Holy Communion while everyone was standing, Dong out of the blue, held my right hand and went down on one knee. He proposed to me. People were staring! He asked, "Nikka, will you marry me?" I was so surprised by his proposition because we were together for seven years already by that time and I was wondering if our relationship would ever level up. But with much joy in my heart, I said, "Yes." He had no ring to give because it was a spur-of-the-moment, now-or-never thing for Dong so he just gave me his scapular instead.

We got married where I was healed. - Dela Strada Parish
That was on January 27, 2004. :) We got married April 17, 2004. People thought it to be too hasty that they even asked if it was because Dong had gotten me pregnant! If they only knew.. Well, they would know now. :) The truth is out.

He later on told me that he battled with himself if he should take the leap of faith and ask that we get married. He had so many fears. Fears of not being a good provider like Papa was. Fears of not being equipped to start his own family. But over that fear, was his deep love for me. After what happened, he told God that he could not let me go ever again. He wanted to protect me. He wanted to be there for me all the time. The only way that could happen was if he married me.


                                                                             1 John 4:18 
                                         "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."

A week after that, he sent Papa a letter asking if he could ask for his daughter's hand in marriage. He had to edit it five times because the first letter was so full of anger over what had happened to me, that he sounded very accusatory in it. He wrote again and again, and after humbling himself before God, came up with a letter that was respectful and loving.

When we went to the house on the date that Papa said was okay, I felt so ashamed. But, I just went to my Papa and told him in tears, "Papa, will you forgive me? Papa, do you love me?" He said, choking on emotions too, " I love you and your sister."  We embraced, and he and Dong talked about the wedding plans. (Note: I never told Papa even till the day he died about my demonic possession. I just kept it to myself.)

There are many things to be learned from the whole experience. I could have opted not to share about this to virtual strangers in the world wide web, but I know that God wants me to talk about it for the first time in public, for the benefit of those who may find themselves in the same situation as I was. As I've said, I have always known I would one day bear witness to my demonic possession but it's only now that I felt led by the Spirit to do so...

LESSONS

1. "Honor your father and mother." -  Exodus 20:12 and "Children, obey your parents for this is the right thing to do."  - Ephesians 6:1

My rebellion towards Papa was disrespectful to him. No matter what his faults and failures were, he did not deserve how I treated him. By disrespecting my father, I too disrespected God. By going against Papa, I went against God. By leaving our home, I lost his protection over me, especially since I was unmarried yet at that time.

2. "God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble."  - James 4:6

If Dong and I went to Papa, haughty and proud, not only would we not have reconciled, we also would have been opposed by God. All our plans would not have been blessed, including our marital union. But, by humbling ourselves before Papa and before God, the Lord looked kindly on us and gave us His Grace and Mercy.

3. "And my people who are called by My Name humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."    -  2 Chronicles 7:1

The Lord healed my spirit. He removed the evil spirit that resided in me for a month or so. He forgave me for my sins when I humbled myself before Him and before Papa.

And finally...

4. "When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies be at peace with him."    - Proverbs 16:7





The reason this 3-part post is entitled "Coming Full Circle" is because my life has indeed come full circle.

Coming full circle means "to return to the same situation or attitude you originally had."

         I am back to where the Lord first found me 10 years ago.



- In 2003, I got possessed by a demon, repented of my sins and felt a peace like no other. 
In 2013, I got tired of my worldly pursuits and selfishness, repented of my sins and felt a peace that only Christ could give.

Family House - Full of Grief 2003
- In 2003, I left the family house because I found it to be full of anger and sadness.
New Home, New Life - Nov 2013
In 2013, we left the family house for good, because were able to sell it. :) We have been trying so hard to sell it since Papa died in order to start a new life. And guess who was able to help us sell it? Our broker was my Papa's ex-girlfriend, the one whom I had a rift with in the past! My former "enemy" is now my really good friend. :) (Note: She is an ex-girlfriend because they broke up a month before Papa died.)

- In 2004, I was my holiest self. I was modest in my apparel, joyful in my disposition, at peace with myself and with the world having been cleansed of my sins early that year after my possession.
In 2014, I am my most blessed self. I enjoy modesty in dressing, am cheerful in disposition and at peace with myself, with the world and with God.


- In 2004, I trusted in God  and had confidence in my husband.

In 2014, I now have let go and let God completely and I trust that God is leading and will be leading me through my loving husband Dong, as long as we both shall live.


Fulfilling my role as Dong's helpmeet will be my road to salvation. In following Christ, rejecting *satan, and dying to myself every day of my life, will be my redemption.

                               I have come full circle.


This time around, my enemy was not the devil but my sinful flesh. 


My victory now is not over a demon but over my egoistic self. 


What God had begun in me then, He is completing now.


I pray with all my heart and soul, that with my constant dying to self every day, I will never again go astray. I am carefully guarding my heart and my spirit now so that neither this sinful flesh nor the evil devil could get to my soul. It is so easy to forget the lessons of the past, as I have proven in my life...

It is with the constant carrying of our crosses daily and a constant dying to self that we are able to experience true peace. It is in letting God rule our lives that we become truly free.

Lord, as it was then, so it is now. Use me for Your Greater Glory. May my mistakes and sins, no matter how shameful they are when divulged to the world, be used by You to open up other people's eyes.


In ending, I will share with you my lone entry from after the possession dated :

         February 9, 2004

After the horrible possession by the evil devil, I am now given by God a new lease at life. I know what hell is -- it seems 'beautiful' -- all about the self, an inflated ego, a "full" sense of self. Everything revolves around you. Nobody is spared when the ego gets hurt.
 And I know what heaven is. It is goodness and kindness and mercy and love. All coming from God. God has saved me. This time, not only from myself, but from the snares of the devil as well. Knowing now who my enemy is, I've been able to detect sin and cringe as it touches even however slightly my soul, This is the Lord's Grace. No merits of my own.
I am a sinner. No better than Mary Magdalene. And yet, God chose me. To bear witness to His saving Mercy and Love. I've been saved from the sinister and cunning ploys of the Evil One.God has forgiven me. It took an otherwise supernatural and 'crazy' awakening to snap me out of my misery that has been cause by the devil since Day 1.


Praise be to God Whose Ways are mysterious! Praise and Glory be to Him Whose Mercy is boundless and Whose Love is unparalleled!


If the devil succeeded in 2003, I would not have these angels now. Praise be to God for saving me. I now give Him my all. The Alejar Family :) - 2013

                                           2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.


May we all be richly blessed! :)


* satan -- I do not capitalize his name. He doesn't deserve even a capital letter.

13 comments:

  1. Nikka,
    Thank you for being brave enough to share your story.
    I have had an Anxiety Disorder since I was a child, and I get terrible mood swings. When I began learning about Christianity, two years ago, these mood swings turned into scary bursts of anger where I would scream at the top of my lungs and growl at my children in a monster-like voice. My anger was out of control, and I shared some of my experiences with my husband. He didn't understand why I was doing worse if Christianity was supposed to help me get better. I now understand that Satan has been trying to stop me from living for God, and his demons have been attacking me ever since I opened my first Bible. Thankfully, now that I have a stronger faith and trust in God I am now able to calm my anger before it overtakes me.

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  2. Praise God that you have come to God and are living for Him, Paulina! :) It is true that the closer you are to God, the more the enemy prowls on you. Since God considers you His, the devil considers you his enemy. Therefore it will do its best to oppress you, attack you and make you leave God, because he knows that will grieve God's Heart.

    Aside from the devil, we also sin because of our sinful flesh. In Theology, it is called concupiscence. That is why we have to daily "die to self" or resist the calls of the flesh (be selfish, do what makes you happy no matter what, live for oneself, be judgmental and self-righteous...) in order for us to be free from the bondages of this world.

    It is so easy to fall prey to the devil AND the flesh, that's why at this season of my life, I really ALWAYS check my motives and my heart, I resist the flesh's urges, and am in constant prayer with God every moment of the day. Alone, we cannot do anything, but with God, we can do even the impossible!

    God bless you in your walk with Christ, Paulina. I am glad the post inspired you somewhat. :)

    Sincerely,

    Nikka

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  3. Thank you so much for sharing your story :) Do you believe the devil talks to us constantly? And do you believe there are lots of people we don't know about that can become possessed ?

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    1. Hi Anonymous! You are most welcome. :)

      It was a topic that I am sure people might get freaked out on about, but I felt that it was time to share about it now, with the Spirit's Urgings and my husband's permission.

      Do I believe the devil talks to us constantly? Definitely YES!

      Have you had a barrage of "negative" thoughts that seemingly do not go away no matter how you try to think "positively"? It may begin with an ordinary thing like perhaps your best friend not attending your party when she says she will... then you have these 'thoughts' in your head...

      SHE NEVER ATTENDS MY PARTIES!
      SHE DOESN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT ME!
      ALL SHE DOES IS PROMISE THINGS BUT NEVER FOLLOWS THROUGH!
      I REMEMBER A PARTICULAR INCIDENT IN YEAR ____ WHEN SHE DID THE EXACT SAME THING! SHE STOOD ME UP! WHAT A FLAKER!
      SHE MUST BE ENJOYING HERSELF RIGHT NOW SOMEWHERE ELSE, NOT EVEN MINDING THAT I WANT HER HERE SO SHE CAN HELP ME WITH THE PREPARATIONS!!!

      Looks pretty 'normal' right? But daily, in any activity, the devil pretty much whispers things to our ears all the time. His voice sounds like ours. He uses your voice to tell you things. When you believe in his lies, then you become oppressed. You become restless, angry, fearful, stressed, unhappy... all the emotions that resting in God's Presence do not give.

      We are by nature sinful. Only Christ is sinless.

      So, the devil has a hold on us. When we agree to the lies he feeds us, we become "one" with him. He now can 'call the shots' on our lives, with us as co-conspirators.

      I think there are a LOT of people amongst us who are OPPRESSED, more than POSSESSED. To be oppressed means the devil's thoughts have been woven into our own and we act based on those lies. To be possessed means people have become so afflicted with a demonic entity that they are unable to function normally. Most people nowadays are OPPRESSED more than POSSESSED. But as what I have experienced, it is a fine thin line right there. DEPRESSED led to OPPRESSED led to POSSESSED.

      I will write in a link to make you understand this better:

      http://www.bradhuebert.com/what-is-spiritual-bondage/

      May you be protected and covered by The Lord Jesus' Most Precious Blood in order to resist temptation and fight the evil one. He should never win!

      Sincerely,

      Nikka

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  4. Yes it is a hard topic to talk about or even think about, but knowing this is real is very comforting because I have had extremely horrible thoughts through out my life and I can see now how it is oppression. thank you for sharing this :) lately if one thing my husband did bothered me I would have a voice telling me things over and over again until I blew up. I can now see this is satan trying to destroy my efforts with God and my husband. I do need to compare every single thing to Gods word because I want to be the wife who brings my husband the opportunity to seek God, I am so grateful for you blog :) Do you pray when you start to hear negative voices from satan?

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    1. Isn't it great to know that one is not alone? :)

      It is not just YOU thinking all those things. It seems like it. It sounds like it. But, that is not the case. The devil though does not do all the work, we too have a hand in it. Since we are fallen and sinful beings, we have calls of the flesh, so we sin by ourselves without the devil's "help" , but once we start sinning (if it was not him who tempted you to sin in the first place) that is his go-signal to oppress us. He is the Father of Lies so he will deceive you, taunt you, harass you... The only way to counter this is with the Truth, that is God's Word, the Bible.

      Yes, I do pray! There is no other way to counter the evil one that is why Christ told us to pray unceasingly. Satan tried tempting Jesus but since Christ was sinless, he had no power of Christ. There was "nothing in it" for Jesus. The world did not tempt Christ because He was not of this word. Satan is the ruler of this world, as what is written in the Bible.

      Just the other day as I was writing about my possession, I had an oppression. He was making me "recall" Dong's "faults" yet again! I was starting to feel restless... You know what I did? I said out loud. "Stop it satan. You are a liar. Get away from me. I am finishing my blog post!" Then, I looked for Bible verses to counter him. I immediately felt at peace. The oppression, gone. The only way to counter a lie is with the Truth. The only way to dispel darkness is through light. We should never rely on ourselves and our innate "goodness" or "spirituality". That is foolish.

      Here is a link to April, The Peaceful Wife's Blog on the Voices in His Head. It's a powerful blog post. I hope it will enlighten you further on how the devil taunts not only you, but your husband too.

      http://peacefulwife.com/2014/01/13/the-voice-in-his-head-from-the-archives-3/


      God bless you and your husband and may he richly bless you both! :)

      Sincerely,

      Nikka

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  5. Thank you so much and I will check out the link :)

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    1. You are most welcome. :) God bless you! :)

      Nikka

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  6. Hi Nikka! I just started reading your blog a while ago and Lalong nadagdagan ang pag hanga at pagrespeto ko sayo. Kilala na kita before, di pa ganun kalalim pero bilib na ako sayo lalo pa ngayon na nabasa ko tong blog mo. Marami akong pag aalinlangan sa sarili ko at lalo na sa buhay may asawa. Wish I could talk to you personally pero di ko alam kung kaya ko. Please keep on writing and keep on inspiring people. Thank you so much.

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    1. Hi Anonymous! :)

      Glad to meet you! Paano mo nahanap itong blog? It is such a blessing to be of help to people. This is now my ministry, to spread God's Design for Marriage, upon my own husband's suggestion to write about my journey as a respectful and Biblically submissive wife.

      Pag-usapan natin problema mo. I am willing to listen. Together, let's come up with solutions to your marital problems. I do not claim to know everything but by God's Word, the Bible, and from my own experiences, I pray I can help you have a more peaceful and more joyful life and marriage.

      Email me na lang. It's peacefuwifephilippines@gmail.com. Do not worry. It will be just between you and me.

      Hang in there, sis! :)

      God bless you.

      Sincerely.

      Nikka

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  7. We're friends on FB actually. Will email you for sure. :)

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    1. Looking forward to it. :) Together let us unmask the deceptions and lies that the Enemy may be feeding you with and you are perhaps believing in, thus the restlessness and even sadness. Typo yata yung email add ko na sinulat. :P It's peacefulwifephilippines@gmail.com.

      Hope to hear from you para di ka na "anonymous". :)

      God bless you and keep you till then. :)

      Nikka

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Feel free to comment. I would love to discuss things with you. :)