My Male Boss vs. My Husband -- To Whom Should I Submit?!?

I am with police authorities here for a PCSO TV show, with Kuya Jojo A - 2011

ALL authority comes from God.

Romans 13:1-5

13 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. 

The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

Saint Paul further stresses in his letter to the Romans that:

Romans 13:6-7

6 This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7 Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. 

In short, we are all under God-ordained authority, and we are asked to submit to them despite and in spite of their many flaws and imperfections. We do this in obedience to the Lord. If our leaders are ungodly and evil, and abuse their authority, that is their sin and their problem. They would be answerable to God for that. But as far as we, Christians, are concerned, we are asked to submit to ALL authority. We will be answerable to God for that.

1. We are under the authority of the government/
Bureau of Internal Revenue (for Filipinos) -  

"If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue..."

Mark 12:17

Then Jesus told them, "Give back to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, 

and to God the things that are God's." And they were amazed at Him. 

Kim Jacinto Henares is the Philippines' Bureau of Internal Revenue Commissioner.

2. Wives are under the authority of their husbands -  

"...if respect, then respect..."

Ephesians 5:33

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, 

and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

My husband is my authority in marriage.

3. Children are under the authority of their parents -

"...if honor, then honor..."

Deuteronomy 5:16

16 “‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, 

that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land

 that the Lord your God is giving you.

As parents, we have authority over our children.

Authority would also encompass that of the Church, one's bosses, and all relationships where there is a superior/leader and there is a subordinate/follower.

* * * * * * *

I will not be talking about the first. God knows the Philippines is under a government whose leaders are questionable in character, and whose motives for "serving the country" are dubious at best and contemptible at worst.

The sad state of affairs in our country

I will also not be talking about the last. It goes without saying that to honor our parents is truly admirable and expected of us children, and expected too from our own children. 

Our 3rd child, Reuben - 2012

I will talk about the one at the middle, in line with the Peaceful Wife Philippines' ministry of spreading God's Design for marriage. :)

With my sister Erica and my late father, Ruben - April 17, 2004

As per what was written in St. Paul's epistle to Ephesians, a "wife must see to it that she respects her husband" (Eph 5:33) because  "the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior." (Eph 5:23)

Christ calls us wives to RESPECT our husbands UNCONDITIONALLY, regardless if they are to our mind, respectable or NOT ("Respect the uniform" or "Respect the God-ordained position."). In the same way, husbands are called to LOVE us wives UNCONDITIONALLY too, regardless if we are lovable or loving,  or NOT. It's a tall order, I know, but that is what is written in the Bible:

Ephesians 5:25

English Standard Version (ESV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

1 Peter 3 

Worldwide English Version (WE)

3 Wives, respect and obey your husbands in the same way. Then the husbands who do
 not obey the word of God will want to know God. They will want to know God because their wives live good lives, 
even though they say nothing about God. 
2 They will see that you live holy lives and respect your husbands.

_________________________________________________________________________________

In this day and age where women, (thanks, but no thanks too to the Feminist Movement), have believed the deception and have fed into the lies of the evil one that 'A CAREER OUTSIDE THE HOME IS MORE VALUABLE AND FULFILLING THAN BEING A WIFE AND MOTHER' (this blog writer included before the Lord opened up her spiritual eyes!); more and more women are finding themselves spread too thin, and perpetually tired from being overly busy at juggling too many roles (that are not necessarily God-given).

In her book, "Lies Women Believe And the Truth that Sets Them Free",  Nancy Leigh De Moss says:

Half a century ago, a handful of determined women set out to achieve a philosophical and cultural revolution. Convinced that women needed to throw off the shackles of male oppression, they wrote books, published articles, taught college courses, marched in streets, lobbied Congress and in myriad ways succeeded in capturing the hearts and minds of millions of women.

Voting for women was one of the great things the feminist movement has achieved. Sadly, it has gone way out of hand, usurping now God-ordained roles that brought true freedom for us as biblical women.

They redefined what it means to be a woman and tossed out widely-held views of a woman's priorities and mission in life. Concepts such as virtue, chastity, discretion, domesticity, submission and modesty were largely eliminated from the vocabulary, and replaced with choice, divorce, infidelity, and unisex lifestyles. The daughters and granddaughters of this "new" view of womanhood have never known any other way of thinking.

One of the most devastating objectives of the this "new" view of womanhood has been to demean marriage and motherhood and to move women -- both physically and emotionally -- out of their homes and into the workforce.

Statistics indicate that the gender gap has narrowed dramatically in matters of hiring practices, pay scales and educational opportunities -- results that activists have worked long and hard to achieve. But what about the unintended consequences of this newfound freedom? Whoever expected we would have to live with such things as...

- pressure placed on women by their peers to "do more" than be "just a wife and mother"

- the status of a "homemaker" being devalued to something less than that of a serf

There is no higher calling than to be a wife and mother.

- millions of children coming home from school to empty houses

- families that seldom sit down and have a meal together

- women gaining enough financial independence to free them to leave their husbands

- women who don't have the time or energy to cultivate a close relationship with their children and who end up permanently estranged from their grown children

- emotional and physical affairs being fanned by married women spending more quality time with men at work than they do their own husbands

Affairs are so common among bosses and their secretaries.

- women being exposed day after day to coarse language and behavior and sexual innuendos in the workplace

- mothers giving their best energy and time to persons other than their husbands and children, leaving those women perpetually exhausted and edgy

* * * * * * *

Modern women are really a force to reckon with. Many women already hold high positions or are bosses in various fields -- governments, hospitals, law offices, schools, banks, etc. But, I am sure you'd agree with me that female bosses are still the exception rather than the rule, and that majority of women are still under the authority of men. Most women are in positions or jobs wherein they are still under the supervision of male bosses. 

"In determining our priorities as Christian women, we must first ask: Why did God make women? What is His Purpose and Mission for our lives? The Word of God provides women of every generation and culture with the Truth about our created purpose and primary role and calling. When we embrace the Truth and establish our priorities and schedules around it, we experience true liberation." (De Moss)

1) Woman was created by God to be a help meet and companion of Man.

Genesis 2:18

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone;

 I will make him a helper suitable for him."

* * * * *

2) In God's Design, when Man and Woman get married, they are no longer two different individuals but ONE.

Gen 2:24

 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

 Mark 10:8

"and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one,"

Matthew 19:6 

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

* * * * * 

3) God created a Married Woman to have her husband and children as her priority.

Titus 2:4-5 "...to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

 ______________________________________________________

Today's post is about that tricky dilemma:

If by the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, we become one with our husbands and if according to God's Design for Marriage, we are under their authority... 

When a woman is under a male boss, who has the right to give orders or command a female subordinate to do things (job-related, of course!), what happens when this arrangement already clashes with her own husband?

 To whom should she submit?!? 

To whom should she defer?!?

Dec 2012

I needed a male perspective and so I asked my husband, Dong about this. He said he was no expert at the subject, but I said, I wanted to hear from a husband's/man's point of view, and this was his take on it. To wives in "hairy" situations, this might prove to be an eye-opening read:

How would you feel if your wife was always outside of the home, working, and following her boss?

"If my wife was always outside of the home, always busy with her work, always jumping at the slightest text or call from her boss, I would feel VERY JEALOUS. When too much respect is given to another man, whether a colleague or (especially) her superior, who gets her TIME, ATTENTION and RESPECT, I would feel a bit threatened. 

If there is a LOT of respect for another man and too little for me, I would feel very unloved.    

Ben Tulfo had me as his cohost in Bitag in 2012. He was also my employer. I do respect him a lot, but
I was always wary not to put him or his opinions, above my husband.

Good thing if my wife always came home, still doing her roles as my wife and the mother of our kids.  But, if she is spent and exhausted from having served her "master" at the office to the best of her abilities, and always came home cranky, exhausted, and disrespectful to me, then I would really feel ANGRY. I might start retreating into myself and since I, like most men, do not like rocking the boat, I would just turn cold.

But what if it is the wife that earns more or is providing for the family?

If the woman earns more, the husband would feel that he does not have a say anymore because of the financial aspect and might just keep quiet while already feeling resentful of her and/or the situation. It becomes even more difficult.

Our UNTV Boss and my co-anchor, Daniel Razon. He was a good boss.- 2012
By 2012, I was already being prepared by the Lord for my submission journey,
so I deferred to Dong a lot in terms of  career decisions, but was still largely unsubmissive.
A year later, (September 1, 2013) would be my year of fully letting go and letting God, 
and giving up my broadcasting career in order to pursue God's Will for me, in our family.

Problem is, so many women are like that. They get jumpy and overeager to please their male bosses, all gushy and respectful about them, while leaving no room anymore for respect or eagerness to please their own husbands. 

It's common that women are sexually lured by their bosses to have an affair with them. It is common too that women just feel "used" by their bosses in the end, who have no plans of ever leaving their true wives. For the women, the fantasy's over, so welcome back to reality... but they've already fallen into temptation, to the detriment of their husbands.

What should a husband do if his wife is always deferring to her boss over her own husband?

The ideal thing would be to tell his wife to quit and leave it to God and to him (the husband), to provide for their family.

Pregnant with our first - 2004

But life is far from perfect and ideal, and so the best thing the husband can do is to GIVE MORE LOVE to his wife. She might be craving for his love. She might even be craving for his attention or (justifiable) jealousy. They should bring their situation to light. Communicate.

He should tell his wife that this extreme closeness or respect for the boss was affecting him as a man and as her husband, and that she should learn to say "NO" to her boss too. She should learn to prioritize. While it is important to respect a superior, she should know her place in the family.

As an employee, one can easily be replaced. But one's role as a wife and mother is irreplaceable.

Working per se is NOT a problem nor is it a sin. But when one's
career is taking too much of the wife's/mother's time away from the family,
there is disorder and misplaced priorities. Not God's design for the family or the marriage. - 2010

When the husband says this, he should be gentle but firm. He should not act like a wimp. This would further lead to (more )disrespect."

_________________________________________________________________________________

My husband, as he himself had admitted, was no expert in these things, but he is a good man and he is a loving husband, and I feel that what he shared here should be given a lot of weight. 

What he said also holds true for authorities like pastors, preachers, priests and religious leaders. Though they are spiritual authorities, wives do not have covenant relationships with those men! Women are not under their headship and these godly men should never take over the God-ordained position of the husband in the family and in the home. But that is topic for a different post ;) ...

So to the question, When there is  conflict between 

"The Male Boss vs. The Husband --

To Whom Should I Submit?", 

if we are to follow God, it must be to our husbands first and foremost, and not to our male bosses. (The world will say otherwise, of course.)

Romans 12:12

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--

His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Your boss may be rich, good-looking, established, respectable, sweet-smelling, a great dresser, and oh so fine; but please tone down the admiration a bit (or a LOT!) sisters!!! 

If you are attracted to your boss, be wary! That might be a snare!

Turn down the respect knob for other males (especially bosses) a notch (or two or three...) and turn up the respect knob for our husbands a notch (or two, or three...or ten! "Todo na to!"/Maximum) higher. They deserve our RESPECT not because they have earned it, but because they were ordained by God to be our authorities; and we are ONE with them.

 Ephesians 5:22-33 part

April 17, 2004 

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b]32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

May we all be richly blessed! :)

_________________________________________________________________________________

P.S. It is my personal opinion and conviction that if any authority is asking me to sin, I will still submit and will still be respectful, but I will not necessarily obey. I will follow the dictates of my well-informed and clean conscience, after much prayer and discernment.  (Acts 5:29)

If I Submit, I Might Become Helpless! What If My Husband Dies?!

At my uncle's burial -- Loyola Marikina, February 2014

"If I submit to my husband and rely on him to provide for our family, I might not be equipped to handle our family's needs when he dies!"

"If I submit to my husband and make him the leader of our family, our children might not follow me when he dies!"

"If I submit to my husband and let him protect me from other people, I might get  "too spoiled" and not be able to fend for myself when he dies!"

Death is an inevitable fact of life.

Everybody -- the rich and the poor, the young and the old, male and female -- WILL die. No amount of money, power or good will, can change that fact.  One may delay it somewhat, as in the case of the ones on "life preservers", but eventually, they too will succumb. There's no going around it. It is our FINAL DESTINATION. We are all destined for death.

Biblical submission, to an equally, if not even more so, "imperfect" human being is already scary. With the thought of death in mind, it becomes even "scarier."

Why should I submit to my husband when I know for a fact that he might die?! Isn't that foolhardy, to "depend" on somebody who is a mere mortal like I am? How can I equip myself with the skills and talents necessary for survival, if I become a mere follower, and not the "leader" of my life?! Isn't there a saying that: "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul"? Why should I agree to being somebody's subordinate? I do not need a "master". I do not need a "captain." I can very well steer my life, the way I want it to go... on my own!!!

As I was writing this blog post, upon the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, I was reminded of the "most popular WIDOW" in the Philippines. She, whose husband died tragically, and who was left on her own, not only to take care of their five orphaned children, but of the whole country as well. She who led the restoration of democracy after two decades of martial rule...

When the word "HOUSEWIFE" is mentioned, I am again reminded of the "most popular HOUSEWIFE" in the Philippines whose husband was assassinated in 1983 when he came back to the Philippines from the United States on a self-imposed exile --- that widowed housewife was none other than our 11th Philippine President, Corazon C. Aquino.

For those not familiar with this amazing story, I will share with you a glimpse of history that put the Philippines on the world map.

María Corazón Sumulong "Cory" Cojuangco Aquino (January 25, 1933 – August 1, 2009) was a Filipina politician who served as the 11th President of the Philippines, the first woman to hold that office, and the first female president in Asia. Regarded as the "Icon of Philippine Democracy", Aquino was the most prominent figure of the 1986 People Power Revolution, which toppled the 21-year authoritarian rule of President Ferdinand Marcos and restored democracy to the Philippines. She was named Time magazine's "Woman of the Year" in 1986. She is the first President without any political experience as she had not held any other elective office.

                A "self-proclaimed" plain housewife"... 

Mr. and Mrs. Ninoy Aquino with their children

 ^[1] She was married to Senator Benigno Aquino, Jr., the staunchest critic of President Ferdinand Marcos. She emerged as leader of the opposition after her husband was assassinated on August 21, 1983 upon returning to the Philippines from exile in the United States. In late 1985, Marcos called for snap elections, and Aquino ran for president with former senator Salvador Laurel as her Vice-President. After the elections were held on February 7, 1986, the Batasang Pambansa proclaimed Marcos and his running mate, Arturo Tolentino, as the winners amidst allegations of electoral fraud, with Aquino calling for massive civil disobedience actions. Defections from the Armed Forces and the support of the local Catholic Church led to the People Power Revolution that ousted Marcos and secured Aquino's accession on February 25, 1986. 

Cory Aquino minus Ninoy with her adult children

As President, Aquino oversaw the promulgation of the 1987 Constitution, which limited the powers of the Presidency and re-established the bicameral Congress. Her administration gave strong emphasis and concern for civil liberties and human rights, and on peace talks to resolve the ongoing Communist insurgency and Islamist secession movements. Her economic policies centered on restoring economic health and confidence and focused on creating a market-oriented and socially responsible economy.
-- Wikipedia

Cory's son - our 15th President, Noynoy Aquino

The current Philippine president, by the way, is her son, Benigno Simeon Aquino III. :)

Incidentally, just a week or so ago, February 25, was the 28th anniversary of the EDSA People Power Revolution, the first ever "bloodless revolution." :)


So much for that brief history lesson. :)

I covered the 25th EDSA Revolution in 2011.

What I am driving at is this: Cory Aquino, who by her own account had no political ambition and even liked labeling herself as a "plain housewife", became the eleventh Philippine president when her husband died. 

"Mrs. Aquino appeared to dislike her job and, at the end,
counted the days until she left office.
But she fulfilled a key promise:
She survived her term and presided over
 the first peaceful transfer of power
 in the tempestuous country in more than 26 years."

She was not prepared. She was ill-equipped. She was very hesitant. She was very shy. But with faith in God, she forged ahead. There are mixed emotions about her administration, but I won't delve into that. This blog is not about that. :)

What is important to note here is that in the event our husbands do pass away, we will be okay. It may not be in our destiny to be the next president of our country, but suffice to say, we will be able to survive.  We will be able to thrive. God's Grace will be sufficient.

It is interesting to note too, that in this day and age, almost nobody calls themselves a "housewife" anymore, what more a "plain" housewife. The more popular term is "stay-at-home mom". It seems that even the way we identify ourselves has shifted from being the partners of our husbands, to the mothers of our children.


According to an article of Jessica Grose for slate.com,

"Earlier in the 20th century, “housewife” was the preferred term, but as the Victorian focus on efficiency and sanitization began to shift in the 50s, a new word—“homemaker”—came into vogue.  The mid-century popularity of “homemaker,” says Plant, “reflects the rise of a therapeutic culture in the twentieth century, when advice literature to women began to stress the importance of meeting the emotional and psychological needs of children and husbands.”

“Homemaker” had pretty thoroughly replaced housewife by the 1970s, but it was already sounding old-fashioned by the ‘80s. Enter the “stay-at-home mom.” No one I spoke to could tell me definitively why the term became ascendant; Rebecca Jo Plant ( an associate professor of history at UC San Diego and the author of Mom: The Transformation of Motherhood in Modern America) speculates, “My sense is that their usage reflects the notion that the most important thing that the woman who stays home actually does is to focus on her children and foster their development, with an increasing emphasis on intellectual/cognitive development.”

Both “housewife” and “homemaker” connote domestic drudgery like toilet scrubbing (which no one really wants to do). “Housewife” in particular emphasizes an old-fashioned devotion to the husband, while “stay-at-home mom” shifts the focus onto the children. "

Going back to the topic on death, why would wives submit to their husbands if their male counterparts in marriage will surely and inevitably die? What is the purpose of that? Doesn't that encourage "dependency" and "parasitism" and teach the children "helplessness"? Shouldn't we teach the children "independence", "self-reliance" and "empowerment"?

From a practical world-view, it does seem that submitting to a human being, even if that is one's husband is "foolhardy, nonsensical and to some, even irresponsible". But from God's Point of View, Him Who created all of us according to His Image and Likeness and Who designed male and female as mirror images of each other, with the "woman made for man, and not man for woman" (1 Cor 11:9),   following one's husband "makes perfect sense."

1 Corinthians 11:3

3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man,[a] and the head of Christ is God.

For as long as one is married to one's husband, he is to be the God-ordained leader. Wives are to be their God-ordained helpers. There is just no going around that. It is God's Design. The clay cannot question its Potter. It's just the way He made us.

                                       Titus 2:3-5

3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine,but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

The only time we are "freed" from this commandment of subjecting ourselves to our husbands' headship is when our husbands die.

My deceased parents - Thea and Butch Cleofe

                       Romans 7:2

2 For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.

                               

                     1 Corinthians 7:39

39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

In heaven though, there are no married people anymore. Our husbands are no longer our husbands and we are no longer their wives...

                                                 

Mama and Papa visiting Papa's deceased mother on their
wedding day - April 15, 1975

                                         

 Matthew 22:30

"Together Forever, Together At Last" was the epitaph
on my parents' grave. In heaven though, they
will no longer be husband and wife, but will be like
angels in heaven.

30 For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

Biblical submission is an alien concept in this era of "empowered women." We may not be "hard-core feminists" but much of our thinking, whether we admit it or not, are (gravely) affected by feminism. 

April Cassidy, the Peaceful Wife, enumerates it for us in her post on "We Have All Been Greatly Affected by Feminism". Here are some of those "feminist thoughts" or "ideologies" that you may be embracing knowingly or unknowingly: 

• Men are the problem with society and marriage.
• Men are bad/evil.
• Women are wiser than and better than men.  If only women were in charge, they would fix all the problems in society.
• Women are good.  Women are not really “wretched sinners.”
• Women’s sin is “better than” men’s sin in the eyes of God.
• Men and women are/should be spiritually, emotionally and mentally the same. There should be no spiritual, emotional or biological differences in the way that men and women experience and perceive the world other than the genital tract. Men need the same things and think and feel the same ways as women do – and if they don’t, then they don’t have emotions or they are wrong.
• A man being masculine in a godly or traditional way is wrong.
• A woman being feminine in a godly or traditional way is wrong.
• Women should be aggressive, assertive, domineering and controlling.
• Men should be passive and allow women to do what they think is best and they should agree with women because women are right.
• Male leadership in marriage, the family and the church (patriarchy) is oppressive to women.
• If a man ever has a chance to be in charge, he will be abusive 100% of the time.
• Husbands must earn respect and if a wife doesn’t “feel like” her husband has earned her respect, she is totally justified to treat him in any disrespectful way she wants to no matter what God’s Word says. A wife has no obligation to obey God if she doesn’t agree with the Bible in her particular circumstances.  She is lord and master of herself. Christ is not to be her LORD.
• Be your own goddess. What you want is all that matters. Who cares what your husband wants or what he needs and who cares what is ultimately best for your children?
• Your own happiness is what is really important. If you are not happy, then you are justified to do anything (including sin) in order to try to be happy. Your personal happiness should be the ultimate goal (idol) in your life.
• The Bible is not authoritative. It was written by men and men are evil. There is no Holy Spirit.
• God is not a “He” and the God of the Bible doesn’t exist. Feminism says that God is female, or there are many goddesses, or you can become a goddess.
• The Bible is not true and is no longer “culturally relevant.”
• All of God’s commands and instructions specifically for women in the New Testament are oppressive and culturally irrelevant today.
• Any authority instituted by God is to be undermined and replaced by women and what women think is best because women know better than God and women know better than the Bible and women know better than men and women should be worshipped, submitted to and served as goddesses.
• Motherhood and marriage imprison women and keep them from becoming all they are meant to be.
• Originally, feminism was about women’s suffrage and voting rights. But it didn’t stop with equal rights to vote and equal pay for equal work in the workplace, feminism began to also demand that women were “equal” to men in marriage, that marriage should be egalitarian, that women and men are essentially the same and that the roles/jobs in marriage should be split 50/50 down the middle. Both men and women should be in charge in marriage – but this ended up meaning that ultimately women should be in charge and control their men if the wives don’t agree with their husbands.
• Husbands should submit to their wives and do what they say without questioning them.
• Women should not only compete with men in the work place, but they should compete for power and position in marriage, as well even though God clearly designated the husband as the spiritual head of the marriage and home in I Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-33, I Timothy 3:5 and Titus 2:3-5.
• Women should assume masculine personality traits at work and in the home. They should look, dress, talk and act more like men.
• Women don’t need a family, husband or children to find fulfillment.
• Men should become more feminine and more in touch with their feelings and more domesticated.
• Children don’t need a mother’s influence.
• Children don’t need a father in the home.
• Marriage can be whatever we want it to be.
• Women should find their worth and identity in their careers, not the prison and drudgery of home-life.
• Men should be their wives’ helpmeets. Men exist to give women what they want.
• Women can “have it all!” – career, marriage, children and she won’t have any issue juggling all of those things at one time.
• Motherhood and/or being a housewife are worthless, meaningless, valueless positions. Your time and work is only valuable if you are paid money.
• The roles of husband and wife are the same and interchangeable. God’s design in Ephesians 5:22-33 is wrong.

  

I have never been able to witness a "Biblical marriage" growing up. I was mostly surrounded by married couples, including my parents, who believed in the "equality of the sexes." Whereas this is true, (we are equal in the sight of God in essence), we are NOT equal in roles. The Bible clearly points that out in the following verses:

Ephesians 4 and 5

I Thessalonians 5

Galatians 5:19-26

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

I Corinthians 11:3

Titus 2: 3-5

Romans 12: 9-21

These Bible verses on God's Design for Marriage were so "shocking" to me because I did not know of them, or simply skimmed over them so many times. :(

But, it was only when I practiced it in my own marriage, that I got the surprise of my life! Not only does it "work", it also has so many bonuses -- peace, joy, harmony... all the fruits of the Spirit!

I have to warn you though that it is not in submitting per se that I was able to experience all those. It was in submitting to God first, then to my God-ordained earthly authority, my husband Dong, that I was able to experience a nearly "shocking" out-of-this-world kind of FREEDOM.  It was when I let go and let God did I start feeling finally FREE from the worries, anxiety and depression that had bound me for years!!! The Peace that Christ gives is really not of this world!

UNBELIEVABLE!

If the Lord wills that our husbands die ahead of us, then so be it. "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; may the Name of the Lord be praised!" (Job 1:21) But, we do not know for sure, when that will be exactly, so let us focus on the NOW.  As long as our husbands are alive, let us follow God's Design for Marriage. At present, if you dear sister in Christ are married to a breathing, living human being, by virtue of marriage, you are asked by God to respect your husband and his God-ordained leadership role in the family. 

The argument on not Biblically submitting because our spouses might die is about as flimsy as:

...a student saying, "I will not study anymore, because  there is a great possibility that I will die tomorrow. It doesn't matter if I fail the exam!"

...a mother saying, "I will not give my children proper nutrition because they might die tomorrow.  It's useless to fix up something healthy!"

... a husband saying, "I will not love my wife the way she deserves, because she might die tomorrow! What's the point? My efforts will just be useless. She will die anyway!"

Serious Dong :) - Jan 2014

When put this way, it does not make sense too, right? :) Not doing something (Biblically submitting) just because somebody (my husband) has the possibility of dying (which is an inevitable fact of life) is just a "lousy" excuse based on any one of the following reasons: cynicism, ignorance, or pride. None of which are godly reasons. All of which are based on either disillusionment, lack of enlightenment, or fear. :(

However, in any circumstance, let us never forget that God's Grace is sufficient. And it always pays to do what is right. It always is a blessing to do what the Lord wants us to do... Even if things do not turn out the way we want them to, even to the point of death, the Lord will still see us through...

To quote my favorite author, Nancy Leigh de Moss in her book, "The Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free":

However, whether I choose to believe it or not, if I am His child, the Truth is that "His Grace is sufficient for me." (This is assuming of course, that I haven't taken on myself responsibilities He never intended for me to carry. If the burden is God-given, I can go on by His Grace.) His Grace is sufficient for every moment, every circumstance, every detail, every need, and every failure of my life.

When I am exhausted and think I can't possibly face the unfinished tasks that are still before me, His grace is sufficient for me.

When I am having a hard time responding to that family member or that person at the office who really gets under my skin, His grace is sufficient for me.

When I am tempted to vent out my frustration by speaking harsh words, His grace is sufficient for me.

When I don't know which direction to go or what decision to make, His grace is sufficient for me.

When my heart is breaking with an overwhelming sense of loss and grief, as I stand by the grave of a loved one, His grace is sufficient for me.

Fill in the blank. Whatever your story, whatever your situation, right now, His grace is sufficient for you.  His divine resources are available to meet your need - no matter how great. That's the Truth. And the Truth will set you free.

So, dear sister, what are you waiting for? Are you ready to submit to your husband but are afraid because he might take advantage of your humble heart? Do not worry, God's grace is sufficient. 

With our youngest child, Isabelle :)

Are you scared to follow his leadership because he might lead you to a "path of destruction"? Do not worry, God's Grace is sufficient.

Are you worried that in acquiescing control of your life, you will now tread a life with no direction? That is actually a lie, but know too that should that happen, whatever happens, God's grace IS sufficient. :)

In this season of my life, I am currently a housewife and a stay-at-home mom, with part-time work. :) Having been a full-time career woman all my life, it does not make sense to simply quit and take on my Biblical role as helpmeet to my husband. What a "waste" it is in the eyes of many. But I am convinced that this is what God wants me to do right now. My ministry at this moment is our home.  With all eyes set on Christ, in any circumstance, I know that God's Grace is sufficient. Praise Him Whose Grace is boundless and Who renews it daily! :)

                                          Lamentations 3:23

It is wonderful that the Lord's Grace is given in new doses daily! "They are new every morning -- great is your faithfulness!"

The Alejar Clan - Dong's parents and brothers with our sisters-in-law.
Praise God for giving His Grace to Wowa for 78 years! - March 3, 2014 :)

If you do submit, dear sister, you won't become help-less.  You will become your husband's help-er. And the Spirit will help you if you call on Him.

Death did not make me fear submitting to my husband, Dong. In view of death and how short life was on earth, it even made me re-assess my life and my priorities. If I were to die tomorrow, what would I have wanted to have done with my life? My answer: I want to have made a difference in my husband's life and our children's lives. With death in mind, things do have a way of becoming clearer and simpler. And for me, Biblical submission is my means towards experiencing a glimpse of "heaven" here on earth. :)

Mr. and Mrs. Alfredo Andre P. Alejar - April 17, 2004

May we all be richly blessed! :)