Welcome to the "New Normal"!

Our "new normal" is more joyful, more peaceful, more playful :) -- May 20, 2104

You've seen and heard other people's testimonies, that probably made you go, "Wow. God is so good! That's a miracle!"

Ansel Beluso, a former Philippine showbiz writer and talk show host, and now a full-time servant of Couples For Christ, has a life story that makes me marvel at God's Grace and Mercy. In his own words,

"Yes, for all the four decades of my checkered life then, I had come to accept and embrace and live out the homosexual orientation, basically because I thought that was the only way for me to gain my freedom. So clueless I was then about the evils that my rabidly gay lifestyle actually wrought on the world in which I lived. At the time, I thought that being gay was just that – being gay, which meant being happy.

The pursuit of happiness was the chief purpose of my life then. And I thought I was a success. In my career, I was the creative director of several top-rating TV shows and I even became a showbiz talk-show host. In my love life, I enjoyed the juiciest flesh around and conditioned my mind to believe I loved them and they loved me back.

Former showbiz talk show host, turned full-time servant of God 

Back then, sex was a commodity that didn’t run out. Every weekend, I’d hie off to some nearby province to taste the native delicacies. At one point, I participated in an orgy. I remember also having had sexual relations with six brothers pimped to me by their own father.

Each time I look back on those days, I cringe – both at the enormity of my transgressions and at how totally unaware I was then of how much I was offending God.

All I thought was that I was just having a good time. Besides, I rationalized, the boys whose innocence I purloined badly needed the money I gave them – I was simply sharing with them the blessings of my material prosperity!"

He was a very promiscuous gay person till the Lord convicted him. He has since turned over a new leaf, gotten married, had children, and is now one of the active workers of the Couples for Christ Ministry. He even has a ministry for the "pastoral care and spiritual nourishment of active homosexuals who struggle to step out of the enslavement of their flesh." You can read his full story here.

* * *

In one of my earlier posts, I shared with you about the Machine Gun Preacher, Sam Childers. He was a drug dealer, a drug user, a sex addict, and a lost man before he turned over his life to Jesus. Now, he is not only a preacher, but he has also taken to heart as his main calling in life, to save the children in the Sudan from abuse.

Augustine before he became a saint, (His mother Monica incessantly prayed for his conversion!), was a promiscuous man who could not control the urges of his flesh. It took 17 years before he turned his life over to God. Previous to that, he was even famously quoted as saying, "Lord, let me be chaste, but not yet!!!"

Amazing stories.

Awe-inspiring.

From great sinners to great servants of the Lord.

Simply WOW.

Then, there's me.

When I tell others about having let go and let God on September 1, 2013... When I share with them that I have submitted to my husband, as unto the Lord... When I witness to Jesus' amazing Mercy and Love, I do not get even half the response as any of the above mentioned people would have probably garnered upon their conversion. 

Theirs is like the Saul of Tarsus experience. 
It's fantastic! It's miraculous! It's astounding!

Ansel Beluso was transformed from a "raging homosexual" to a family man and servant of God. 

Sam Childers was a great sinner who became a courageous savior of hopeless children. 

Augustine was a great sinner who became a VERY GREAT saint!

And then, there's the 'Nikka story": "My whole life changed the day I decided to submit to my husband as unto the Lord.", I would start... and nobody and I mean, nobody has ever said, "Wow." :P

I guess by other people's standards, my life is not that "dramatic". Yes, I had an eating disorder. Yes, I was suicidal. Yes, I had depression which led to my possession in the past...  But, my story NOW, of a biblically submitted wife is not astounding at all.  Even with all those trials in my distant past,  I did not do drugs, did not engage in promiscuity -- homosexually or heterosexually, did not smoke, did not steal, did not commit abortion or adultery... did not really live a life of nearly utter contempt of God. 

I could even be categorized as "good". I have been called Ms. Goody Two Shoes several times. 

I have been told by at least four priests that I had the "aura of a nun".

When I divulge to people my change of heart nowadays, I do not get a great reaction.

I think, to them, I have just become WEIRD (or weirder). Haha!:)

Some people probably think I have gone loony tunes!

Some people probably think I have "regressed" by biblically submitting to my husband! I mean who does that these days, right? It's totally against the grain of today's modern Cosmo fun and fearless female!

Some friends even dared ask if I was depressed!

Nikka 2012 - pre-submission to God and to Dong

Depressed? Before I turned over my life to God, often. But now? Never. :)

Sure, there are those hormonal days when it's harder to be cheerful or to maintain Christ's Peace. But, even on those days, since I have started holding captive every thought for Christ, my emotions no longer have the power to boss me around, the way I allowed them to before.

I wish I could really explain the change inside my heart. But words will not be enough to even grasp its entirety. It's one of those things that's better left unsaid. It's a private matter between my God and me. Having a blog though, and documenting this journey that I am on, I am encouraged to share it with others in the hope that my own experiences can touch someone else's life. Sometimes though, I feel that my "merits" are lesser because I have to write about them (Matthew 6:4), but then again, I write this blog for God's Glory, and I am just His "useless servant!", so He can do with this blog any way that He pleases, including taking it down entirely in the future, if need be! (Luke 17:10)

Peaceful Wife Philippines Nikka - Dec 2013

I do know that I am living my "new normal." Initially, it was awkward, odd and felt fake, but as I practiced it day after day, it has taken on a feeling of normalcy, familiarity and even of comfort.

What is the "new normal" for somebody who has given up her life to God for real and has submitted to her husband

 as unto the Lord? (Ephesians 5:22)

- I live every day without fear and worry, knowing that I serve and love a Sovereign God Who works outside of time, and Who is already in the future. All He asks of me is to trust in Him, knowing full well that everything that will happen to me will be filtered through His Able Hands. What?!? That's possible?! I am not worrying myself silly with what will happen tomorrow, next week, next year, in ten years?!?

- I enjoy being biblically submissive to my husband. Who would have thought that to be possible?!? Me?!? I am so Type A, opinionated, domineering, a go-getter, perfectionistic, couldn't stay put in one place... am now keeping still, and following my husband's leading. What?!? That's possible?! I also am being very patient as I wait on the Lord to manifest His Will for me and my life, under my husband's headship. Really?!?  I am not getting ahead of Dong or of God?!?

- I revel in the simplicity of my life now and the obscurity that goes along with being a full-time housewife and mother with some businesses on the side. What?!? I am not feeling envious of my contemporaries who are having the time of their lives with their careers on full-swing?!? (Note: I do have a job offer as we speak, for a new TV program. I have asked my husband to help me discern on what to do with that offer. It came out of nowhere! But nothing is definite yet.)

- I read my Bible daily. The more I get to know Who God is because of His Word, the more I get to know how "nothing" I really am in comparison to Him, and yet He loves me, Jesus died for me, and the Holy Spirit was sent to help me! Wow. The more I get to know who I am in reference to our Sovereign God, the more I rest in His Promises. What?!? That's impossible!!! A Catholic Christian reads her Bible?!? Haha.

I cannot go a day without reading God's Word. I am thirsty for His Promises.

- Dong feels safe with me. It used to be that he was very uptight and defensive about everything. I was always quick to point out his weaknesses or hasty to share my disagreement with his plans. Now, my husband has become more and more manly and has taken on the reins in our relationship. I find myself feeling more protected, more feminine, more peaceful, since I gave up my controlling behavior, and have decided to fulfill my God-ordained role as helper in our marriage. He shares with me his ideas, his dreams, and his hopes, and I support him 100% in them. What?!? That's possible?! I do not feel the need to control my husband or our lives?!?

- I love wearing modest clothing. It used to be that I felt the need to look and be sexy, in order to be validated for my looks. I did not mind the wolf whistles or the salacious stares, even if they were inappropriate and bastos (lewd)! Now, since my conviction and conversion, I find myself dressing in longer clothes, and not obsessing anymore with weight nor beauty. I am almost always without makeup now, my toenails and fingernails are cracking and have not been painted in months, and my hands are becoming rough from too much housework, and yet I haven't felt this great about myself ever! :) What?!? That's possible?! I do not dress like a teenager anymore?!? I do not feel the need to starve myself anymore so I will drop pounds?!? What? I have many dead toenails?!?

- I do not feel the heavy load of always wanting to please people or to appear perfect in front of people.  It used to be that I feared the disapproval or low opinions of others towards me or my actions. I always wanted to appear put together and 'perfect'. Well, nowadays, since I know now who I am ( a great sinner in need of God's Grace daily) I am no longer fazed by my mistakes, weaknesses and sins. I expect them! But, I also am quick to repent and turn to God because I am no longer a "slave to sin" but of God. I am already dead to this self, and to all the opinions others have of me. What?!? I no longer hyperventilate just knowing somebody thought badly of me?! That's possible?! That I will not defend myself to people who have maligned me?!?

- And lastly, I no longer engage in unnecessary "sharings" or gossip. If I do get some nasty bits of info about others, instead of believing in them or making "gatong" (adding up to the story), I immediately think of the good qualities of the person and lift those up to God. I also do not engage in derogatory remarks about other people, whereas before, I enjoyed making "okray" (making fun of people!) especially those whom I particularly disliked or who disliked me! What?!? That's possible?! Can I even keep silent on those juicy tidbits about others?!?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

These are only some of my "new normal" behaviors. :) I wish I can point out every single one of them but they are too many to share about.

I claim nothing from this new behavior, or pattern of thinking, or speaking.

It's all a God Thing. Not a Nikka thing.

All I have going for me are my sins, my repentance for those sins, and my having accepted Jesus into my life. Even though people do not consider me a "great sinner", I KNOW in my heart that I am, that I was. I was self-righteous, prideful, envious, judgmental, condescending, controlling, bitter, etc. etc. Every one of those sins, the Lord saw in my heart. Every one of those sins, I repented for and emptied my heart of (and continue to do so now).  

Jeremiah 17:10

 "But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives.

              I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve."

Because of my decision to let go and let God, Jesus has indeed changed my heart and freed me from all my bondages! Praise God! :) 

It is no longer I who lives but Christ in me. (Galatians 2:20)

I am dead to my former self, and I am a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Therese's First Communion - Dec 2013

There is this adage that says, "Past behavior is indicative of present and future behavior." Partially true. But only if one is judging one's worldly behavior now from one's worldly behavior before.

But, and this one I can assure you about, once God changes you -- how you will think, react, speak, and be --- will no longer be how the old you would have thought, reacted, spoken or been. Even you will be surprised to find out that what used to enchain you and hold you captive, no longer has power over you, now that you have turned your life over to Jesus! :)

The old problems that used to drag you down so fast no longer seem insurmountable.

The old worries that used to make you feel depressed and hopeless, no longer bother you.

The old petty things that used to make you so irked and impatient, no longer irritate you.

Why, you say?

Because in its place is no longer your spirit, but the Holy Spirit. God has transformed you! God has given you His Spirit!!! 

John 14:15-17

15 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper,[a] to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be[b] in you.

Your past behavior is just that, the past. Leave it there. Good riddance. :)

Today and the future are much, much, MUCH  brighter! Because God is in charge now. What was once normal, no longer is the norm. :)

The old is gone, the new has come!

And the people around you have better get used to this new joyful, peaceful, radiant you because Jesus has saved you! He is living in you. You have already said goodbye to your old, worldly, sinful self!

When that time comes, do not be ashamed to say:

"WELCOME TO THE NEW NORMAL!!!!"

(And the new normal, with God's Help, is here to stay... Yay!!!)

Happy birthday Reuben!!! (May 20, 2104)

May we all be richly blessed! :)

From Sinner to Saint - Saint Augustine (How to Help God Change your Husband/Son Through Prayer and a Godly Life) PART 2

In my previous post, I shared about Sam Childers, the Machine Gun Preacher's conversion from grave sinner (drug dealer, drug addict, violent man, adulterous husband) to preacher and savior of the Sudanese children (from abduction, rape, slavery and a life of crime in the hands of LRA leader Joseph Kony). 

This change of heart was brought about by the unceasing prayers of his wife Lynn, who was herself a former sinner, (a stripper whom he met in one of his drug deals) and his godly mother whose name was not disclosed, who never tired of praying for him because somebody prophesied to her way before he was born, that she would bear herself a preacher. The Lord did convict and convert Sam Childers in 1992, after years of crime and unbridled lust, and he has never stopped serving the Lord (and not anymore some drug lord) since then.


Today, I will share with you about how the godly life of one wife/mother was able to save both her husband and son, from their lives of sinfulness and godlessness. 

* * *

For centuries, Saint Monica was revered in the Roman Catholic Church as the patroness of married women. It is time that "modern"women" became more closely acquainted with this this exemplary woman, whose prayers are especially to be invoked by those with wayward children and by wives who desire to sanctify their unbelieving husbands. Such was her unceasing prayers that she was able to help convert her son from a grave sinner to a great saint.  Her son is none other than one of the greatest figures in the history of the Church, 
Saint Augustine.

READ AND BE INSPIRED!!! 
_______________________________________

PRAYERS OF A GODLY WIFE AND MOTHER

(Saint Monica) 

for

SINFUL HUSBAND-AND-SON-TANDEM
(Patricius of Thagaste- HUSBAND and Augustine- SON)

MONICA as a GODLY WIFE

PATRICIUS' LIFE BEFORE CONVERSION:

- was a pagan, did not follow any religion
- was violent and loose-living
- had a choleric temper and dissolute morals
- was annoyed by  Monica's prayers
 - found Monica's charity excessive
 - could not understand Monica's desire to visit the sick
 - could not fathom Monica's love for slaves 
- defiled their marriage bed by sleeping with other women

HOW MONICA HELPED GOD CHANGE HER SINFUL HUSBAND:

- Prayer was her strength. 

- She bore her cross with remarkable fortitude and spiritual maturity despite the age difference (She was only 22; Patricius twice her age).

- She realized that her husband's weaknesses and moral failings stemmed from the fact that he had not yet been enlightened by the Gospel, that he lacked the grace of God.

- She shed bitter tears in his absence, but she knew that a man who did not love God could not be expected to be constant in his affection towards one of His creatures. 

- With firm hope, she prayed that God Himself would grant her husband faith and love for Him, which alone are able to inspire a man with the desire to lead a chaste life.

- Monica knew that reproaches were counter-productive, and she tamed her husband's violent temper by her meekness and devotion.

- Other women, who endured blows from their husbands, asked Monica how it was that Patricius, whom they knew to be irascible, did not once strike her. 

-Monica replied that instead of blaming their husbands they should blame their tongues, for "she had learnt not to resist an angry husband, not in deed only, but not even in word."

- This gentle manner, this talisman, consisting of silence and abnegation, were recommended by her to all her friends. When, with faces disfigured by their young husbands' ill-treatment, they came to confide their troubles to her keeping, she smilingly replied, " Beware of your tongue " and they felt she was right, for though her husband was the most violent-tempered man, 
he never struck her.  He might start with rage, and threaten her, but he never did more, for her gentle gaze always restrained him. 

- Regardless of Patricius' religious indifference and often unchristian behavior, Monica was very attentive towards him, "whom she, the better obeyed, therein also obeying [God] Who hast so commanded". 

- Compelled at times to contradict him and to go against his will in what concerned the Faith, she was all the more meek and submissive to him in other matters. 

- Although superior to her husband in education and moral qualities, she made every effort not to reveal her advantage. 

- She firmly believed that if the light of the Gospel was reflected in all her actions, then Patricius would eventually be persuaded of its power and its truth, and would submit to it more readily than if she attempted to persuade him with rational arguments. 

- Indeed, her Christian conduct acted like a soothing balm on Patricius' soul, and, without his realizing it, drew him gradually closer to the Faith. 

- As Saint John Chrysostom wrote half a century later in his homily, On Virginity, the believing wife "will be able to save her husband by putting the Gospel into practice."       This is precisely what Saint Monica did, winning over not only her husband but also her cantankerous mother-in-law.

WHEN DID GOD ANSWER HER PRAYERS FOR HER HUSBAND'S CONVERSION?

After 16 years!!!

HOW GOD ANSWERED HER PRAYERS:

- Patricius was baptized after 16 years!  

- He died shortly after, just a year after his conversion in 371. 

Her aim to sanctify her husband for eternal life was achieved by the Grace of God. 

_______________________________________

MONICA as a GODLY MOTHER

AUGUSTINE'S LIFE BEFORE CONVERSION:

-As Patricius was dying, his eldest son, Augustine, was seventeen years old. In spite of all the efforts of Monica to provide a good Christian foundation to Augustine's life, he lapsed.

- It is a strange paradox that as Patricius began to embrace the Christian faith, Augustine was still rejecting it.

- To her distress, however, she witnessed the rejection by Augustine of all that she held dear.  The distress of Monica was aggravated by the cynical attitude of Augustine towards her advice.

- Augustine engaged himself in a number of illicit affairs: 

 "I went to Carthage, where I found myself in the midst of a hissing cauldron of lasciviousness. I ran wild with lust, the abominable things I did: rank depravity, a surfeit of hell’s pleasures. Bodily desire like a bubbling swamp and virile sex welling up within me exuded mists…"

- Augustine continued to wrestle with his problem. In despair he would even occasionally turn to God, imploring him in touching fashion,
‘Lord, give me chastity – but not yet.’ 

He didn’t want God to ‘cure me too soon of the disease of lust, which I wanted satisfied, not quelled’. 

- had a concubine for 15 years and had a son from that affair

- In his own words,  He "ran wild in the jungle of erotic adventures...

and became putrid in [God's] sight."

HOW MONICA  HELPED GOD CHANGE HER SINFUL SON:

- Monica was very distressed with her errant son, Augustine.

-  Only a memorable dream altered her decision. In this dream, she saw a radiant being approach her as she lamented the spiritual ruin of her son. 

- The angel bade her to be consoled, for where she was, there too her son should be. 

Augustine suggested that this might indicate that his mother's belief might end. But she instantly rejoined that the words were not "Where he is, there you shall be."

- About the same time, she received consolation from a bishop. He was wearied with her entreaties that he should reason with Augustine on her behalf.  Finally he told her, "Go, I beg you. The son of so many tears cannot perish." 

- Eventually Augustine returned to his faith and with the help of Ambrose became one of the greatest figures in the history of the Church.

- In his Confessions, Augustine acknowledged that without the example and continual prayers of his mother he would have been lost.

- At Ostia in November 387, after the prayer experience of joy and happiness of Augustine and herself had passed, Monica became silent.

- Almost as if a premonition of her death, Monica however later turned to her son and said, "Son, as far as I am concerned, nothing in this life now gives me any pleasure. I do not know why I am still here, since I have no further hopes in this world... I did have one reason for wanting to live a little longer: to see you become a Catholic Christian before I died. God has lavished his gifts on me in that respect, for I know that you have even renounced happiness here on earth to be his servant. So what am I doing here?" 
About five days later she was taken ill by fever - possibly malaria. She died shortly after.

WHEN DID GOD ANSWER HER PRAYERS FOR HER SON'S CONVERSION?

After 17 years!!!

- Augustine wrote about her death in his Confessions, not only as one more demonstration of his conviction of the providence of God towards him through Monica but also as a sign of appreciation to her for the years of anxiety that by then he realized that he had caused her.

- In Book Nine of the Confessions, Augustine described Monica as "female in gender, with the faith of a man, with the serenity of great age, the love of a mother, and the spirit of a Christian."

- He later looked back at his rejection of her attempts to instruct him according to the ways of virtue: "[Her] words seemed to be only a woman's. But they were your warnings.... I ran with such great blindness that I feared to be without sin in my circle of friends." (Confessions 2, 3, 7). Sometimes very willfully, Augustine rejected her virtuous formation and chose to join a group of companions centered on "debased acts." 

HOW GOD ANSWERED MONICA'S PRAYERS:

- One day, Augustine heard about two men who had suddenly been converted on reading the life of St. Antony, and he felt terribly ashamed of himself. "What are we doing?" he cried to his friend Alipius. "Unlearned people are takingHeaven by force, while we, with all our knowledge, are so cowardly that we keep rolling around in the mud of our sins!"

- Full of bitter sorrow, Augustine flung himself out into the garden and cried out to God, "How long more, O Lord? Why does not this hour put an end to my sins?" Just then he heard a child singing, "Take up and read!"

Thinking that God intended him to hear those words, he picked up the book of the Letters of St. Paul, and read the first passage his gaze fell on: 

Romans 13:13-14

13 "Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. 14 Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh."

-  That did it! From then on, Augustine began a new life...

- He was baptized, became a priest, a bishop, a famous Catholic writer, Founder of religious priests, and one of the greatest saints that ever lived. 

- He became very devout and charitable, too. On the wall of his room he had the following sentence written in large letters:

"Here we do not speak evil of anyone." 

- St. Augustine overcame strong heresies, practiced great poverty and supported the poor, preached very often and prayed with great fervor right up until his death. 

- "Too late have I loved You!", he once cried to God, but with his holy life he certainly made up for the sins he committed before his conversion. 

___________________________________________________________________

Saint Monica's prayers as a godly wife and mother were answered by the Lord in her lifetime. No matter that it took nearly two decades of nonstop praying before they were answered! If 16 years or 17 years of unceasing prayers seem too long to us, (Mamumuti na yata mata natin 'nun kakahintay!) take heed, don't lose hope, that is but a moment, in view of eternity. :)

One woman was able to make a difference. She never ceased hoping. She never ceased praying. She was forever steadfast in her faith in God.

... And God rewarded her greatly! :)

This saintly woman was able to help turn her very sinful husband into a believer and her very sinful son into a saint, because of her complete faith and trust in God! And she helped produce not just any saint, but one of the greatest saints who have ever lived on earth! 

So, how do we help God change the hearts of our husbands, children, siblings, co-workers, neighbors, or whoever it may be whom we want to bring to Christ?

PRAYER.

As wives who want to bring our husbands closer to God, we can win them over without words, simply by praying, submitting to them, and living godly lives.

                                             1 Peter 3:1-5

3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands...

_______________________________________________________________________________                   POST SCRIPT

My sister, Erica

The idea of this post came from my sister Erica who sent me a link on Saint Monica. Thanks Ek!:)

Here are the links that proved helpful and insightful to the lives of Saints Monica and Augustine:

1) Augnet : Augustin's Mother

2) Orthodox America: Saint Monica Model of Wifely Forbearance 

3) History in an Hour: St. Augustine Philosophy in an Hour

4) Forgotten Books.Org : Life of Saint Monica

5) Augnet: Augustine's Life

May we all be richly blessed! :)