When Words Are Many, Sin is NOT Absent But He Who Hold His Tongue is Wise

Blah blah blah blah blah.....

I am a born talker.

I talk a lot.

I like hearing myself talk.

I talked for a living as a news anchor and host.

I like talking to my husband.

I like talking to my friends.

I like talking. Period.

So, how is that a sin? Just because I like or love to talk, I already am sinful?

Well, not really.

However, when one is super talkative like I was/probably still am (!), one is bound to fall into the trap of sinning.

I really thought nothing of it, till I read April, The PeacefulWife's Blog on this same topic.

I checked my Bible and there it was!

                                                                Proverbs 10:19

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

                                                                  Kawikaan 10:19

19 Sa karamihan ng mga salita ay hindi nagkukulang ng pagsalangsang: nguni't siyang nagpipigil ng kaniyang mga labi ay gumagawang may kapantasan. 

There you have it! Pag madaldal, mas malamang kaysa hindi, magkakasala tayo. Mas mabuti na lang na manahimik. 

ASIMO Honda Show, 2005

When we are talkative (use of many, many, many words!), it is so easy to sin (gossip, slander, prideful and boastful words, envy, etc.) so it is wiser to just shut up.

I think that is one of the main reasons why I deactivated from Facebook. 

There was just TOO MUCH information given and taken. I was too "socially aware."  I knew about the latest rants and marital woes of everybody. I knew about the latest gadget a friend purchased or  the latest trip an acquaintance went to. I even knew about the latest scandals of this and that actor/actress from mere strangers whom I added into my account! It was toooooooo noisy. Most notifications and posts made me more anxious than peaceful; more unsettled than joyful.

I myself got TOO noisy.

PTV - 2011 I loved changing my FB Profile Pics!!!

I would speak about what was in my head at that very moment. Usually it was inspirational, but mostly it was just to boost my morale. Facebook seemed to fill up a dearth that I unconsciously or consciously needed. It got so bad that I got so upset over people not "liking" a post that I felt should have garnered more attention! I lived for posts. I went to parties, attended events, met with friends with posting pictures of my life in mind. I loved looking at pictures. I loved being with people whom I cherished. But, it came to a point when I was not really living and relishing the moment but just (impatiently) waiting for it to finish so I could upload it on that social network! How shallow, right?

It was addictive.  It was a great ego trip. It was a great venue to sin.  I am speaking for myself, though. It could be that it does none of that for the rest of you. Good for you!

No social network is evil in and by itself. It is amoral. But to me, FB though much fun, was a BIG addiction that left me without peace.

(I now have a new account in Facebook as The Peaceful Wife Philippines, but it no longer holds the same magnetic power on me as before. I opened a new account to reconnect with friends whom I can minister to in this respect journey. I will use FB to lead a group of women whom I cherish -- my Filipina Homebakers Online sisters and to reconnect too with real honest-to-goodness FRIENDS and family. No more strangers, this time!)

FHO in our former house in QC - 2008

Did I mention that I loved talking? :)

Ulirang Ina Awards - May 2013, Manila Hotel

When the Lord showed me my true-blue sinful self in August 2013, I was appalled at my mountain of sin, brought about by my talkativeness too.

• I felt obligated to tell people that they were wrong or what they should do to make things right.
• I had an opinion on anything and everything and I felt that I should speak my mind at all times.
• I engaged in seemingly innocent chikahans (get-togethers) where we talked about marital woes of others or the latest gossips or inside stories.
• I felt in the right to "insult" a sinful person (to my mind) out of "righteous anger" (Yikes!)
• I was quick to judge others but slow to judge myself.
• I supported and agreed with friends to be disrespectful to errant husbands. 
• I had a hard time keeping to myself things that should only remain private.
• I would start and end sentences with, "Kung ako iyan..." as though I was always correct and I was always right! (Yuck!)
• I would compare people or their work with myself or my work and think myself or my work to be better than them/theirs, although I would never say that to their faces! 

In short, my tongue was more often than not used to hurt and to sin against others and against God. And there I was, thinking of myself as religious and spiritual! How shameful!

                                                            James 1:26

²⁶ If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

                                                             Santiago 1:26

26 Kung ang sinoman ay nagiisip na siya'y relihioso samantalang hindi pinipigil ang kaniyang dila, kundi dinadaya ang kaniyang puso, ang relihion ng taong ito ay walang kabuluhan.

I did not bridle my tongue. My religion was worthless. :(

That was what the Lord wanted me to have done... to have HELD my TONGUE. :(

                                                                Titus 3:2

² to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.

                                                                                   Tito 3:2

 2Na huwag magsalita ng masama tungkol sa kanino man, na huwag makipagtalo, kundi mapakahinhin, at magpakahinahon sa lahat ng mga tao. 


 

Events Hosting - Dec 2010

I didn't think I was that bad. In fact, I really tried my best to not gossip. I also was not quarrelsome unless provoked. And I did try to be sweet and courteous as much as possible to everyone.

However,I know NOW that that was NOT ENOUGH.

Because of my enormous pride and self-righteousness, God did not answer my prayers.

There was a time two or three years ago, when all that came out from my mouth almost every time I prayed was,

"Lord, if you can only change Dong, show him his path, give him direction... things would be wonderful for our family."

Or

"Lord, please change him and make him more persevering, more focused, more determined... you know, like ME (!), then things will be perfect."

God must have put on Earphones to drown out my persistent nagging. I was really persevering, as in makulit, alright. I believed that I should "pray unceasingly". I just did not know that part and parcel of that command from God was that before He could listen to me, I should first have a pure heart. That, I did not possess. :(

                                                                            Matthew 7:5

You hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye.

                                                                              Mateo 7:5

 5 Ikaw na mapagpaimbabaw, alisin mo muna ang tahilan sa iyong sariling mata; at kung magkagayo'y makikita mong malinaw ang pag-aalis mo ng puwing sa mata ng iyong kapatid.

I was plastic as plastic goes. Events hosting -2011

There I was making my case to God about Dong's being complacent or lacking in drive and ambition or whatever fault I could see in him for that particular time, while completely leaving out MY OWN SINS of pride, of wanting to control, of self-righteousness and lack of faith in God. I was acting as though God should submit to MY WILL! Not His Will but MY will be done! How plastic! Very Tupperware! (Tupperware is a great product though. ;) Hehe. Bawi!)

Later on, maybe because I just got so fed up and tired from "controlling" events (control is an illusion and it is a great sin!), I just gave up and I remember putting my forehead to the bathroom door, crying, saying "Lord, I cannot change him. Please search my heart (At that time, I felt God will not search anything bad in my heart! Surprise!) and just make me change my perspective of things. If I cannot change the situation, at least I can change how I deal with the situation."


That prayer, miraculously was ENOUGH  for God! It gave Him enough wiggle room to change my heart.

That started my transformation...

• I was able to see Dong in a different and kinder light.

• I was able to enjoy being with him again.

• I was able to lessen my controlling behavior somewhat.

• I was able to feel short periods of true peace.

 

When I started looking at Dong as my partner in this journey called life, since he was my husband after all, I became more tolerant and more understanding of his faults. (I was still feeling very much above him at that point, but at least I was less judgmental! Pwede na rin!)

It was only after I gave birth to our fourth child that God started working in my heart double and triple time. 

At our last day at hospital - April 19, 2013

Circumstances were that :

• I was without work and I did not want to work. 

• I was always reading spiritual books.

• I was enjoying motherhood so much.

• I was craving for the limelight less and less.

• I was wanting more and more privacy.

• I did not want to lead the family anymore.

• I just wanted to be still and to stay put.
  

Here was the "sticky note" (in our Desktop) that I left my husband on September 18, 2013:

   

September 18, 2013

Hi Honey!

The Lord is training me and changing my spirit through the Bible and the books I've read in the past and present, and I'd need more e-books for that spiritual training :

1) Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

and

2) The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle

I can't share with you yet what God is telling me, but if you find me more quiet these days, it's because He has shown me my sins and the error of my ways, and I am mulling them over and repenting for them... and I am still in shock actually. My sins were/are so many! Against Him and against you!

What I find peace in these days is my humble decision to submit myself to you, just as Christ ordered: "Wives, submit to your husbands in all things.", and my decision to not work and focus on our growing family.

I grew up in a weird household where both parents were not really loving partners (more like competitors or very  successful  housemates), and where submission would have been laughed at or even scorned (Old school!, Mama would have said. No way!) so all this is new to me. But, I love God and I love YOU, so I humbly resign my desire to control all events in our life, because to have faith in God means to have faith in you, as my husband and protector here on earth.

I want you to lead me and our family towards where God wants us to go. I have now stepped aside. I get in the way (in yours and even in mine) SO many times. I am sick and tired of my behavior, actually. At least now, knowing what I know, I could get rid of it.  It was so ugly and caused me undue anxiety and stress brought about by MY desire to control things. (I thought I was just being helpful or responsible.) A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders just by my mere surrendering to you. Thank God for that! I don't need the burden (which I placed unnecessarily on myself). I want to live long with you and the kids.

I am so so sorry, Honey. I have been so selfish... Clueless AND selfish.

I love you, and from now on, I shall RESPECT you and your decisions.  Call my attention should I again be out of line. With God's Help though, I pray they be few and far in between or better yet, zilch.

Your Surrendered Wife,

Nikka

P.S. This is the 'STICKY NOTES' I was telling you about. I had to search for it in your profile for it to pop out. Di ba cool? Love you, my husband.  :)

I am still SO FAR from being comfortable with this new setup. It feels SO awkward most days and there are still times when my old self wants to take control again and I get all panicky and hyperventilate, mostly when the bills arrive! But, all I have to do is to once again focus my eyes on God, with the end in sight.

What immediately sets things right for me is when I ask myself the question, "If I were to die tomorrow, what would I prioritize?" Always and every time, it is my family. I want to have lived my role in the family as the helpmeet of my husband, and I want to have seen my husband fulfilled and very happy at having done his role as head of our growing family. I want the children to witness God's Great Design For Marriage through my submission to my husband, just as the Church submitted to Christ. (Not the other way around!)

At Therese's school. I was pregnant with our 4th. - 2013

Just to be clear here.. I am not saying that a working wife does not glorify God. Of course not! Working wives glorify God as much as stay-at-home wives/mothers. I am not exactly idle either because I am busy supporting my husband's business ventures, but at this season in my life, I will stop pursuing MY career. It is time to support HIS dreams and goals.:) To be a submissive wife is not about being a housewife (although if this is God's Will for you, then by all means do it!). It is about knowing where one's place is inside the home, and that is, as the helper of the husband, NOT the leader -- regardless of income generated.

My prayer is that we wives will use our gift of gab and speech to EMPOWER our husbands' leadership, instead of tearing them down with our insulting and condescending words. 

May we all be richly blessed! :)