Breaking The Devil's Strongholds: From Bondage to Freedom

My husband and best friend, Dong - Aug 2013

                      As a recap, my bondages were:

                       BEAUTY

I had an eating disorder because of a 'fat' comment by Papa -1986

                   








                                             PAPA  

Papa's approval was my oxygen. - 1994

                                                             AND


                                                                 CONTROL.
                                    

I controlled Dong so Papa would 'favor' him. -2009

                                                                            

The eating disorder stemmed from a thoughtless comment by Papa which led me to controlling my weight at all costs, because if I didn't, I felt unworthy to live.

My unusual approval-seeking behavior from Papa stemmed from growing up without his attention which led me to controlling areas in my life that would please him (including my weight and my relationship with my then boyfriend Dong) because if I didn't, I felt unworthy to be his child.

My controlling behavior would manifest itself full-scale in my marriage with Dong after my father's death because unconsciously I was thinking that to control Dong and our lives would mean a "better" life for us that (my now dead) Papa would approve of, because if I didn't control our lives, it would go haywire, and I didn't want to put my Papa down (even in death!).

Poor Papa. He had no idea how my obsession with him and his approval wreaked havoc in my life. :( I didn't know of it too till the Lord convicted me of my sins in 2013. Thirty-seven years too long. :(

                                 Wow. Just wow.

Writing it all right now made me realize just how I unbelievably, single-handedly made Papa my IDOL -- not just an admired human being -- but IDOL as in IDOLATRY.  
As though he was my god.

Papa with 2 year old Nikka - 1977

His approval and good favor were all I ever lived for. Not getting those at any one time would always lead me to think of myself as a failure.  His death would not give closure to my issues with my father. His death would only intensify already supposedly buried issues. Like zombies, my issues were brought back from the dead to haunt me and debilitate me during those sad, pathetic years.  It is ludicrous admitting that now but that was what happened to me. :(





Note: I would like to stress that I do not BLAME my father for the things that I did and for the bad things that had happened to me. I do not believe in playing the victim card. He may have had some faults and failings on his part, yes, but I had the free will to act and react correctly. What happened to me was a result of my having believed in the deceptions of the devil. What happened to me was the result of my having allowed the Father of Lies (satan) to "set shop" in my soul. I was acting based on those lies, not based on our Heavenly Father's Truth. The Father of Lies just used my earthly father (Papa) to hold me in bondage for the most part of my 37 years in life. He used my obsession with Papa and his high opinion of me, as his stronghold over me. 

The epitaph of Mama and Papa - Loyola Marikina

But the Heavenly Father showed Mercy on me, convicted me of my sins and made me into a new creation. My Papa can now finally rest in peace (I kept on 'resurrecting' him before!) because I now have Christ's Peace. :)


      
             

                Here's a timeline of the events that happened:

• In late December 2003, I got possessed by an actual demon, but was exorcised in January 2004 and given a new lease at life. I was still single then.  :)

  

  8 mos pregnant- 2013

• In April 2004 to 2008, I was married and protected under my husband's headship and was relatively happy and contented. :)
• In November 2008, Papa died. :(
• In 2009 to 2011, I got oppressed on a daily basis by believing in the devil's deceptions and by letting my sinful flesh rule. I was at my worst controlling and prideful behavior towards my husband. :(
• In late 2011, after Dong's emotional outburst when he said he couldn't take it anymore, I told God to change how I viewed things if I couldn't change Dong or the events in our lives. :(
• In 2012, I fulfilled all my dreams career-wise, and Dong and I started to become a team again. :)
• On April 17, 2013, our 10th wedding anniversary, I gave birth to our fourth child, surprise baby Isabelle Veronica. :)
• On September 1, 2013, I finally let go and let God rule in my life and submitted to my husband's leadership. On this day, the Lord gave birth to the new ME. :)

2012 was indeed a GREAT year for me career-wise. I was able to do EVERYTHING I wanted to achieve in one year, that I haven't been able to do in my more than a decade in broadcasting. I will not go into it at full length in this post, but you can read about it here. :)    

Made by the president of my fan's club, the Nikkalites. :)-2012

Suffice to say, that part of my life had to happen in order for the Lord to get my FULL ATTENTION. With that out of the way, I was free to listen. Before that  "superstar year", I was still restless about my career, wanting to be utilized and over-utilized so that I can be squeezed out of all my talents. I wanted to experience so many things as far as broadcasting was concerned! 2012 did that for me... and I can say that I have no regrets. :)

2013 was to be a year of births and new beginnings for me. :)

Peaceful Wife Philippines Nikka :)

• In April 2013, I gave birth to our second daughter, Isabelle Veronica.
• In June 2013, we were able to sell the family house and buy our own small house from the sale late that year.
• In September 2013, God convicted me of my mountains of sin; I died to myself and was given a new me. I let go, let God, and submitted to God, then to my husband.
• That same month, I chanced upon April Cassidy's blog, The Peaceful Wife, which further confirmed that I was on the right path.
• In December 2013, upon my dear husband's suggestion in September, I started blogging about my submission and faith journey. With April's proposed idea on the title and my husband's blessing, 'The Peaceful Wife Philippines blog' was born.

What is my purpose for seemingly enjoying airing my 'dirty linen' in public?

These things I write about are too personal. I know them to be quite intimate, so why am I sharing it with the world, at the risk of being shamed, criticized and judged?

It's because I want other fellow wives to experience the peace and

January 12, 2014

joy that submission to the Lord and to one's husband gives. :)

This is now my ministry. 

When a once blind person has been given the gift of eyesight, wouldn't that person want to praise the good Lord for the healing and share it to the world?

That is how it was with me. I was once blind but I can now see! I was once dead but I am now alive!

I was once in bondage, but I am now free! :)

         So, I now ask you, fellow wives, what are your bondages?

       

I burned my face from an oven accident in June 2011.
It didn't blind me but I was still 'spiritually blind' then. :(

If you do not know and are still blind to them at this point, ask yourself:

"Am I restless, depressed, hopeless, joyless?"

"Am I always fearful, panicky, angry, scared of the future?"

"Am I always judgmental, critical, unforgiving, bitter?"

Those are tell-tale signs that something is not right in your soul, dear sister. :(

Ask the Lord to search your heart. Ask Him to show you your sins.

Burns covered with makeup like sins
 hidden from my eyes and others' - June 2011 

When the Lord convicts you of them, you will feel so ashamed at first, but allow Him to show
everything to you, so that no filthy thing is left in your heart. Every single rotten sin must go. Only His Spirit should reside.

After repenting for your sins, offer to God your life. Let go of the past. Let go of your false beliefs. Let go of the strongholds that the evil one has been tying you down with for so long.

And let God. Let God cleanse your soul. Let God give you a new life. Let God take full control.

And fellow wives, after submitting to God, respect and submit to your  husbands. 

It was that humble gesture of submission that God used in order to FREE me from ALL my BONDAGES!!!

Greg and April Cassidy

I still don't know why it was in submitting to Dong (for real) that God found the opportunity to talk to my heart, but that was what happened with me. He does as He wills. And this was what happened too with April when she submitted to Greg, and what has happened and is currently happening to hundreds of wives from all across the globe.

Truly, this must be something worth trying, don't you think so, precious sister in Christ? :)

In my submission to Dong, God found the opportunity to break, little by little at first, and then all at once, the ties that have bound and chained me for so long.

          That is my prayer for you too, dear wives.

Our family at an aunt's house  -- January 12, 2014

Life is too short.

If you were to die tomorrow, what would you have wanted to have accomplished?

Me? I want to have lived life to the fullest by serving my husband and our children. :)

Precious wives, God is our Master. We are His Masterpieces. He knows us intimately. He knows how our lives would function effectively, if we only followed His Manual, The Bible. Let's stop resisting His Call. Let us be true followers of Christ. Let us do as He said:

                                          1 Corinthians 11:3-16

3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife[a] is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 4 Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, 5 but every wife[b] who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. 6 For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful

April praying to God. She prays with her head covered.

for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. 7 For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. 8 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 

My daughter and I in a field trip recently - Jan 28, 2014

April and I and some other peaceful wives practice head-covering while praying  -- not to be legalistic about it -- but because we feel that this honors God. I myself usually wear scarves on my head nowadays because I am new in this submissive journey and I need "props" to remind me of my beautiful place and role in the family. (I am super wary of my old self resurfacing!)  

It is not an anting-anting (something that has magical powers) but a loving reminder of how I am under Dong's headship and am protected under his leadership. You need not practice head-covering though, if you do not feel led by the Spirit to do so. It's motives that matter to God after all, not rituals. 





I do not claim to be perfect or say that I no longer have my struggles (It is believed that the devil haggles for our souls till our last breath.), but knowing the Truth and fulfilling my designated role in our family has made those struggles just "necessary evils" in order to conform myself to Christ -- to make me change for the better as a result of my sufferings. His Grace is sufficient. :)

                                2 Corinthians 4:16-18

16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[a] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
 

You too can be a peaceful wife, precious sister in Christ! :)

With our son Andre - January 25, 2014

Should you need any help, given my limited wisdom, I will do my best to help you let go and let God and submit to your husband. You can send me an email (peacefulwifephilippines@gmail.com) or just leave a comment anywhere in this blog. :) It would be my greatest pleasure to be of service to you. I do not claim to know the answers, but together let us search for them, by looking to God's Word. :)

In ending, I would like to share with you something I found from my archives. My letter to my husband Dong on the day of our wedding in April 2004. I think God wanted me to find it. I don't even remember writing this anymore. :P

April 17, 2004

Praise and Thank God for you Dong, my love, whom God has betrothed to me even before you and I were born. With great humility I offer you the following:

I offer you my body.  As a young girl, I remember consecrating myself to God and offering Him my life. I remember telling Him to help me preserve my body for the one Whom I will marry. And

sinful and weak though I am, having fallen so many times in the past, and having given in to countless temptations, I praise God that with His Mercy and Grace, and with the Holy Mother’s intercession, I can still humbly offer you this body of mine that has known no man. Accept me, then, my love - a virgin - that will be united to you tonight in our matrimonial bed.Grant that this body too, united with yours, shall produce the good Lord, God-fearing and God-loving individuals.  Let us produce God His much-thirsted for saints!

I offer you too my mind.  Given a nature that is far from meek and docile, I ask the good Lord’s help and the Holy Mother’s intercession, to help me be chaste, humble and submissive to you, my husband.  With God’s Grace, may I learn to be your helper in life and love.  May I be our home’s light, giving it joy and peace.  Grant that God will help us raise children whose only desire is to love and serve the Lord.

I offer you lastly and most importantly, my heart.  Here resides my deep love for God.  Grant that in loving God with my whole body, mind, heart and strength, I too shall love you to the utmost of my abilities. Forgive me for my sins and frailties, my love.  I promise, with God’s help to be loving and faithful to you. You and only you.  To be your confidante, your best friend, your lover, your helper, your spiritual warrior, your wife.  From now till forevermore.

Dear Lord, I offer you my soul.  Grant that I do nothing apart from your Holy Will. Take my will, o Lord, for I am proud and sinful. 

Mr. and Mrs. Dong Alejar - April 17, 2004

Grant that I love my husband and raise the children You will entrust to us, with a sincere love focused only in honoring You, praising You and loving you o God, in and through our family life.

All this I ask through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and through our Lord, Jesus Christ, Who Lives and Reigns now and forever…

       Amen. 

P.S. I feel like a new bride nowadays. Not just of Dong, but of Christ. :) Please include me in your prayers that I may never again lose my way... As it was then, so it is now, God has saved me again from myself and from the evil one. I will cling on to Him now and all the days of my life. So help me God.

The Alejars - August 2013 :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)

Wanted: Helper

Teaching my cousin's helpers to cook - 2008

Helper.

In the Philippines, when one is a "helper", she is a maid or a servant.

I think there is even a Greek Dictionary out there somewhere wherein the meaning of "Filipina" is "maid." It may hurt  to be known as such but it was linguistically accurate according to then Education Secretary Andrew Gonzales because it captured the current social reality. Filipina domestics comprised a huge part of the more than four million Filipinos who worked abroad as seafarers, entertainers, hotel workers and professionals. He said that "we should live down that image not by getting angry, not by denying, but by changing the image of the Filipina." This was back in 1998.

A common ad in a popular free business site in the Philippines

I grew up with helpers/yayas (nannies).


Coming from a middle to upper middle class family, it was common for our family to have a live-in helper/s. In the Philippines, we called our maids kasambahay literally to mean "members of our household" or katulong which means "someone who helps or helper".

I grew up with my nanny, Ate Sepa (pronounced Ah-te meaning older lady -- a term of respect), who took care of me and lived with us from when I was three to when I was 17. (She took care of my younger sister Erica from birth.) I could honestly say, I got super attached to my yaya or  nanny because Mama was too busy with her career. I considered her my second mother.:)

The only time she left was when she got married and had her own child, and even then, she still visits often as a guest and as a family member, and now, as a "surrogate grandma" or Lola. :D

Vacation and visiting her surrogate"apos" (grandchildren) - 2012

Through the years, we have had our fair share of helpers. I couldn't stress what I am about to say enough. 

I love our helpers/yayas. 

I consider them angels and blessings from God. 

We are super blessed to have them help take care of our children.

First, there was ATE SHEILA. She helped take care of our firstborn, Therese. She is now living and working in Dubai as an assistant in a specialty shop. Last time she came home to the Philippines, she went to our house to give us so many gifts!  :)

Ate Sheila with Therese - 2006

Then, there was ATE FLOR. She helped take care of our second-born, Andre. She now has her own family but she still visits us every now and then too. :)

Ate Flor with Andre - 2009

And currently, we have with us ATE RAIZEL and ATE JENEFE. They help take care of our third-born Reuben and our youngest, Isabelle. :)

Ate Jenefe with Isabelle, Therese, Andre, Ate Raizel with Reuben- 2013

Ate Sheila helping Reece put on new shoes - 2007

So, you see, we are used to having helpers in the home. This may be unnatural to some cultures, but in the Filipino culture, they are very significant and necessary.

They help with household chores, with taking care of the children, and are part of every important occasion. We can do without them, but life is sweeter and easier with them.

They need us and we need them too. :)

Celebrating Ate Sepa's birthday - 2006

At first, at the start of my submission journey, I found myself asking myself if I should let go of our household helpers because they might get in the way of my being my husband's "helper". I was encouraged when I read about the Proverbs 31 woman. :)



                                                          Proverbs 31:15

"It's still dark when she rises to give food to her household and orders to the young women serving her."

She also had maidens living with her! She also had young women serving her! I could still have them in our home and still be a helpmeet to my husband!!! :)


I felt like I could pattern my life after the Proverbs 31 woman.

                                                         Proverbs 31: 27-29
27 

"She watches over the affairs of her household

    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 

Her children arise and call her blessed;

    her husband also, and he praises her:

29 

“Many women do noble things,

    but you surpass them all.”

Ate Flor, accompanying Andre at the wedding of Dong's brother - 2010

To non-Filipinos, having some maids living in your homes may seem intrusive, even 'oppressive' and unimaginable. But, just to be clear, in the Philippines, it is quite common and they are really part of the Filipino family and the Filipino home. :) You have got to be Pinoy to understand. ;)

Given that we already have "helpers" in the home, what is left for me to do or what is my role as the "helper" of my husband?

As the helper of my husband Dong, according to Ephesians , I must "submit to my husband in everything, as unto the Lord."

Pregnant with our 3rd- early 2009

•  As the helper of my husband, I will encourage him (not in a bossy or domineering way) in his endeavors.
• As the helper of my husband, I will empower his leadership by allowing him to make the last decision. Not to say that I don't have a voice, but in times of disagreement, I would give way to him. The buck stops with him.
• As the helper of my husband, I will be generous in my time with him.
• As the helper of my husband, I will make myself available to him when he wants or needs intimacy.
• As the helper of my husband, I will support him in his plans and goals for himself and the family.
• As the helper of my husband, I will not attempt to control him or lead him. I am here to help, not to boss him around. 

This list is not at all exhaustive and I am sure you can put in here your own to-do list to help in your own husbands' leadership. 

2008

I am still new in this respect and submissive journey. Most of the time, it is still awkward. I am so used to being boss and having it my way. You know, controlling. But because of the new and renewed spirit that the Lord has imbibed in me, I am little by little enjoying this new role of helper to my husband. I want to bless him every day with things that I can do to help him, be it just preparing breakfast or keeping the noisy kids away from him while he sleeps, or bringing the kids to and from school so his schedule would be cleared.  It's a role that grows on me each day. I pray that I am able to glorify God by helping my husband and submitting to his leadership.

Eating Mega ice cream :) - 2012

If to some parts of the world, Filipina means helper, without a hint of anger or bitterness, I will

In Filipiniana. Manila Hotel - 2013

embrace that role. Yes, I am a Filipina. Yes, I am a helper. Yes, I am the helper of my husband Dong. :)

A shoutout to all the 'Filipinas' all around the world: MABUHAY! There is honor in heaven to be gained in your humble and loving service to our fellowmen. God bless us all. :)

Our loving yaya, Nana Sepa. :) Thank you for your love. We love you!

May we all be richly blessed! :)

Transitioning

Through The Years - 1996 to 2012

Transitioning.

According to The Free Dictionary: It is "the period of time during which something changes from one state or stage to another".

I am changing. I am transforming. I am metamorphosing.

It is awkward. It is beautiful. It is difficult. It is liberating. It is painful. It is freeing.

2002 - 2012

It is a mixture of all emotions and it is not without a great deal of effort that I am transitioning from "controlling woman" to "peaceful wife."

There are days when I feel so tight and wound up inside. When I seemingly want to get ahead of myself, of my husband, and God again.

There are days when I feel like want to "lead" again so that developments will be faster, since I know I am quite efficient in most things.

There are days when I feel a bit fearful of what still lies ahead.

But, those days are only few and far in-between, thank God.

On most days, I am happy simply being still.

On most days, I just revel in the quietude of my spirit.

On most days, I just bask in the peace that I have been experiencing since September 2013, after letting go and letting God reign.

Documenting my 4th pregnancy -- 2012-2013

They say that the only thing that is permanent in life is CHANGE.

Nothing and nobody can stay the same. 

People change.

Careers change.

Feelings change.

Lives change.

Seasons change.

                                                            Ecclesiastes 3:1-22 (part)

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; "

December 2013

In this season of my life, since the start of my respect journey (to God and to my husband), there are still many things I do not know. But, one thing  I do know is that I NEVER want to go back to my former prideful, controlling, dominant self ever again. That phase was exhausting! My spirit was restless.There was simply no peace.

As I transition from career woman to stay-at-home mom and/or housewife; from employee to businesswoman; from controlling to submissive; from home leader to my husband's helper; from restless to peaceful... I take comfort knowing that in the many changing seasons of my life, God is CONSTANT.


                                                                                   


                                                           Hebrews 13:8

            "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

And this new and renewed spirit brought about by my submission to God and to my husband, is the PERFECT GIFT for this season in my life. Him Who never changes, has CHANGED me, and I am forever grateful to Him for it. :) All praises go to Him Alone!

First Family Picture as a Family of 6 - Mothers' Day 2013

                                                 James 1:17

17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

May we all be richly blessed! :)

Can A Wife Overdo Biblical Submission?

2011

Let me begin this post by saying that I am an "ALL or NOTHING" person.

My husband usually teases me that I may be "bi-polar".

I  am either TOO HAPPY or TOO SAD.

I am either TOO INTENSE or TOO UNPLUGGED.

I either LIKE something or HATE something.

I have to give it my 100% best or I don't give it my time of day.

There is usually no middle ground with me.

I "suck" at MODERATION.

Trying to find a BALANCE is an art that I am constantly trying to master.

So, given this "character flaw", can I overdo this submission bit?

Can a wife overdo submission?

The answer is YES.

A wife can overdo submission and cross over to being a DOORMAT.

Photo Credits: Classy Career Girl

Thank God, I do not desire to be anybody's foot rug, so on this particular important life-changing decision, if I am to err, I will err on the side of caution -- caution against being an abused wife.

First, let us define some terms once more.


Biblical Submission, according to reason4living.com  is:

"... an act of the will — it is the result of a choice, a decision.  The act of submission can only come from a choice that a person makes.  Submission cannot be enforced upon a person.  Either a person submits of their own free will or they do not submit at all.  Submission is a gift that one person chooses to give to another person.  By contrast oppression is the act of extracting something from a person against their will.  Submission and oppression are, therefore, opposite qualities of a relationship and not even remotely similar.

With 3rd baby, Reuben

The submission of a good wife is a glorious thing that is intended to help her and her husband to have a contented life together.  Problems in life and in marriage are more or less inevitable but when a woman is submissive to her man it is much more likely that those problems can be resolved harmoniously, without unpleasant quarrelling and without bitterness and resentment.  Those people who look down on submission as if it were something demeaning, degrading or humiliating are merely showing that they have no understanding of what submission is and that they are quite ignorant of its power.

If you are a Christian wife who has been feeling uncomfortable with the Biblical demand that you submit to your husband then, I hope, these statements have perked up your interest and given you a glimpse of the bright cheerfulness ahead.  Being submissive to your husband does not mean, as so many ignorant detractors of submission seem to think, that you should be an empty-headed bimbo, or that you should have no opinions of your own, or that you should be like a doormat.

If you are a Christian husband I hope that you will take care to understand the nature of submission and be careful to understand your responsibilities in response to your wife's submission to you.  A submissive wife is not a justification for an abusive husband.  God commands men to love their wives with the same kind of love that he [God] gave to his people ... that's a pretty tough assignment to give a mortal man and it doesn't include the possibility of abuse." 
(Italics and bold letters are mine.)

Family Picture - 2010

Sadly, I was one of those "ignorant detractors of submission". I did not have any godly role models to follow and no godly marriages to pattern my own marriage from, that's why "submission" to me was an alien, scary and outdated concept.

Had I known then what I knew now, I would have saved myself from a LOT of heartache in our nine years as husband and wife. Three of those years from 2009 to 2011 were the most difficult emotionally. They were when I was most controlling and my heart was at its "fullest" in terms of bitterness, resentment, fear and fault-finding. :(


What then is a DOORMAT?

According to Merriam-Webster.com a doormat is:

- one that submits without protest to abuse or indignities or
- someone who is treated badly by other people and does not complain

Photo Credits: Ann Cutting 

April Cassidy, The Peaceful Wife, explains it well in her blog post on "Doormats Don't Glorify God Either". I will share with you an excerpt of that article:

"It is true that being bossy, condescending, controlling, scolding, critical, negative, nagging, argumentative, contentious, etc… as a wife is extremely dishonoring to God.  But having NO thoughts, NO opinions, NO dreams, NO feelings, NO input, NO personality, NO contributions to the marriage and family as a wife  – well, that doesn’t honor God either!  

To label being a slave or doormat as being a ”submissive wife” will also repel many people from the gospel of Christ!  A wife MUST be her own full, strong, vibrant person in order to properly complete and complement her man!  There may be specific situations where we keep our thoughts to ourselves and allow our husbands to make decisions on his own – we must be sensitive to God’s Spirit, of course.  But most of the time, our input is extremely valuable in our marriages – it is our motivations, and our respect for God and our husbands that are the key." 
(Italics are mine.)

Photo Credits: The Snooze Letter

To add, Nancy Leigh de Moss, author of 'Lies Women Believe' wrote that there are four LIES ABOUT SUBMISSION.

"Lie Number 1: "The wife is inferior to her husband."

The Scripture teaches that both the man and the woman are created in the image of God, both have equal value before God, and both are privileged to be subjects of His redeeming Grace through repentance and faith (Genesis 1:27; Galatians 3:28; 1 Peter 3:7) The responsibility of the wife to submit to her husband's authority does not make her any less valuable or significant than her husband.


Lie Number 2: "As head of his wife, the husband is permitted to be harsh or dictatorial with his wife."

Husbands are commanded to love their wives as they love themselves, in the same selfless, sacrificing, serving way that the Lord Jesus loved His Church and laid down His life for it (Ephesians 5:25-29)

Nikka and Dong - Dec 2010

Lie Number 3: "The wife is not to provide input or express her opinions to her husband."

God created the woman to be a "helper suitable" to her husband. That means, he needs her help. He needs the input and insight she is able to bring in various situations. It also means that once a wife has graciously and humbly expressed her heart on the matter, if her husband chooses to act contrary to her counsel, she must be willing to back off and trust God with the consequences of her husband's decision.

Lie Number 4: "The husband is always right."

The apostle Peter specifically addresses women whose husbands "do not believe the word." The husband may be unsaved, or he may be disobedient to God in some area(s)of his life. According to 1 Peter 3:1, the number one means of influencing such a husband is not through tearful pleading, irresistible logic, or persistent reminders; rather, it is through the power of submission:

                                             1 Peter 3:1-2

3 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

8 months pregnant with our 3rd -  March 2010

So, to the question, can a wife overdo submission, the answer is a resounding YES.

Can a husband overdo dominance? The answer is YES too.

7 months pregnant with our 2nd -2007

To somebody like me who is an ALL or NOTHING sort of gal and who finds it hard to stay on middle ground, you might think that now that I am being submissive, I might risk becoming 'TOO SUBMISSIVE.'

One good thing, I think, from being used to getting my way AND being bossy (hehe), is that I couldn't for the life of me imagine having no opinion, no say, no input on anything. I have never been a doormat and I am not going to start now. :)

But to those wives who are more passive than aggressive, who may have problems with self-esteem, of questioning authority or of simply speaking their mind, I pray that you find it in yourself to come out of your shell and be that significant other of your husbands. You are significant! You are important! Your thoughts and feelings matter!

If you have given up your influence on your marriage, you might want to read April's post on that. She gives some practical tips on how to move from becoming a DOORMAT to becoming a wife who MATTERS to her husband. Click the link here.

I guess in life, for us to be able to function at our most comfortable and healthy level, one really has to find the right BALANCE. That, I am learning now as a former controlling and now converted peaceful wife. ;)

There is one passage though in the Bible, wherein being neither here nor there is considered contemptible, and that is with regards to our FAITH. 

http://sfodan.wordpress.com

                                                      Revelations 3:16
So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth.


                                    Rebelasyon 3:16

Kaya sapagka't ikaw ay malahininga, at hindi mainit o malamig man, ay isusuka kita sa aking bibig.

         
(For a more detailed explanation on this verse from Revelations, please click this.)


Finally, and here, I am overjoyed to know that I can use my ALL or NOTHING nature to its maximum capacity - giving it my ALL rather than NOTHING....

I can go OVERBOARD with my LOVE FOR GOD! :)  

Photo Credits: Framed Art

               Matthew 22:37
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

                   MATEO 22:37

At sinabi sa kaniya, Iibigin mo ang Panginoon mong Dios ng buong puso mo, at ng buong kaluluwa mo, at ng buong pagiisip mo.

This one I can NEVER overdo. :)

This one I can give my 110% best! :)

Photo Credits: Nice Ideas For All

May we all be richly blessed! :)