Honey, Was I Disrespectful?

Ephesians 5:33

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,

and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

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I used to think that I was a pretty "good" wife.

You see:

- I didn't nag.

- I didn't scream or yell at my husband.

- I didn't curse him.

- I didn't throw things at him.

- I didn't gossip or complain about him in private nor in public.

- I didn't give him "big eyes" when I didn't like what he was doing. 

- And a whole lot more of "respectful" behavior (to my mind!)

Awhile ago, over breakfast, I asked my husband: "Honey, before the Lord convicted me of my sins, and before I submitted to God and then to you, was I ever DISRESPECTFUL? Or were you aware that I even was disrespectful?"

He said, "I knew you did not respect me because you basically were just going about what you wanted to do, not really minding what I had to say, but I don't think you were really disrespectful. I basically allowed you to do what you wanted to do, so I couldn't blame you fully for anything. I was also at fault. I allowed it to happen."

Then I said, "So, in a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being MOST DISRESPECTFUL, where do you think I'd fall?"

I was not "that disrespectful", according to Dong. But I sure was
unsubmissive!!! :( (2011)

He said, "5. Or maybe less than that. You were not really "DISRESPECTFUL", but that didn't change the fact that I felt really bad about our situation. I felt miserable and my reactions to your "independent" thinking (Note: I went about with my life without consulting him or asking what he thought about certain decisions) were I think but normal."

I said, "Sorry about that. That was the pattern of my parents' marriage. Papa just basically allowed Mama to do whatever it was she wanted to do. I never saw Mama ask Papa what he thought. It was basically "to each his/her own". I thought that was how we should be too..."

I write about this, because even though I was "NOT VERY DISRESPECTFUL" according to my dear husband, it still hurt him and our marriage. Human beings, fallen as we are, are really bound to hurt one another, but it should not be done deliberately nor with the favorite excuse of "It's just the way I am. I am really like this. I cannot change."

Because, we can change.

Not on our own, though.

God can change us.

But, we need to ask Him to do so first. He will not change us without us opening the doors to our hearts first.

Respect is PART of love. 

It is the language that speaks LOVE to our husbands, the same way loving words/gestures speak LOVE to us.  When we do not respect our husbands, and I don't mean just being respectful like not cussing/screaming/throwing things at them, but real RESPECT, the kind we give to our God-ordained authorities who were designed by God to be our protectors and providers, we not only disobey God's commandment to us as wives, we also malign His Word.

No matter how often a woman goes to church, prays the rosary (for Catholics), gives to charity, or even reads her Bible... if we do not RESPECT our husbands, we blaspheme God's Word. :(

Titus 2: 4-5 

And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

What exactly is RESPECT IN MARRIAGE? Read this. And what do husbands think is DISRESPECTFUL? Read about it here. 

If you are having problems in your marriage, dear sister in Christ, stop asking the Lord to change your husband. You cannot change anyone else but yourself. Stop being your husband's Holy Spirit and making or "helping" him "change". Only God can convict hearts and change people. Focus on you and your own walk with Christ.

May we all be richly blessed! :)

I Am Ready For the Submissive Journey! What Should I Tell My Husband?

2011

First of all, congratulations are in order, sweet sister in Christ!

You are in for the most exciting and scary ride of your life!

If you are anything like me (has an extreme desire to control things and events, worrisome, obsessive, cannot stay put), this is probably the MOST SCARY thing you have ever done in your life. I liken it to jumping off a cliff. You do not know if you'd be dead, wounded or just fine.

Commonwealth Avenue Philippines- Killer Highway

It is also like crossing Commonwealth Avenue (a major thoroughfare in Quezon City, Philippines with 6 to18 lanes), deemed as the second most dangerous road  in the world. I am very fearful of crossing small streets. I cannot imagine crossing a highway with that many lanes! I think I will pass out from the mere thought. Crossing streets, suffice to say, is not one of my many talents.

This journey is not a walk in the park. It is really like crossing Commonwealth Avenue, deemed as the "Killer Highway" for its infamous and numerous accidents which almost always lead to death. You are most likely to get hit - not by a bus or truck though - but by the negative reactions of people, your own weaknesses or even your own husband (who will not bite immediately at the concept of the new you, lest it be a trap)! It is safer and easier to use the overpass to cross this highway than to run from end to end. You may use this blog, as well as April Cassidy's, the Peacefulwife's blog to aid you in making that transition. As Titus 2 elders, allow our own respect journeys, to be your "overpass". This will make YOUR OWN journey easier. April was alone in her journey when she started the RESPECT thing. Now she has me and so many others, following God's Design For Marriage. Ain't God Great?! Since we really are an era of women, with no godly mentors in the marriage arena, instead of going about this blindly, let us all help one another, fellow peaceful wives! :)

Knocked out! Giving birth is like having one foot in the grave they say.

And while we are on the subject of "killers", you will have to die to self every day. At times in the beginning, even every minute of the day, as you learn and relearn new habits after you have buried your old, sinful nature. Old habits do die hard! There will be many stops and starts. There may even be times when you would want to retreat and not push through with it. But, once the Lord has removed the scales of disrespect (Dr. Eggerich's "Love and Respect'') from your eyes, it is a point of no return. Though deathly scared of the unknown territory, you would rather go through with it than go back to your old disrespectful self. And, if you, like me, have been disrespectful of your husband for a long time, you must really  KILL your old sinful self again and again and again, hoping it will never resurrect! Sounds like a zombie movie! I even told Dong, "I would rather DIE than go back to my former self!" When that happens, it is time to GIVE BIRTH to the new you!


So, you are already in this exciting RESPECT journey. What should you say or not say to your husband?

DO NOT SAY things like:

• Rerespetuhin kita kahit di ka karespe-respeto kasi sabi sa Bibliya na gawin ko ito. (I will respect you even if you are not respectable because the Bible says so.)

•  Hindi ka marunong /magaling na leader pero susundin kita kasi yun ang tamang gawin. (You are not a good leader but I will follow you anyway, since that is the right thing to do.)

• Mula ngayon, kahit nakikita kong mali naman mga ginagawa mo, tatahimik na lang ako.(Starting today, even if I see you doing things wrongly, I will just be silent.)

Yikes. Stop. right. there.

Maybe it would be better for you to NOT speak yet to your husband about this journey till you are ready to share about it.

It would depend on his relationship with God or your own relationship with each other. 

If he is:

1) Far from God/An Unbeliever -- It would be weird to say things like "I am dying to self everyday." "Dying? You are dying? What?!", he might ask. In this case, it would be best to practice   1 Peter 3:1-5 with him. Actions over words. It is just not the right time to teach him theology or catechism at this point. Just walk your talk, and let God work in your husband's heart as he sees your gracious changes.

2) Close to God -- Just be honest with him that God has convicted you of your sins and that you want to follow Him by submitting yourself to your husband's leadership, as in Ephesians 5: 21-33. Submitting to him, as unto the Lord.




I actually shared with Dong that I wanted to follow God by following him. I said things like "I feel protected when I am under your authority." to which he said, "So, it really is about God then." and I said, "Yes." and he understood. He didn't get jealous with God or asked why I wouldn't do it for him, instead of for God. He simply nodded.

My prayer is that fellow wives not lose hope and be steadfast in their faith because even though this is going to be a difficult, sometimes extremely awkward journey, when you have disposed of your old self, and have given birth to the new you, it is all so worth it!!!

Andre, our second child (the baby above too) born on Oct. 23, 2007. :)

Isaiah 43:18-19 part. “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"


Bahagi ng Isaias 43:
18 Huwag ninyong alalahanin ang mga dating bagay, o bulayin man ang mga bagay ng una. 
19 Narito, ako'y gagawa ng bagong bagay; ngayon yao'y lalabas; hindi baga ninyo malalaman yaon?

May we all be richly blessed!!!! :)