When A Wife Treats Her Husband As Her Child

With our first child, Therese, and just a year or so married -  2005

I call Dong, "Daddy",  "Honey", and "Lovey".

He calls me "Baby", "Honey" and "Beauty" or "Sexy" (Yee-ha!) , but never "Mommy".
To him, "Mommy" is his mother, Wowa Letty.

Wowa Letty, Dong's very kind mother

Some couples call each other "Daddy" and "Mommy", and there is nothing wrong with that. It's a lovely term of endearment to one's spouse as the co-parent of their God-given children.

It becomes a problem though when by calling the wife as "Mommy", the wife becomes and acts like the husband's own mother!!! 

That's a line that should NEVER be crossed, if one is to follow God's commandment between married couples and if one is to have a godly and biblical marriage!

I have heard of wives calling their hubbies along with their sons as "my boys", or "my babies", or something to that effect. While I think it is quite sweet to be nurturing towards one's husband, a wife has to be VERY wary not to treat her husband as one of her sons. 

Reuben, 2nd son

Andre, 1st son

Doing so would cross over from being just caring to mothering to smothering, if not held in check! There is nothing more 'UNSEXY' than treating your husband as your child!

Treating your husband as your son (whether the eldest or the youngest or somewhere in between) is actually                 VERY DISRESPECTFUL!!!

Remember it is written in the Bible that:

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Titus 2:4-5

so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Men are the HEADS of their wives and wives are to be subject to their husbands. 

* * * 

Parents are the HEADS over their children.

Ephesians 6:1-3

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.

Colossians 3:20

Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is

well-pleasing to the Lord.

January 17, 2014

I wrote a post on how to still honor our parents while already being subject to one's husband, once married, here.

For this particular blog post though, what the Lord led me to write was about exercising seeming 'parental authority' over one's husband, which goes clearly against Scripture and creates disorder and abnormality within the marriage.

The Bible points out that ALL authority comes from God.

Romans 13

New Living Translation (NLT)

                                                          Respect for Authority

13 Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. 2 So anyone who rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished.

April 17, 2004

In marriage, our husbands are our God-ordained authorities.

Here’s the bible verse from 1 Peter 3:1-6 from the New Living Translation:

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

* * *

When a wife acts like her husband's mother, she is guilty of mixing up her God-ordained role as parent to her children (over whom she has every right to correct and direct), and mis-using that parental authority over her husband, over whom, she has NO AUTHORITY correcting, leading or directing, given her God-ordained submissive role as helper or supporter, in the marriage.

Yes, it is important to point out once or twice (in a respectful manner, of course) when one's husband is errant or is sinning, but NO, it is not okay to continue to correct and direct him every day, as though one's husband had no mind of his own or was inutile, and needed his wife's correction, mentorship, and direction, at all times.

It not only maligns God's Word (Titus 2:5), but it also muddles up God's design for marriage and authority. Wives have NO AUTHORITY over their husbands! That's a spiritual coup d' etat!

This was Therese as a baby :) - 2005

Here's an excerpt from a sister in Christ's blog, Kayla of www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com, where she talks about in her post, "Are You Just, Um, Well…..Better Than Him?" , how wives act as though they were the "Holy Spirit" towards their husbands, convicting them of their sins and trying to make them change (as though that's humanely possible!!!), in effect, letting their sin of PRIDE get the better of them, thinking themselves to be better than their men. For her full post on this topic, please click here. 

3.) We turn our husband into a child.

Instead of seeing ourselves as a team with our husbands to work together to grow in Christ, we eventually look down on our husbands long enough for their sins and their “too slow at repentance” behavior and start seeing them as children or chore instead of a best friend and lover.

And worst of all, we have found this so humorous. How many comedians, websites, Facebook statuses, and Pinterest pins are being shared and quoted with remarks like

“I don’t have three children, I am married to the fourth.”

“Men are babies who stop having a mom and get a wife instead.”

“I thought I was done raising children but apparently my husband will never grow up.”

This one is so NOT  a baby. I am his "baby". ;) - 2006

______________________________________________________________________________

I hear this often, even among people close to me, and I used to laugh about it but ever since the Lord changed me and convicted me, I could now only muster a fake smile.

It's just NOT FUNNY anymore.:( 

It's actually quite SAD and PATHETIC. :( 

The moment a wife already thinks she has earned a "son" from having a husband, is the moment ALL RESPECT has flown out the window.

While we respect our children and their rights, we do not submit to them; they submit to us. We are still their moral authorities. The moment a child always gets her way and the parents submit to his/her every whim and caprice, is the moment that child had become the HEAD of the home, and it won't be surprising if that child grows up to be spoiled with misplaced feelings of entitlement -- an ungodly setup which will surely lead to ungodly results.

A wife may act respectful towards her husband without really RESPECTING him. If the wife really respected her husband, she would not take from him the reins in the marriage; she would not dictate to him what to do and where their life should lead them; she would not act as though she was morally superior to him and "tolerant" of his mistakes all the while waiting for him to"get his act together" like a clumsy/naughty/hard-headed child.

A godly wife would RESPECT her husband by first of all biblically submitting to him, and by also:

- not leading the family

- not second-guessing her husband's decisions

- not being critical of her husband

- not being judgmental towards her husband

- not "stealing" the provider role from her husband/ being too self-reliant

- not being overprotective towards her husband

- not deciding for her husband

- not ruling over her husband, and surely...
- ... not joking about her husband being 'one of her children' to others!

In my Bible reading this morning, something struck out for me, from the Book of Sirach (part of the Deuterocanonicals in Catholic Bibles) that further led me into writing about this post today. While Ben of Sira/Ecclesiasticus lived in the days of old and his teachings rants could be viewed by some, as patriarchal at best, and misogynistic at worst; much wisdom can still be gleaned from them:

Sirach 25 

13 Any wound rather than a wound of the heart! Any spite rather than the spite of woman!
16 I would sooner keep house with a lion or a dragon than keep house with a spiteful wife.
17 A woman's spite changes her appearance and makes her face as grim as a bear's.
18 When her husband goes out to dinner with his neighbours, he cannot help heaving bitter sighs.
19 No spite can approach the spite of a woman, may a sinner's lot be hers!
20 Like the climbing of a sandhill for elderly feet, such is a garrulous wife for a quiet husband.
21 Do not be taken in by a woman's beauty, never lose your head over a woman.
22 Bad temper, insolence and shame hold sway where the wife supports the husband.

23 Low spirits, gloomy face, stricken heart: such is a spiteful wife. Slack hands and sagging knees: such is the wife who does not make her husband happy.

25 Do not let water find a leak, nor a spiteful woman give free rein to her tongue.

May 2014

Two verses struck me here.

Verse 22 where it says that when the spiteful or "wicked" wife SUPPORTS (directs, leads, rules, babies, mothers, provides for) the husband, there is much anger, reproach, and PLENTY of SHAME.

Verse 23 where it says that a dejected spirit, a sad face, unseen wounds, idle hands (lack of desire to provide or to work) and unsteady knees (physical ailments) are found, when a wife brings her husband NO HAPPINESS.

While I would like to point out that it takes two to tango, and it would be HARSHLY UNFAIR to blame it ALL on the wife, if one has a husband who is exhibiting these kinds of pitiful behavior and physical and/or mental ailments, it would be wise and humble to ask oneself:

 "Am I contributory to this?"

April 17, 2014 - 10th wedding anniversary

Before writing this article, I asked Dong if he would find it disrespectful if I started "babying" him. He said, "I would not mind being helped or served, such as with preparation of meals or whatever, but when you start treating me like a child who has to be taught what to do, how to act, how to behave, what to think... then, that is REALLY DISRESPECTFUL."

 He also said something wise that should make us wives  go into deep introspection:

20 lbs ago and just bf-gf :) - 1997

I am glad the Lord opened up my
spiritual eyes. Otherwise, there would
         be NOTHING to be joyful about. - Aug 2013

"Women should think of who and what their husbands were before they got married to them. Were their boyfriends happy, energetic, with some spunk in their walks and postures, healthy, etc...? Then, compare that to now. Are the men unhappy, depressed, walking and moving as though hopeless, having so many sicknesses... after they got married to their wives? Maybe the wife has done something to make him that kind of pathetic man. Maybe he is who and what he is now, thanks, but no thanks, to his wife! Just think about it...."

I am thinking about it! Good food for thought, huh? :)

Here's hoping and praying that the next time a wife thinks "babying" her husband to the max is love, may she also be aware that though this is sweet (for a relatively short period of time --short as in, on rare/few occasions, not as a way of life), she should STOP this emasculating gesture because husbands were designed by God to be the one doing the "babying", not the other way around.

(Note: In no way am I saying that wives should be treated as children nor that they should act like children, with tantrums and childishness and all! "Babying" in this post means taking good care of their wives, the way husbands could and should, just as God had commanded for them to do.)

Husbands were designed to be OUR protectors, not the other way around. 

Husbands were NOT designed to be our babies. They were designed to help us make babies. Hehe. 

And, think of it this way: Would you want to "train" your husband to be a wimpy scaredy-cat, who cannot defend and fend for himself, and who is dependent on you for EVERYTHING?!?  

What a turn-off, right?!? 

A man acting like a baby is NOT how God designed our husbands to act!
                           Photo Credits: Captura

That's clearly a man asking to be DISRESPECTED, if one ever came across such a man!!!! 

1 Peter 3:7 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

These are OUR babies. :) - April 2013

May we all be richly blessed! :)

How Do I Know This Is God's Will for Me?

"At Veronica's Kitchen, everything is prepared with LOVE!"

Just two weeks ago, I was emailed by a friend asking me to join a baking contest that was looking for participants/contestants.

"Frozen" Cake

Minecraft all-edible cake

[I am by the way, the part-owner and baker of Veronica's Kitchen. My husband helps me in decorating our cakes, but I am the baking "master/mistress" of our kitchen. ;) ]

A veteran at oncamera work (I have been a TV broadcaster for more than a decade as an adult, and a children's TV host before that as a young girl), but a bundle of frayed nerves for baking deadlines, I said, "Thanks for thinking of me, but I do not think I am cut out for that kind of contest. I don't think I can come up with recipes on the spot! I will surely panic!"

Pictured here with former President of the Philippines, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo whom I interviewed with nary a quickened heartbeat, but when I have baking deadlines, I almost ALWAYS lose my cool and my poise! - Feb 2008

After baking some cupcakes in my FHO apron - 2010

A few days ago, another friend emailed me to join this same contest, since its deadline had been extended. I told my husband Dong, "Honey, this is the second time, a friend thought me to be perfect for the said contest. The first time, I said ;'NO'. Should I take this as a "sign" and now say 'YES?' "

 Vanilla Cake with Pastry Cream Filling
and Meringue Icing

And so, I looked into the internet and clicked on the links that my second friend affixed in her email. Prizes included a hundred thousand pesos, a chance to star in your own cooking/baking show, and a whole lot of other glitzy stuff!

Boy, did my heart beat faster and I became quite excited!!!

Cheesecakes assorted :)

But, whereas before, when I would have just immediately pounced on the opportunity (any opportunity actually -  "Seize the day!"; "The world is my oyster!"; "Carpe diem!" were my mottos), this time, I held back my initial reaction of sudden excitement, and kept still.

I prayed.

   Then, I read the Bible.

And this was what the Lord told me:

Sirach 11:10

10 My child, do not undertake too many activities. If you keep adding to them, you will not be without reproach; if you run after them,                  you will not succeed nor will you ever be free, although you try to escape.

Another version read:

Sirach 11:10

Common English Bible (CEB)

My child, don’t be busy with many things;

if you multiply pursuits,

you won’t be held guiltless.

If you pursue them,

you won’t overtake them,

and when you flee, you won’t escape.

* * * * * 

That was as CLEAR as the Lord can get.

I was to NOT undertake too many activities and NOT multiply my pursuits.

I searched my heart for hidden sins, and in it I found again (?!?), the desire to be esteemed, to be popular, to be famous, to be a star!  Desires that I've been "killing" each and every day since the Lord changed me and recreated me on September 1, 2013.

I searched my heart further, and in it I found sadness over:

 1) being away from my children and our home for a long stretch of time (if I did join the contest) because it would take three whole months and then some from me, if ever; AND

2) being away from my children and my husband because the said contest would entail traveling which I am so not a fan of.

More than that, just thinking about what was to happen made me suddenly feel "tired" at being over-busy! I mean, I've been there and done that, and I am now in this season of my life, wherein the Lord is asking me to please, please, BE STILL ( and know that He is God -- Proverbs 46:10)

There is a time and place for everything.

Ecclesiastes 3

3 There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

And this season of my life, is one that entails a LOT of STILLNESS and a LOT of SILENCE and a LOT of LETTING GO. 

And so, I told my husband, (who was willing to corroborate on a script with me on what I'd be saying in the demo reel, and who was willing too to be my cameraman) that: "Honey, I prayed last night and Sirach 11:10 was what God divulged to me. I don't think it is His Will for me to join such a contest."

He said, "Okay. Whatever you decide on, I am okay with it."

 * * * * * * *

HOW DOES ONE KNOW IF SUCH A DECISION OR MOVE IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU?

Well, for starters, one really has to:

1) Be in constant communication with God through prayer. We are not designed to live independently from God and so ALL decisions and actions must be asked and lifted up to the Lord in prayer.

Borrowing the words from my favorite author Nancy Leigh de Moss of "Lies Women Believe":

"If satan can get us to try to "live the Christian life" without cultivating an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus , he knows we will be spiritually impotent and defeated. If he can get us to do a great many things "for God" without consciously seeking the will of God through His Word and prayer, we may stir up a lot of religious dust , but we won't do satan's kingdom any real damage."

2) Immerse oneself in the Word. God spoke to the prophets and the people of old through Scripture, and He will still talk to you TODAY through His Word, that is, the Bible. Seek the Holy Spirit's Help in discerning just what He is telling you about particular instances that need your decision, as you come across verses and Bible stories that seem to be "speaking" to you, or jumping off from its pages.

Joshua 1:8 

8 This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

3) Know your priorities. It is a LIE to think that one has TO DO IT ALL in order to "please God". I fell for that lie for many years. Even Jesus only had three years in His Public Life to perform miracles, heal the sick, and spread the Gospel. He did not cure ALL, nor was He able to make all the blind see, the lame walk and the deaf hear... but at the end of His Life, He was still able to say:

John 17:4

4  I have brought you glory on earth by finishing 

the work You gave me to do.

Says De Moss:

"Frustration is the by-product of attempting to fulfill responsibilities God does not intend for us to carry. Freedom, joy, and fruitfulness come from seeking to determine God's priorities for each season of life, and then setting out to fulfill those priorities, in the power of His Spirit, realizing that He has provided the necessary time and abilities to do everything that He has called us to do."

4) Do not take on each and every opportunity. Yes, we only live once. Yes, sometimes what you turn down today may never be offered to you ever again. But, know too that NOT ALL that seems "good" at first glance, is actually good for YOU.

Quoting De Moss again of "Lies Women Believe":

"The Truth is that I don't have to do all these things. All I have to do is the work God assigns to ME. The frustration comes when I attempt to take on responsibilities not on His Agenda for me. When I establish my own agenda or let others determine the priorities for my life, rather than taking time to discern what it is that God wantes me to do, I end up buried under piles of half-finished, poorly done, or never-attempted projects and tasks. I live with guilt, frustration and haste, rather than enjoying the peaceful, well-ordered life that He intends."

5) Search your heart. Why are you deciding on this particular option? Is it to gain prestige and power? Is it to be able to provide for your family? Is it to advance your personal agendas and ambitions? Is it to be able to send your child to school? Weigh the pros and cons, and always look deep within for SELFISH reasons. If it is to inflate the EGO, be wary. Too much SELF means too little GOD. And too little God is exactly what the ruler of this world, satan, would rejoice about!

I am reading this book bought and sent to me by my sister, Erica and her husband, Heikki, all the way from Finland (It took nearly four months for it to reach me, thanks but no thanks to our "efficient" postal service in the Philippines!), "The Bondage Breakers" by Dr. Neil T. Anderson and in it, he wrote:

"Satan's ultimate lie is that you are capable of being the god of your own life -- and his ultimate bondage is the attempt to live as though his lie were truth. Satan is out to usurp God's place in your life. Every temptation is an endeavor by him to get you to live your life INDEPENDENT of God. Whenever you focus on yourself instead of Christ and prefer material and temporal values over spiritual and eternal values, the tempter has succeeded. The message of this fallen world is to INFLATE THE EGO while denying God the opportunity to take His rightful place as Lord. Satan could not be more pleased  -- that was his plan from the beginning." 

________________________________________________________________________________

How I wish God really SPOKE to me the way my husband speaks to me: in the flesh, with a real audible voice and in direct terms, but since that is not the case, I would really have to search deep within my soul, and listen not with my ears but with my mind and heart, what it is He is really TELLING me.

Does it happen that He really talks, as in, with an inner, calm, and gentle voice? Yes.

Does it also happen that I have no idea what He wants me to do because He seems silent? Yes also.

In the first instance, I still have to discern whether "the voice" is really from God or from the enemy. Just because it appears initially "good", does not mean that it is indeed good and that it is from God. Remember satan is the father of lies and deception!

Proverbs 19:21 

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

2 Corinthians 11:14

14 And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

In the second instance, when God seems quiet, I really have to look at the events of my life, and carefully and prayerfully discern what road to take.

If I have already done all the necessary steps to:

- seek out hidden and apparent sins and motives in my heart

- pray for God's Guidance, Wisdom and Discernment

- identify my God-given priorities 

... I can now decide and discern if it is indeed God's Will for me.

Like in this baking contest thing, God's Answer was a
BIG FAT "NO".

Selling our Angry Birds goodies at a hotel,
with my daughter Therese - 2011

I was fine with that. I felt so much peace with my decision! At this point in my life, it just is not aligned with what God is training me now and what He wants me to do which is to KEEP STILL. :)
[Something I've not really done nor practiced in the past. ;)]

In cases though when I miss the mark and make "bad decisions", what happens then to me?!? I sure made a LOT of that in the past. :(

 Let us hear out what this Christian man has to say on the subject, taken from Christianity Today:

Making a poor decision doesn't mean we're forever out of God's will. That's part of the beauty of Scripture: It has story after story of people who make bad decisions, but God still uses them mightily. Just look at Abraham and David. They both did some things that were clearly wrong, but God worked through them to accomplish great things. God can use all of our decisions, whether they're right, wrong, or neutral.

Also, we need to remember God is our Father. God is not here to condemn us, but to help us become more like Christ. If we are focused on Jesus, and on holiness, some of those other things will fall into place. God is not a cosmic trickster who only gives us one shot to get things right.

 —Dr. Shawn Holtgren Dean of Leadership and Spiritual Development at Bethel College (Indiana)

And, I also believe that no matter how off we may be, how wrong we "get" God's signals, He will still manifest His Will in our lives, because we are His Children. In short, no matter how much we mess up, our Heavenly Father will always be there to clean up the mess, and make beautiful treasures out of our yucky trashes! Isn't God amazing?! :) He will give us beauty for ashes! (Isaiah 61:3)

I made this topper from scratch using Gumpaste. 
This is the Barasoain church, located here in the Philippines. :) - 2011

The real church and the gumpaste church.

Along with two other Filipina Homebaker Online sisters/bakers, we won the 3rd place in  
Resort World's Manila Cake-off Challenge! Here I was posing with our winning masterpiece. :)
- Dec 2011

Romans 8:28 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, 

who have been called according to his purpose.

May we all be richly blessed! :)

FLR (Female-Led Relationships) and WLM (Wife-Led Marriages)-- Peacefulwife Philippines' Top Searches

A Wedding Cake Topper of  a Wife-Led Marriage

In Filipino, "hawak sa leeg" or translated as "held by the neck/collar" or dominated.

I first wrote about Wife-Led Marriages in February 2014. Up till now, it still gets the MOST number of hits, that's why it continues to be on top of the POPULAR POSTS in The Peaceful Wife Philippines blog.

Every so often too, when I am online, I check the traffic sources on this blog, and I almost always get the same search keywords results: female-led relationship, FLR, wife-led marriage, WLM... And so it got me thinking that maybe this is more common than I think, or than we think!

These are the top search keywords in my blog every single day.

Before I wrote "The Wife-Led Marriage:Where Does It Lead?", I did not even know that there were already words coined for such relationships or that there were websites written on it! How naive could I get, right? Considering that I, myself, was in such a marriage for several years before the Lord convicted me of my sins of rebellion and pride! 

To my mind, what Dong and I had during those "wife-led years" was the 'modern set-up' or 

the 'non-traditional set-up' -- 

the one wherein roles were interchangeable and unnecessary and androgynous. 

Despite the happy faces, I was not exactly interiorly joyful or peaceful.We were still in a WLM here. - January 2011

I know of SO MANY couples in similar set-ups that it has become the NORM rather than the EXCEPTION to the rule. It wouldn't even be classified as odd anymore; more like usual or common or ordinary. You know, dominant women with full-swing careers and men who are too passive, who may or may not be "housebands" too. 

Back then, I felt that whoever had more talents, smarts and guts should lead, 
and obviously that was ME!!!!

I even rationalized that such was my lot. Maybe, the Lord in His Generosity just decided to rain down on me a huge number of abilities, and I would do Him a great disservice by NOT using all of my "God-given capabilities" for "His Greater Glory". And so, I spread myself too thin, being everything to everybody... except my husband. Honestly, it was also not really all for God's Greater Glory... It was more for MY GREATER GLORY. I wanted to be a superstar. I wanted to shine. I wanted to matter and to be somebody because I almost always felt worthless. I was working independently of God. I had myself as god.

BUT OF COURSE, I WAS NOT TOTALLY AWARE OF IT!

To my mind, I was just being this fun and fearless female who was on top of her game, having the time of her life and "having it all." In the Philippines, it's possible to "have it all." Most middle-class families have live-in household helpers at home who can do the chores and nanny duties. One can still have a full-fledged career AND a marriage AND children AND hobbies AND outside interests. 

With Jenefe at the right, our yaya/live-in helper/nanny at that time -- March 2014

But if I really "had it all" back then, why was it that I still felt so empty? :(

Why was it that I had ZERO tolerance and patience for my children by the time I got home? 

Why was it that I had ZERO libido and energy for my husband when he wanted to be intimate?

Why was it that I still felt that I did not matter even though my plate was super full and my cup was overflowing?

It was because I was running on MY OWN fuel, with MY OWN agenda, tagging God along to go with MY WILL, not His, and I wanted it done according to MY WORD.

Let me be very clear that during this time, Dong ALLOWED for it to happen, since he felt that it was what I WANTED. All the while he was thinking, that should I become any more disrespectful than I already was, that was when he'd really put his foot down! But, as he told me just recently, in a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being MOST DISRESPECTFUL, I was "just" a 5 or less than that. However, I was really VERY headstrong and take-charge in my attitude. I wanted things done MY way. I left no room for him to contribute to decisions which were a done deal in my mind. To "keep the peace", he went along with my very self-reliant and independent plans.

BUT...


We were NOT designed to live independently of God! That is a LIE! That is what satan would have us believe, that we can make it out on our own, apart from God.

Ephesians 2:10 

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do.

As wives too, we were NOT designed to live our lives independently of our husbands! That is another LIE! That is what satan would want us to do, in order for us to usurp our husbands' God-ordained authority, and emasculate them in the process.

Genesis 2:18

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.

 I will make a helper who is just right for him."

How many times have we heard that:

Women are better than men?

Women are more morally upright than men?

Women are better at leading (the family/organizations/companies) than men?

Oprah is probably the most respected female TV personality on the planet.
I used to consider all her quotes as gospel truth. I still admire Oprah a lot,
but I now base my truth on THE Truth - Jesus - of the Bible.

But, who was it who in her open rebellion, defied God first, in her desire to be like God?

Who was it who in her disobedience even led her husband to sin too, just like she did?

Who was it who in her vulnerability mixed with pride, allowed the devil to tempt her; and who was it who succumbed to the temptation first?

It was Eve.

And we are all daughters of Eve.

Photo Credit: Shipley Art Gallery

1 Timothy 2:14

And it was not Adam who was deceived by Satan. 

The woman was deceived, and sin was the result.

I am not saying it was ONLY Eve who sinned. She had sinned FIRST, but Adam sinned too. I mean what was he doing just biting into that forbidden fruit anyway? Wasn't it he to whom God had spoken to, in NO UNCERTAIN terms, NOT to partake of that fruit, in the first place?!? And why did he have to eat it too? Eve must have been so alluring when she offered it to him that all logic flew out of the window (if there were windows back then). Shouldn't he have gotten mad at Eve for biting into that "bawal" (forbidden) fruit and refused her offer "na mandamay" (to make him sin too)?!?  He obviously did not fulfill his God-given role as protector and head of Eve, and by way of Command Responsibility, God called Adam to his sin first, and only after that did He talk to Eve:

And so this was the First Man's curse:

Genesis 3:17-19

17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;

    through painful toil you will eat food from it

    all the days of your life.

18 

It will produce thorns and thistles for you,

    and you will eat the plants of the field.

19 

By the sweat of your brow

    you will eat your food

until you return to the ground,

    since from it you were taken;

for dust you are

    and to dust you will return.”

And this was the First Woman's Curse:

Genesis 3:16 

To the woman he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; 

with painful labor you will give birth to children. 

Lamaze birth of our third baby, Reuben. SO FREAKIN' PAINFUL!!!
May 20, 2010

Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Desire here does not mean 'SEXUAL DESIRE' but a desire to CONTROL one's spouse:

Here's another version, from the New Living Translation, just to clarify that point.

Controlling Nikka 2011

                                      Genesis 3:16 

Then he said to the woman, "I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, 

and in pain you will give birth. 

And you will desire to control your husband, 

but he will rule over you."

Man was cursed to toil the earth in order to make a living; and 

Woman was cursed to experience pain as she gives birth to the living.

And more than just this excruciating pain ( I delivered four children normally, one via lamaze, (view the pic above) and boy, was it MIND-NUMBING!) ...
woman would also have the "desire" to RULE OVER MEN. 

Adam and Eve's marriage was the first documented WIFE-LED MARRIAGE. 

Eve fell to temptation and sin and tagged Adam along with her. Adam just followed.

This reversal of roles and subsequent Fall of Man and Woman, began for humankind the constant POWER PLAY we have been experiencing since time immemorial. The struggle for dominance or control within marriage. 

This Power Play is what has given birth to the Wife-Led Marriages and Female-Led Relationships, we know of now.

Is it WRONG to have the WIFE lead the marriage? The Bible says yes.

1 Timothy 2:11-15

Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

Is it BAD for the WIFE to be the head the family?  The Bible says yes.

Ephesians 5:23

For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, 

his body, and is himself its Savior.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Does that mean WLRs and FLRs will NEVER work? 

Isn't it a case to case basis?!?

First of all, let me point out that in cases where 1) the husband is dead; or 2) the husband is severely incapacitated or disabled either physically or mentally, a wife, in these cases will have to lead her family and move independently of her husband. But in Number 2, when the husband is "just" severely physically unable to move but is of sound mind, the wife must still exercise all prudence and wisdom to still respect her husband's authority over her, despite his disabilities.

I am happy being my husband's help meet, not
his leader/dictator! June 2014

I personally believe a WLR and FLR can work to a certain degree, but since it is not biblical nor is it godly, it will always leave some/ a LOT of room for a lack of peace. To go against God's design for marriage is to go in rebellion against God Himself. 

We can argue all we want that a husband's headship and a wife's submission is passe or "laos" and outmoded or "di na uso", but the proof is in the pudding. The most joyful, most peaceful, most orderly marriages and families are those that follow God's Order of Marriage wherein the husband as the God-ordained authority leads, and the wife as help meet, supports and follows. 

* This should not be confused with a lack of equality in dignity between the husband and wife! We are equal in God's Eyes, but we are not equal in roles.

Genesis 1:27

So God created human beings in his own image.

 In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

We can liken it to the Relationship between God the Father and God the Son. Surely, any Christian believes that Jesus is not less of a God, than God the Father! And yet, Jesus in the form of Man, "did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped." Such humility.

Philippians 2:5-6 

"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped..."

If Jesus Who is God, had no "hang-ups" over biblical subordination, why is that
we who are but mere creatures get SO riled up over it?!?

Not only did Jesus NOT "mind" His Equal Ranking with God, He even allowed Himself to be made human (a great demotion for sure!), in order to fulfill the Will of the Father, and save us all from being slaves to sin and satan!

To continue Philippians 2:5-6... with verses 7 to 8:

"...but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

If Jesus did not have any "qualms" about biblical subordination in order to fulfill the Father's Will, why should we?!? We, who are but clay in the Potter's Hands? We, who are nothing, but dust?

Genesis 18:27

27 Then Abraham spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to the Lord, though I am nothing but dust and ashes,

Gen 2:7 "Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground.
He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person."

I have said this in my earlier post on Wife-Led Marriages, and I'll say it again...

It may lead to financial gains; it may even lead to a semblance of "order" and"harmony" in the home; it may even lead to some level of "happiness", but for as long as the wife is the leader and not the husband, it won't give as much peace or joy, 
that a husband-led marriage can give. 

After all, it is written in the Bible that:

                                           Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Take it from a wife who led her marriage (That's me, by the way, in case you do not yet know ;)) I was always miserable, always worried, always bitter and resentful of my husband who was to my mind, not capable of leading!, always depressed, always fearful of the future... 

I had ALL the qualities of a "good" leader: I was and still am: hardworking, organized, dedicated, persistent, industrious, thorough, creative, and so much more... and yet our marriage, despite my "great" leadership skills, always felt as though something was missing in it, and both Dong and I were not really that happy nor that peaceful. When we were "happy" or "at peace", it was only temporary, and we'd feel antsy or restless again.

I am now a peaceful biblically submissive wife.
- March 2014

It was when I submitted to God, then to my husband, that both he and I felt a continuing

JOY and PEACE brought about by:

    1) my ceasing of rebellion against God and against my husband (who is my God-ordained authority) and;

   2) my husband's stepping up to the plate in our marriage, because I was no longer fighting for his headship at home.

I hope and pray that those who will be led to this post after searching for "Female-Led Relationships" or "Wife-Led Marriages", will somehow be enlightened and convicted by the honest musings and witnessing of  a former miserable WIFE LEADER or FEMALE LEADER by the name of Veronica "Nikka" Cleofe-Alejar. 

They say a good leader is a good follower.

It's good to follow our Leader. Jesus had already laid out His Plan for us. We have just got to follow His Game Plan. Let us follow too our earthly leaders, our husbands, because Jesus commanded for us to submit to them, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

The Sin of Adam was redeemed by the Blood of Christ. We don't need to follow the path of the First fallen Man (Adam), because God Who Became Man (Jesus), has already shown us The Way. In fact He IS the WAY, the Truth and the Life. (John 14:6)

1 Corinthians 15:45

The Scriptures tell us, "The first man, Adam, became a living person." 

But the last Adam--that is, Christ--is a life-giving Spirit.

So, a shoutout to all daughters of Eve... Stop leading. Start following. We do not need to live by the "curse"; that is to always want to wrestle the authority from our husbands. We are not in any way inferior to them when we allow them to take on their God-given roles as heads of the family. 

In fact, it is acquiescing that role to them that we experience true freedom from turning over the reins, and accepting our God-given roles as help meets to our "Adams". What our first parents failed to do, that was to obey and to listen to God's Will for them and to fulfill their God-ordained callings, please, let us NOT REPEAT. 

We aim to have a godly marriage setup so the
children will learn God's design for men and women. Dec 2013

We can do all these through Christ Who strengthens us! In Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen! :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)