Losing My Voice

Singing "The Greatest Love of All" in a TV show - 2005

I lost my voice. :(

Literally.

I have laryngitis due to a cold virus that has been going on for weeks now in our home which started with our first son, followed by our youngest daughter, then our eldest daughter, followed by our second son... I am its latest victim. :( Dong was able to barely save himself from it with his garlic concoction. (He is a huge homeopathy fan.)

I could not speak. I could not sing. I could not tutor my kids. I could not even talk to my husband without having to strain my voice. :(

For a lack of a better word, being mute sucks. :(

"Ito Ang Balita" - UNTV, 2012

I sang "Super Bass" - Araneta, 2012

As a broadcaster (on hiatus indefinitely), I was paid to use my voice. I did the news, hosted, did voice overs, sang, did career talks, etc. etc. with my voice as my "capital".

Whenever I would get a bad cold or cough, I would absent myself for days and it would worry me no end thinking that my "golden voice" might never come back ever again! When I was down with a bad case of laryngitis, all I could do was write down instructions or simple things I wanted to say on paper, because whispering strained the inflamed vocal chords more than a serious attempt at hoarse speaking. (It's a myth that to "conserve" your voice, you must whisper. This does more harm than good.)

In this season of my life, although I am not busy with my career, it is still a bummer to not have

Mommy Nikka pregnant with 4th with our 3 kids - 2012

anything come out of my mouth when I need to discipline our hyperactive children! All I could do now is give them the "BIG EYES" and point them to their Dad. Discipline always ends with Dong though but for now with Mommy in "silent mode", it's just a fast-tracking of sorts. With no Mommy to scold them, they get their reprimand straight from their Dad!

A BIG FEAR of dominant and controlling women (whom I assume are talkative too and use their 'voice' a lot in "leading" the marriage) is losing their voice once they submit to their God-ordained authority, their husbands. 

Does respecting one's husband mean a wife can no longer say what she thinks or feels? Does submitting to one's spouse mean a wife can no longer voice out her opinions, suggestions and comments? Does relinquishing control of the marriage and of one's husband mean a wife will also lose her say in the home? Does Biblical submission mean losing one's voice?!?

OF COURSE NOT!!!

Assuming that you are one of the "lucky" ones who have a husband with the heart of a servant-leader (selfless, caring, thoughtful), submitting to your husband's authority will not only empower him but will also empower you! Here's what happens...

Dong and Nikka at our daughter's school -2012

•        The wife respects her husband...

•       Because he feels respected, the husband feels more love for his wife and asks her opinions on important matters...

•        Because she feels loved and appreciated, the wife tells her husband what's in her heart but leaves it to her husband to make the final decision...

•        Because the husband knows his wife has full trust and confidence in him, he will decide only after careful consideration on what would be best for her and their family, and not based on selfish interests...

             

And the energizing cycle of respect and love just go on and on and on...

When LOVE and RESPECT are not given by the husband and wife respectively, conflicts are always bound to happen.

It is what is called the "Crazy Cycle" by 'Love And Respect' author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

This is his diagram:

The "Crazy Cycle"

Submissive Nikka with respected Dong- 2014

Since I started "respecting" and "submitting" to my husband Dong, not only have I experienced much peace and joy, but he too is happier and more loving towards me.(Minus all that negativity, I am easier to love now, I guess. :) We have always been best friends but being just that, I thought that if he was not stepping up the plate, then I should. After all, that's what friends do, right? Cover each other's back if and when the other falters? But not so much with marriage, as I have seen for myself. More than being best friends, we were husband and wife. We were not just "friends". We were not just "friends with benefits" either. We were ONE. He was my better half and I was his. (I was more like his bitter half!)

                                                                                                                         

                                 Ephesians 5:31

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

Best friends eating Mega Ice Cream :) - 2009

It was "okay" to cover my husband's back if he was for some reason, debilitated to carry out his tasks. But it was not okay to do so when he was fully able and capable. When I started being the "leader" of the home and doing all his roles -- provider, decision-maker, etc. on top of my "real" roles as nurturer and mother, was when things went haywire. That was to be our most unhappy period (2009-2011) but thank God, we were really super good friends. Our friendship carried us through as well as prayers for each other and prayers by our loved ones. Though separation was sometimes mentioned (by him, because he felt that no matter what he did, he could not make me happy), it was never a "real" option. We were in it for the long haul.

Feb 2014

When I submitted to God fully on September 1, 2013 was when I also submitted to my God-ordained authority, Dong. As my husband, he was my protector and leader. As his wife, I was his helper and follower. We are still best friends now (and till death will we be) but knowing now my rightful place in the home based on God's Design for Marriage, our very tight-knit friendship has become an even more fulfilling relationship. With all eyes focused on Christ and in following Him, this new level of intimacy and peace we are experiencing is but icing on the cake. Just pleasing God alone is more than enough!

           Ephesians 5:22-24 

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

To dominant, opinionated, perfectionistic, driven,

go-getter, Type A women out there (I was all that and much more!), I can attest that in my submitting to God first, then to my husband, I did not lose myself, my personality nor my voice.

In fact, I found my most authentic self, am now the best version of my personality every

With our two "bunsos" or youngest boy and girl - Dec 2013

day  ( I am normally cheerful and sweet when not worried or depressed. God broke through that long-standing oppression by the evil one when He convicted me of my sins in Sept. 2013.), and I still have a voice in our home - a gentle and kind one. :)

And what is even better is that aside from never having lost my voice in family matters, I have now begun to again hear God's Voice. It was sooooooo hard to hear Him when I was too busy "nagging" Him before to change Dong! :(

Now, I am filled with Christ's Peace and through constant communication with Him through His Word and through silence, I am now able to drown out all noise and sounds and listen to His Voice alone.

Mr. and Mrs. Dong Alejar - 4/17/04
Biblical submission is the richest secret to a happy
and loving marriage. "Do" it dear sisters in Christ!

Going back to my laryngitis... I have been on water therapy for two days now. I have been drinking and drinking water to hydrate my throat... and my voice has improved! Yay!  From not being able to speak, I am now able to be heard again but not without much effort. My voice is still nasal and quite low. (I sound like a man.) That is enough for me now though. I am just happy to be able to talk again! :)

A hoarse SHOUTOUT  to wives who are now in the same boat as I was: Biblical submission is wonderful. You have to try it to believe it. It really pays to follow God's Design for Marriage. :)


P.S. Here's a video of a jamming session I had with Minyong in Feb 2012 -- "Firework" by Katy Perry. This song was apt for my "fulfilled dreams year" in 2012. Now though, it's not about "me, myself and I" anymore. That part is over. It's all about Him now. He is the One "brighter than the moon". He is the True Light. :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)

Best Supporting Role

Philip  Seymour Hoffman playing Jesus and Judas in a local play in the movie, 'Along Came Polly' :)

My husband and I are great movie buffs and every now and then, a scene would stand out and we'd talk about it or laugh about it again and again. :)

In the 2004 movie, "Along Came Polly", which starred Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston, there's this scene that wildly stood out from this otherwise only moderately funny movie. It was the Jesus Christ Superstar scene of the very talented Philip Seymour Hoffman, who played the self-absorbed, ex-childhood actor Sandy Lyle, best friend to Ben's character, Reuben Feffer.

The cast is surprised by the dual roles!!

He was cast as "supporting actor" in the Local Community Theater's production of the said play as Judas. His ego was so BIG though thinking himself to be this hotshot superstar (although he was already 15 years past his prime) that he decided to hijack the play by portraying both JESUS and JUDAS at the same time, just because he said he could!  Talk about a confusing play! LOL.



Suffice to say, I think I was "Sandy" for a huge part of our marriage. :(

Christmas 2007 -Family of 4 (I was not that controlling yet.)

I felt that I could wear the pants and the skirt. 

I felt that I was that capable and that efficient, that I could play both roles (head of the family and heart of the home) so well.

I felt that I could be the primary breadwinner and the nurturer.

There was even a long period of time (around 2009 to late 2011) when I was feeling extremely and irrationally fearful for our children and their future:

Recurring thoughts in my head at that time were:

Dong with Andre in the train - 2010

What would happen if I died? 
How could Dong feed them, handle them, nurture them? 
If one of us died, it better be him first because THEY NEED ME! 
I could provide for them, take care of them and secure their futures! 
God forbid I die ahead of him!?! 
How would he be able to support them?!

That was a long period of restlessness and depression right there. I was putting it all in my hands. The devil was winning daily during that time telling me all those lies because I was lapping them up and willingly believing them all!

In my self-righteous mind I "believed" that:

Nobody could replace me.
Nobody could do it better than I.
I was crucial to everybody's well-being because I was so INDISPENSABLE. 

Like the self-absorbed Sandy Lyle, I too thought that without me running the show, our

My most controlling behavior - 2010

household would collapse like a deck of cards; the way he thought the play would be ruined if some amateur kid played the lead role.

Like Sandy, I felt that I was that vital and that important so, it would be to the best interests of the family if I led it, and juggled both roles as head and heart of the home; the way he thought that he would be doing the audience a great service if he played both the roles of Jesus and Judas!

It is actually quite laughable now...

If it weren't SO PATHETIC. :(

Very bossy Nikka -- Dec 2010

How dare I think that the world would end simply because I might not be in it?

How dare I think that our family would suffer just because I was not leading it?

How dare I think that I was morally, intellectually, monetarily, emotionally and spiritually superior over my husband?

And, how dare I think that EVERYTHING and EVERYONE'S well-being was dependent on ME?



WHERE DOES GOD FIT IN THE PICTURE?!?!?

Leading onstage- Therese's school program -2011

I was so spiritually blind to my sins of pride and self-righteousness and would never admit then, that all those days of endless and senseless worrying and fears were just from the fact that I thought myself to be SOVEREIGN, and not God.

How else could I explain that I was scared about everything? 

How else could I explain that I wanted to control everyone?

How else could I explain that I felt that without the efficient Nikka, nothing would be okay?



SUCH ARROGANT PRIDE!  

IT IS SO SHAMEFUL TO ADMIT IT NOW. :(

I was mostly afraid then, because  I had in my life, the"idol of control." If I controlled things, events and people, I felt that nothing bad would happen. If I did not control things, events and people, I believed that our lives would go haywire! But the problem was I really felt that I had NO CONTROL over anyone or anything! :( That's why I was always panicky!!! Waaah!!!

I was mostly worried before, because though I would never verbalize it, I had little faith in God but LOADS of faith in myself.

I was mostly bitter and resentful towards my husband then, because I was portraying a role that was not given me in the first place. 

I was putting things in my hands and carrying heavy loads on my shoulders that I had no business meddling with at all!

I was at my most controlling behavior during this year - 2010

My role as a child of God is to trust my Heavenly Father completely. He is in control. I have no business putting things in MY limited hands because HE has my back. All I need to do is to put ALL my faith in Him.

                                               Isaiah 41:10

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

My role as a godly wife is to be my husband's helper. He is our family's leader. I have no business bossing my husband around or forcing him to submit to me. He was designed by God to be my protector. All I need to do is to have SOME faith in him.

                                             Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives and Husbands

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church

January 2014

and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Since I lacked godly role models in marriage, I was clueless to my own sinful ways. :( I thought I was actually just being so galing (amazing)! I felt that Dong should even THANK ME for being so hardworking, responsible and "selfless"!

My husband's a very loving father. :) -2010

Little did I know that when I was busy portraying my dual roles, not only was my husband not pleased (in fact, he was feeling so redundant and helpless that he wanted to die!), but more importantly, God was not pleased too. :(

When I accepted my Biblical role as helper to my husband, it was as if a HUGE LOAD was lifted off my shoulders. :)

When I accepted my supporting role to my husband, I felt a GREAT JOY. :)

When I relinquished all forms of control to God, that was when I felt GREAT PEACE. I could finally RELAX!!! :)



Whew.

What was I thinking all those crazy times?!?

Fellow wives whose eyes have not been spiritually opened by God to this beautiful gift of submission might roll their eyes at my sharing. But, dear sisters, coming from a very opinionated, go-getter, ambitious, driven, over-achiever, Type A woman such as myself, I could with all conviction say:


 I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED SUCH JOY AND PEACE IN MY LIFE EVER, TILL I LET GO AND LET GOD in September of 2013.

Therese's 1st Communion Dec 2013- I already surrendered by this time. :)

It is an ongoing journey, that is still awkward at the moment while my husband and I are learning and relearning our God-given roles, but it is SO FULFILLING and WORTHWHILE.

I no longer want to be both provider and nurturer.

I no longer want to be both the head and the heart of the family.

I am content and overjoyed playing my submissive role to the hilt!

I am enjoying empowering my husband's headship and being his helper. I have never felt more feminine nor more protected.

In this season of my life, the biggest test to my faith is if I could trust God fully, that He is leading me as I follow my husband's loving leadership. 

There can be NO TWO LEADS in a play.

Lead role and supporting role - Dong & Nikka - Sept 2013

For all Philip  Seymour Hoffman's great talent, he could not be effective playing both JUDAS and JESUS at the SAME TIME! (Maybe through artful editing in a movie but NOT in a live play!)

I have given up playing the lead role.

September 2013 - enjoying motherhood :)

With God as my Director and Dong in the leading role, I am now giving it my ALL and my BEST in this new supporting role. :)

As they say, "There are no small parts, only small actors.".

And as Jesus had said through Saint Paul,

                        1 Corinthians 12:12-27 (part)

January 21, 2014 - Driving kids to school :)

12 There is one body. But it has many parts. Even though it has many parts, they make up one body. It is the same with Christ....

25 In that way, the parts of the body will not take sides. All of them will take care of each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part is honored, every part shares in its joy.

27 You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it.

I LOVE MY PART! :D

This supporting role was tailor-made for me! :) And for you too! :)

Anak TV Award :) -Dec 2012

My prayer is that as wives we all embrace our God-given roles.

This submissive route as our husbands' supporters is our road to salvation.

There is an award waiting for us, dear sisters, for the "Best Supporting Role in a Christian Home". ;) May we all get our standing ovation in heaven! :)





May we all be richly blessed! :)

Wanted: Helper

Teaching my cousin's helpers to cook - 2008

Helper.

In the Philippines, when one is a "helper", she is a maid or a servant.

I think there is even a Greek Dictionary out there somewhere wherein the meaning of "Filipina" is "maid." It may hurt  to be known as such but it was linguistically accurate according to then Education Secretary Andrew Gonzales because it captured the current social reality. Filipina domestics comprised a huge part of the more than four million Filipinos who worked abroad as seafarers, entertainers, hotel workers and professionals. He said that "we should live down that image not by getting angry, not by denying, but by changing the image of the Filipina." This was back in 1998.

A common ad in a popular free business site in the Philippines

I grew up with helpers/yayas (nannies).


Coming from a middle to upper middle class family, it was common for our family to have a live-in helper/s. In the Philippines, we called our maids kasambahay literally to mean "members of our household" or katulong which means "someone who helps or helper".

I grew up with my nanny, Ate Sepa (pronounced Ah-te meaning older lady -- a term of respect), who took care of me and lived with us from when I was three to when I was 17. (She took care of my younger sister Erica from birth.) I could honestly say, I got super attached to my yaya or  nanny because Mama was too busy with her career. I considered her my second mother.:)

The only time she left was when she got married and had her own child, and even then, she still visits often as a guest and as a family member, and now, as a "surrogate grandma" or Lola. :D

Vacation and visiting her surrogate"apos" (grandchildren) - 2012

Through the years, we have had our fair share of helpers. I couldn't stress what I am about to say enough. 

I love our helpers/yayas. 

I consider them angels and blessings from God. 

We are super blessed to have them help take care of our children.

First, there was ATE SHEILA. She helped take care of our firstborn, Therese. She is now living and working in Dubai as an assistant in a specialty shop. Last time she came home to the Philippines, she went to our house to give us so many gifts!  :)

Ate Sheila with Therese - 2006

Then, there was ATE FLOR. She helped take care of our second-born, Andre. She now has her own family but she still visits us every now and then too. :)

Ate Flor with Andre - 2009

And currently, we have with us ATE RAIZEL and ATE JENEFE. They help take care of our third-born Reuben and our youngest, Isabelle. :)

Ate Jenefe with Isabelle, Therese, Andre, Ate Raizel with Reuben- 2013

Ate Sheila helping Reece put on new shoes - 2007

So, you see, we are used to having helpers in the home. This may be unnatural to some cultures, but in the Filipino culture, they are very significant and necessary.

They help with household chores, with taking care of the children, and are part of every important occasion. We can do without them, but life is sweeter and easier with them.

They need us and we need them too. :)

Celebrating Ate Sepa's birthday - 2006

At first, at the start of my submission journey, I found myself asking myself if I should let go of our household helpers because they might get in the way of my being my husband's "helper". I was encouraged when I read about the Proverbs 31 woman. :)



                                                          Proverbs 31:15

"It's still dark when she rises to give food to her household and orders to the young women serving her."

She also had maidens living with her! She also had young women serving her! I could still have them in our home and still be a helpmeet to my husband!!! :)


I felt like I could pattern my life after the Proverbs 31 woman.

                                                         Proverbs 31: 27-29
27 

"She watches over the affairs of her household

    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 

Her children arise and call her blessed;

    her husband also, and he praises her:

29 

“Many women do noble things,

    but you surpass them all.”

Ate Flor, accompanying Andre at the wedding of Dong's brother - 2010

To non-Filipinos, having some maids living in your homes may seem intrusive, even 'oppressive' and unimaginable. But, just to be clear, in the Philippines, it is quite common and they are really part of the Filipino family and the Filipino home. :) You have got to be Pinoy to understand. ;)

Given that we already have "helpers" in the home, what is left for me to do or what is my role as the "helper" of my husband?

As the helper of my husband Dong, according to Ephesians , I must "submit to my husband in everything, as unto the Lord."

Pregnant with our 3rd- early 2009

•  As the helper of my husband, I will encourage him (not in a bossy or domineering way) in his endeavors.
• As the helper of my husband, I will empower his leadership by allowing him to make the last decision. Not to say that I don't have a voice, but in times of disagreement, I would give way to him. The buck stops with him.
• As the helper of my husband, I will be generous in my time with him.
• As the helper of my husband, I will make myself available to him when he wants or needs intimacy.
• As the helper of my husband, I will support him in his plans and goals for himself and the family.
• As the helper of my husband, I will not attempt to control him or lead him. I am here to help, not to boss him around. 

This list is not at all exhaustive and I am sure you can put in here your own to-do list to help in your own husbands' leadership. 

2008

I am still new in this respect and submissive journey. Most of the time, it is still awkward. I am so used to being boss and having it my way. You know, controlling. But because of the new and renewed spirit that the Lord has imbibed in me, I am little by little enjoying this new role of helper to my husband. I want to bless him every day with things that I can do to help him, be it just preparing breakfast or keeping the noisy kids away from him while he sleeps, or bringing the kids to and from school so his schedule would be cleared.  It's a role that grows on me each day. I pray that I am able to glorify God by helping my husband and submitting to his leadership.

Eating Mega ice cream :) - 2012

If to some parts of the world, Filipina means helper, without a hint of anger or bitterness, I will

In Filipiniana. Manila Hotel - 2013

embrace that role. Yes, I am a Filipina. Yes, I am a helper. Yes, I am the helper of my husband Dong. :)

A shoutout to all the 'Filipinas' all around the world: MABUHAY! There is honor in heaven to be gained in your humble and loving service to our fellowmen. God bless us all. :)

Our loving yaya, Nana Sepa. :) Thank you for your love. We love you!

May we all be richly blessed! :)

Biblically Submissive Role Models in Showbiz and Sports

Candace Cameron-Bure with her husband and children gatherroundthetable.com 

Hollywood is the last place on earth where you would hear about Biblical submissiveness. Usually, Hollywood and its women are equated with fiercely independent, worldly creatures who succeed in what is deemed as a man's world.

So, it is refreshing to hear that there are still Hollywood role models who leave their egos in the movie/TV sets when they come home to their husbands.

Such is the case of CANDACE CAMERON, "DJ" of the popular TV sitcom (I was a fan of her and the sitcom for years!!!), Full House.

Photo Credit: todevahouse.com

I copy-pasted Good Morning America's Lesley Messer's article on "Why Candace Cameron Loves Being in a Submissive Marriage." Candace was interviewed just the other day regarding this topic. For a link to the video, click HERE. :) (Editor's Note: She is being barraged by criticisms as of this writing, left and right for being "submissive", but her advice to them? "Just calm down." :))

Candace Cameron Bure has been happily married for 17 years to hockey player Val Bure and together, they have three children.

Now, she's giving the somewhat controversial explanation as to how she makes it all work: 

She's submissive in her marriage.

"I love that my man is a leader. I want him to lead and be the head of the family and those decisions, major decisions, do fall on him," she told HuffPo Live. "It doesn't mean I don't voice my opinion. It doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. I absolutely do. But it is very difficult to have two heads of authority."

ALBERTO E. RODRIGUEZ/GETTY IMAGES FOR SOCALVIBE

The former "Full House" star wrote a book, "Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose," and wrote,

 "I quickly learned that I had to find a way of honoring his take-charge personality and not get frustrated about his desire to have the final decision on just about everything. I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work."

ABC PHOTO ARCHIVES/ABC VIA GETTY IMAGES

"I allow him to make the final choice," she added in the interview. "Obviously I will make my opinion very clear and clearly I have been married for 17 years and we have a very happy marriage and it works very well."

Bure adds that even though her husband is the one who calls the shots in her home, he takes her opinions to heart and often makes the choice that she would have hoped he'd make.

"The definition that I'm using with submissive is the biblical definition," she explained. "It's meekness. It is not weakness. It's strength under control. It's bridled strength."

Hollywood Life.com

WOW.    I love how she explained Biblical submissiveness. That it is NOT weakness. That it is MEEKNESS. That it is strength under control. That it is bridled strength.

She married young but her decision to be Biblically submissive allowed her to withstand the many trials of a high-profile marriage. How great God's Design for Marriage really is, whether for private individuals or public personas! :)

****************************************************************************

One other role model comes to mind when the word "Biblically submissive" is mentioned.

Volleyball star and fitness advocate, GABRIELLE REECE.

At the same time last year, while promoting her own book, "My Foot Is Too Big For the Glass Slipper - A Guide To The Less Than Perfect Life", she courageously said that she believes that "women being submissive in a relationship is a sign of power rather than weakness." 

You could imagine the criticisms hurled at her after saying that! She spent days and weeks defending her beliefs!

I am copy-pasting Today contributor Scott Stump's article on Gabby Reece's declaration that: "Women Being Submissive Is A Sign of Strength." For a link to the video, click HERE. :)

NBC NEWSWIRE/NBCU PHOTO BANK VIA GETTY IMAGES

In discussing her new book about her challenges as a mother and wife on TODAY Friday, former volleyball star and fitness advocate Gabrielle Reece said she believes women being submissive in a relationship is a sign of power rather than weakness.

In “My Foot is Too Big for the Glass Slipper,” she writes that “to truly be feminine means being soft, receptive, and – look out, here it comes – submissive.”

@GABBYREECE VIA TWITTER

“I think the idea of living with a partner is ‘How can I make their life better?’’’ Reece told Natalie Morales. “So if I’m the woman and he’s the man, then yes, that’s the dynamic. I’m willing and I choose to serve my family and my husband because it creates a dynamic where he is then in fact acting more like a man and masculine and treating me the way I want to be treated."

Gabby Reece on marriage: Men communicate through food and sex

“I think because women have the ability to set the tone that the ultimate strength and showing real power, I believe, is creating that environment. I don’t think it’s a sign of weakness. I think it’s a sign of strength.’’

Reece, who has been married to legendary big-wave surfer Laird Hamilton for 17 years, also clarified her definition of being submissive.

GREGG DEGUIRE/FILMMAGIC

“He’s not saying, ‘Dinner on the table at six,’’’ she said. “We’re not talking about that. I’m saying, ‘Hey I’ll lift up my side, and I’ll do it happily,’ and also the expectation would be, or the hope would be, that he comes with the same attitude. Is it a form of service? Absolutely. But I think it’s the place I can express that part of myself and my personality.’’

In her book, Reece also discusses a rocky stretch in her marriage. Four years after she and Hamilton tied the knot, she filed for divorce, but the two worked things out.

Excerpt: Gabby Reece demystifies the marriage fairy tale

“That’s the whole point of the book, which is the happily ever after,’’ Reece told NBC's Kate Snow. “Maybe what’s typical is that you slam into a wall, but then what are you going to do when you do get to that wall?”

“I think I was putting her in a position that she had these things that she wanted to express and not expressing them so that you would get this build-up over time,’’ Hamilton told Snow. “I feel like it’s a blessing for us that we’ve gone through a bunch of different things in our relationship, which has allowed us to arrive here today. We’ve been brought here through what we’ve endured in our relationship and at the end that’s only made us stronger.’’

A Facebook family photo

Through hard work and creating a strong underlying bond, the couple was able to work through their difficulties.

theglobaltownhall.com

“I think first of all you realize what can you do different and do better in the
relationship,’’ Reece said. “That’s what I had to look at because you’re not born with the skill set to live and cohabitate and be in a relationship with somebody, so really sometimes it’s only trial by error and by fire. I think both of us realized that we had sort of a foundation to make it work out, and that we had a shot and that we should maximize that instead of saying, ‘OK, this is too hard,’ and quit.’’

On Assignment: Gabby Reece on tackling motherhood, marriage and fitness

Reece has three daughters with Hamilton, whom she married in Hawaii in 1997. She took 10 years off from a busy career of playing volleyball and modeling to raise her children, and spoke with Morales about the concept of women trying to “have it all.”

She's so much taller than he is! But, we know who's boss. ;)  Photo Credits: jezebel.com

“There is no having it all, but I think the idea is women have to understand what’s going to make them happy,’’ Reece explained. “We don’t worry about (men) having it all, so I don’t know where we got this idea to have it all.

“I think it’s very challenging to think, ‘Oh, I can have it all.’ My children know they can’t have it all. You have to make choices. Things are hard work, so you’ve got to choose what you’re going to work really hard at.’’

**************************************************************************************************************

So there you have it ladies. Two beautiful celebrities who know about God's Great Design for Marriage and the gift that is submission. :) To fellow wives in the submissive journey like I am in, we may be a rare breed, but we are growing in number every day, celebrities included. :)

ala-Hollywood -- Now submissive wife Nikka and now respected husband Dong ;) 

All praises go back to God alone! :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)