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| Looks can be deceiving - December 2003 |
(Editor's note: Part 1: Depression and Oppression
The blog post you are currently reading is Part 2.)
Just a short re-run:
- Papa and I had a grave misunderstanding around August of 2003.
- I left home and found my own place that same month.
- I was still very prayerful till October of 2003 even attending daily mass.
- By November, Papa's lack of attention or concern towards me caused me extreme depression.
- My depression led to an extreme oppression by the evil one.
- I believed all of the devil's lies regarding my father (that he did not love me), about my boyfriend Dong (that he did not deserve me) and about myself (that I was a victim of circumstances and deserved to be happy no matter what the cost).
- The devil also hid himself from me during this time. I did not see him. I therefore did not know what or who I was dealing with. I did not know what hit me.
The following is a recalling of my demonic possession.
The series of events are a blur to me now but I will do my best to document it and all that had happened in those weeks that followed.
(Note: I will put "I" in quotation marks to denote that the Nikka during that time was just a shell of who I really was. The real me felt trapped inside, and in my place was this evil spirit who took over my body.)
The Caribbean author told "me" to start planning on leaving "my" boyfriend and family behind to go be with him and be one of his wives in his harem. He already had a wife but he said that she was old and ugly and understood his need to have other young wives. "I" was not to be alone. There were to be many of "us". "I" was even mad at the thought that he would have others and not just "I", as his other wife.
He sent me a picture of his wife saying that "I" looked exactly like her when she was young. ("I" looked nothing like her but for some reason "I" just agreed to what he said.) He also started talking about how we were "soul mates" or even deeper than that, "twin flames" or two halves of the same soul. That was so romantic in "my" mind. "I" wanted to go to the other part of the globe to be with the other half of "my" soul. "I" even thought "we" looked alike. "I" would find "myself" staring at his dated picture for hours on end on "my" computer.
During this crazy period, "I" started changing physically.
"I" gained a lot of weight (which was odd because "I" was not eating anymore because by this time "I" hardly slept and hardly ate and just thought and thought of how much "I" "loved" him.)
My knees and some parts of "my" body became unexplainably dark and had patches of black.
"I" also started changing emotionally.
During this time, "I" was extremely irritable and impatient. "I" was quick to get angry and "I" even cursed and said offensive expletives, which my usual self would not do.
"I" also started becoming dazed, as if "I" was not really there.
One time, Dong visited and "I" cooked him french fries. He liked his fries with a pinch of MSG. Monosodium Glutamate when taken in huge doses is a health risk. Because "I" was not myself, "I" put not just a pinch but nearly a whole sachet. When he ate it, he had palpitations and broke out a sweat and got sick. In "my" mind, if Dong perhaps died, then at least "I" would not feel guilty of flying away to the Carribeans. Nothing would then be keeping "me" from leaving the Philippines. "I" didn't do it to kill him, heavens no! But "I" felt that should he die because of it, then good for "me."
There was also an incident with my oven when "I" burned my right arm really bad, but "I" couldn't feel it. Dong even had to let me know that it was a bad burn because "I" barely flinched.
"I" also started changing mentally.
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| I was already not myself here - Dec 2003 |
"My" thoughts were always about sex. Me? I was not a highly sexual person, so all those lustful thoughts were new to me. But when "I" was possessed, they were what "I" thought of all the time. That, and thoughts of how beautiful and desirable "I" was. All day long. Proof that something evil was residing in "my" body was "I" found "myself" sending him two nude pictures to make him more attracted to me! (The real Nikka would not even do anything of that sort!) "I" would also dance in front of the webcam lewdly for his delight. (The real Nikka would have thought that to be disgusting!)
What was very odd and spine-tingling was the fact that despite the evil spirit that was in me, "I" still went to church. Except that "my prayers" were not holy. "I" was even going inside the church to "pray" for the Carribean author and "me". "I" wanted "God" to approve of my new life, even if "I" was sinful. Proof that the devil goes even to the holy places. It sacrileges holy ground.
Dong was noticing the changes in my behavior and appearance but did not say anything. But he was getting concerned. He knew that "I" had a chatroom 'friend' but did not know the extent of that relationship...
One time, while "I" was taking a nap and "I" awoke, he confronted me gently.
He asked, "Nikka, this man you are always chatting with, are you in love with him?"
"I" was scared to be found out so "I" lied, "I don't know."
He further asked, "I saw in your computer that you were researching about soul mates. Do you think he is your soul mate?"
"I" said, "Yes." (And then "I" went on explaining to him what twin flames were and how this man and "I" were two parts of the same soul...)
After "I" finished my incredible explanation, Dong was silent and he said, "In that case, I think we should separate."
Still possessed but seemingly coming out of my reverie I cried, "No! We are best friends. Just stay with me as I get this all sorted out."
He said, "Okay, but you have to stop your friendship with him."
"I" was thinking of ways of getting around this order by lying to Dong about stopping "my" relationship with the old man. "I" felt in love with the Carribean author.
But when he sensed my hesitation, he ran to the computer room and threatened to talk to this man "I" was in love with... That was when as if a dam broke....
"I" told Dong EVERYTHING.
(Note: At that time, I did not believe in the devil as an entity. Dong would always lecture me about it. For some reason, I forgot about it during that time. He (the devil) hid himself from me. I believed in the concept of evil but not in the real actual being. I was a devout Catholic, but he succeeded in hiding himself from me for 27 years. That is a ploy of *satan in these present times, actually. For people to not believe in him so he can attack, with them not knowing what hit them.)
First thing Dong did was to contact this perverse man via the internet.
He threatened him, told him to stay away from me, and called on Jesus' Name to make *satan flee from me.
He told me to stop my ties with this Caribbean author and still being possessed, "I" cried my heart out. "I" didn't want to!
But when Dong told me that this man who pledged his undying 'love' for me, did not even fight for 'us' but just told Dong that he would not be a bother anymore, that was when I came slowly back to my senses. He didn't really love "me". He just used "me".
Being "possessed" felt like my spirit was trapped within my body. I could feel things, see things, hear things. I even behaved like a normal person (I had several high-paying jobs at the time) and many activities, but the real "me" was not really there. I felt like a spectator watching my life from the front row. Something or someone was controlling me, but I still had free will. I did not commit anything really bad during that time (due to God's Mercy), but I have no doubt that if Dong did not save me when he did, I would have fled the country, never to be heard of again. I couldn't even imagine what would have happened to me had Dong not intervened when he did. :(
The devil used that perverted man who reminded me so much of my Papa to get to me. That Caribbean author, whom I would not be surprised, if he practiced hypnotism, voodoo or witchcraft, mesmerized me with his evil powers via words. I was enslaved by his honeyed flattering remarks that were nothing but lies to make me fall for him so he could do evil things to me. The devil would not end with that man though. He had a plan for my soul. He wanted to destroy me. The devil knew that though I was depressed most of the time, that I loved God. I was just too broken. And *satan would do anything to make God's Heart grieve. But while Satan thought he was accomplishing his own purposes, what he did not know was that he was actually accomplishing God's Good Purposes.
The series of events that followed after the POSSESSION were all due to God's Mercy and Grace.
God used all the BAD to turn things for GOOD, for His Glory. Nothing was wasted in His Greater Scheme of Things.
Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
After being possessed from November 2003 (Papa's birth month) to January 10, 2004... Dong made a decision that would forever change our lives.
He proposed on January 27, 2004.
... To be continued.
* satan -- I do not capitalize his name. He does not deserve even a capital letter.
P.S. How can a Christian be demon-possessed? Is that even possible? Yes it is. Please read about it here.
