The Five Love Languages -- Which One Is Yours? Which One Is Your Husband's?

Dong embracing pregnant me - Dec 2004

I love words. 

Interviewing singer Nikki Gil - 2012

Dong loves actions.

Daddy Dong helping out Andre with his Thomas trains

I super know that he loves me. I have never doubted that he did, not for one second, even when we were having some rough spots in our marriage before (mostly caused by my disappointments with him!), whereas he, in more than one instance had told me, "You know what? You don't really love me. I love you unconditionally. But you? You don't love me, at least, not for being just me."

I remember during those times, thinking, "Well, that is how it should be right?!? The man SHOULD LOVE the woman more." I heard that idea spoken somewhere, (probably some local afternoon showbiz talk show) and felt that I was justified to be the one "more loved" than the one being the "more loving" one. (A caution on believing the worldly "wisdom" given out by worldly TV programs! Always check it against God's Word!)

And yet, I was baffled.

Why would this man think I didn't love him?!?

I mean, wasn't I "tolerant" of his "cluelessness", of his "lack of direction" and "leadership skills" (from my point of view)?

Wasn't I taking charge of the family and being so responsible for everybody since he felt "lost" in some areas of his life?

Wasn't I so self-reliant that I didn't need nor ask for his help anymore?

Shouldn't he be "happy" I was not a bother to him at all? I was so amazing! (Says me!) I was really good at being the family's leader!!!

Well, guess why.

My passive but very loving husband did not feel loved, not only because I did not respect him, (which is a command by God for wives to their husbands) but also because I was
not speaking in his own love language.

We are both Touchy-Feely.

No wonder that he gave his very forced smile whenever his birthday or our anniversary arrived and he would get the mushiest card from me that would say something to this effect:

"Even if sometimes we have our disagreements, I LOVE YOU. I love you so much!", along with a gift for the said occasion.

During that time too, he would dread going out on a date with me because I was extremely depressive before my conversion in September last year. He would look at me laughing my heart out and having the time of my life and I would hear him mutter under his breath, "Oh dear. Here she goes again. She is so happy! Let's wait for the mood crash to happen...." And true enough, before the night ended, I was plunged into the darkest doom and despair again over something as weird as "feeling fat", or something as profound as "fearing that I will die of cancer." It did not take much to burst my bubble. Back then, I allowed my fears, my insecurities, and my emotions to boss me around. I had no control of them! I was really like a possessed maniac, especially when I was PMSy!!!!

Before the Lord changed me, Dong had a very, very difficult time dealing with me. But he loved me so, and so, despite my many lunatic episodes, he would continue to fill up my "love tank" again and again. My love language was WORDS. He would always comfort me, tell me he loved me, tell me I was pretty/sexy/whatever would make me feel validated.... along with lots of hugs and kisses. And yet, all that ego-boosting (bola) would only appease me a little bit!!! 

Well, this post is not about Crazy Nikka. Haha. I just wanted to share with you about my former self so that you would have a glimpse into what Dong had to put up with. ;)

I am just extremely glad and grateful though, that the Lord had freed me from my numerous bondages when I gave up my life to Him last year, and when I submitted to my husband as unto the Lord. Yahoo!!! :) Praise the Lord! :)

* * *

Anyway, today's post is about LOVE LANGUAGES. :)

I felt led to write about it because so many commenters on my mentor's April Cassidy's, The Peaceful Wife Blog, kept on mentioning this book by Dr. Gary Chapman. Early this year, my sister Erica sent me a link to its website, and so I took the love test in January.

Before I reveal to you the results of my test, here first are the FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. 

Find out which one is yours. :)

_________________________________________________________________________________________
Dr. Gary Chapman is a renowned marriage counselor, and director of marriage seminars. The 5 Love Languages, is one of Chapman’s most popular titles, topping various bestseller charts for years, selling upwards of seven million copies and landing on the #1 spot of the New York Times best-seller list. Chapman has been directly involved in real-life family counseling for more than 35 years.

What are the 5 Love Languages?

1. Words of Affirmation: 

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

2. Quality Time: 

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

3. Receiving Gifts: 

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

 4. Acts of Service: 

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

5. Physical Touch:

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

* * * * *

Even before I took the test, I already knew what my love language was. 

It was really words. 

My career was based on my ability to speak many, many words. ;)

I am a very wordy person. (This blog cannot make that any more obvious ;) You hurt me with words, it will take a long time for me to get over it, although I may have forgiven you already. You love me with words, I will cherish you greatly and will recall to my mind your sweet words spoken. (Of course, it goes without saying, that words, for them to have a great impact on me have to be heartfelt and sincere, and not flattering or deceiving.) 

Hosting a Philips function in 2009

The saying,

 "Sticks and stones will break my bones

But words will never harm me."

does not apply to me. I would rather you break my bones! (or better yet, do not do that too!) because...

I also am very touchy-feely. :)

I love it when my husband puts his arm over my shoulder, kisses me or hugs me (even in public), or just holds my hand for no reason at all. It's a good thing, Dong really is very generous with his words and gestures. I am blessed that he "gets" me. I was just too selfish before, to actually "get" him! I was content flooding him with my flowery words, even if that didn't do much for him as actions did!

Anyway, here were my LOVE LANGUAGE RESULTS:

           1. Words of Affirmation

2. Physical Touch

3. Quality Time

4. Acts of Service

Dong shows us he loves us with all sorts of actions, including
inflating a lifesaver with his own air, because the pump is not working!

He inflates one more...

... and one more!

5. Receiving Gifts

And, here were Dong's LOVE LANGUAGE RESULTS:

1. Acts of Service

My husband, waiting to assist me in giving birth via lamaze - VRPMC hospital
May 20, 2010

And there he is, coaching me and holding my hand when Reuben came out!
Belated happy 4th birthday Reuben!

2. Quality Time

3. Physical Touch

4. Receiving Gifts

         5. Words of Affirmation

We laughed at this actually! My Top language was his Least Important one!!! Hahaha! Dong said, "Nice! Opposites attract!" Then he said, "I LOVE YOU!" :)

No wonder he still felt unloved even if I was sooooooo sappy in my love letters and cards, in my texts and emails, and would constantly tell him I loved him! Why? Because I had NO ACTIONS to show for them! :P I would text him the sweetest love note when he was at the office but he would find me sulking in bed, not even rising up to greet him when he came home. In Dong's mind, I was not loving him at all. I was probably even "lying" or just "plastic" (fake) about my love for him!

Says Dr. Chapman,

"Every child is born with a love tank and I compare it to a gas tank in a car.  When the love tank is full the world looks beautiful and we feel loved.  When the love tank is empty we feel discouraged and uncertain about ourselves and our relationships.

Rarely do couples share the same love language. I don’t recommend giving up on a relationship because of this difference, however, it can create an atmosphere of frustration when you think you are doing a good job at expressing your love and yet the other person is not feeling loved.  If you don’t understand the love language concept, then you really “don’t know what else to do.”  If however, you understand that they speak a different language, then you can learn to speak that language."

After I let go and let God and totally died to myself on September 1, 2013, I submitted to God, then to my husband (Ephesians 5:22-33). When God showed me my mountains of sins, I couldn't speak for days. I was very quiet and sort of in a state of shock to have found out that I was not the "good wife" that I thought myself to be, but was actually quite the opposite! :( 

I was an ungodly wife -- condescending, judgmental, envious of other wives' more commanding husbands, prideful, bitter, resentful, etc. etc. I had NO WORDS to say to Dong for days until I mustered up the courage to ask for forgiveness from him for being disrespectful and unloving. This was after I repented to God for grieving His Heart for my many sins. Dong was so gracious in accepting the apology, although I believe he was also confused by it all!

With NO WORDS sufficient to capture what the Lord was teaching me, I turned to His Word. I read the Bible voraciously, so hungry for His Promises! I kept still and silent, and read and read and read. I did not trust myself to speak! I deactivated from Facebook, withdrew from friends and family, only talked to Dong about what I was going through in spurts, but I could not really fully grasp just what the Lord was doing to my heart at that time. I was just so ashamed of my sins and so repentant for them. I did not want to open my mouth, lest I sin again!

I still continue to read God's Word till now, and it continues to encourage me and give me hope. It was also through the daily reading of His Word that I got to know Who our Sovereign God really was/is/and ever will be. In knowing Who God truly is, I got to know too who I truly was -- a wretched sinner, in need of His Mercy -- and yet He loves me, He sent His Son to die for me, and He sent His Holy Spirit to help me live a righteous life. I was floored and even more humbled.

Though my Number 1 LOVE LANGUAGE still was WORDS...       At that time, for the first time ever, I kept still and was very silent.

I practiced 1 Peter 3: 1-5 and applied it to Dong. I wanted to win him over WITHOUT A WORD with my respectful conduct and behavior. I really went all-out in my biblical submission to my husband. So much so, that Dong was a bit taken aback. He even said early on in my submission journey, "Honey, you don't need to go all-out. You have done so much already. You don't need to do this, you know.." To which I said, "But I want to. I am convinced this is what God wants me to do."

This was even before I knew about the FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. I did know that to my husband "Actions spoke louder than words." And since he had so many of my empty words in the past, I really made it a point to shush myself up and just, you know, do it! 

I loved him, so I submitted to him.

I loved him, so I respected him.

I loved him, so I served him.

And that is how I intend to live my life till the day I die, as Dong's help meet. Yes, there will still be sweet words (I am not Nikka anymore, if I don't say my thoughts), but more than those, I really intend to SHOW him that I love him through my actions, my gestures, my facial expressions, my going out of my way to do something to bless him, etc. every day of our lives.

For someone who nearly put at the bottomest part of her list, ACTIVE SERVICE, as her love language, know that this is really HUGE for me! 

These are not my own doings, I would like to point out though. No merit should be given to me. It is Christ Who lives in me, Who allows me to love and respect my husband in the way God wants me to. All sins are mine, but all goodness comes from the Grace of God.

_________________________________________________________________________________

In ending, here are some Bible quotes to make our love languages even more godly. When we are doing our best to show our spouses we love them based on their own love languages, we "speak" the "language of God". Because God is LOVE. The language of God is LOVE in its entirety - words, touch, time, treasure and talent (actions). When we love God above all, we not only become recipients of His Boundless Love but we are also able to get from His Unlimited Supply of Love. 

The Love that we receive from God is what we can also give to our husbands. On our own, the love well will run dry. But with our eyes focused on God, the Wellspring of life and love is endless and overflowing!!! 

1. Words of Affirmation

Ephesians 4:29

29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

2. Physical Touch

1 Corinthians 7:4

4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Kissing our third baby, Reuben - 2010

3. Quality Time

Matthew 6:6

6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

4. Acts of Service

James 2:14-17

14 What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good[a] is that? 17 So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

5. Receiving Gifts

 2 Corinthians 9:7

7 Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

* * * * * * *

With our youngest, Isabelle Veronica - Aug 2013

Do you know what your husband's love language is? Maybe if you are having some difficulties right now and cannot see eye to eye, it is because you are speaking Chinese to him while he is speaking French to you. It's the Tower of Babel in a microcosm. You just don't speak the same language. But you can learn to start speaking his language now. Your love is best received when it is in a language understandable to the recipient, not the giver. 

As Dr. Chapman encourages us, 

"I highly recommend taking the love languages profile in the back of the book or at the website, www.5lovelanguages.com.  After taking the profile then share your results with your loved one(s) so they can know specifically what makes you feel loved and I recommend you encourage them to do the same."

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! :D


May we all be richly blessed! :)

Welcome to the "New Normal"!

Our "new normal" is more joyful, more peaceful, more playful :) -- May 20, 2104

You've seen and heard other people's testimonies, that probably made you go, "Wow. God is so good! That's a miracle!"

Ansel Beluso, a former Philippine showbiz writer and talk show host, and now a full-time servant of Couples For Christ, has a life story that makes me marvel at God's Grace and Mercy. In his own words,

"Yes, for all the four decades of my checkered life then, I had come to accept and embrace and live out the homosexual orientation, basically because I thought that was the only way for me to gain my freedom. So clueless I was then about the evils that my rabidly gay lifestyle actually wrought on the world in which I lived. At the time, I thought that being gay was just that – being gay, which meant being happy.

The pursuit of happiness was the chief purpose of my life then. And I thought I was a success. In my career, I was the creative director of several top-rating TV shows and I even became a showbiz talk-show host. In my love life, I enjoyed the juiciest flesh around and conditioned my mind to believe I loved them and they loved me back.

Former showbiz talk show host, turned full-time servant of God 

Back then, sex was a commodity that didn’t run out. Every weekend, I’d hie off to some nearby province to taste the native delicacies. At one point, I participated in an orgy. I remember also having had sexual relations with six brothers pimped to me by their own father.

Each time I look back on those days, I cringe – both at the enormity of my transgressions and at how totally unaware I was then of how much I was offending God.

All I thought was that I was just having a good time. Besides, I rationalized, the boys whose innocence I purloined badly needed the money I gave them – I was simply sharing with them the blessings of my material prosperity!"

He was a very promiscuous gay person till the Lord convicted him. He has since turned over a new leaf, gotten married, had children, and is now one of the active workers of the Couples for Christ Ministry. He even has a ministry for the "pastoral care and spiritual nourishment of active homosexuals who struggle to step out of the enslavement of their flesh." You can read his full story here.

* * *

In one of my earlier posts, I shared with you about the Machine Gun Preacher, Sam Childers. He was a drug dealer, a drug user, a sex addict, and a lost man before he turned over his life to Jesus. Now, he is not only a preacher, but he has also taken to heart as his main calling in life, to save the children in the Sudan from abuse.

Augustine before he became a saint, (His mother Monica incessantly prayed for his conversion!), was a promiscuous man who could not control the urges of his flesh. It took 17 years before he turned his life over to God. Previous to that, he was even famously quoted as saying, "Lord, let me be chaste, but not yet!!!"

Amazing stories.

Awe-inspiring.

From great sinners to great servants of the Lord.

Simply WOW.

Then, there's me.

When I tell others about having let go and let God on September 1, 2013... When I share with them that I have submitted to my husband, as unto the Lord... When I witness to Jesus' amazing Mercy and Love, I do not get even half the response as any of the above mentioned people would have probably garnered upon their conversion. 

Theirs is like the Saul of Tarsus experience. 
It's fantastic! It's miraculous! It's astounding!

Ansel Beluso was transformed from a "raging homosexual" to a family man and servant of God. 

Sam Childers was a great sinner who became a courageous savior of hopeless children. 

Augustine was a great sinner who became a VERY GREAT saint!

And then, there's the 'Nikka story": "My whole life changed the day I decided to submit to my husband as unto the Lord.", I would start... and nobody and I mean, nobody has ever said, "Wow." :P

I guess by other people's standards, my life is not that "dramatic". Yes, I had an eating disorder. Yes, I was suicidal. Yes, I had depression which led to my possession in the past...  But, my story NOW, of a biblically submitted wife is not astounding at all.  Even with all those trials in my distant past,  I did not do drugs, did not engage in promiscuity -- homosexually or heterosexually, did not smoke, did not steal, did not commit abortion or adultery... did not really live a life of nearly utter contempt of God. 

I could even be categorized as "good". I have been called Ms. Goody Two Shoes several times. 

I have been told by at least four priests that I had the "aura of a nun".

When I divulge to people my change of heart nowadays, I do not get a great reaction.

I think, to them, I have just become WEIRD (or weirder). Haha!:)

Some people probably think I have gone loony tunes!

Some people probably think I have "regressed" by biblically submitting to my husband! I mean who does that these days, right? It's totally against the grain of today's modern Cosmo fun and fearless female!

Some friends even dared ask if I was depressed!

Nikka 2012 - pre-submission to God and to Dong

Depressed? Before I turned over my life to God, often. But now? Never. :)

Sure, there are those hormonal days when it's harder to be cheerful or to maintain Christ's Peace. But, even on those days, since I have started holding captive every thought for Christ, my emotions no longer have the power to boss me around, the way I allowed them to before.

I wish I could really explain the change inside my heart. But words will not be enough to even grasp its entirety. It's one of those things that's better left unsaid. It's a private matter between my God and me. Having a blog though, and documenting this journey that I am on, I am encouraged to share it with others in the hope that my own experiences can touch someone else's life. Sometimes though, I feel that my "merits" are lesser because I have to write about them (Matthew 6:4), but then again, I write this blog for God's Glory, and I am just His "useless servant!", so He can do with this blog any way that He pleases, including taking it down entirely in the future, if need be! (Luke 17:10)

Peaceful Wife Philippines Nikka - Dec 2013

I do know that I am living my "new normal." Initially, it was awkward, odd and felt fake, but as I practiced it day after day, it has taken on a feeling of normalcy, familiarity and even of comfort.

What is the "new normal" for somebody who has given up her life to God for real and has submitted to her husband

 as unto the Lord? (Ephesians 5:22)

- I live every day without fear and worry, knowing that I serve and love a Sovereign God Who works outside of time, and Who is already in the future. All He asks of me is to trust in Him, knowing full well that everything that will happen to me will be filtered through His Able Hands. What?!? That's possible?! I am not worrying myself silly with what will happen tomorrow, next week, next year, in ten years?!?

- I enjoy being biblically submissive to my husband. Who would have thought that to be possible?!? Me?!? I am so Type A, opinionated, domineering, a go-getter, perfectionistic, couldn't stay put in one place... am now keeping still, and following my husband's leading. What?!? That's possible?! I also am being very patient as I wait on the Lord to manifest His Will for me and my life, under my husband's headship. Really?!?  I am not getting ahead of Dong or of God?!?

- I revel in the simplicity of my life now and the obscurity that goes along with being a full-time housewife and mother with some businesses on the side. What?!? I am not feeling envious of my contemporaries who are having the time of their lives with their careers on full-swing?!? (Note: I do have a job offer as we speak, for a new TV program. I have asked my husband to help me discern on what to do with that offer. It came out of nowhere! But nothing is definite yet.)

- I read my Bible daily. The more I get to know Who God is because of His Word, the more I get to know how "nothing" I really am in comparison to Him, and yet He loves me, Jesus died for me, and the Holy Spirit was sent to help me! Wow. The more I get to know who I am in reference to our Sovereign God, the more I rest in His Promises. What?!? That's impossible!!! A Catholic Christian reads her Bible?!? Haha.

I cannot go a day without reading God's Word. I am thirsty for His Promises.

- Dong feels safe with me. It used to be that he was very uptight and defensive about everything. I was always quick to point out his weaknesses or hasty to share my disagreement with his plans. Now, my husband has become more and more manly and has taken on the reins in our relationship. I find myself feeling more protected, more feminine, more peaceful, since I gave up my controlling behavior, and have decided to fulfill my God-ordained role as helper in our marriage. He shares with me his ideas, his dreams, and his hopes, and I support him 100% in them. What?!? That's possible?! I do not feel the need to control my husband or our lives?!?

- I love wearing modest clothing. It used to be that I felt the need to look and be sexy, in order to be validated for my looks. I did not mind the wolf whistles or the salacious stares, even if they were inappropriate and bastos (lewd)! Now, since my conviction and conversion, I find myself dressing in longer clothes, and not obsessing anymore with weight nor beauty. I am almost always without makeup now, my toenails and fingernails are cracking and have not been painted in months, and my hands are becoming rough from too much housework, and yet I haven't felt this great about myself ever! :) What?!? That's possible?! I do not dress like a teenager anymore?!? I do not feel the need to starve myself anymore so I will drop pounds?!? What? I have many dead toenails?!?

- I do not feel the heavy load of always wanting to please people or to appear perfect in front of people.  It used to be that I feared the disapproval or low opinions of others towards me or my actions. I always wanted to appear put together and 'perfect'. Well, nowadays, since I know now who I am ( a great sinner in need of God's Grace daily) I am no longer fazed by my mistakes, weaknesses and sins. I expect them! But, I also am quick to repent and turn to God because I am no longer a "slave to sin" but of God. I am already dead to this self, and to all the opinions others have of me. What?!? I no longer hyperventilate just knowing somebody thought badly of me?! That's possible?! That I will not defend myself to people who have maligned me?!?

- And lastly, I no longer engage in unnecessary "sharings" or gossip. If I do get some nasty bits of info about others, instead of believing in them or making "gatong" (adding up to the story), I immediately think of the good qualities of the person and lift those up to God. I also do not engage in derogatory remarks about other people, whereas before, I enjoyed making "okray" (making fun of people!) especially those whom I particularly disliked or who disliked me! What?!? That's possible?! Can I even keep silent on those juicy tidbits about others?!?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

These are only some of my "new normal" behaviors. :) I wish I can point out every single one of them but they are too many to share about.

I claim nothing from this new behavior, or pattern of thinking, or speaking.

It's all a God Thing. Not a Nikka thing.

All I have going for me are my sins, my repentance for those sins, and my having accepted Jesus into my life. Even though people do not consider me a "great sinner", I KNOW in my heart that I am, that I was. I was self-righteous, prideful, envious, judgmental, condescending, controlling, bitter, etc. etc. Every one of those sins, the Lord saw in my heart. Every one of those sins, I repented for and emptied my heart of (and continue to do so now).  

Jeremiah 17:10

 "But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives.

              I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve."

Because of my decision to let go and let God, Jesus has indeed changed my heart and freed me from all my bondages! Praise God! :) 

It is no longer I who lives but Christ in me. (Galatians 2:20)

I am dead to my former self, and I am a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Therese's First Communion - Dec 2013

There is this adage that says, "Past behavior is indicative of present and future behavior." Partially true. But only if one is judging one's worldly behavior now from one's worldly behavior before.

But, and this one I can assure you about, once God changes you -- how you will think, react, speak, and be --- will no longer be how the old you would have thought, reacted, spoken or been. Even you will be surprised to find out that what used to enchain you and hold you captive, no longer has power over you, now that you have turned your life over to Jesus! :)

The old problems that used to drag you down so fast no longer seem insurmountable.

The old worries that used to make you feel depressed and hopeless, no longer bother you.

The old petty things that used to make you so irked and impatient, no longer irritate you.

Why, you say?

Because in its place is no longer your spirit, but the Holy Spirit. God has transformed you! God has given you His Spirit!!! 

John 14:15-17

15 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper,[a] to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be[b] in you.

Your past behavior is just that, the past. Leave it there. Good riddance. :)

Today and the future are much, much, MUCH  brighter! Because God is in charge now. What was once normal, no longer is the norm. :)

The old is gone, the new has come!

And the people around you have better get used to this new joyful, peaceful, radiant you because Jesus has saved you! He is living in you. You have already said goodbye to your old, worldly, sinful self!

When that time comes, do not be ashamed to say:

"WELCOME TO THE NEW NORMAL!!!!"

(And the new normal, with God's Help, is here to stay... Yay!!!)

Happy birthday Reuben!!! (May 20, 2104)

May we all be richly blessed! :)

The Dearth of Godly Women Mentors (The Titus 2 Women, Where Are They?!?!?)

There is a dearth of godly women mentors in the Philippines today. 

There is a dearth of godly women mentors in the whole world, period. :(

Day in and day out, we are inundated with worldly advice that promotes women "empowerment", raising "self-esteem", of seizing all of life's opportunities, and making the world one's "oyster". There is nothing inherently wrong or evil in any of those, I aver. It is wonderful to feel good about oneself and to achieve some level of success in this world. We were created to somehow make a difference in this planet, after all. 

But, when the "be-all and end-all" of existence is just to please 
ME, MYSELF and I, then that is where the problem lies.

We really never find ourselves and our true life purposes in our families, in our careers, in our churches, or in our very own selves; no matter what the world says. 

We are only able to find our true purpose when we know God and who we are, in connection to God. Then, we find more meaning in our lives by giving of ourselves fully in our relationships and affiliations.

- We know God; we get to know who we are. (We are sinners, in need of His Mercy.)

- We know God; we get to know why we are here. (To seek Him, serve Him, love Him.)

- We know God; we get to know where we are headed. (Eternal Life in Heaven)

It does not work like this:

- I land the job of my dreams, I find my "calling".

- I meet the man of my dreams, I find my "reason for being".

- I live in the country of my dreams, I find my "paradise".

That is foolish. :(

- Apart from God, and our relation to Him, we really do not "find ourselves".

- Apart from God and our relation to Him, we really cannot "find our purpose."

- Apart from God and our relation to Him, we will NEVER "find meaning in life."

It is with this thought process in mind that I go about with this post. 

I only found peace and joy in this season of my life, AFTER I found God, and let Him take control of all aspects in my life.

I found my authentic self, AFTER I got to know the Lord as Who He was/is, not What I thought He was/is, through the Bible.

I found my purpose/s in life AFTER I submitted unto the Lord.

 I found my purpose as a person, wife and mother AFTER I submitted to my husband, as unto the Lord.

* * * * *

As a married woman with four young children, all under the age of ten, I wish I had known earlier what was really expected of me once I got married. :(

Whitney Houston in Cosmo

My "marriage peg" was not exactly godly nor biblical. It was something straight out of a Cosmo Magazine as a "Fun and Fearless Female", I guess. I was "taught" and raised to be extremely ambitious, career-driven, and self-reliant. I did not know that marriage was a partnership and that each spouse had God-given roles. I thought all along that it was "to each his own"; "You do your own thing, I do mine, then let's meet at the end of the day and exchange points." Well, that kind of mindset nearly destroyed my marriage. :(

I am glad the Lord convicted me of my sins and so, in September 1, 2013, I was "born again." (I am a Catholic Christian, by the way, and still am.:) I repented for my sins and surrendered my all to God. That same day too, I decided to submit unto my husband, Dong, and "kill" my controlling, domineering, self-righteous self.
Good riddance, really!

Two short weeks after submitting to Dong, I "chanced" upon April Cassidy's blog, The Peaceful Wife. That's a "divine appointment", right there! This further reinforced for me, that I was on the right track in my respect and Biblical submission journey. Since then, April has been a good friend and my Titus 2 mentor too, in this narrow path that we tread, along with other Peaceful wives, all over the world.

Why do we need a mentor?

Because we should not trust ourselves.

Proverbs 28:26

26 

"Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool,

    but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered."

We would need somebody that we can be accountable to, or who could correct us or even rebuke us, if necessary. Of course, it goes without saying that no mentor is infallible. Only God's Word is without error, and only God can really correct and straighten our paths, but it helps to have a godly human mentor too, walking with us in this journey.

I am 38 years, 129 days, 8 hours, 35 minutes, and 10 seconds old; as of the beginning of this post. For those reading this who are younger than me, this may prove to be an enlightening post. I am appointing myself as your Titus 2 "aged woman" mentor. :) (Note: I love being older!)

This is the reason I started this blog too, after my husband suggested I write a similar blog to April's, meant specifically for Filipinas all over the world (God's Word is for all races and nations though, and so everyone is welcome to read this.:) ). I wanted to mentor wives who were younger than me, so that they can learn from my mistakes and sins, and either not tread my wrong paths or encourage them to straighten theirs.

This is the Bible verse I follow:

Titus 2:3-5

“The  aged women likewise, that they be in behavior  as becometh holiness,  not  false  accusers,  not  given  to  much wine,  teachers  of  good  things;  

That  they  may teach  the young women  to  be sober,  to  love  their husbands,  to  love  their  children,  To  be  discreet,  chaste,  keepers at  home,  good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” 

For those wives older than me by a few or many years, this post may be taken from the point of view of a young woman who has some "wisdom" to share, through no merits of her own, but by God's Grace alone.

I share with you a Bible verse from the Book of Job, when Elihu, a much younger man, felt compelled to speak the Word of God, despite being young in stature, among elders:

Job 32:6-10

6 So Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite said:

“I am young in years,

    and you are old;

that is why I was fearful,

    not daring to tell you what I know.

7 

I thought, ‘Age should speak;

    advanced years should teach wisdom.’

8 

But it is the spirit[b] in a person,

    the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding.

9 

It is not only the old who are wise,

    not only the aged who understand what is right.

10 “Therefore I say: Listen to me;    I too will tell you what I know.

_________________________________________________________________

What should we teach the younger ones then, before they get married or while being married? What should our own mothers, aunts, grandmothers or women elders have shared with us, before we got married?

To do these 8 things below, in order for God's Word 
to not be reviled or blasphemed:

1. to be sober
2. to  love our husbands
3. to  love our  children
4. to  be discreet/self-controlled
5. to be chaste/pure
6. to be keepers/to be busy/to be working ... at home
7. to be good
8. to be obedient to our own husbands

We do these 8 THINGS though, only after this important Bible verse: 

Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

The order would be something like this:

1. God the Father (Who is Sovereign over all)
2. Jesus Christ (Who submitted to the Father)
3. Husband (Who submits to Christ)
4. Wife (Who submits to Christ first, then, to her husband)

Ultimately, both the husband and wife, 
submit FIRST to Jesus.

We do not immediately submit to our husbands, without first having submitted to God. Doing so, would be nothing short of idolatry! We do not just follow everything our husbands tell us to do, without having the right attitude and correct frame of mind and heart. We Biblically submit to our God-ordained authorities, our spouses, because we are following Christ's commandment for us to do so. We do not do all of the 8 things first, then conveniently put Christ in the picture after, when things are "not going well" in our marriage.

It is GOD first.

Our husbands come only a (not so near) second.

We submit to GOD first.

Then, we submit to our husbands, as unto the Lord.

If they become more loving husbands because of our submission, praise God!

If they continue to be detached and not so loving, in spite of our submission, praise God still!

Ultimately, no matter what the outcome, we do Biblical submission for Christ. Our eyes are set on God. We focus on our side of the equation and on our own God-given role as help meets, and we leave it to God to convict or transform our husbands' hearts. 

Focusing on the 8 THINGS alone will not make us have joy and peace. We can seem "perfect" and be all of those in our eyes and even in other people's eyes, but without Jesus, all those will still not be enough to experience true peace and joy. Those may even "enchain" us instead of "free" us. They can easily make us "legalistic", doing everything to the letter but not being transformed by God's Spirit, which makes all those "good actions" still seem empty.

Nothing and no one can occupy that God-filled void in our hearts except God Himself.

So what do we have to do then?

We do the 8 Titus THINGS the godly way:

1. To be sober (We do our best to moderate all our behavior, including not being addicted to wine or alcohol/spirits, and instead fill ourselves up with the Spirit as we read God's Word.)  
2. To  love our husbands (We love our imperfect husbands with the love of the Lord.)
3. To  love our  children (We love our very energetic and oftentimes naughty children, with the love of the Lord.)
4. To  be discreet/self-controlled (We ask God to take control of our lives, while we do our best to practice self-control on our sinful thoughts and behavior.)
5. To be chaste/pure (We do our best to hold every thought captive for Christ the moment a temptation crops up, so as not to sin.)
6. To be keepers/to be busy/to be working ... at home (We embrace our God-ordained roles within the home with much peace and joy, accepting it as God's Will for us that to take care of our families is our utmost priority, even to the point of having to give up a very busy career, if it goes against that priority.)
7. To be good (We try to be "perfect" as our heavenly Father is perfect, knowing all good comes from God, and all we have to show for is our sins.)
8. To be obedient to our own husbands (We respect and obey our God-ordained authorities not because they are always right or  perfect, but because we know that God will manifest His Will for us by directing us and our paths, through our errant husbands. The only time we can choose NOT to obey our husbands is when they are leading us to sin against God Himself. Then, we have to choose to obey God, and not Man, but we still do so respectfully. Acts 5:29)

Ultimately, we do all the 8 THINGS for the Lord, in order that His Word will not be maligned nor blasphemed.

Because, dear sisters, no matter how "spiritual" or "holy" or "religious" or "learned" about God we may be, if our home is in chaos, and we are disrespectful and unsubmissive to our husbands (like I was before!), we give God a really BAD REP. :( 

Good thing if it is only us whom we may put in a bad light, but if it is God's Word we are maligning, yikes! We are walking FALSE ADVERTISEMENTS. We are doing God a disservice!  They see us and our "good works", but they DON'T see God. :(

Who is mentoring you, dear sister? 

Is it your mother, your close friend, your neighbor? Is it Oprah or Dr. Phil?!? (Note: I loved Oprah growing up. I still do.  But I do not anymore consider her words as gospel truth.;) Maybe it is time to reassess just how their pieces of advice are molding you to become the person, wife, or mother that you are now. Is it making your marriage better or making it break apart? Is their advice worldly or is what they say, based on God's Word? 

Do you believe in Oprah's quote?
How about Matthew 16:26's "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?
Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?" Which one is more true for you?

If we profess ourselves to be Christians, we have to follow Christ and His Word. Not some new age guru. Not some popular TV talk show host. 
And definitely, not some blogger like me!!! 

Ultimately, it is between you and God. People like me or my own mentor, April, share what we've learned in blog sites such as these, so that we can help you realize that you are not alone. That we hear you. That we know where you are coming from. But that's just about it. 

What I would like to do though is to POINT YOU TO CHRIST. You have no need for me!!! You can forget about me the moment you finish this post! Don't worry, I won't feel insulted or offended one bit. :) You have no need for my counsel or "wisdom".   All you need is Jesus and His Wisdom. But, if posts such as these, allow you to waken up that hidden longing for God, then, this little ministry of mine, would not have been in vain. Praise God for that! :)

As always, though, my prayer is that: 
I decrease in order for God to increase. 
All errors, mistakes, imperfections are mine. 
All Wisdom, Knowledge, Inspiration are God's.

Sirach 10:26

"Do not feel proud when you have only accomplished your work."

Luke 17:10

So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'"

Are you in need of a Titus 2 elder, dear sister? Look for one now. It is lovely to have someone to mentor you in this seemingly archaic path.

If you are already a godly older woman who could mentor and share so much wisdom with the younger ones, do so now, dear sister in Christ. Do not hold it in! The world needs more of YOU! :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)