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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I Am Ready For the Submissive Journey! What Should I Tell My Husband?

First of all, congratulations are in order, sweet sister in Christ!

You are in for the most exciting and scary ride of your life!

If you are anything like me (has an extreme desire to control things and events, worrisome, obsessive, cannot stay put), this is probably the MOST SCARY thing you have ever done in your life. I liken it to jumping off a cliff. You do not know if you'd be dead, wounded or just fine.

Commonwealth Avenue Philippines- Killer Highway
It is also like crossing Commonwealth Avenue (a major thoroughfare in Quezon City, Philippines with 6 to18 lanes), deemed as the second most dangerous road  in the world. I am very fearful of crossing small streets. I cannot imagine crossing a highway with that many lanes! I think I will pass out from the mere thought. Crossing streets, suffice to say, is not one of my many talents.

This journey is not a walk in the park. It is really like crossing Commonwealth Avenue, deemed as the "Killer Highway" for its infamous and numerous accidents which almost always lead to death. You are most likely to get hit - not by a bus or truck though - but by the negative reactions of people, your own weaknesses or even your own husband (who will not bite immediately at the concept of the new you, lest it be a trap)! It is safer and easier to use the overpass to cross this highway than to run from end to end. You may use this blog, as well as April Cassidy's, the Peacefulwife's blog to aid you in making that transition. As Titus 2 elders, allow our own respect journeys, to be your "overpass". This will make YOUR OWN journey easier. April was alone in her journey when she started the RESPECT thing. Now she has me and so many others, following God's Design For Marriage. Ain't God Great?! Since we really are an era of women, with no godly mentors in the marriage arena, instead of going about this blindly, let us all help one another, fellow peaceful wives! :)

Knocked out! Giving birth is like having one foot in the grave they say.
And while we are on the subject of "killers", you will have to die to self every day. At times in the beginning, even every minute of the day, as you learn and relearn new habits after you have buried your old, sinful nature. Old habits do die hard! There will be many stops and starts. There may even be times when you would want to retreat and not push through with it. But, once the Lord has removed the scales of disrespect (Dr. Eggerich's "Love and Respect'') from your eyes, it is a point of no return. Though deathly scared of the unknown territory, you would rather go through with it than go back to your old disrespectful self. And, if you, like me, have been disrespectful of your husband for a long time, you must really  KILL your old sinful self again and again and again, hoping it will never resurrect! Sounds like a zombie movie! I even told Dong, "I would rather DIE than go back to my former self!" When that happens, it is time to GIVE BIRTH to the new you!

So, you are already in this exciting RESPECT journey. What should you say or not say to your husband?

DO NOT SAY things like:

  • Rerespetuhin kita kahit di ka karespe-respeto kasi sabi sa Bibliya na gawin ko ito. (I will respect you even if you are not respectable because the Bible says so.)
  •  Hindi ka marunong /magaling na leader pero susundin kita kasi yun ang tamang gawin. (You are not a good leader but I will follow you anyway, since that is the right thing to do.)
  • Mula ngayon, kahit nakikita kong mali naman mga ginagawa mo, tatahimik na lang ako.(Starting today, even if I see you doing things wrongly, I will just be silent.)
Yikes. Stop. right. there.

Maybe it would be better for you to NOT speak yet to your husband about this journey till you are ready to share about it.

It would depend on his relationship with God or your own relationship with each other. 

If he is:

1) Far from God/An Unbeliever -- It would be weird to say things like "I am dying to self everyday." "Dying? You are dying? What?!", he might ask. In this case, it would be best to practice   1 Peter 3:1-5 with him. Actions over words. It is just not the right time to teach him theology or catechism at this point. Just walk your talk, and let God work in your husband's heart as he sees your gracious changes.

2) Close to God -- Just be honest with him that God has convicted you of your sins and that you want to follow Him by submitting yourself to your husband's leadership, as in Ephesians 5: 21-33. Submitting to him, as unto the Lord.

I actually shared with Dong that I wanted to follow God by following him. I said things like "I feel protected when I am under your authority." to which he said, "So, it really is about God then." and I said, "Yes." and he understood. He didn't get jealous with God or asked why I wouldn't do it for him, instead of for God. He simply nodded.

My prayer is that fellow wives not lose hope and be steadfast in their faith because even though this is going to be a difficult, sometimes extremely awkward journey, when you have disposed of your old self, and have given birth to the new you, it is all so worth it!!!

Andre, our second child (the baby above too) born on Oct. 23, 2007. :)

Isaiah 43:18-19 part. “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"

Bahagi ng Isaias 43:
18 Huwag ninyong alalahanin ang mga dating bagay, o bulayin man ang mga bagay ng una. 
19 Narito, ako'y gagawa ng bagong bagay; ngayon yao'y lalabas; hindi baga ninyo malalaman yaon?

May we all be richly blessed!!!! :)


  1. What God is doing in your life is so beautiful!!!!! Thank you for this!

    1. God is really so Good! :) Thanks for connecting the dots for us, sis. It made my walk with God in this respect journey so much faster and easier than yours was, I believe. Although I think God allowed for you to be mentor-less, so you would undergo it the "hard way", and therefore, you have more empathy and wisdom to share with all of us wives. :)


Feel free to comment. I would love to discuss things with you. :)