|Are Men and Women really equal in all things? - Dong and Nikka 2013|
According to the All About Families Newsletter, an "egalitarian marriage" is defined as :
Mommy Nikka with Therese - 2005
"a marriage without any authority structure. Such marriages are also known as "partnership marriages" and "peer marriages."
Theoretically, everything operates on an equal plane in an egalitarian marriage. Tasks and responsibilities are equally shared. There is no "man's work" and no "woman's work."
|Daddy Dong with Therese - 2007|
Co-parenting is the order of the day when it comes to child rearing and that means both parents are equally involved in the task of nurturing and disciplining children. Ideally a couple would not necessarily move to a new location if a high-earning husband is offered a better paying job and opportunities for advancement in a distant city. The decision to move or stay would be made by mutual consent. Intimacy is a major concern of egalitarians.
Mommy and Daddy with Reece - 2006Both couples work at it equally. Each partner is equally free to initiate behavior designed to result in sexual intercourse.
Advocates of egalitarian marriage set themselves at variance with their perception of a traditional marriage. Traditional marriage, from the egalitarian perspective means a marriage in which child-rearing is basically the responsibility of wives. Husbands have the final word on all decisions including, where to live, household responsibilities, who will initiate sex, etc."
Before I became DOMINANT and CONTROLLING, or before we had a WIFE-LED MARRIAGE from 2009 to 2011, Dong and I had an "EGALITARIAN MARRIAGE."
|5 months pregnant and happy in my "traditional" role - 2004|
Well, what is a TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE?
According to the website, Traditional Christian Marriage it is :
|So happy and content being a fulltime mom :) - 2005|
|Happy and "Equal" - 2008|
|Dong with Andre - 2008|
|Mommy with Therese - 2008|
|Even the way we were seated made me look "larger" than him - 2010|
|We thought we were egalitarian.Well it was more wife-led than anything! - 2010|
|With our 3rd child, Reuben - 2010|
|Dong with our second child, Andre - 2008|
That did it for the host of the TV program and the other couples too. They loved our story. We did not have to pretend we were practicing the whole Biblical submission hullabaloo! Whew! Those were loud sighs of relief from both of us! We were already having unspoken frictions between us at the time (and I was exhibiting controlling tendencies already, way beyond a level Dong was comfortable with), but we had to appear very Godly before the eyes of the other guests, the program host and the viewing public! We were able to fake it, but God saw through our restless hearts... :(
It is believed that:
"In egalitarian marriages, the wife often ends up acting as head of the marriage in actual practice. Men fear to be too forceful, lest they be thought as insensitive, and the women step in to take over the leadership void. Many times men have only half jokingly made the comment, “I’ll have to ask the boss.” Men have a natural tendency toward leadership, and most men in this type of marriage have resigned themselves to living this way because they simply know no other way. Not only that, but more and more women are discovering they aren’t happy living like this." - Traditional Christian Marriage.org
|I was constantly worried when I was leading the marriage..|
|...Dong got himself in hot water with my controlling ways.|
|I was perfectionistic and take-charge. 2011|
But from someone who has experienced ALL kinds of set-ups (traditional, egalitarian, wife-led), I can dare say that nothing gives pure joy and peace than a Biblical or Godly-ordered one wherein the husband is the leader and the wife is the follower! :)
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave[a] nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
There is a saying that: "two heads are better than one" -- but in any government, company and commercial air flight -- although it helps to have a vice president, assistant supervisor and co-pilot to assist, there should only be one leader. It makes for an easier command structure and we all know whom to put our faith in or to put the blame on, when things go awry. That's where we got the term "command responsibility." Whoever was in command was responsible for how a particular decision turns out. No fault-finding. No blaming others. The leader takes full responsibility for everything that will happen under his watch. Remember the maritime tradition of the "captain going down with his ship"?
According to Wikipedia, this is what it means:
"The captain goes down with the ship" is the maritime concept and tradition that a sea captain holds ultimate responsibility for both his ship and everyone embarked on it, and he will die trying to save either of them. The concept may be expressed as "the captain always goes down with the ship" or simply the "captain goes down with his ship." Although often associated with the sinking of the RMS Titanic in 1912 and its captain, Edward Smith, it predates the Titanic by at least 11 years. In most instances the captain of the ship forgoes his own rapid departure of a ship in distress, and concentrates instead on saving other people. It often results in either the death or belated rescue of the captain as the last person on board."
|Our "Angry Birds" family - early 2011|
22 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Surrendered Wife, Nikka :) - Feb 18, 2014
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church
— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
|My best friend and our family's leader, Dong :)|
|Dong and Nikka - Dec 2013|
30 For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light."
|By the garden - Feb 18, 2014|
At the end of our lives, it is Dong who will have to answer to God if he had loved me and led me the way God wanted him to. I, on the other hand will be asked if I respected my husband and submitted to his leadership the way He commanded me to do.
I love having clearly defined roles. It just makes perfect sense and gives both parties so much freedom! :)
To the question, The Egalitarian Marriage: Are All Things Really Fair or Equal in Love and War? My answer is YES and NO.
|Girls are really different from boys! :)|
Based on my experience too, when push comes to shove and when conflicts arise, an egalitarian marriage (which almost always leans towards being a wife-led marriage), breeds more war (bitterness and resentment) than love (peace and joy). Not "fair" at all...
God is really, truly Amazing! I am awed by His Wisdom! WOW, just WOW. :)