If I Respect my Husband, Will He Change?

I set the camera's date wrongly. No, this was not 2086, but 2007 :)

Okay now. Maybe you have decided to RESPECT your husband after God convicted you of your own sins of pride and wanting to control him and everything in your lives.

Maybe you are at a point when you are ashamed of how badly you treated your husband and want to repent to God and to him for all the months and years of being disrespectful.

Maybe you are little by little learning to hold your tongue and watch your behavior about him.

So... the next question would be is, now that YOU are being RESPECTFUL the way the Bible said in Ephesians to "respect your husbands and submit unto them as unto the Lord", will things now be okay? Will he now finally, truly change???

HOLD IT!

When the reason for one's own change and transformation, is so that YOUR HUSBAND would CHANGE, something is not right there, sister! That is not real CHANGE. That is conditional and pretentious behavior.

Our focus is NOT on our husbands. Our focus is only on OURSELVES and ultimately on GOD.

Whether he changes or not is NOT in our hands, nor is it the END GOAL.

The aim is to please God by being submissive to our God-ordained authority, our husbands, and nothing else.

Also, our FOCUS is ONLY on OURSELVES. This is the time when we just look at Me, Myself and I.

Remember the adage, "CHANGE BEGINS WITH ONESELF"? Or that "You cannot change anybody but yourself."? That is true not only in a practical sense but in the Biblical sense as well.

To use this new concept of SUBMISSIVENESS to get a certain reaction from your husband is DOING THIS BEAUTIFUL ACT with the WRONG MOTIVES.

This is a true TEST of your FAITH in God. Am I willing to let go of my desire to control my husband and my desire to change him? Am I willing to allow God to be God? I am NOT my husband's Holy Spirit. I cannot change him. Only GOD can change hearts and only GOD can convict people of their sins. It is not my place nor my responsibility to change my husband. BUT I can change MYSELF.

I can ask for repentance for my pride, my jealousy, my anger, my bitterness, my resentment.
I can stop my prideful thoughts and my hurtful words.
I can start respecting him not only exteriorly through actions but interiorly as well, through thoughts.
I can start changing now because the Lord is filling me up with His Spirit.
I can focus on my own sins, and not on his.

If he responds lovingly, the way you want him to, that is totally because of God, not because of you.
If he changes his irritating behavior which has caused numerous quarrels in the past, that is not because of you.
If he suddenly steps up the plate and stops drinking, womanizing or gambling because he feels that he is finding fulfillment in the home, that is not because of you.

Yes, precious sister, your change in behavior and attitude is wonderful and is noteworthy, but NEVER FORGET that the reason for the changes in him, was because of GOD and not YOU. But, God will use you and your humility to get to him.


If however, he doesn't change, DO NOT LOSE HOPE! With eyes set on the Lord and your desire to honor Him with your actions follow 1 Peter 3.

3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ² when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, ⁶ like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

1 Pedro 3: 

  1 Kayo namang mga babae, pasakop kayo sa inyu-inyong asawa. At kung mayroon sa kanila na hindi pa naniniwala sa salita ng Diyos, mahihikayat din silang sumampalataya dahil sa inyong magandang asal, kahit hindi na kayo magpaliwanag pa sa kanila. 2 Sapat nang makita nila ang inyong maka-Diyos at malinis na pamumuhay. 3 Ang inyong ganda ay huwag maging panlabas tulad ng pag-aayos ng buhok at pagsusuot ng mga gintong alahas at mamahaling damit. 4 Sa halip, pagyamanin ninyo ang kagandahang nakatago sa puso, ang kagandahang walang kupas na likha ng maamo at mapayapang diwa, na lubhang mahalaga sa mata ng Diyos. 5 Iyan ang kagandahang ipinakita ng mga banal na babaing umasa sa Diyos noong unang panahon. Sila'y nagpasakop sa kanilang mga asawa. 6 Tulad ni Sara, sinunod niya at tinawag na panginoon ang asawa niyang si Abraham. Kayo rin ay mapapabilang sa kanyang mga anak kung matuwid ang inyong mga gawa, at kung wala kayong anumang kinatatakutan.

The Lord also had a commandment to the husbands, dear sisters!

In 1 Peter 3:7 it is written:

 

⁷ Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

7 Kayo namang mga lalaki, unawain ninyo at pakitunguhang mabuti ang inyong asawa, sapagkat sila'y mas mahina, at tulad ninyo'y may karapatan din sila sa buhay na walang hanggan na kaloob ng Diyos. Gawin ninyo ito, nang sa gayon ay walang magiging sagabal sa inyong mga panalangin.


To each his/her own instruction! It's not just us that are called to RESPECT our husbands. They are called too to LOVE us! :) No conditions.

Not RESPECT your husband IF he is a good provider.
Not RESPECT your husband IF he is a good father.

In the same way, it doesn't say there to

Not LOVE your wife IF she is a nagger.
Not LOVE your wife IF she has gained many pounds.

It is unconditional RESPECT that God requires of us.
It is unconditional LOVE that God requires of them.

So, in the question, if I respect my husband, will he change? The answer would be:
Yes, he may (answered prayers!) or he may not (but don't despair!), but the question is IRRELEVANT. What is important is that I change, because in the end, only I am answerable to my Creator. No one else.

My prayer is that fellow wives all around the world, learn to RESPECT their husbands. May all of us be richly blessed! God bless us all. :)