Transitioning

Through The Years - 1996 to 2012

Transitioning.

According to The Free Dictionary: It is "the period of time during which something changes from one state or stage to another".

I am changing. I am transforming. I am metamorphosing.

It is awkward. It is beautiful. It is difficult. It is liberating. It is painful. It is freeing.

2002 - 2012

It is a mixture of all emotions and it is not without a great deal of effort that I am transitioning from "controlling woman" to "peaceful wife."

There are days when I feel so tight and wound up inside. When I seemingly want to get ahead of myself, of my husband, and God again.

There are days when I feel like want to "lead" again so that developments will be faster, since I know I am quite efficient in most things.

There are days when I feel a bit fearful of what still lies ahead.

But, those days are only few and far in-between, thank God.

On most days, I am happy simply being still.

On most days, I just revel in the quietude of my spirit.

On most days, I just bask in the peace that I have been experiencing since September 2013, after letting go and letting God reign.

Documenting my 4th pregnancy -- 2012-2013

They say that the only thing that is permanent in life is CHANGE.

Nothing and nobody can stay the same. 

People change.

Careers change.

Feelings change.

Lives change.

Seasons change.

                                                            Ecclesiastes 3:1-22 (part)

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; "

December 2013

In this season of my life, since the start of my respect journey (to God and to my husband), there are still many things I do not know. But, one thing  I do know is that I NEVER want to go back to my former prideful, controlling, dominant self ever again. That phase was exhausting! My spirit was restless.There was simply no peace.

As I transition from career woman to stay-at-home mom and/or housewife; from employee to businesswoman; from controlling to submissive; from home leader to my husband's helper; from restless to peaceful... I take comfort knowing that in the many changing seasons of my life, God is CONSTANT.


                                                                                   


                                                           Hebrews 13:8

            "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

And this new and renewed spirit brought about by my submission to God and to my husband, is the PERFECT GIFT for this season in my life. Him Who never changes, has CHANGED me, and I am forever grateful to Him for it. :) All praises go to Him Alone!

First Family Picture as a Family of 6 - Mothers' Day 2013

                                                 James 1:17

17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

May we all be richly blessed! :)

The Oscar Love Curse - Is It The Same As Eve's Curse?

Why is that when they get 'Oscar', they lose their husbands?

Let's go showbiz. Hollywood-style :)

Do you know that there is such a thing as the OSCAR LOVE CURSE? Based on Wikipedia's definition, the Oscar Love Curse "is a superstition that the woman who wins the Academy Award for Best Actress, will have her boyfriend or husband cheat on her or divorce her soon after. It has also been applied to the Best Supporting Actress."

Reese Witherspoon with Ryan Philippe

Some examples:

Reese Witherspoon, who won the award for 'Walk the Line' in 2006, divorced Ryan Philippe after
more than seven years of marriage, a year after she won the Oscar. Witherspoon filed for divorce from her husband on November 8, 2006, citing "irreconcilable differences" as the cause.

Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe

Hilary Swank won the Oscar in both 2000 and 2005 for her performances in "Boys Don't Cry" and "Million Dollar Baby," respectively. She was able to duck the divorce 'curse' the first time around but did not survive it in her second. During her 2005 acceptance speech, the first person Swank thanked was her husband of nine years, Chad Lowe. Less than a year later, they separated. 

According to Mail Online, female winners of the coveted prize are 63% more likely to have a shorter marriage than those who don't win the famous award.

Kate Winslet with Sam Mendes

In 2009, it was Kate Winslet who won the Academy Award for 'The Reader' and despite appearing very close to her husband, English stage and film director Sam Mendes during that time, they got divorced a year after.

Sanda Bullock with Jesse James

The last casualty of this 'curse' was Sandra Bullock. Just days after winning her Oscar for 'The Blind Side' on 2010, her marriage to Jesse James was dissolved due to his alleged cheating.





 


"Of the 266 married women who have been nominated for the Best Actress award from the beginning of the modern Oscars in 1936 to the present, 159 of them got divorced, or 60 per cent.
Winners of the gong are 1.68 times more likely to head to the divorce court than losers. " - Mail Online

Halle Berry was the first black woman to win an Oscar - 'Monster's Ball, 2002. Shown here with singer-songwriter, ex-hubby Eric Benet. They separated three years after she won the Oscar.

From Mail Online 's article early this year, researcher Tiziana Casciaro from the University of Toronto said that the sudden elevation in fame could play a part in the increased divorce rate. 

"Winning an Oscar can be construed as a big jump in professional status that an actress has in their world and in the eyes of the broader audience,' said Casciaro. The general social norm, kind of requires a man to have higher professional and economic status over the wife. So whenever that social norm is violated, both husband and wife may feel discomfort..."

Shockingly, studies have shown that there is virtually no change in the status of married men.Their marriages are NOT threatened.

Tom Hanks has been nominated 5 times and has won TWO Oscars. With him in picture is his wife Rita Wilson. Incidentally, they are celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary as I write this blog post. He said in The Ellen de Generes Show that, "I'm not one to suck up to the audience, but the only thing we ever argue about is who loves each other more…" 

Aaaaaaw, how sweet!!! Don't you just find Tom and Rita so cute? :)

Lest you think you are in a showbiz blog, let me connect that with the content of our PeacefulwifePhilippines blog now...

- Marriages of men who have won the Oscar are NOT THREATENED by the elevation of their career or social status.

- Marriages of women who have won the coveted award ARE THREATENED BIG-TIME and more than half of their marriages ended up in DIVORCE.

As I was starting on my submissive journey in August of this year (2013), I bookmarked the list of actresses whose marriages ended in bitter divorce disputes after they won the Academy Awards Best Actress/Supporting Actress trophies. I said to myself, "Something is in here that cannot be attributed to a mere coincidence or superstitious belief." American showbiz writers call it the "Oscar love curse". I think it is still Eve's Curse leveled up and repackaged in the modern times.

Genesis 3:16

¹⁶ To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
    in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.”

Henesis

3:16 Sinabi niya sa babae, Pararamihin kong lubha ang iyong kalumbayan at ang iyong paglilihi; manganganak kang may kahirapan; at sa iyong asawa ay pahihinuhod ang iyong kalooban, at siya'y papapanginoon sa iyo.

(Italics are mine.)

I have four children delivered normally each time, so I know by experience that childbirth IS PAINFUL. I will expound on that curse in future posts but for now, in line with the 'Oscar Curse', I want to focus on the second curse that I italicized: "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.”This verse causes some confusion in that, desiring one's husband is not necessarily a bad thing or a curse, right?

Super pregnant with our second child, Andre - 2007

Not to go into semantics for I am neither a Bible scholar nor a learned Bible reader, (I am Catholic and I've only started reading His Word daily at the start of my submissive journey, give or take 3 months, and I am enamored by the wealth of wisdom in its pages! Just to add, Catholics ARE Christians. We just don't read the Bible as much. Fellow Catholic wives, you are missing a lot!!!) so I will just quote what the site, Got Questions (on the Bible) answered regarding this particular question:

        How is a woman's desire for her husband a CURSE? 

A Man Who Wears PINK they say is confident in his sexuality. ;)

"  The Hebrew phrase in question does not include a verb and is literally translated “toward your husband your desire.” Since this judgment is predictive, the future tense verb “will be” is added for clarity: “Your desire will be for your husband.” The most basic and straightforward understanding of this verse is that woman and man would now have ongoing conflict. In contrast to the ideal conditions in the Garden of Eden and the harmony between Adam and Eve, their relationship, from that point on, would include a power struggle. The NLT translation makes it more evident: “You will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

God is saying that Eve would desire to rule over her husband, but her husband would instead rule over her. Replacing the mutually interdependent relationship the Lord had created was a desire for one spouse to lead the other. Sin had wrought discord. The battle of the sexes had begun. Both man and woman would now seek the upper hand in marriage. The man who was to lovingly care for and nurture his wife would now seek to rule her, and the wife would desire to wrest control from her husband.

It is important to note that this judgment only states what will take place. God says that man and woman will live in conflict and their relationship will become problematic. The statement “he shall rule over you” is not a biblical command for men to dominate women. "

                                                                              * * *

Because of SIN, the Battle of the Sexes had begun!!! Adam vs Eve!

Adam is the FIRST Ander de Saya in history!!! Eve is the first Kumander! (For non-Filipinos, please click on the meaning of Ander de Saya here and here.

A Wedding Cake Topper - Yikes!

Going back to the 'Oscar curse'... It is becoming clearer that the Oscar Love Curse and Eve's Curse are one and the same, or at least shades of the same CURSE. Women want to topple the man's leadership/authority. Ayaw patalo. Mas magaling kami! (Women don't want to be dominated. We are better than men!) There is nothing intrinsically wrong in being more talented or even more successful in terms of career (although this poses problems too but nothing God cannot handle), but in marriage, ladies, we should know where we stand. Dapat alam nating lumugar...

Genesis 2:20-22 part:

²⁰ ...But for Adam no suitable helper was found. ²¹ So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

 Henesis 2:20-22 bahagi:

2:20 ... datapuwa't sa lalake ay walang nasumpungang maging katulong niya.
2:21 At hinulugan ng Panginoong Dios ng di kawasang himbing ang lalake, at siya'y natulog: at kinuha ang isa sa kaniyang mga tadyang at pinapaghilom ang laman sa dakong yaon:
2:22 At ang tadyang na kinuha ng Panginoong Dios sa lalake ay ginawang isang babae, at ito'y dinala niya sa lalake.

No matter what we say, fellow sisters in this journey... no matter how much we refuse to accept it, it is written in the Old Testament that we, beautiful sisters in Christ, were made for men, to be their suitable companions, and not the other way around.

To reiterate on this important precept, in the New Testament it is written:

1 Corinthians 11:8-9

⁸ For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; ⁹ neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

1 Corinto 11:8-9

11:8 Sapagka't ang lalake ay hindi sa babae; kundi ang babae ay sa lalake:
11:9 Sapagka't hindi nilalang ang lalake dahil sa babae; kundi ang babae dahil sa lalake; 

I don't claim to be privy to the Hollywood stars' innermost secrets especially when it comes to their relationships with their husbands, and I am in no position to judge their lives (only God knows their hearts!), but just basing it on the fallen nature of man and woman, the power struggle in the Garden of Eden then, seems to be the same power struggle that all modern women are still facing now  -- not only in Hollywood, but also to every ordinary and obscure married couple on earth. We are all daughters of Eve. :(

Oblivious to the 'Oscar Curse', Oscar Best Actress winner in 1997 for 'Shakespeare in Love', actress Gwyneth Paltrow with husband Coldplay Front Man Chris Martin admits her best decision in her life so far, is: "To marry my husband." Chris for his part, admitted that marrying her was like "winning the lottery."

Famous or not famous, rich or poor, beautiful or plain, knowing where we are in God's Greater Scheme of Things, will make our marriages survive the highest peaks and the lowest valleys. Instead of being like Eve, may we imitate Sarah of the Bible:

1 Peter 3:5-6

5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

1 Pedro 3:5-6

3:5 Sapagka't nang unang panahon, ay ganito naman nagsigayak ang mga babaing banal na nagsiasa sa Dios, na pasakop sa kanikaniyang asawa;
3:6 Na gaya ni Sara na tumalima kay Abraham, na kaniyang tinawag na panginoon: na kayo ang mga anak niya ngayon, kung nagsisigawa kayo ng mabuti, at di kayo nangatatakot sa anomang kasindakan. 

Okay, maybe we don't need to call dear hubby MASTER (Sardines or Showman? Inside Joke for Filipinas. :) Kidding aside, it could get pretty awkward!), but let us encourage and empower our husband's leadership by the beautiful gift of SUBMISSION. That way, the Oscar Love Curse or Eve's Curse will no longer hold its "dark spell" on any of us.

May we all be richly blessed! :) 

P.S. As of April 2014, Gwyneth and husband Chris Martin are already divorced or in their euphemistic term, "uncoupled."  The "Curse" continues?
 

---

The Dominant Wife-Passive Husband Combo -- A Perfect Recipe for Disaster

This is my profile pic as the PeacefulwifePhilippines. It captures my (ex) dominant personality and my husband's passive personality. Although at the time of this pictorial with Brown Sugar Photography, I was already a surrendered wife. :) I think Dong was just acting here. Emote! Hehe.

Dominant Wife. Type A. Go-getter. Obsessive. Compulsive. Overachiever.

Passive Husband. Type B. Laid-back. Relaxed. Cool.Usually an underachiever.

This is NOT a good recipe for marriage.

Well, guess what?! 

That was OUR recipe. It was our recipe for the longest time, even as boyfriend-girlfriend from 1997 to 2004. It still was OUR recipe from 2004 to some parts of 2011 and 2012 as a married couple. And, It was only in 2013 that I threw away that recipe, burned it, and came up with a new one! It sure was YUCKY! I don't know why I kept it for so long! :P

Note the non verbal gesture, seemingly denoting I was "in charge". At that time, I was my at my worst "controlling behavior." - 2010

You see,  I am a homebaker. I know and breathe in recipes. Some recipes just make you very unhappy. Too much salt, too little sugar, too much of this, too little of that. However, after tweaking a recipe and baking it again and again, one will be able to wonderfully come up with the PERFECT mixture of ingredients! Everything is just right! It's delicious and a delight to eat!

Cheesecakes are my specialty! :)

 

Customized Cupcakes with Marshmallow Fondant toppers

Mini cakes by Veronica's Kitchen! (Wait for our website!:)

Revel Bars are a favorite among family, friends and clients. :)

Well, in a Dominant Wife-Passive Husband scenario,  

THE WIFE has:

TOO MUCH

• control
• leading
• deciding
• nagging

and THE HUSBAND has:

TOO LITTLE

• control
• leading
• deciding
• say in their life decisions

Suffice to say, there will be TOO MUCH:

• anger and resentment in both parties ("My husband is so demotivated! If I don't lead, nothing will happen!" or "My wife is too overbearing! If I say anything, she will just shout at me/grumble/force her way, so I would just rather shut up and make her have her way to keep the 'peace'.")
• disorder from having muddled or interchanged roles
• shame from both parties (the wife feels so unfeminine and the husband feels so emasculated) 

There will also be TOO LITTLE

• joy and peace (The couple can fake it but they themselves feel very unhappy and discontented with the setup.)
• God-inspired order (Roles are interchanged. Wife feels too tired from having to wear both the pants and the skirt in the relationship. Husband feels very depressed from having to wear no pants at all! Figuratively of course.)
• fulfillment from having done one's true role in the marriage (The husband is intended to be the leader, the wife is the follower.)

How come I became that DOMINANT and Dong became that PASSIVE?

 

Me and my younger sis, Erica - 2001

I was :

 

- the elder of two siblings/panganay 

- innately driven (I knew what I wanted to be at a very young age and strove for it and achieved it!)

Mama and Papa on their wedding day, visiting Lola's grave -1975

- was innately ambitious

- had extremely motivated, career-oriented parents as role models - was orphaned early (Mama died when I was 17; Papa died when I was 32, so I have always felt that I should seize the day or live life to the fullest, because people die!!! People DIE!!!!!!)

Kuya Toby, Kuya Egoy, Kuya Gino, Kuya Pochie, Kuya Jojo, Dong

Dong was:

- the youngest of 6 boys/bunso
- laid-back and relaxed
- had simple dreams and goals
- had less career-motivated/more family-oriented parents 

Alejars at Fontana (incomplete though) - wacky most of the time! :) - 2010

- still has both parents alive  (nearing their 80's, my husband is in his mid-40's)

 
Do you know that in such a setup, the passive husband will NEVER rise up to the challenge of leading? And I mean NEVER?!

 
Here is an excerpt from April Cassidy, the Peacefulwife's blog post on Dominant Wife-Passive Husband: The Passive Husband's Take :

"Reverend Harold Weaver taught a class called “7 Basic Needs of a Wife, 7 Basic Needs of a Husband” on Sunday nights at First Baptist Church, Columbia this spring. We LOVED this class! Mr. Weaver has his theology straight and explains God’s design for marriage so well.

During the class, he mentioned that in all of his years of ministry, whenever he sees a dominant wife marry a passive husband, the husband NEVER rises up and takes authority from his wife and begins leading. Not once. 

As a former dominant wife myself, I think this is a pretty important piece of information. And I love Rev. Weaver’s advice. He said that a dominant wife must use her leadership gifts to empower and encourage her husband’s leadership. He said it is very difficult for a passive husband to learn to lead. And he said it is very difficult for a dominant wife to learn to give up leading. BUT IT CAN BE DONE! I am proof of that!!!

 But the inverted relationship will NOT be made right until the WIFE yields the leadership and control. She must make the first move. And she must foster her husband’s learning and leadership gently with plenty of praise and admiration. The more she respects him, the more confidence he will gain and the better leader he will be!"

Powerful stuff, huh?

I was convicted by this blog post, along with so many others of  April.

No wonder then that Dong was having difficulty finding his purpose or his place under the sun. He was as passive as passive goes, and I was as dominant as dominant goes. He couldn't fulfill his goals or even realize what he wanted to do with his life with my constant NOISE -- whether physical, mental, emotional, psychological or spiritual. I had to step aside. I was getting in the way -- in his way and even God's Way!

I remember one emotional conversation we had when he told me that:

"I don't know what my role is anymore in this family. It seems that you can do it all by yourself. I am not needed here. I could leave you and the kids so you can find somebody more worthy of your love, because I feel like a failure, but I love you and I love the kids. What will happen to them when I go?"

 Heartbreaking. And yet, at that time, I was thinking. "It's so easy! All you have to do is to motivate yourself, find your passion, or find a job you love or whatever, and give your 100 percent best, and give it all you've got, and success will be yours!!!!!!" Well, to me, that made perfect sense. I was used to going after MY dreams. I sounded like a life coach. I thought I was being a great cheerleader to him! Not. He was a simple guy, with simple dreams and I could not understand that then. I think a part of me just refused to understand that at the time. So many sins of pride from my part! So unattractive!

When the Lord opened my eyes and the scales of disrespect fell from them, I saw myself for who I truly was: arrogant, selfish, worried, fearful of the future, lacking in faith in my husband and God, putting things in my hands, bitter, resentful, etc. etc... I just had to STOP, RETREAT and REPENT.

I couldn't talk for days. I was SHOCKED by the level of my sins.

My eyelids, eyelashes, and hair got burned by an oven accident in 2011. I am grateful it didn't ruin my face. :( 

                                                                                                     Now, in 2013, I feel lit up from within because of this submissive journey. My spirit is all aglow! (And I am not wearing false eyelashes anymore! They have grown back. Yay!)

When I did find the strength to talk to Dong, I apologized for my behavior and told him that:

• I was so so so sorry for hurting his feelings. 
• I was just so clueless! I thought I was actually being so nice to him by being so driven and contributing to the family income.
• I did not want to lead the family anymore. I was turning over the reins.
• I am getting out of my way, his way and God's Way.
• I wanted him to lead me and our family to where God wants us to go.
• I loved him and that my gift to him was my submission to him.

 

That is the REASON for this BLOG.

 

Dong saw through my heart and my real desire to change, and told me one time:

 

"I want you to blog about your journey. Write your own version of the Peacefulwife’s blog for the Philippines. Our country is in dire need of role models to follow. I am sick and tired too of hearing about husbands and fathers saying that the worst thing that can happen to a man is to get married and have kids. Why do most men feel that way? Shouldn’t we feel happy that we got married and have children? "
 

Wow. Just wow.

And he even said,

“I am enjoying this, whatever it is you are doing. I am reaping all its benefits. I wish for more married couples to experience this.”

God. Is. Amazing.

In future blog posts, I will be sharing just how my gift of submission has awakened my passive husband's leadership qualities and how he is slowly but surely becoming the man God wants him to be. 

We are one in Breadmaking. Let's go make some bread! :)

I have already fulfilled my dreams. :) It is time to support his. Whatever happens, I am 100% with him every.step.of.the.way.

My prayer, like my husband's prayer, is for more couples to experience what we are experiencing. This is totally a God Thing, not a Nikka or Dong thing.

Only God can convict hearts and it is only He Who could change us. I am deeply humbled that God patiently waited for me and for my change of heart all this time. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that all that had happened to me and to us in the past and not so recent past, would be used by God to awaken other married couples' eyes, so that they too can experience what true peace is. The kind the world could not give, but only Christ could give.

Isaiah 54:13
And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

 Isaias 54:13

At lahat mong anak ay tuturuan ng Panginoon; at magiging malaki ang kapayapaan ng iyong mga anak.

May we all be richly blessed!!! :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shouldn't Respect Be Earned? And What If I Am In An Abusive Marriage? Rerespetuhin Ko Pa Rin Siya?!

Taken by our son, Andre while Daddy was being playful hehe

"My husband doesn't DESERVE my respect because he is NOT respectable!" "Respect should be earned, not forced, and that applies to husbands as well!!!"

I can almost hear this being said (with anger/disbelief) by an unloved wife while reading my blog posts on the site.

Well, don't fret, I do agree with you! :)

To a greater extent, YES, respect has to be earned. Especially in the workplace or any area outside of the homefront.

But, when it comes to our husbands, we are commanded to RESPECT them whether they deserve it or not. They may even need it most, when they DO NOT deserve our respect.

We may not like the fact that God commands us to respect our husbands and to follow their leadership (Ephesians 5:22-33), but that is how marriage works – it is God’s Grand Design.

Remember too that timing is everything.

If you already felt that during the courtship and dating period, your man was NOT RESPECTABLE o karespe-respeto, it would have been ideal to have gotten out of the relationship then. After all, you are not bound to each other yet. (Thing is with us women, we get into marriage hoping to change our men. An exercise of frustration and futility, but that is meant for another post!;)

HOWEVER...


When you already have married your man, by the power of the Law and by God's Commandment for husbands and wives, you are no longer separate individuals, but ONE single unit. 

Genesis 2:24

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Genesis
2:24 Kaya't iiwan ng lalake ang kaniyang ama at ang kaniyang ina, at makikipisan sa kaniyang asawa: at sila'y magiging isang laman.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record o sirang plaka, after we get married, we wives are expected to unconditionally, unequivocally, no-holds-barred...

RESPECT our husbands.

It is written in Ephesians 5:33 that a husband should:

 “... so love his own wife as himself"

and a wife should see to it that she

"... respects her husband.”

SIMPLE RULE to follow.

So darn hard to do!

What if babaero na siya, basagulero pa, tambay sa tindahan na wala pang pang-itaas, walang trabaho, ang taba na at panget pa, etc etc... does he deserve my respect???!

The truth?

Yes. 

Sorry ladies. The truth hurts.

Here is a link on Peaceful Wife April Cassidy's blog on the topic: He doesn't DESERVE my respect.   http://peacefulwife.com/2013/11/21/he-doesnt-deserve-my-respect/

Some important points April raised are that:

• Our disrespect and control make it very difficult for our husbands to hear and obey the voice of God themselves. (I Peter 3:1-6)  Then our husbands are focused on our voice and our sin instead of God’s voice.
• Our respect for our husbands and our willingness to honor their leadership are necessary for a healthy marriage according to God’s wisdom and His design. (Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:3-5, I Corinthians 11:3, I Peter 3:1-6)
• Our respect for our husbands and biblical submission to them (unless they ask us to clearly sin) demonstrates to our children and the world what our relationship with Christ should look like, it is a witness for the gospel of Christ.
• Our disrespect of our husbands and our usurping their control maligns the gospel of Christ (Titus 2:5).
  

I am addressing wives here who are married to imperfect men but are otherwise "normal" in that the husbands are simply:

• unable to lead
• passive
• detached
• not showy of feelings
• demotivated

However, those who are "very abnormal" or even engaged in "evil behavior" are not covered by these precepts. Dear precious sister in Christ, when you are being abused and used, that is considered a SERIOUS MARITAL PROBLEM. You would need professional help and intervention. We are also called to NOT RESPECT the sin! However, we must learn to DETEST the SIN but LOVE the SINNER.

What I view as "abnormal behavior" is when your husband is a/an:

• alcoholic
• drug addict
• sex pervert
• killer
• psychotic/sociopath

...then this blog or its resources may only help in a limited way. You would need outside and professional help to correct your husband and his erroneous behavior.

BUT even then, it would help greatly if we as wives maintain a gentle and quiet spirit that cares deeply for the spiritual being trapped within that sinful physical body.

Here's a link on how to handle a marriage with SERIOUS problems such as abuse: http://peacefulwife.com/for-abused-wives/

My prayer is that wives may be instrumental to the saving of the souls of their husbands in serious sin, while at the same time, not sinning themselves by maintaining a quiet and gentle spirit that is non-judgmental and compassionate towards their life partners in this short journey called life.

Poor Dong, he will inflate that all by himself!!

Galatians 6:1 

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Galatians 6:1 

Mga kapatid, kung ang sinoman ay masumpungan sa anomang pagsuway, kayong mga sa espiritu, ay inyong papanumbalikin ang gayon sa espiritu ng kahinhinan; na iyong pagwariin ang iyong sarili, baka ikaw naman ay matukso. 

Another prayer would be that wives with otherwise kind and loving (but clueless) husbands, find it in themselves to change their spirits first -- from nagging and controlling, to trusting and submissive -- so that God will be glorified. Changed women help God change husbands! This is a totally God Thing, of course! We are just instruments in that change, if it happens, when it happens, when God wills for it to happen. :) 

May we all be richly blessed! :)

How I Became Peacefulwife Philippines

The Alejars - August 2013

Hello Fellow Wives!

I am Veronica Alejar, a Filipina, 37 years old and wife (of 9 years, girlfriend of 7 years) of Dong Alejar. We have 4 children -- Therese (9), Andre(6), Reuben(3) and Isabelle(7 months old). I am a devout Catholic, who until very recently, was convicted by the Lord of all my sins, (first and foremost as a wife). Having realized the enormity of my pride and selfishness and my unnatural desire to control (my husband and everything else around me), I repented  and asked for His forgiveness.

Days and weeks and months passed and I felt a new spirit within me. One that is peaceful and joyful, with no fear of the future.

This blog is a product of that peace. My dear husband Dong himself told me to write a blog so that other wives, especially Filipina wives, will learn to respect their husbands and in so doing attain marriages that are full of order, love and peace.  (That was just this September, 2013.) I sat on that suggestion for three months or so because I felt inept and unsure on how to go about it. In the beginning, I was afraid to be reprimanded by fellow wives, given that the content of my blog will be counter-cultural, counter-intuitive, anti-feminist, quite archaic and outdated. The modern woman does not submit to anyone after all, or so she thinks. But in the end, the Holy Spirit led me into gaining courage to write this. I aim to please God and Him alone.

The name peacefulwife is a product of my correspondence with my Titus 2 elder, April Cassidy,

April Cassidy, my mentor in this journey www.peacefulwife.com

whose blog the Lord directed me to, two weeks after I told Him that the old Nikka was dead and that I would now follow His Will with regards to my marriage.

This is the Bible passage I now follow with all my heart:

^{Ephesians 22} Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Efeso
5:22 Mga babae, pasakop kayo sa inyo-inyong sariling asawa, na gaya ng sa Panginoon.
5:23 Sapagka't ang lalake ay pangulo ng kaniyang asawa, gaya naman ni Cristo na pangulo ng iglesia, na siya rin ang tagapagligtas ng katawan.
5:24 Datapuwa't kung paanong ang iglesia ay nasasakop ni Cristo, ay gayon din naman ang mga babae ay pasakop sa kani-kaniyang asawa sa lahat ng mga bagay.

36th birthday, 2011

Join me as I blog about my journey as a submitted (to the Lord and to my husband) wife. In this day and age of disrespectful women and wives, I aim, with the Lord's Guidance, to help other former controlling and unsubmissive wives (like I was!) to let go and let God. Truly, this is the path to peace and the discovery of one's most authentic self. :) 

All my wisdom is nothing, so I would suggest to read my posts while also checking it against God's Word, the Bible.

My blog will be comprised of honest posts about my own journey as well as musings about all things that pertain to marriage and how we, as submitted wives should act or think or speak, as respectfully as possible to our husbands. I aim to counsel only the women though as in Titus 2:

³ Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, ⁴ and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.



Tito
3 Sabihin mo sa matatandang babae na sila'y mamuhay na may kabanalan, huwag maninirang-puri, huwag maglalasing kundi magturo sila ng mabuti, 4 upang maakay nila ang mga kabataang babae na mahalin ang kanilang mga asawa at mga anak. 5 Ang mga kabataang ito'y kailangan ding turuan na maging mahinahon, malinis ang isipan, masipag sa gawaing bahay, mabait, at masunurin sa kanilang asawa upang walang masabi ang sinuman laban sa salita ng Diyos nang dahil sa kanila. 


I will also be posting links from time to time of my mentor in this journey whom God divinely appointed for me, April Cassidy, whose blog inspired me so much and whose godly wisdom has made it easier for me and fellow wives, to tackle this counter-cultural, counter-intuitive, seemingly archaic commandment by God to respect our husbands:

1 Peter 3:1-5

3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ² when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands,

 

1 Pedro 3:1-5
1 Kayo namang mga babae, pasakop kayo sa inyu-inyong asawa. At kung mayroon sa kanila na hindi pa naniniwala sa salita ng Diyos, mahihikayat din silang sumampalataya dahil sa inyong magandang asal, kahit hindi na kayo magpaliwanag pa sa kanila. 2 Sapat nang makita nila ang inyong maka-Diyos at malinis na pamumuhay. 3 Ang inyong ganda ay huwag maging panlabas tulad ng pag-aayos ng buhok at pagsusuot ng mga gintong alahas at mamahaling damit. 4 Sa halip, pagyamanin ninyo ang kagandahang nakatago sa puso, ang kagandahang walang kupas na likha ng maamo at mapayapang diwa, na lubhang mahalaga sa mata ng Diyos. 5 Iyan ang kagandahang ipinakita ng mga banal na babaing umasa sa Diyos noong unang panahon. Sila'y nagpasakop sa kanilang mga asawa. 

It was April who thought of calling my own blog Peaceful Wife Philippines. I am grateful for her generosity of spirit and her wise counsel. Here is the link of that correspondence.

http://peacefulwife.com/2013/10/28/can-i-have-it-all/

May God be greatly praised through this blog. I go through this blog with this in mind:

Luke 17:10
That's the way it is with you. When you've done everything you're ordered to do, say, 'We're worthless servants. We've only done our duty.'"


Lukas 17:10 
Ganoon din naman kayo; kapag nagawa na ninyo ang lahat ng iniuutos sa inyo, sabihin ninyo, ‘Kami’y mga aliping walang kabuluhan; tumutupad lamang kami sa aming tungkulin.' 

 May God open your hearts and minds today, fellow wives. God bless us all. :)