FLR (Female-Led Relationships) and WLM (Wife-Led Marriages)-- Peacefulwife Philippines' Top Searches

A Wedding Cake Topper of  a Wife-Led Marriage

In Filipino, "hawak sa leeg" or translated as "held by the neck/collar" or dominated.

I first wrote about Wife-Led Marriages in February 2014. Up till now, it still gets the MOST number of hits, that's why it continues to be on top of the POPULAR POSTS in The Peaceful Wife Philippines blog.

Every so often too, when I am online, I check the traffic sources on this blog, and I almost always get the same search keywords results: female-led relationship, FLR, wife-led marriage, WLM... And so it got me thinking that maybe this is more common than I think, or than we think!

These are the top search keywords in my blog every single day.

Before I wrote "The Wife-Led Marriage:Where Does It Lead?", I did not even know that there were already words coined for such relationships or that there were websites written on it! How naive could I get, right? Considering that I, myself, was in such a marriage for several years before the Lord convicted me of my sins of rebellion and pride! 

To my mind, what Dong and I had during those "wife-led years" was the 'modern set-up' or 

the 'non-traditional set-up' -- 

the one wherein roles were interchangeable and unnecessary and androgynous. 

Despite the happy faces, I was not exactly interiorly joyful or peaceful.We were still in a WLM here. - January 2011

I know of SO MANY couples in similar set-ups that it has become the NORM rather than the EXCEPTION to the rule. It wouldn't even be classified as odd anymore; more like usual or common or ordinary. You know, dominant women with full-swing careers and men who are too passive, who may or may not be "housebands" too. 

Back then, I felt that whoever had more talents, smarts and guts should lead, 
and obviously that was ME!!!!

I even rationalized that such was my lot. Maybe, the Lord in His Generosity just decided to rain down on me a huge number of abilities, and I would do Him a great disservice by NOT using all of my "God-given capabilities" for "His Greater Glory". And so, I spread myself too thin, being everything to everybody... except my husband. Honestly, it was also not really all for God's Greater Glory... It was more for MY GREATER GLORY. I wanted to be a superstar. I wanted to shine. I wanted to matter and to be somebody because I almost always felt worthless. I was working independently of God. I had myself as god.

BUT OF COURSE, I WAS NOT TOTALLY AWARE OF IT!

To my mind, I was just being this fun and fearless female who was on top of her game, having the time of her life and "having it all." In the Philippines, it's possible to "have it all." Most middle-class families have live-in household helpers at home who can do the chores and nanny duties. One can still have a full-fledged career AND a marriage AND children AND hobbies AND outside interests. 

With Jenefe at the right, our yaya/live-in helper/nanny at that time -- March 2014

But if I really "had it all" back then, why was it that I still felt so empty? :(

Why was it that I had ZERO tolerance and patience for my children by the time I got home? 

Why was it that I had ZERO libido and energy for my husband when he wanted to be intimate?

Why was it that I still felt that I did not matter even though my plate was super full and my cup was overflowing?

It was because I was running on MY OWN fuel, with MY OWN agenda, tagging God along to go with MY WILL, not His, and I wanted it done according to MY WORD.

Let me be very clear that during this time, Dong ALLOWED for it to happen, since he felt that it was what I WANTED. All the while he was thinking, that should I become any more disrespectful than I already was, that was when he'd really put his foot down! But, as he told me just recently, in a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being MOST DISRESPECTFUL, I was "just" a 5 or less than that. However, I was really VERY headstrong and take-charge in my attitude. I wanted things done MY way. I left no room for him to contribute to decisions which were a done deal in my mind. To "keep the peace", he went along with my very self-reliant and independent plans.

BUT...


We were NOT designed to live independently of God! That is a LIE! That is what satan would have us believe, that we can make it out on our own, apart from God.

Ephesians 2:10 

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

As wives too, we were NOT designed to live our lives independently of our husbands! That is another LIE! That is what satan would want us to do, in order for us to usurp our husbands' God-ordained authority, and emasculate them in the process.

Genesis 2:18

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.

 I will make a helper who is just right for him."

How many times have we heard that:

Women are better than men?

Women are more morally upright than men?

Women are better at leading (the family/organizations/companies) than men?

Oprah is probably the most respected female TV personality on the planet.
I used to consider all her quotes as gospel truth. I still admire Oprah a lot,
but I now base my truth on THE Truth - Jesus - of the Bible.

But, who was it who in her open rebellion, defied God first, in her desire to be like God?

Who was it who in her disobedience even led her husband to sin too, just like she did?

Who was it who in her vulnerability mixed with pride, allowed the devil to tempt her; and who was it who succumbed to the temptation first?

It was Eve.

And we are all daughters of Eve.

Photo Credit: Shipley Art Gallery

1 Timothy 2:14

And it was not Adam who was deceived by Satan. 

The woman was deceived, and sin was the result.

I am not saying it was ONLY Eve who sinned. She had sinned FIRST, but Adam sinned too. I mean what was he doing just biting into that forbidden fruit anyway? Wasn't it he to whom God had spoken to, in NO UNCERTAIN terms, NOT to partake of that fruit, in the first place?!? And why did he have to eat it too? Eve must have been so alluring when she offered it to him that all logic flew out of the window (if there were windows back then). Shouldn't he have gotten mad at Eve for biting into that "bawal" (forbidden) fruit and refused her offer "na mandamay" (to make him sin too)?!?  He obviously did not fulfill his God-given role as protector and head of Eve, and by way of Command Responsibility, God called Adam to his sin first, and only after that did He talk to Eve:

And so this was the First Man's curse:

Genesis 3:17-19

17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;

    through painful toil you will eat food from it

    all the days of your life.

18 

It will produce thorns and thistles for you,

    and you will eat the plants of the field.

19 

By the sweat of your brow

    you will eat your food

until you return to the ground,

    since from it you were taken;

for dust you are

    and to dust you will return.”

And this was the First Woman's Curse:

Genesis 3:16 

To the woman he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; 

with painful labor you will give birth to children. 

Lamaze birth of our third baby, Reuben. SO FREAKIN' PAINFUL!!!
May 20, 2010

Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Desire here does not mean 'SEXUAL DESIRE' but a desire to CONTROL one's spouse:

Here's another version, from the New Living Translation, just to clarify that point.

Controlling Nikka 2011

                                      Genesis 3:16 

Then he said to the woman, "I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, 

and in pain you will give birth. 

And you will desire to control your husband, 

but he will rule over you."

Man was cursed to toil the earth in order to make a living; and 

Woman was cursed to experience pain as she gives birth to the living.

And more than just this excruciating pain ( I delivered four children normally, one via lamaze, (view the pic above) and boy, was it MIND-NUMBING!) ...
woman would also have the "desire" to RULE OVER MEN. 

Adam and Eve's marriage was the first documented WIFE-LED MARRIAGE. 

Eve fell to temptation and sin and tagged Adam along with her. Adam just followed.

This reversal of roles and subsequent Fall of Man and Woman, began for humankind the constant POWER PLAY we have been experiencing since time immemorial. The struggle for dominance or control within marriage. 

This Power Play is what has given birth to the Wife-Led Marriages and Female-Led Relationships, we know of now.

Is it WRONG to have the WIFE lead the marriage? The Bible says yes.

1 Timothy 2:11-15

Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

Is it BAD for the WIFE to be the head the family?  The Bible says yes.

Ephesians 5:23

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, 

his body, and is himself its Savior.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Does that mean WLRs and FLRs will NEVER work? 

Isn't it a case to case basis?!?

First of all, let me point out that in cases where 1) the husband is dead; or 2) the husband is severely incapacitated or disabled either physically or mentally, a wife, in these cases will have to lead her family and move independently of her husband. But in Number 2, when the husband is "just" severely physically unable to move but is of sound mind, the wife must still exercise all prudence and wisdom to still respect her husband's authority over her, despite his disabilities.

I am happy being my husband's help meet, not
his leader/dictator! June 2014

I personally believe a WLR and FLR can work to a certain degree, but since it is not biblical nor is it godly, it will always leave some/ a LOT of room for a lack of peace. To go against God's design for marriage is to go in rebellion against God Himself. 

We can argue all we want that a husband's headship and a wife's submission is passe or "laos" and outmoded or "di na uso", but the proof is in the pudding. The most joyful, most peaceful, most orderly marriages and families are those that follow God's Order of Marriage wherein the husband as the God-ordained authority leads, and the wife as help meet, supports and follows. 

* This should not be confused with a lack of equality in dignity between the husband and wife! We are equal in God's Eyes, but we are not equal in roles.

Genesis 1:27

So God created human beings in his own image.

 In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

We can liken it to the Relationship between God the Father and God the Son. Surely, any Christian believes that Jesus is not less of a God, than God the Father! And yet, Jesus in the form of Man, "did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped." Such humility.

Philippians 2:5-6 

"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped..."

If Jesus Who is God, had no "hang-ups" over biblical subordination, why is that
we who are but mere creatures get SO riled up over it?!?

Not only did Jesus NOT "mind" His Equal Ranking with God, He even allowed Himself to be made human (a great demotion for sure!), in order to fulfill the Will of the Father, and save us all from being slaves to sin and satan!

To continue Philippians 2:5-6... with verses 7 to 8:

"...but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

If Jesus did not have any "qualms" about biblical subordination in order to fulfill the Father's Will, why should we?!? We, who are but clay in the Potter's Hands? We, who are nothing, but dust?

Genesis 18:27

27 Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes,

Gen 2:7 "Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground.
He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person."

I have said this in my earlier post on Wife-Led Marriages, and I'll say it again...

It may lead to financial gains; it may even lead to a semblance of "order" and"harmony" in the home; it may even lead to some level of "happiness", but for as long as the wife is the leader and not the husband, it won't give as much peace or joy, 
that a husband-led marriage can give. 

After all, it is written in the Bible that:

                                           Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Take it from a wife who led her marriage (That's me, by the way, in case you do not yet know ;)) I was always miserable, always worried, always bitter and resentful of my husband who was to my mind, not capable of leading!, always depressed, always fearful of the future... 

I had ALL the qualities of a "good" leader: I was and still am: hardworking, organized, dedicated, persistent, industrious, thorough, creative, and so much more... and yet our marriage, despite my "great" leadership skills, always felt as though something was missing in it, and both Dong and I were not really that happy nor that peaceful. When we were "happy" or "at peace", it was only temporary, and we'd feel antsy or restless again.

I am now a peaceful biblically submissive wife.
- March 2014

It was when I submitted to God, then to my husband, that both he and I felt a continuing

JOY and PEACE brought about by:

    1) my ceasing of rebellion against God and against my husband (who is my God-ordained authority) and;

   2) my husband's stepping up to the plate in our marriage, because I was no longer fighting for his headship at home.

I hope and pray that those who will be led to this post after searching for "Female-Led Relationships" or "Wife-Led Marriages", will somehow be enlightened and convicted by the honest musings and witnessing of  a former miserable WIFE LEADER or FEMALE LEADER by the name of Veronica "Nikka" Cleofe-Alejar. 

They say a good leader is a good follower.

It's good to follow our Leader. Jesus had already laid out His Plan for us. We have just got to follow His Game Plan. Let us follow too our earthly leaders, our husbands, because Jesus commanded for us to submit to them, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

The Sin of Adam was redeemed by the Blood of Christ. We don't need to follow the path of the First fallen Man (Adam), because God Who Became Man (Jesus), has already shown us The Way. In fact He IS the WAY, the Truth and the Life. (John 14:6)

1 Corinthians 15:45

The Scriptures tell us, "The first man, Adam, became a living person." 

But the last Adam--that is, Christ--is a life-giving Spirit.

So, a shoutout to all daughters of Eve... Stop leading. Start following. We do not need to live by the "curse"; that is to always want to wrestle the authority from our husbands. We are not in any way inferior to them when we allow them to take on their God-given roles as heads of the family. 

In fact, it is acquiescing that role to them that we experience true freedom from turning over the reins, and accepting our God-given roles as help meets to our "Adams". What our first parents failed to do, that was to obey and to listen to God's Will for them and to fulfill their God-ordained callings, please, let us NOT REPEAT. 

We aim to have a godly marriage setup so the
children will learn God's design for men and women. Dec 2013

We can do all these through Christ Who strengthens us! In Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen! :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)

The Wife-Led Marriage: Where Does It Lead?

                                                Let me begin by assuming that :

1. Your husband is still alive.

2. Your husband is still generally healthy and/or able-bodied/of sound mind (not comatosed or critically ill or clinically depressed, etc.).

3. Your husband is not abusive (does not physically hurt you, treat you like a slave, etc.).

In short, this article is for those wives who are married to "normal" and generally loving but passive and not very "motivated" husbands.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Now that we have made that clear, let us define terms.

FEMALE-LED RELATIONSHIP or 
WIFE-LED MARRIAGE

According to Wikipedia... 

The term Female-Led Relationship (or "FLR") refers to a model for romantic heterosexual relationships in which both partners agree that the woman will act as the leader and ultimate authority. If the participants are married, the arrangement may be termed a Wife-Led Marriage (WLM).

This type of relationship may involve various kinds of dominant behavior by the female partner. It can include control over finances of both people by the woman, determination of where the couple lives, works, or how they live on a daily basis in every aspect of the relationship.

As a part of a FLR, punishment and/or rewards are sometimes used to control or train the male partner.

Sexual activity may be completely controlled by the woman who determines how and when sex is practiced.

Apparently, there is even a site based on this particular kind of relationship.

 On http://www.female-led-marriage.com, it explains in detail what this modern set-up is all about. Here is what a FLM and a WLM are, based on the blogger's own words... 

                What is a Female-Led Marriage?           

The 5 Food Groups --  Finances, Life Direction,
 Sex, Free Time, Household Chores

· Simply put - a marriage where a woman leads her household and man. In female-led marriages the wife takes control as head of household (HoH). In M. Lyman Hill's book "The 5 Food Groups," Hill describes the 5 areas of decision-making, couples normally engage in and how they are controlled. These 5 decision areas are the nature of how couples divide both authority and control in their partnership. People seem to get upset at the idea of control and authority, but control is just another word for manage; and authority is just another word for control; and everyone has to manage their lives. These 5 areas of decision-making are how partners decide the balance of power between them.

· In the past, in traditional male dominated relationships, men had the balance of power, but in wife-led marriages, women do. A Female-Led Marriage is where the wife makes decisions for her man and family in a balanced approach that both the husband and wife have agreed upon as a lifestyle. 

A Female-Led Marriage is a relationship designed by the couple to meet their needs and desires.

· In Female-Led Marriages, the man of the house is both in favor of and willing to take a supportive role, to his wife. It is both a way of life and a way of making decisions. I think we all know that not every guy was created to lead or even with training, will make a good leader; but many women are great leaders with or without training. So female led-marriages are about how decisions get made, the authority to make decisions and who has the final word in decisions.

 Why Choose a Female-Led Marriage?   

· Times are changing. Women can out-earn men. Some women hold high-power careers that benefit from a man who is supportive of her career and leadership; but the most important principal is she may be the better leader. Couples decide to live in a wife-led marriage for many reasons. To streamline decision- making, to empower the women to make decisions, to bring about predictability and order, to create a female-led relationship, or to solve issues the couple is having. Any couple may choose a wife-led marriage because she is a better leader or because the husband does not want to lead.

       Head of Household - Female-Led Marriage     

· The dynamics of the home are changing too. There is an increasing number of female heads of household both because of the seeming temporary nature of relationships (divorce) and because women choose to lead. Men entering into homes where women have led for some time may actually be disruptive to family processes. Many women don't really know they have an option to lead because their communication as a couple is poor - what we mean is: couples have a hard time talking about leadership. Another dynamic is men are asking for it. Most women don't know what to make of their men asking for them to lead. Women make great leaders and Heads of Household. (HoH)

                FLR and Female-Led Marriage               

· Female-Led Relationships (FLR) comprise about 60% of married couples according to aboutFLR.com's survey of thousands of people in women-led relationships. Female-led relationships are those relationships where women lead men who want to be led by them. There is a difference between role reversal and the supportive role of men. That difference is up to the couple to decide but most men want FLR or Wife-Led Marriages because they feel a need for personal control.

* * * * * * *

This was an eye-opener for me! I did not know previous to my research that wife-led marriages were that prevalent, nor that sites have even been put up about it! I would like to give credit to the blogger for clarifying it for us. I could imagine how some relationships or marriages can somehow achieve a "happy co-existence" given this type of non-traditional set-up, but based from my own wife-led experience, I would like to boldly say that a marriage would be not only happier, but also more fulfilling and more peaceful, if we followed God's Design For Marriage -- not just the traditional kind, but the Biblical one. :) 

I do agree that times have changed. One would have to be living under a rock or outside the planet not to notice that. "You've come a long way, baby", says the popular cigarette brand. And yes, in more ways than one, we really have. 

However, regardless of how advanced our world has become, or how empowered we women have become, the Word of God still stands. What was true in the beginning of time, still holds TRUE now in 2014.

Are wife-led marriages really all that they're cut out to be? Does a wife's leadership really create order in the home especially if  she earns more and is the "better leader"? 

_______________________________________

In my own marriage, when I "led" our family (around 2009 to 2011), it was when I was most depressed, bitter, and unhappy. Dong was "supportive" of me. Very supportive, in fact. He allowed me to lead because he knew that that was what I wanted to do. Dong too, being a big believer of The Golden Rule, allowed me to do whatever it was that he felt would make me "happy." Live and let live. Already quite passive by nature, my take-charge attitude made him feel even less motivated to insist on whatever plans he may have had then. He did not want to force his leadership too, to maintain the "peace" in our home.
But, happiness was the farthest thing my heart felt and peace was most elusive to my spirit. :(

Our Wife-Led Marriage (2010)

I was so miserable nearly every day! I felt "masculated" and unfeminine, and I hated it! :(

I earned more than him and had lots of career opportunities, and from the outset looked like I was enjoying myself and my status. But in my heart of hearts, I felt uneasy and lacking in peace. :(

It was a setup that didn't feel right with me. Even though we sort of "agreed" to have a wife-led marriage, it felt wrong. (Well, come to think of it, he "agreed" because he did not have much choice. I would have led it even if he had protested! After all, I felt much more capable to do so. I was so prideful and full of myself.)

I felt like I was forcing a square peg in a round hole every day. I felt ill at ease and restless. I felt so manly. (By the way, Dong's real name is Andre which meant "manly" but he was feeling everything but "manly" during our wife-led period.) I resented Dong for 'forcing' me to provide for, take care of, and lead the family, and still do wifely duties for him on top of all those paternal responsibilities! (He never forced me though.
 I took those responsibilities upon myself, but I  still blamed him for my misery.) :(

Leading a school presentation with Therese singing with me and Dong playing the role of our ice cream man. - 2011

So, what was wrong with me?!?!

Didn't I get my way by being the self-imposed family leader? (And Dong had acquiesced that role to me lovingly because I wanted it and I have made it clear to both of us that I was more capable of leading?)

Why was I feeling so resentful and why was Dong so depressed even though we somehow "agreed" to this wife-led setup?

I had the authority to make decisions and had the final word on decisions, right? So, the family was going in the direction I wanted it to go, right? So, why was I far from elated? Instead, why did I feel so disconsolate?! Dong on the other hand, felt so useless and redundant that he felt that maybe 
it would be better if we just separated!:(

_______________________________________________________

Let's find out from the first Wife-Led Marriage ever, on earth. Eve's marriage to Adam. 

In Nancy Leigh De Moss' book, "Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free", when she asked women which of the lies in her book they believed, they had ranked this as Number Three -- this particular lie that  ---

"IF MY HUSBAND IS PASSIVE, I'VE GOT TO TAKE INITIATIVE, OR NOTHING WILL GET DONE."

This is not a new struggle. As is true of many issues, it all goes back to the Garden of Eden:

                                                          Genesis 3:6

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

Allow me to quote De Moss on why this was to be the start of the marriage problems for Adam and Eve (and all other marriages from then onwards!).

"This passage evokes a troubling picture in my mind. The couple is together in the garden. The Serpent approaches them, ignores the man, and strikes up a conversation with the woman. fully aware that God has placed her under the authority of her husband and that both of them are under God's authority. (Notice satan's strategy to subvert God's authority structure by going directly to the woman.) Satan starts the exchange by asking her a question: "Did God really say, "You must not eat from any tree in the garden?"" (Genesis 3:1).

At this point, notice what the woman does not do. She does not acknowledge her husband, who is standing by her side. She does not say to the Serpent, "I'd like for you to meet my husband." She does not turn to her husband and ask, "Honey, how do you think we should respond?" or "Adam, why don't you tell him what God said to you." She carries on the entire conversation with the Serpent as if her husband was not there.

Further, when it comes to make a choice, she takes matters into her own hands. She does not consult with her husband on the matter; she does not ask for input or direction; she simply acts: "She took some and ate it" (v.6)

And what is Adam doing this whole time? He is doing what a lot of women tell me their husbands do much of the time: Nothing. He doesn't interfere; he doesn't get involved. -- except to eat some fruit himself when his wife gives it to him. 

 All of a sudden, we have the first role reversal.

Even bottle openers know their roles!

God created the man first and gave him the responsibility to lead and feed those under his care. The woman, created from man, was made to be a receiver, to respond to the initiative of her husband. Even the physiological differences between men and women express this fundamental difference.

But who is leading and feeding in this account? Not the man, but the woman. And who is  responding? Not the woman, but the man. 

Something is wrong with this picture. And ever since, the same thing has been wrong with the sons and daughters of the first couple. 

That ROLE REVERSAL became the pattern for the way fallen men and women relate to each other.

Ever since that fateful day in Eden, the natural drive of the woman has been to control her husband, to rule over him, and to act independently of him. Our natural tendency is to take the reins, to take the initiative ourselves; ironically however because of the way God created us, we also long to be responders; we long for our men to take action."

_______________________________________________________________________________

I was miserable because I was carrying a load I was not intended to carry in the first place, that of the provider and leader.

Dong was depressed because from being a leader and a feeder, he was now relegated to the role of supporter and receiver.

I was both mother and 'provider' in 2010

I was very unhappy and lacking in peace because though I got what I wanted (to lead the family because I felt more able and capable! Prideful, self-righteous me!), by virtue of God's Design, I was wired to be feminine and to be a responder, not a leader. I still longed to be a follower and not the head.

Though Dong relinquished his role to me because he wanted me to be happy (although by that time, NOTHING made me happy!), he felt very unneeded in the family that he wanted to die!

Going back to the Female-Led Marriage info above, though I think a Wife-Led Marriage may somehow find a level of comfort and even 'happiness' over the non-traditional setup, being made wonderfully and differently by God (Man vs Woman), there will always be (whether we admit it or not) an innate desire in our hearts to fulfill our God-given roles.

It just is the way we were created. It just is the way we were wired by Our Manufacturer. 

January 2014

When I finally let go and let God in September 2013, and when I told God that I would now submit to Him fully by submitting to His God-ordained authority over me, my husband, that was when I started feeling really joyful and peaceful. :) I told Dong that I was tired of leading and that I would just follow his leadership.

It felt unnatural at first, but eventually, it felt so right.

Few months after giving birth to 4th baby. - Aug 2013

It felt awkward at first, but eventually, it felt so liberating.

It felt fake at first, but eventually, it led me to finding my true and most authentic self.

It's so hard to explain. You have got to experience it to believe it! :)

At this season in my life, I have decided to not only submit to Dong's leadership but also to stop working full-time. God is still aligning my spirit with His Spirit, and I do not need the distractions and temptations that "providing" for the family will bring, while He is busy teaching me to be my husband's helpmeet.

We are blessed to have the resources for me to not work at the moment and for Dong to provide for us according to his own plans for the family. He is such a selfless and loving leader, always looking after my and the children's best interests and always seeking my advice (as his helper) on the best course of action on important matters. It is not difficult to follow him. :)

Busy busy busybody Nikka - 2012 (done by a fan)

I am not saying that quitting work is a must for everybody who wants to go into the submission route, but for me, at this point in my life, it is such a blessing to just be with the children and to support my husband without the hassles of a full workload. I trust that if God wills that I work again for His Glory, opportunities will arise and when that time comes, I will prayerfully consider them.:) Life is composed of many seasons, and this season of my life away from the limelight of my career as a broadcaster is turning out to be the most obscure but my most fruitful season thus far. :)

 
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So, to the question: The Wife-Led Marriage: Where Does It Lead? my answer is: 

It may lead to financial gains; it may even lead to a semblance of "order" and "harmony" in the home; it may even lead to some level of "happiness", but for as long as the wife is the leader and not the husband, it won't give as much peace or joy, that a husband-led marriage can give. 

After all, it is written in the Bible that:

                                           Ephesians 5:22-33

December 2013

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 

February 8, 2014

God created us. He knows what will work and what will not. Adam and Eve were the first WLM. Look how that turned out for them! They were banished from Paradise and made to suffer separation from God along with curses for both -- Adam (toil the ground in order to eat) and Eve (pain in childbirth and desire to control her husband)!

It is in following Christ's metaphor (of us wives submitting to our husbands the way the Church submitted to Christ) that we, the daughters of Eve could regain our good standing with our Creator. The covenant love of Christ for the Church is symbolized by the selfless love of the husband for his wife.

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

My prayer is that more and more marriages become centered in Christ and in His Teachings and that in following Him, more and more wives will submit to their husbands, and more and more husbands will step up the plate and lead their wives. No matter what the majority says or the world says, a HLM (husband-led marriage) is still the best marriage, for no other reason except to say that our Creator designed it so. 

To experience it is to believe it! :) But, don't just take MY word for it. Read on it and follow God's Word! :) It's all there in our Manufacturer's Manual -- the Bible. :) 

Now, I would rather die than to take back the reins of leadership!!! No way, Jose! I am happy being a woman who is being led my my man, and that's how it is going to be till death do us part.

It is in allowing my husband to lead (opinionated, take-charge, highly motivated) me, that is my true test of faith in God.  Will I allow myself to be led by this imperfect man,God's ordained authority over me? Answer is YES. Till death do we part.

At my uncle Tito Manding's burial - (February 9, 2014) May he rest in peace.

May we all be richly blessed! :)

_______________________________________________________________________________Related Posts:

The Egalitarian Marriage - Are All Things Really Fair in Love and War?

The Complementarian or Traditional Marriage - Is it Really the Ideal?