|The wife is in-charge in this marriage.|
|Nobody is the boss of anybody in this marriage.|
|The husband is the head of his wife in this marriage.|
The Egalitarian Marriage is "when both spouses agree that there will be no leader and no structure in the marriage. Theoretically, everything operates on an equal plane. Intimacy is a major concern and each partner is equally free to initiate behavior that will lead to sex."
"the teaching that masculinity and femininity are ordained by God and that men and women are created to complement, or complete each other. Complementarians believe that the gender roles found in the Bible are purposeful and meaningful distinctions that, when applied in the home and church, promote the spiritual health of both men and women. Embracing the divinely ordained roles of men and woman furthers the ministry of God’s people and allows men and women to reach their God-given potential.
The complementarian view starts with Genesis 1:26–27, which says that God created humanity, male and female, in His own image. Genesis 2:18 contains the further detail that God created Eve specifically to complement Adam: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” The two genders are, therefore, part of God’s created order. Any modern-day blurring of the genders or distortion of the roles is a result of the Fall.
Complementarianism follows Ephesians 5:21–33 as the model for the home. The husband has the role of headship in the family. He is to nurture his wife and lead his family lovingly, humbly, and sacrificially. The wife has the role of nurturing her children and intentionally, willingly submitting to her husband’s leadership. When both husband and wife are complementing each other in this way, Christ is honored. In fact, the marriage itself becomes what it was designed to be: a living picture of Christ and the church (verse 32)."
|Pregnant with our 4th - 2012|
The last quarter of 2011 was so bad that Dong could not bear it anymore and told me (while crying) about how hurt he was of my behavior. Because of that revelation, I told God to search my heart and change how I viewed our situation, if I could not change my husband. So, when 2012 was ushered in, I was already more respectful of Dong and asked him to make most of the major decisions. I was not as controlling anymore and I was generally happier again. 2012 too was to be my "fulfilled dreams" year. Everything I wanted to happen in my career happened in that year! What was not part of the plan was the fourth baby the Lord would give us once more. My career was going full-blast when I surprisingly got pregnant again! I was depressed at first but eventually accepted it as God's Plan for me. Little did I know that that baby would be crucial to my change of heart and my 180 degrees turn-around of character in 2013.
|With four kids - 2013|
I would not consider it "complementarian" yet because we still had no clearly defined roles, but I felt more and more comfortable again in making my husband decide on important family matters, and more and more comfortable too of not working. Being pregnant for the first quarter of the year made that an easy decision for me to do. I was just too tired to take on extra work and responsibilities. Tutoring the kids and dragging my heavy belly every day were already difficult chores for me! I did not have much energy to do anything. At that time too, I was still reeling from a very stressful circumstance, brought about by my unexpected and sudden resignation from my job. Dong served as my protector and defender against some bosses from that company. I was content just being home to recover from the hurt that incident had caused and to relax as well, because I was already heavily pregnant by then.
|Surrendered Nikka with my family - 2014|
After I gave birth to Isabelle in April 2013, I started becoming more and more hungry for God's Word. I kept on reading the Bible and my book, "The Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free" by Nancy Leigh De Moss. (This was the book my husband gave me as a newly-wed in 2004 and which I loved reading too at that time.) The more I found the Truth in His Word, the more my desire was to be set free from all my spiritual bondages. It was during this time when I asked God to search my heart. I was sooooo tired of being constantly worried, anxious, depressed and fearful of the future!
In September 2013, after the Lord convicted me of my sins and opened up my spiritual eyes, I
To the point that Dong has to ask me now if I am about to have my period already. In the past, all he had to do was to look at my grumpy/tearful face and scrunched forehead and he would already avoid me at all costs! LOL. My LAST battle with PMS was in early December 2013. Read about it here.
2 Corinthians 10:5
5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
I uproot every sinful thought immediately the moment it appears. I look to the Word for the Truth as soon as I feel a pang of restlessness or envy or fear. The only way to go against satan's deceptions is to always look towards the Truth. And Truth is not just an "absolute truth", as in "real facts" as opposed to lies (although it is that too) but the Truth is (if I may quote the head of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis) "according to Christian faith, the love of God for us in Jesus Christ. Therefore truth is a relationship."
It is this new and renewed relationship I have now with Jesus Who holds the Truth and IS The TRUTH, Who is my WAY towards having a full and meaningful LIFE, despite all the trials and problems that still continue to arise, even after having submitted myself fully to Him.
|Dong always tells me we are so "complementary."|
His strengths are my weaknesses and vice-versa.
He says we have become better people because we
continue to learn from each other. :) -- January 2014
|Nikka and Dong - August 2013|
- final decision-maker
|Wife-Led Marriages are usually the|
ones with the most tension and friction.
|Spirit-Led Marriage - 2014|
|Christ- Led family - Feb 2014|
Right now, as I go through this season in my life as a submissive wife, I always remind myself why I am in this journey in the first place: Is it just to have a happy family life? Is it just to have a more loving husband? Is it just to be more peaceful? None of those are bad or wrong. In fact, I am experiencing all of those good things constantly now! :) But, I always have to remember that the Reason I am doing all this is for God and Him Alone. Everything else is just a bonus.
|Our youngest baby, Isabelle :) -Feb 2014|
|Birthday of Therese - Dec 2013|
YES because fulfilling our family roles based on God's composition of us as male (initiator) and female (responder) is quite ideal. It is "more natural" and doesn't go against the grain of our human nature, thereby producing relatively happier marriages, than say, a Wife-Led or Egalitarian one where there is almost always a power struggle.
22 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Surrendered Wife, Nikka :) - Feb 18, 2014
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church
— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
And, if they further ask, "Oh, so it's the husband-led one?" My answer will be, "Yes in a way, because I have submitted to Christ first and I believe that in following my husband's leadership, I am, in effect, following Christ too, because Dong is my God-ordained authority here on earth, by the sacrament of Marriage. But if I would have to be strictly accurate about it, our marriage is Christ-Led. I focus on Christ and His Teachings and everything else stems from there, including submitting to my imperfect but loving husband, Dong." :)
Sisters in Christ, what is YOUR marriage setup? Are you happy with it? Do you want more fulfillment from it? Focus on Christ and Him Alone. He is THE Ideal. He is THE Leader. Let's all follow what He Says. If we do follow Him and Him Alone, everything else (peace, joy, love...) will surely follow. :)
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
May we all be richly blessed! :)