Worrying Is An Insult to God

I don't know when this was taken but I looked really worried here. :(

A worrywart according to Wikipedia is "one who worries excessively and needlessly."

I was a closet worrywart.

I was an in-denial worrywart.

But, in fact, I think "Worrywart" should have been my middle name!

I would not admit it though. At least, not to just about anyone. I felt that I should keep my composure at all times in public. My husband usually had to bear the brunt of all my worries and panic attacks.

Name it, I have worried about it.

My health.Check.
My husband's health. Check.
Our children's health. Check.
Finances. Check.
The safety of our children in school. Check.
Our safety at home. Check.
How people viewed me. Check.
How people viewed Dong. Check.
How people viewed our children. Check.
My life span. Check.
My husband's life span. Check.
Our children's life spans. Check.

I think you get my drift. I worried needlessly and incessantly. I don't need to bore you to death.

My worrying tendencies might stem from the fact that I had worrywarts for parents. So, it could be uhm, "genetic"?

It might also stem from the fact that I just grew up worrying about everything. It has become a force of habit. When I do not worry, I worry about not worrying!

At the young age of 13, I was even confined for a week in the hospital due to hyper-acidity brought about by extreme worrying over wanting to stay as Top 1 in my grade level. Along with that, I also had insomnia.

It was no surprise then that I carried over my worrying tendencies all the way to adulthood. And yet, I considered myself to be a Christian!

I don't see how one can profess to be a Christian and still worry.

Worrying is an INSULT to God!

Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Filipos 4:6-7
4:6 Huwag kayong mangabalisa sa anomang bagay; kundi sa lahat ng mga bagay sa pamamagitan ng panalangin at daing na may pagpapasalamat ay ipakilala ninyo ang inyong mga kahilingan sa Dios.
4:7 At ang kapayapaan ng Dios, na di masayod ng pagiisip, ay magiingat ng inyong mga puso at ng inyong mga pagiisip kay Cristo Jesus.


In Luke 12:22-32, Jesus said in Verse 25 which I love, 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

We worry so much and yet nothing good comes out of it.

I believe that WORRYING goes hand in hand with our desire to CONTROL events. We feel that if we worry hard enough, long enough, and often enough, we may be able to avert misfortune, an accident or death. Of course that is next to impossible but we do it anyway, because though we may never say it out loud, we think God hasn't got it covered. We view God as wimpy and not that powerful. We feel that we can do so much better than Him in terms of how we go about our lives. We constantly worry because we think He is not sovereign.

Worrying also creeps into our relationships with our husbands.

At my WORST controlling behavior which was somewhere between 2009 to 2011, I was having what I would consider my WORST WORRIES and WORST PANIC ATTACKS.


I'd find myself  hyperventilating in the middle of mundane errands and chores, like having my hair done or just buying groceries. I remember abnormally thinking about DEATH sooooo much, for months on end, so much so, that I would find myself sobbing, wherever I might be because I couldn't bear the thought of leaving my kids! Sometimes this thought came to mind in the middle of a newscast! Gasp!

A morning newscast for the government network - 2011

At that time, I felt so panicky because I felt that I couldn't leave them with Dong! I was extremely prideful during those days, thinking that only I -- not Dong, not even God (although I would never verbalize it)-- could make sure that my kids were taken care of properly.


I was worried to death about the present.
I was worried to death about the future.
I had NO PEACE whatsoever.
My heart was always restless and I was always so fearful. :(

It was also when I had the most resentment and bitterness towards my husband. "If only he were this or that, if only he would do this or that, I would not worry so much!!!", or so I thought. Yeah, right!

When the Lord convicted me of my sins in September 2013; when He opened up my eyes to the level of my disrespect to my husband and to Him Himself, and after I repented and died to self, that was when I started feeling as though a HUGE LOAD had been lifted off my shoulders. A load that I was never intended to carry anyway. A load that I brought upon myself.

When I handed over the reins to God first, then to my God-ordained authority, my husband Dong, that was when I felt most free. When I accepted my role as helper of my husband and not as the provider/leader of the home, that was when I became most joyful. :)

At our daughter's First Holy Communion - Dec 2013 (I was already a surrendered wife here. :))

Yes, things and events are still out of my control. Yes, I still have no say towards what will happen tomorrow or next year or 20 years from now, but just knowing that I am under God's Sovereign Protection, and under Dong's leadership, I already feel the LEAST WORRIED than I have felt in years!

In fact, I could say, that on most days, from the start of my submission journey till now, my mind and my heart have managed to feel "clean", for lack of a better word. :) There is a sort of quietude and peace that is just so refreshing and so lovely that you just want to bask in it. :)

It comes from FINALLY, REALLY, TRULY putting my life in God's Hands. He is sovereign, I am not. He will never leave me nor forsake me. Whatever events, whether good or bad, are under His Care, so even in the worst possible scenario, I will still be alright. He loves me. He will take care of me. Wow.

Pregnant with our 3rd - 2010 

In putting things in God's Hands, I also have decided to follow His precepts in submitting to my husband's headship. Under my human authority, my husband Dong, I feel protected, loved and safe. I know that God is leading me through him just as He directs the heart of the king.

I will not be a hypocrite and say I now never feel pangs of worry. I still do. But the difference lies, in that I do not dwell in the anxiety. I turn it over immediately to God. I also make a mental pass (as in a ball) to my husband the moment a worrisome thought creeps in my mind. That almost always settles my spirit back on track. When that doesn't work, I pray.

My prayer is that worrywart wives like me, would find it in their hearts to put all their worries in God's Hands. He is a BIG GOD! Believe it or not, He's got us covered. HE IS IN CONTROL!!!:) Ain't that amazing?! :D

May we all be richly blessed! :)

"Silent Nagging"

Baptism of our 3rd child - Nov 2010

I used to think I was the picture of a kind and respectful wife.

You see...

I did not nag.

I did not berate my husband privately or publicly.

I did not say cuss words at him or insult him to his face.

I did not raise my voice even in argument.

Compared to some wives I knew, I thought I was actually quite tolerant and very "Christian."

Boy, was I wrong!

Okay, I did not NAG. But I did just the OPPOSITE...

I shut up.

I refused to speak.

I seethed with anger, disappointment and resentment.

A whistling kettle blowing off steam -- like me when I am angry!

I held grudges.

Not one word would escape my lips, but I was boiling inside. If you waited long enough, you might actually witness me, blow off steam and whistle!                                                                
 I guess you can call it "silent nagging"!                                                                                
Eventually, though, I would calm down and talk with Dong about what was bothering me. It was my nature to let it all out, after seething for a while. I felt that keeping things bottled up inside was not healthy. I felt that pent-up anger and resentment would cause cancer in my body. My mother died of cancer at 43, when I was just 17 years old. I did not want to suffer the same fate.

I used to think I was NOT the woman the Bible was pertaining to. You know, the one mentioned in Proverbs 27:15

"A nagging wife is like dripping that never stops on a rainy day."

MGA KAWIKAAN 27:15

15Ang laging tulo sa araw na maulan at ang babaing palatalo ay magkahalintulad:

I did not drip, yes.

But, I simmered.

I would ignore my husband for days or not talk to him. He would ask, "Honey what's wrong?" and I would say, tight-faced and upset, "Nothing."

Yeah, right, nothing. You know how women say "Nothing" but mean just the opposite. Everything was wrong, to my mind. "If only you did this or that, our lives would be so much better!
If only you were this and that, things would be perfect! If only you were not this or not that, I would not feel so terrible! You are so lucky to be married to me. I, on the other hand, am not as lucky!" 

Yuck.

Okay, I was not "nagging" alright, but my heart was so filled with sins of pride, anger and self-righteousness!

I did not have to say a word. Dong knew just from my ice princess stance that "nothing" was really "something". When I was in these phases, he would distance himself from me and allow me to steam, which sometimes made me even angrier because how dare he NOT comfort me when I was feeling so alone and overwhelmed and depressed!!!

Looking back, I myself would not go near ME with a ten-foot pole, when I was under those dark clouds of self-made doom. I was too negative, too unpleasant, too repulsive. And yet, I thought Dong was SO blessed to be married to somebody like ME! Crazy, right?!

When I underwent a long period of introspection in the middle of last year, 2013, I asked God to search my heart. It was a painful process. It was humiliating and humbling. Humiliating because the Lord showed me my true self -- prideful, bitter, envious, self-righteous, judgmental....           Humbling because suddenly I realized that I had nothing to boast of in front of God. All the goodness that I thought I possessed, was all from Him. All my sins and failures were the only ones that I actually owned.

When I finally came to terms with the TRUTH -- that I was not the kind, Christian wife I thought myself to be -- that was when things started to change within my heart. The Truth Hurts. :(

I repented of my sins.
I gave up my desire to CONTROL my husband, our lives, and everything else around me.
I let go.
And, I let God reign.
I told God that I would FINALLY, REALLY, TRULY put everything in His Hands and let Him live in me, starting with submitting myself to my husband's authority.

Ephesians 5:22-33 Taken from Biblical Marriages in Facebook

I was tired of leading.
I was tired of worrying about the future.
I was tired of being afraid.

I was ready to be led by Dong.
I was ready to trust that God will lead me through my husband.
I was ready to be freed from the bondage of control.

That was the MOST LIBERATING decision I have ever made in my life!

That was when I felt MOST PEACEFUL. :)

I said this to my husband at the start of my submission journey, and I will say it again now:


"I would rather DIE than to go back to my former (negative, controlling, fearful) self."

To follow God's Great Design for Marriage, Him Who made us fearfully and wonderfully, is the TRUE PATH TO PEACE.

God's Design For Husbands -- To LOVE their wives as Christ loved the Church

God's Design for Wives -- to SUBMIT to their husbands

My prayer is that husbands will LOVE their wives....









and that wives will RESPECT and SUBMIT to their   husbands. 









God knew what He was doing when He created the first man and the first woman.

Order After Eve ate the Forbidden Fruit

         God is a God of ORDER. 

Order Before Eve ate the Forbidden Fruit 

If we follow His Great Design, no matter how "weird", how "archaic", how "passe" it seems to be in this day and age....

PEACE and ORDER will reign in our homes.

That is our "Instruction Manual" for Life.  He is our Manufacturer after all. ;) That is 100% GUARANTEED SATISFACTION!!! :)

So, what are you waiting for? "ORDER" now!!!! ;)

Dong and Nikka Alejar - Manila Bay, 2012

May we all be richly blessed! :)

An Interview With My Husband -- 2nd Interview

At a Family Outing in Pampanga - Feb 2012

In my first interview with my husband, Dong, he told me that he "felt like a failure" for not making me "happy."

After that interview I wanted to ask him further but decided to hold it off for a later time. It was a heavy topic and remembering past hurts was not my idea of a happy birthday. (The interview was done on my birthday. :)

While my husband was busy with the computer yesterday, I went beside him, with  pen and paper in hand, to conduct our second interview. This was a heartbreaker. :(

Dong, bringing me to my hosting stint in Cainta Rizal - April 2012

Nikka: Why was it that you withdrew emotionally from me before, so much so that I thought you did not have feelings?

Dong: Self-preservation. I did not want to be blamed. I was feeling helpless.

You were just always playing your video games and I thought you did not care about anything. You were too quiet and would not talk to me about what was bothering you.

To tell you my feelings would have been a sign of weakness. I didn't want to just bawl in front of you. I still had my pride (as a man). I didn't want you to take away from me the only thing that I was holding on to.... and yet, you still argued with me.

There were times when you would tell me that you were willing to 'let me go', since you have already fulfilled your part in helping conquer my eating disorder/making me feel more self-confident , and that I was free to look for a man who could provide for me...

Because you looked SO unhappy. I felt that I could not do anything for you anymore. In my mind, I already did my role, you could leave me already.

Dong bringing me to another hosting stint - July 2012

You told me before that  you wished you were "more normal" but that you were just "too simple"...

You remember all these things?! I have forgotten some of the things I've said already.

I have a great memory! I also made a mental note to ask you about these eventually. I just did not know it was to happen now, because I have already changed...

(Answers my question.) I said that because ordinary people (men with 9-to-6 jobs) seemed to go through their lives without problems. I felt that if only I could be happy being a regular guy, YOU would be HAPPY.  

(Editor's Note: Dong has had a string of jobs. None of which really fulfilled him. He is by heart a businessman,but he said just recently that if his businesses did not flourish, he would take on any job, no problem, but he just wants to pursue (and be supported by me!) in his plans first.)

In one emotional moment in the past, you told me before that  you were afraid I might leave you and the family any time to pursue my career...

Because you were joy-less. You were always unhappy. You were always in search of something and it seemed to me that you were not finding it at home...

Why is my happiness SO important to you?

I ask myself that too. Why is your happiness important to me? Why can I just NOT care? (We both laugh.) You know what? It is just my nature to make you happy...  

If you base my life on pictures, I looked "happy". I even think I was actually "happy" (most of the time, especially when in public). It is my nature to be cheerful and giggly.

New Year's Eve - 2012

What my husband was referring to was the quiet type of joy. The type of joy that was peaceful. The type of joy that did not need a BIG event with plenty of people and fancy dressing up. He was referring to me, being "happy", while just being with him and our kids. That kind of still joy, I did not possess, because I was always worrisome and restless.

I am guilty of all that he mentioned above. :(

I was unhappy. With him. With how I felt he SHOULD be. With how I felt he SHOULD act. With how I felt he SHOULD think. With how I felt he SHOULD run our family. I was unhappy with almost everything about him! :( Although, in my defense, I really did LOVE him.

To Dong, his equation was:

                            Nikka is happy. = I am successful.

To me, my equation was:

                                Dong is successful. = I am happy.

If I am happy, Dong thinks he already is a success! Well, we all know how MY EQUATION will work out for me. No matter how "successful" Dong gets, I will still be unhappy. We humans are a bottomless pit of discontentment. We were wired to always be restless. We were made to find rest only in God alone.

What I also failed to see was how I was contributing to him not being able to LEAD our family. What I did was I got the "reins" from him, insisted on "running the show",  and had the nerve to complain about him not being proactive, taking initiative or leading. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too!

Our firstborn Therese eating a cheesecake I baked. :)

What I failed to do too, was to search my heart for my own sins - of pride, of envy (towards other women having "more motivated" husbands), of bitterness and resentment. Mine was full of sins and yet I was quick to point out his "numerous" sins!

Counting other people's sins does not make you a saint.

I did not know that then.

But I know that now. :)

After the interview, my husband and I ate dinner and talked some more about light topics this time. Topics that made us laugh and bond. My heart was happy just having him around. :)





My prayer is that fellow wives who are just like I was: dominant, opinionated, self-righteous and proud -- will find it in them to STOP, SEARCH THEIR HEARTS and REPENT. It's never too late!

Only then will God be able to work from within.


When we are so full of ourselves, the Lord has no space to work within our hearts. That's why He said,

Photo from Howard Carter's blog

May we all be richly blessed! :)

Keeping Still at My Husband's "Leadership Seminar"

Sitting on a park bench - 2012

Keeping Still.

Waiting.

Peaceful Nikka. It seems like an oxymoron! I don't feel as though peaceful can be put in one phrase with Nikka!

Keeping still on an exercise ball while 8 months pregnant with our 3rd -- 2010

Belly Dancing Class - 2005

Anyone who knew or knows me, can attest that I am a bundle of energy! I am always doing so many things all at once. I like being uber-busy. I enjoy multi-tasking. I like being all over the place. Spreading myself too thin was my way of life.

So now that I am in my respect journey, with me following and not leading, I admit I feel

Conducting a Career Talk at OLOPS- 2011

antsy. I am using ALL MY ENERGY to keep still. I never knew how much harder it was to keep still than moving in all directions!!!

I liken this season of my life to a "LEADERSHIP SEMINAR." However, I am not its participant -- my husband is. I am just here to encourage him.

When I was in Grade School and High School, I was an officer school year after school year. We had these leadership seminars wherein we were taught how to be good leaders. I don't remember any of it, to be honest, but if there is one thing to remember it was that "to be a good leader, one must be a good follower."

My High School Classmates with some Teachers at a Reunion - 1995

One cannot make classmates stay quiet by being noisy.

One cannot make classmates tidy up the classroom by being messy.



In short, one must lead by example.

At a young age, I have been taught how it was to be a good leader.
At 38 years old, I am now learning how to be a good follower.

Doing a Cheesecakes Demo - Aug 2011

It is not easy. I am so used to doing things MY WAY. I am so used to leading and not following. I am so used to moving on my own and deciding without consulting...

But, this is the only true path to peace that I know of. 

I have done all those leadership stuff in almost all our years as husband and wife and whereas, in the classroom, my leadership qualities would have put some semblance of order in it; in a Christian marriage, being the LEADER, when as a wife, one should very well just be the FOLLOWER, created CHAOS, DISORDER, BITTERNESS and RESENTMENT.

At this season in my life, I have relinquished the role of 'LEADER'. In this season of my life, I am learning to be a 'FOLLOWER.' 

I reiterate: A good leader, they say, is a good follower.

In marriage, a wife who is a good follower to her husband makes him a better leader.

Dong and Nikka Wedding, Dela Strada Parish - April 17, 2004

This is the ULTIMATE TEST of my FAITH that I have to undergo and pass. 

That is:

DO I TRUST GOD TO BE ABLE TO LEAD MY HUSBAND IN WHAT IS BEST FOR ME AND MY FAMILY?

My husband is currently in his "leadership seminar."
My "submission" to him is my way of empowering that leadership.
My "submissive spirit" is my ultimate gift to my husband and to God.

Keeping still is hard.

Waiting is wearisome.

However, when we know WHY we are keeping still and WHO we are waiting for, everything becomes not just bearable but joyful and peaceful. :)

 




My prayer is that fellow wives will find it in their hearts to humble themselves, give up their desire to lead their families, and take on their God-ordained roles joyfully, that is, as helpmeets and followers of their husbands, in order that God be glorified!

May we all be richly blessed! :)
 

Purpose of Peaceful Wife Philippines

Dong, posing for my camera before going off to work - 2006

"Okay, we get it. You have a great husband. Stop rubbing it in."

"Glad you have a wonderful relationship with Dong, but that stuff won't work with me. You don't KNOW my husband!"

" All your posts are just making me envy you and your relationship. I have it so bad. My husband is ___________________ (Fill-in-the blanks)... So far from the ideal man! "

"Your posts are not helping! They are just making me feel more miserable!"

 

I don't know if I have already appalled or repelled some of you who are reading my blog posts, thinking that this is just a venue for me to boast about MY MARRIAGE.  That is so NOT the purpose of this blog. I apologize for any misunderstanding. :(

This blog is NOT about my husband, although I have no choice but to talk about him often, if not all the time, because after all, this is the Peaceful Wife Philippines blog. I couldn't talk about being a wife, without talking about my husband. A requirement for a wife is to have a husband after all...

Father's Day 2012

This blog was NOT put up in order for me to brag about my husband! Definitely not! In reality, I was very hesitant to put up this blog even after my husband suggested I write about God's Design for Marriage, specifically for Filipinas, because he was very disappointed with the state of Filipino marriages nowadays. He said that people viewed married life and children as a burden. I was super afraid to write about things that were seemingly archaic, outmoded and basically "weird" to the modern woman. I wanted to keep things to myself because I knew for a fact that the content was not a popular one.

I was afraid to write about my experiences because I knew that I would have to put myself and my life out there, for people to formulate opinions on and judge, and I knew that if I were to be authentic, I could not gloss over my faults and imperfections. I would have to write about my sins. Not a good sight! 

I was afraid to write about Dong because he too might be judged. I would have to share about his weaknesses too or perceived faults that I had of him for many years. I couldn't gloss over those too. If this blog were to touch anybody's heart, I would have to be HONEST and REAL even if it would picture him/me/us in a bad light.

When I was starting in my "respect journey", my husband said that he was enjoying whatever it was I was doing (my submissive spirit) and that he wanted for more couples to experience what we were experiencing. I was CONTROLLING as controlling goes, previous to my decision to let go and let God. I was a Type A, overachieving perfectionist. I was at the time, just tired of leading and feeling resentful over it. I told God I was handing over the reins. I was willing to follow Him by following His God-ordained authority over me, my imperfect husband, Dong, even if I was deathly scared of doing so. It's like jumping off a cliff, not knowing if I would come out of it alive.

But I jumped, and I am not DEAD! :) Yahoo!

Yes, I have died to myself. Yes, I have buried the old domineering Nikka, but God has given me a new and renewed spirit that is so peaceful and gentle in place of the super worrisome and faithless one, that I would rather die (physically) than revert to my old ways!

Initially, Dong also had his own misgivings about putting up the blog. He told me, "I want you to write about it, yes, but it might be hard for us as a couple. We would always have to be perfect because we will have to raise the bar. They will look closely at our marriage." To which I said, "Maybe not, honey. People can relate more to imperfect people who commit mistakes but just try to be better again and again." And he nodded in agreement.

I did not write a blog the moment he told me to do so, just to be clear about it.

I only wrote it three months after.

Taken from Daily Mail UK

I had to seek God's Will first. I had to search within my heart if I had what it takes to write about something so alien already to the modern Filipina/ modern woman, with the big chance of getting negative feedback! My people-pleasing tendencies were acting up again. I did not want to ruffle any feathers. Couldn't I just keep this to myself? I didn't want to share it because I might offend my friends and family members who were in "bad marriages". I didn't want to write about it because people who knew me might view me differently, i.e. a weirdo, a crazy lady, a religious nut or worse -- all of the above.


After much prayer though and discernment, I realized that:

• This was not about me.
• This was not about Dong.
• This was not about OUR marriage.

Sharing about Dong and I, and our marriage will be used by God to touch the hearts of wives who are in miserable relationships because of their extreme desire to control their husbands.

After much prayer and discernment, my fears dissipated and it became clear to me:

• This is all about God.
• This is about spreading His commandment for wives to submit to their husbands as unto Him.
• This is about helping open up the eyes of those wives who are ready to let go and to let Him reign in their homes by following His beautiful Order of things.

 

Scripture teaches that the husband must treat his wife as an equal, even though he rules over her and she submits.

Just like my Titus 2 mentor April Cassidy, The Peaceful Wife, I aim only to counsel women. 

 

I hold this blog loosely in my hands. I will continue to write as long as the Spirit inspires me to. However, if at any time, I see that I am no longer honoring God by it, and am veering away from the purpose of this blog, I will, in a drop of a hat, just let it go.

My aim is to glorify God alone.

The purpose of the Peaceful Wife Philippines blog is to spread about God's Great Design for Marriage that we seem to have already forgotten about, never heard of, or trivialized. All good that will come out from this is God's Doing. All mistakes and flaws are mine.

My prayer is that there will be more hits than misses in my imperfect writing. I humbly ask God to just supply my readers with the missing pieces and to make whole whatever is found lacking in my blog.

May we all be richly blessed! :)

From Fascinating Woman to Peaceful Wife

Dec 2005

In my previous post, I wrote about Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin.

Truth be told, I found April Cassidy, The Peaceful Wife's Blog from Googling 'Fascinating Womanhood' in the world wide web.

Back in my anchoring days - 2012

It was September of 2013 and I was already ripe for the respect journey. I died to myself early that month and told God that I wanted to stop leading, and to start following my husband. I gave up my controlling ways and was looking for resources in the net to help jump-start my submissive journey. I remembered how FW helped me somewhat in 2011, so I wanted to check it out again and try to find fellow wives who might be in the same boat as I was.

A net search for FW led to a related search option by Google of The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I read its sample chapter and I was excited by it! This was what I wanted to do at this season of my life! I wanted to give up control! I wanted to surrender! I wanted to be a surrendered wife!

I got so excited over this find that I wrote my husband a stick-on note regarding it. I wanted him to find me Laura Doyle's book. At that time, I still was in an extremely quiet phase  when I dared not speak nor tell my husband about anything that was happening to my heart, lest I hurt him with my words. This was the time when I realized my great disrespect to him and to God, and when God showed me my true-blue sinful self. I was aghast at the enormity of my sins, with pride as the front-runner.

April, 'The Peaceful Wife' and Greg, 'The Respected Husband'

In Page 1 of my Google search for Laura Doyle's book, I also saw the Respected Husband's post on 'When She Became A Surrendered Wife'.  I read that post and clicked on one other post on top of The Peaceful Wife's, April Cassidy's page, and the next post and the next and the next... I couldn't stop!
I couldn't believe my eyes! April was talking about her life, but I felt as though, I could have written it myself!

I then copy-pasted and printed out all posts that hit a nerve, like:

• What Is Disrespectful to Husbands
• Biblical Submission
• I'm The Spiritually Mature One in This Marriage!
• Signs That Your Husband is Feeling Disrespected and Unloved

and so much more.

I was reading and copy-pasting and printing every day.

Yellow-marked Bible Verses

Every day too, I would get my yellow marker and my Bible and sit down in a corner reading April's posts while checking and counter-checking with the Bible.

I am Catholic and I am not used to reading the Bible, I am ashamed to admit. I hear about God's Word at mass and we use it for worship, but as an instruction to life? I was too intimidated by it to read it lest I misunderstood it, and so I didn't.

I was greatly encouraged by April's humble yet wide knowledge of the Bible and so, when I started Bible-reading, I just couldn't stop!  I now regret having missed a HUGE part of my Catholic Christian life by NOT opening its wonderful pages! (I did so rarely.) It is not TOO LATE to begin though. I encourage more Catholic wives to start reading God's Word. It is a wealth of inspiration and instruction. Read it with an open heart and mind, pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance and understanding, and be filled with the Word of Life. It really quenches one's spiritual thirst.



After being a "stalker" of April (LOL!) for days, I found the courage to email her.

Here's an excerpt of the correspondence :

Hello April!

I am Veronica Alejar, a broadcaster (TV newscaster/host/singer) here in the Philippines. I just recently gave birth to our fourth child. I have been struggling for years now with my unexplainable resentment and bitterness over wearing the pants in the relationship. I am married to a loving husband who seemed to me, to be soooo passive that he was just happy to see me shine and him, to well.. not shine. I even remember saying in my thoughts: 'He is the wind beneath my wings... but can he do other things besides lift me up??!" Little did I know that no matter how loving I was towards him and how kind ( I am a Christian woman after all or so I thought), I was not respecting him. In fact, I hate to say it, but I think I 'tolerated' him, thinking that his passive phase was just due to my Type A personality and that as soon as he gets out of his funk, he'll maybe, get a life. I was busy living mine after all..

I love your blog. I started my journey towards making our marriage better with Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. I was still not getting things right to the point, that he told me, "You are not fascinating at all!!!" Ouch! Haha. That time, I sort of prodded (controlled) him to apply at a local TV station as sports reporter, which he did, and he got the job only to hate it so much and resign two months after,and he blamed me for it!

I was clueless coming from a family where my parents were competitive and "not loving" towards each other. Mama died early at 43. Papa died recently at 58. SO, imagine my TYPE A personality coming to maximum capacity! People die, so seize the day! Control the events! Control our lives!!! We die! We die!

So, you get the point. ;)

Previous to Fascinating Womanhood, I read as a newly married bride in 2004, The Lies that Women Believe by Nancy Leigh De Moss. I am reading and rereading it now, and it opened my eyes to the truth. I knew of the truth then, when we still had only one child, but for some reason, I forgot about that truth when I got more kids and more successful in my career.
It's only now that I have realized my pride and arrogance and selfishness that I've decided with God's Help to give up my career for my husband and my four children. I get in the way of my husband's leadership. H*ll, I get in my own way!

I am writing to let you know that it was your blog that made me realize further the truth. Reading your entries feels as though they were written by me! Reading your husband's entries feels as though my husband wrote them himself!

Veronica

The pic I sent April

I was tickled pink when April replied just a few short hours later despite our different time zones!

Veronica,

I am SO PLEASED to meet you! :)  What a lovely family.  I am glad you included a pic!  I love to be able to see the faces of the wives I talk to.

I read Fascinating Womanhood, too.  But yikes!  Yes, that would definitely hurt for your husband to say that!

I can definitely understand why you became controlling.  

So far, I have not found a country where wives are not normally controlling and disrespectful.  I guess we are all daughters of Eve!  And we all have the same sinful nature that hates to submit to authority and obey God.  But what  a HUGE price we pay!

Thank you for introducing yourself to me!

This can be a difficult, painful and frustrating journey to get rid of all the sinful, worldly ways of thinking and to allow God to renew our hearts and minds in Christ.  I'm always glad to hear from you if you need to talk through something!

Thankfully - with the kind of husband you have, I feel sure he will be very supportive as you are learning and patient as you are growing.

Much love to you, my beautiful sister in Christ!

April

That was to be the FIRST of many emails. :)

Before I knew it, one thing led to another, and here I am, upon my own respected husband's suggestion (how cool is that?!), writing a blog as Peacefulwife Philippines (the name was suggested by April herself) in order to spread God's Great Design for Marriage especially for Filipinas (and non-Filipinas too!).

God. Is. Amazing.

What started as a genuine desire to make our marriage better with Fascinating Womanhood, was used by God to lead me to Peaceful Wife's blog, in order to complete and make whole what was lacking. FW for all its feminine precepts was simply too husband-directed and not Christ-centered to make any lasting changes. I dare say it can even be detrimental to the married couple's relationship, once the 'fascinating woman' considers her husband as her IDOL. Idolatry is a GREAT sin! Nobody should be Number 1 in our hearts, except for God for the Lord said:

                                                           Matthew 22:37
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

                                        Mateo 22:37 
37 At sinabi sa kaniya, Iibigin mo ang Panginoon mong Dios ng buong puso mo, at ng buong kaluluwa mo, at ng buong pagiisip mo. 


                                       Exodus 20:1-17

And God spoke all these words:

² “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

³ “You shall have no other gods before me.

                                         Exodo 20:

  2 "Ako si Yahweh, ang iyong Diyos na naglabas sa iyo sa Egipto at nagpalaya sa iyo mula sa pagkaalipin.   3 "Huwag kang sasamba sa ibang diyos, maliban sa akin.

Pregnant with our 4th - Dec 31, 2012

In fairness to Fascinating Womanhood, every now and then there were some Bible verses thrown in there to make one think about God, but it was trying hard to be too secular, to actually be deemed Christian. It seemed to me that the Bible verses were just put in as afterthoughts to justify the "submissive behavior". However, when one's behavior stems from the desire to just please one's husband and thereby have a satisfying married life, with God seemingly just thrown in for good measure, it is my personal belief that this is a sure-fire preparation for real resentment. Nobody can fill up that void in our hearts. Only God can fill that God-shaped vacuum. Not one's husband, not one's children. Nobody.

FW stipulated that:

"When we follow the leadership of our husband and we are submissive to his wishes, there comes into our homes a SWEET SPIRIT OF PEACE AND HARMONY."

Yes, yielding to our husbands may create a sort of peaceful (temporary) setup but remember, the peace of this world is NOTHING compared to the PEACE that the Lord can give...


                                                                    John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.


                                                                      Juan 14:27

²⁷ Ang kapayapaan ay iniiwan ko sa inyo; ang aking kapayapaan ay ibinibigay ko sa inyo: hindi gaya ng ibinibigay ng sanglibutan, ang ibinibigay ko sa inyo. Huwag magulumihanan ang inyong puso, ni matakot man.


I am grateful that the Lord has been holding my hand and directing my steps even without me knowing it, all these years! From Lies Women Believe to Fascinating Womanhood to The Peaceful Wife's blog, I believe these were NOT COINCIDENCES. These were God's Incidents.


My correspondence with April is really a divine appointment. Not too early. Not too too late. Just PERFECT in God's Time. :)




    1  Cor 13: 9-13

⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part

At a recent outing with our 3rd and 4th babies (Reuben & Isabelle)- Dec 30, 2013

disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


1 Corinto 13: 9-13 

9 Sapagkat mayroon tayong bahagyang kaalaman at nanghuhula tayo nang bahagya; ¹⁰  ngunit kapag yaong ganap ay dumating, yaong bahagya ay aalisin. ¹¹  Noong ako ay sanggol pa, nagsasalita akong gaya ng sanggol, nag-iisip na gaya ng sanggol, nangangatuwirang gaya ng sanggol; ngunit ngayong ganap na ang aking pagkatao, inalis ko na ang mga ugali ng isang sanggol. ¹²  Sapagkat sa kasalukuyan ay nakakakita tayo ng malabong anyo sa pamamagitan ng salaming metal, ngunit pagkatapos ay magiging mukhaan na.Sa kasalukuyan ay nakaaalam ako nang bahagya, ngunit pagkatapos ay makaaalam ako nang may katumpakan kung paanong ako ay may-katumpakang nakikilala. ¹³  Gayunman, ngayon ay nananatili ang pananampalataya, pag-asa, pag-ibig, ang tatlong ito; ngunit ang pinakadakila sa mga ito ay pag-ibig.


My prayer is that whatever seed the Lord implanted in our hearts out of our great LOVE for Him, will blossom and bear much good fruit, in order that God be further glorified! We love you, Lord! Amen.