My New Life in the Spirit

The Lord does work in mysterious ways.

For those reading this blog for the first time, I owe you a summary of my life thus far.

I am a Catholic Christian.

I gave up my life to the Lord at the young age of 11, but acted "unsaved" for the most part of my life    (I was anxious, bitter, fearful of the future, controlling, even suicidal...) up till
I really, truly, finally let go and let God on September 1, 2013.

After submitting to our Lord Jesus Christ, I submitted to my earthly authority, my husband, Dong.

It was after this decision to let go of all desires to control him, our marriage, and even my own life, that I also decided to GIVE UP my career.

I have been a broadcaster for 15 years. I reached my summit last 2012, and I am ever grateful to the Lord for the chance to have realized most of my dreams as far as broadcasting was concerned in that fruitful year.

But, when I did reach my dreams, I realized, even at best, it still did not fulfill me.
I still felt empty.

Following a spate of incidents in my life:

•  getting pregnant (by surprise) in the middle of 2012 to our fourth child
• unduly resigning from the TV network I was working for due to problems with higher-ups on my contract
•  selling off the only property left by my deceased parents and encountering so many problems with the sale itself
• a shaking of my (Catholic) faith following some real religious persecution from people of a different faith
•  a very hurtful rift with a close family member
• being tired over-all of being always afraid for the future, etc...

.... I felt extremely vulnerable and broken.

I cried nearly daily.

I engaged in self-pity.

I cried out unto the Lord!!!

Psalm 51:17

"The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.

You will not reject a broken and repentant heart,

O God."

In my brokenness, He called out unto me once more.

And this time, I answered.

I told God, "Lord, I am tired. I cannot go on one day of this any longer. I give you my life. I surrender my ALL. I submit to my husband, o Lord, as I submit unto You. I do not know what will happen in the future, but I trust that You will be with me every step of the way..."

With that, the Lord personalized this next verse for me. He told me....

Isaiah 43:1

 "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. 
I have called you by name, Nikka. You are Mine!"


And I was all His.

December 26, 1975 - September 1, 2013
R.I.P. old Nikka 

This was on September 1, 2013.
This was my R.I.P. day -- the day that I died  (to my self).

* * * * * * *

Before I died to myself though, 
the Lord had to convict me first
of my many, many sins...

• of pride
• of bitterness and resentment
• of unforgiveness
• of envy and jealousy
• of self-righteousness
• of lack of trust in Him
• of lack of faith in Him
• of lack of hope in Him
• of putting things in my hands, and not His
• of vanity 
• of slander and gossip

• etc. etc...

It was humiliating and humbling at the same time!!! I did not know I was much of a sinner. I even thought I was quite spiritual and nice and sweet and kind! Well, that is what I thought, but not what the Lord thought. He could see right through my heart! :(

1 Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

 The Lord saw through my facade, and He saw through me. He looked at my heart and it was so full of myself, that He had no room inside. :(

Oh yes, I gave Him some space alright, but He was not content with being a Resident in the 1/100th part of my heart (which was all the space I could afford to give Him!). He wanted my WHOLE HEART. He wanted my WHOLE SELF.

I was not ready to give it to Him before, because I was so "busy" pursuing my worldly ambitions of being "established", "honored", and "esteemed", in my field. I was so "busy" controlling my life, Dong's life, and our marriage. I was so "busy" cherishing past hurts and sins committed against me. I was so "busy" listening to my sinful flesh, to the world and to the enemy!!!!

I felt like Saint Augustine who famously uttered, "Lord, let me be chaste... but NOT YET!" 
For me though, it was not on matters of chastity but on matters of CAREER.
I knew that my priority should be my home and my family but I always told the Lord,
"Lord, let me be STILL... but NOT YET!!!"

* * * * * * *

36 weeks with 4th baby

The fourth pregnancy (and succeeding childbirth) and the impending series of events I mentioned above made me KEEP STILL, alright. I had not much of a choice, really. It was how the Lord knew He could "corner" me -- by removing every aspect of my life that made me feel "comfortable" and "whole"...                                          

-- my career, my religion, my family ties, my ancestral home -- while being pregnant and then afterwards, recovering from the chidlbirth.

He moved me out of my comfort zones, naked and trembling of humiliation and confusion. Everything was so "abnormal". 

I was so afraid to give birth to our fourth child, to be honest. I had CURSED myself previously, by saying even prior to getting pregnant, that "another pregnancy would be the DEATH of me. I simply would not survive another pregnancy and childbirth"!!! (The third baby was done via lamaze, and it was soooo painful!) That was why when my due date was fast approaching, I was so deathly afraid of fulfilling my "prediction", that I panicked!!!


I prayed so hard and asked for His Forgiveness, and the Lord filled me up with His Spirit. I knew then that I would be able to hurdle another childbirth. I knew that I was going to be okay. And my former decision months before I gave birth to get ligated after the delivery, (because I couldn't bear the thought of another baby) I set aside. My conscience could not take it. I chose to trust in God Who opens and closes wombs, instead. 

I left it to Him to direct the number of children He would bless us with. 

I would not put it in my hands. I put it in His Hands.

Isabelle Veronica - 2 days old -- April 19, 2013

And so I gave birth on April 17, 2013 (our wedding anniversary) to a beautiful baby girl, my namesake (whom my husband Dong named after me because she supposedly looked like me) Isabelle Veronica.

When I shared with Dong just a few days back, that I was so scared to give birth to her because I "cursed" myself by saying it'd be the death of me, he told me: "Maybe it meant that you would die to yourself (without you knowing it). That your old self would die...."

And I said, "Wow! I never thought of it that way! Yes. I am glad I "died", but not physically! :) "

The birth of Isabelle Veronica proved to be more than just a lovely addition to our growing family, but the birth (or rebirth) too of a new me!

A new Veronica!!! :)

1 Timothy 2:15

"But she will be delivered through childbearing, if she continues in faith and love and holiness with self-control." 

_______________________________________________________________________________

This past week has been a continuation of this death of self.

For some Reason that can only be attributed to God, I reconnected with a former School of the Holy Spirit grade school classmate, Beverly Aquias (now Salazar), who in late 2012, wanted me to sing some of her original compositions for her, after she saw in Facebook (back when I was still active in that social network) that I was still into singing, at religious functions, at that. Before that, I have never heard from her, since our high school graduation in 1992.

Singing at an MCGI function - April 2012

Grade 6 Ilang-Ilang section of the School of the Holy Spirit, QC
I am the one in front, 5th from left.
Beverly is the one at the 4th row, 1st from left.

Back then, I was pregnant and in despair over my life, and though I said "Yes, sure, why not?", I was not really ready to give my time or talent just yet. I was too engrossed in the drama of my life to come out of my misery.

Just a month ago, as I was praying, the Lord told me to call her up again, to ask if she still needed my help to sing her original compositions.
To my delight, she said, "Yes Nikka. When could we meet?"

It turns out, she had been praying for a vocalist for quite some time now. She also wanted a singer who had a heart for God, not just one with talent. She wanted someone who will sing her songs for God's Glory, not for the singer's own glory.

And so when I offered my services to her, she said it was an answered prayer! :)

The Lord timed it so, that I was no longer seeking my own glory, but His Greater Glory!
Praise God!!!!

With God's Grace, I am now part of The New Levite Voices, composed of Mika, Bev, James and I (We are still praying for the Lord to give us more God-loving musicians!).  We are part of the Music Ministry of the Christ the King Charismatic Community. I am so honored to be with them because Mika is a child prodigy (sings, plays keyboard, guitar, violin, composes, etc..)  and Bev is a musical whiz too (sings, composes, plays keyboard, guitar, violin, etc...). And me?
Well, I could SING from the  tips of my toes to the top of my lungs !!! :) 

With Mika, Bev and James -- The New Levite Voices :)
Prayer Meeting and Bible Study -- April 24, 2014

As if that was not enough, the Lord further wanted to cement and encourage my own walk with Christ, by making me attend the Catholic Life in the Spirit Seminar that was sponsored by the same community. I thought I would just be singing, but it turned out, I became a participant too of the said LSS. I was able to participate in a similar Life in the Spirit Seminar, when I was a college student in the Ateneo, as a member of Christ's Youth in Action. But as an adult, this was my first, after nearly two decades...

In a gist, the topics discussed were on:

Seminar 1:        God’s Love 
Seminar 2:        Salvation

Seminar 3:        The New Life

Seminar 4:        Receiving God’s Gift

Seminar 5:        Praying for Baptism in the Holy Spirit

Seminar 6:        Growth

Seminar 7:        Transformation in Christ

* * * * *

Since I had already started my transformation last year, in September, the said LSS only further confirmed what God wanted for me -- 
which was to serve Him... fully. 

I have accepted His Call to make my home, my ministry and to spread His Design for Marriage to all, via this blog and via my Titus 2 mentoring to wives who ask for my help and prayers. But, He wanted me to go a step further by using my God-given voice to sing for Him, via the music ministry!!!

During the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, the Lord showed to me in a "vision" (my eyes were closed), that He was thirsting for Love and that so many have turned away from Him. (The "vision" was an extreme darkness/blackness and I felt in my heart an unexplainable heart-wrenching sadness.) This was when I started crying my heart out and asking for His Mercy for those who did not know Him, did not seek Him and did not love Him. :(

Catholic Life in the Spirit Seminar - April 27, 2014

If I had died to myself on September 1, 2013...
 On April 27, 2014, I was "officially" reborn! :)

My own walk with Christ, and my new 
life in the Spirit is just beginning!:)

With the organizers, the participants and the music ministry

I do not know what the future holds, but I know that our Sovereign God is already in the future. 

He is the Alpha and the Omega.

 He holds my future in His Hands. All I need to do is trust in Him and witness to the Spirit moving in my life, especially in my trials and tribulations. All my burdens and sufferings will be used by God to conform me to Christ and to manifest Himself in my situations!

Jesus already paid for my sins. I no longer have any debts to God! Jesus paid for it with His own Life and Death on the Cross. All I need to do is to continue to accept this gift of salvation by choosing Him and His Love every single day, and renouncing satan and evil every single day too.

Old Nikka -2011

The old Nikka is dead! Good riddance!

New Nikka with my daughter Therese - 2013

The new Veronica is alive!!! :) 

With God's Grace and Mercy, He has filled me up with His Spirit!  

I thank you Father God for loving me; for giving me Your Son, Jesus, to save me; and for making my walk with Christ wonderful because of Your Holy Spirit, Who is bearing much fruit in my life. 

Flanked by Mika and Bev and the CLSS participants

Aaahh..... the joy and peace from being with the Lord is out of this world. :)

My prayer is for all of you who have not yet given their lives up to God to do so...

 before it is too late. :(

Matthew 24:36

"But of that day and hour no one knows,

not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son,

but the Father alone."

May we all be richly blessed!!! :)

Part 3: Salvation and Redemption : Coming Full Circle -- My Demonic Possession (The Untold Story - 3 Parts)

Saved by his love and God's Mercy -April 17, 2004

(Editor's Note:  Part 1: Depression and Oppression 
                           Part 2: The Possession 
                         The blog post you are reading is already Part 3: Salvation and Redemption)


Just a short re-run:

• Papa and I had a grave misunderstanding around August of 2003.
• I left home and found my own place that same month.
• I was still very prayerful till October of 2003 even attending daily mass.
• By November, Papa's lack of attention or concern towards me caused me extreme depression.
• My depression led to an extreme oppression by the evil one. 
• That oppression led to my possession, some time in November after my Papa's birthday.
• Dong saved me from fleeing to a foreign land to be somebody's sex slave in January 2004.

The series of events are what transpired after Dong realized that he was fighting more than just a human being. It was spiritual warfare. He was a very religious person and he knew that we were up against the devil, who used that pervert to get to me.

The first thing Dong did was to tell that old Carribean author to stay away from me.

The night that he found out that I was possessed, he did not leave my side. He slept beside me to watch over me. When he awoke, he told me he had very bad dreams filled with many demons. Because of that, he told me that I should leave the apartment immediately, never to come back.

At that time, Papa and I were still not in speaking terms, so Dong did what he thought was best. He

made me stay in their house where he still lived with his elderly parents and adult brothers. (In the Philippines, unmarried children still live with their family until such time that they get married.)

"I" was dazed during this whole period and "I" would give him these crazy, evil, sometimes lustful looks. Every time "I" would do that, he would place one palm at the back of my head and pray over me. He would also say aloud, "In the Name of Jesus, get out *satan!" till my eyes looked normal again.

 Mommy Letty's 76th bday. She is a living saint.

His mother, Mommy Letty is one of the most saintly people you would ever have a chance to meet. Dong told her about what had happened to me and she believed immediately. That same night when they took me in, we prayed the rosary. She led the prayers and also took out her Bible.We recited Psalm 91 and St. Michael's prayer over dark forces.

Dong started looking for a priest who could exorcise me. There were not much priests with that gift, so we went from church to church until we ended up in Dela Strada Parish in Quezon City. They were to have a "healing mass" that Friday. We decided to attend that particular mass.

After the mass, the priest asked those who needed healing to come forward. There were many sick people, but I was spiritually sick so I too came forward. Even Dong did so. Dong told him about what had happened to me, so the priest said some extra prayers for me. When he prayed over me and blessed me with Holy Water, whatever evil entity that was residing in my body, left me. I felt as though I was floating. My feet were on the ground but I felt so light. I also felt much peace.

Days passed by quickly and Dong would continue to accompany me to church to hear daily mass. We would take in daily communion and I would confess to a priest daily too. I prayed for repentance and deliverance from my sins. At this time too, I was still not talking to Papa. I didn't want to tell him what had happened. He might not believe it and even if he did, I was afraid he would be too heartbroken at what had happened to me. I too could not talk about it without somehow pointing an accusing finger at him seemingly to say:  "See! Look at what you have done!"

So, I opted to delay going to Papa till I was really spiritually and physically well.

One day while at church just before Holy Communion while everyone was standing, Dong out of the blue, held my right hand and went down on one knee. He proposed to me. People were staring! He asked, "Nikka, will you marry me?" I was so surprised by his proposition because we were together for seven years already by that time and I was wondering if our relationship would ever level up. But with much joy in my heart, I said, "Yes." He had no ring to give because it was a spur-of-the-moment, now-or-never thing for Dong so he just gave me his scapular instead.

We got married where I was healed. - Dela Strada Parish

That was on January 27, 2004. :) We got married April 17, 2004. People thought it to be too hasty that they even asked if it was because Dong had gotten me pregnant! If they only knew.. Well, they would know now. :) The truth is out.

He later on told me that he battled with himself if he should take the leap of faith and ask that we get married. He had so many fears. Fears of not being a good provider like Papa was. Fears of not being equipped to start his own family. But over that fear, was his deep love for me. After what happened, he told God that he could not let me go ever again. He wanted to protect me. He wanted to be there for me all the time. The only way that could happen was if he married me.

                                                                             1 John 4:18 
                                         "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."

A week after that, he sent Papa a letter asking if he could ask for his daughter's hand in marriage. He had to edit it five times because the first letter was so full of anger over what had happened to me, that he sounded very accusatory in it. He wrote again and again, and after humbling himself before God, came up with a letter that was respectful and loving.

When we went to the house on the date that Papa said was okay, I felt so ashamed. But, I just went to my Papa and told him in tears, "Papa, will you forgive me? Papa, do you love me?" He said, choking on emotions too, " I love you and your sister."  We embraced, and he and Dong talked about the wedding plans. (Note: I never told Papa even till the day he died about my demonic possession. I just kept it to myself.)

There are many things to be learned from the whole experience. I could have opted not to share about this to virtual strangers in the world wide web, but I know that God wants me to talk about it for the first time in public, for the benefit of those who may find themselves in the same situation as I was. As I've said, I have always known I would one day bear witness to my demonic possession but it's only now that I felt led by the Spirit to do so...

LESSONS

1. "Honor your father and mother." -  Exodus 20:12 and "Children, obey your parents for this is the right thing to do."  - Ephesians 6:1

My rebellion towards Papa was disrespectful to him. No matter what his faults and failures were, he did not deserve how I treated him. By disrespecting my father, I too disrespected God. By going against Papa, I went against God. By leaving our home, I lost his protection over me, especially since I was unmarried yet at that time.

2. "God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble."  - James 4:6

If Dong and I went to Papa, haughty and proud, not only would we not have reconciled, we also would have been opposed by God. All our plans would not have been blessed, including our marital union. But, by humbling ourselves before Papa and before God, the Lord looked kindly on us and gave us His Grace and Mercy.

3. "And my people who are called by My Name humble themselves and pray, and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."    -  2 Chronicles 7:1

The Lord healed my spirit. He removed the evil spirit that resided in me for a month or so. He forgave me for my sins when I humbled myself before Him and before Papa.

And finally...

4. "When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies be at peace with him."    - Proverbs 16:7





The reason this 3-part post is entitled "Coming Full Circle" is because my life has indeed come full circle.

Coming full circle means "to return to the same situation or attitude you originally had."

         I am back to where the Lord first found me 10 years ago.

- In 2003, I got possessed by a demon, repented of my sins and felt a peace like no other. 

In 2013, I got tired of my worldly pursuits and selfishness, repented of my sins and felt a peace that only Christ could give.

Family House - Full of Grief 2003

- In 2003, I left the family house because I found it to be full of anger and sadness.

New Home, New Life - Nov 2013

In 2013, we left the family house for good, because were able to sell it. :) We have been trying so hard to sell it since Papa died in order to start a new life. And guess who was able to help us sell it? Our broker was my Papa's ex-girlfriend, the one whom I had a rift with in the past! My former "enemy" is now my really good friend. :) (Note: She is an ex-girlfriend because they broke up a month before Papa died.)

- In 2004, I was my holiest self. I was modest in my apparel, joyful in my disposition, at peace with myself and with the world having been cleansed of my sins early that year after my possession.

In 2014, I am my most blessed self. I enjoy modesty in dressing, am cheerful in disposition and at peace with myself, with the world and with God.

- In 2004, I trusted in God  and had confidence in my husband.

In 2014, I now have let go and let God completely and I trust that God is leading and will be leading me through my loving husband Dong, as long as we both shall live.

Fulfilling my role as Dong's helpmeet will be my road to salvation. In following Christ, rejecting *satan, and dying to myself every day of my life, will be my redemption.

                               I have come full circle.

This time around, my enemy was not the devil but my sinful flesh. 

My victory now is not over a demon but over my egoistic self. 

What God had begun in me then, He is completing now.

I pray with all my heart and soul, that with my constant dying to self every day, I will never again go astray. I am carefully guarding my heart and my spirit now so that neither this sinful flesh nor the evil devil could get to my soul. It is so easy to forget the lessons of the past, as I have proven in my life...

It is with the constant carrying of our crosses daily and a constant dying to self that we are able to experience true peace. It is in letting God rule our lives that we become truly free.

Lord, as it was then, so it is now. Use me for Your Greater Glory. May my mistakes and sins, no matter how shameful they are when divulged to the world, be used by You to open up other people's eyes.

In ending, I will share with you my lone entry from after the possession dated :

         February 9, 2004

After the horrible possession by the evil devil, I am now given by God a new lease at life. I know what hell is -- it seems 'beautiful' -- all about the self, an inflated ego, a "full" sense of self. Everything revolves around you. Nobody is spared when the ego gets hurt.

 And I know what heaven is. It is goodness and kindness and mercy and love. All coming from God. God has saved me. This time, not only from myself, but from the snares of the devil as well. Knowing now who my enemy is, I've been able to detect sin and cringe as it touches even however slightly my soul, This is the Lord's Grace. No merits of my own.

I am a sinner. No better than Mary Magdalene. And yet, God chose me. To bear witness to His saving Mercy and Love. I've been saved from the sinister and cunning ploys of the Evil One.God has forgiven me. It took an otherwise supernatural and 'crazy' awakening to snap me out of my misery that has been cause by the devil since Day 1.

Praise be to God Whose Ways are mysterious! Praise and Glory be to Him Whose Mercy is boundless and Whose Love is unparalleled!

If the devil succeeded in 2003, I would not have these angels now. Praise be to God for saving me. I now give Him my all. The Alejar Family :) - 2013

                                           2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

May we all be richly blessed! :)


* satan -- I do not capitalize his name. He doesn't deserve even a capital letter.