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Friday, June 20, 2014

Type A Wives with Type B Husbands -- When "Different" Is Not Really "Bad"

I am not B. I am A. :) Newscast 2012

Don't you just love categories? I know some hate being 'categorized' claiming they are unique and don't fall under any category, but I am one of those who LOVE falling under categories to better understand myself and others. :)

I have already done a post on The 4 DIFFERENT TEMPERAMENTS:

1. Choleric
2. Phlegmatic
3. Sanguine
4. Melancholic

Then, I did a post on The 3 DIFFERENT KINDS OF MEN/HUSBANDS according to "Created to Be His Help Meet" author, Debi Pearl:

1. Mr. Command Man
2. Mr. Visionary
3. Mr. Steady

.... Then, I did a follow-up post on The 3 DIFFERENT KINDS OF WOMEN/WIVES
borrowing Ms. Debi Pearl's wonderful categorization:

1. Mrs. Command Woman
2. Mrs. Visionary Woman
3. Mrs. Steady

I also did a post on The 5 DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGESaccording to "The 5 Love Languages" author, Dr. Gary Chapman :

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Physical Touch
4. Quality Time
5. Receiving Gifts

Today, I felt led to share about The 3 DIFFERENT PERSONALITY TYPES, based on a study aimed at finding out which personality type was at a higher risk to coronary heart disease.

I thought there were just two but apparently there were three!

There's 1. Type A.
2. Type B.
And 3. Type C.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Cardiologists Friedman & Rosenman asked the following questions to their subjects in 1959:

    • Do you feel guilty if you use spare time to relax?

    • Do you need to win in order to derive enjoyment from 
    games and sports?

    • Do you generally move, walk and eat rapidly?

    • Do you often try to do more than one thing at a time?

From their responses, and from their manner, each participant was put into one of three groups:


1. Type A behavior: competitive, ambitious, impatient, aggressive, fast-talking.
2. Type B behavior: relaxed, non-competitive
3. Type C behavior: ‘nice,’ hard working but become apathetic when faced with stress
* * * * * * *
I am just going to discuss the TWO most popular types, A and B.
For the record, I am nearly 100% Type A and Dong is nearly 100% Type B.


____________________________________________________________________
To summarize, what is a Type A individual?

According to the website, Simply Psychology...
I was a radio announcer - 2012

I was and still am a baker.
- Type A individuals tend to be very competitive and self-critical. They strive toward goals without feeling a sense of joy in their efforts or accomplishments.Inter-related with this is the presence of a significant life imbalance. This is characterized by a high work involvement.
- Type A individuals are easily ‘wound up’ and tend to overreact. They also tend to have high blood pressure (hypertension).
- Type A personalities experience a constant sense of urgency.
I am a singer/dancer too. - 2012
          - Type A personalities are aggressive. 
I was a TV newscaster. I have been a broadcaster since 1997.

- Type A people seem to be in a constant struggle against the clock.  Often, they quickly become impatient with delays and unproductive time. They schedule commitments too tightly, and try to do more than one thing at a time, such as reading, while eating or watching television.

HEART-RISK!!!!  :(


* Type A individuals tend to be easily aroused to anger or hostility, which they may or may not express overtly.  This appears to be the main factor linked to heart disease. Their personality type makes them more prone to stress-related illnesses such as Coronary Heart Disease, raised blood pressure etc.
____________________________________________________________________

Now, what is a Type B individual?
According to a Buzzle.com article,
My husband has extreme patience with tasks like this, putting
air into life floats!


 - Type B individuals are relaxed. One of the major traits of people with a type B personality is that they do not get irritated or angry easily. They are laid back. They rarely tend to be aggressive or frustrated. They are very calm as compared to their highly strung counterparts (type A). They are very patient and usually have a lot of self-control.




- Type B individuals are less stressed. They are not obsessively competitive. Their competitiveness is often productive. These people tend to be productive, even under stress. People of B type personality tend to plan things in advance before executing them. (It takes them a LOT of time before they act on their plans.) They rarely complain or fret. They do not obsessively wish to lead the group or be in control of all the situations. They can easily face things and situations as they come.
- Type B individuals are flexible. People belonging to type B personality are very much tolerant. They can comfortably adapt to situations and changes. They may even let go of their habits and routines much easily than their Type A counterparts. They do not mind waiting in a line or waiting to get their work done. They do not suffer from anxiety or extreme temper in such cases.

Dong is very playful with all our children. This is Reuben, our 3rd. 2010

- Type B individuals are emotional and expressive. They are social and love to be part of a large group. As they are fun loving, people love being in their company. They are emotional, tend to express their feelings and are not indifferent towards others. They usually have a good social life. Relaxation, enjoyment, fun comes very naturally to them. They spend their free time socializing, shopping or having a good time.
He likes napping with the kids. Andre, our 2nd.  2008
- Type B individuals have a laid-back attitude. People of type A personality often wish they were working rather than spending their time in leisure; but, the type B individuals are just the opposite. People with a B type personality have controlled eating habits and lifestyle. They usually do not have any obsessive-compulsive habits.
- Type B individuals are usually procrastinators.  People belonging to this type may be criticized for not following a time schedule. They often tend to procrastinate on things and do their work at the last moment. Even then, they do not get stressed.
- Type B individuals are too casual. Due to their excessively relaxed attitude, these people are also, sometimes, criticized for being too casual in their approach. Secondly, they may even be overly emotional and lack the ability to make decisions.
Playing around with our first child, Therese. 2008


HEART-FRIENDLY! :)

* People belonging to the B type personality can deal with stress and usually do not suffer from anxiety, and hence, are not at the risk of suffering from heart diseases.



IS ONE BETTER THAN THE OTHER?

It is essential to note here that the comparisons between personality types A and B are simply made for better understanding. It is in no way intended to prove that one is better than the other.

________________________________________

Dong and I are like salt and pepper, oil and water, night and day. We are just very different! We are polar opposites which is the reason why we got attracted to each other in the first place (Opposites attract!), but which later on, made me overly-critical of him... :(





In one of our conversations, we got into talking about all these different types and categorizations. He said that my "mistake" was that I did not want to accept him for who and what he was. That to my mind, MY type of personality was THE ONLY "CORRECT" one. And that his type of personality was not just "different", but actually "WRONG" or worse yet... "BAD." 

So true. :(

I was guilty in the past of comparing my take-charge, go-getter, ambitious personality with my husband's laid-back, cool, procrastinating personality, and I immediately judged him as lacking in motivation, unworthy of leading the family and lazy. :(

I was very rigid in my definition of what an ideal husband should be, which was, you know, the male version of ME!!!! 
Done by a fan - 2012

Ironically, his being my complete opposite was what attracted me to him in the first place. I enjoyed being able to relax when I was with him; in the same way, he became more goal-oriented from always being with me. My frazzled nerves became unknotted when I was with Dong. He calmed me down a LOT; in the same way I gave his usually "too cool" personality an adrenaline boost due to my excitable and high-strung nature. 

And yet, because I was self-righteous and prideful and unaware of it in the past, the qualities that endeared him to me and that balanced me out, were the very same traits that irritated the hell out of me too!!! :(

Dong with our youngest, Isabelle - 2013
- That's why I felt that I had to control him and our marriage, because I felt that he was too slow and incapable of leading.

- That's why I felt that I had to take charge, because I felt that he was clueless and lacking in direction

- That's why I felt that I had to be the "head" of the family, because I felt that he was not motivated and ambitious enough to accomplish his goals.

In short, I was super judgmental towards my dear husband, and he felt so unaccepted for who and what he was. :( He always felt that he came short of my expectations, and so, he felt helpless and hopeless since he could not change his very essence.He could only try his best to live up to my expectations of him, but his efforts would always be in vain because in my mind, I had already pre-judged him and everything he'd do would simply be "not enough.":(

On the other hand, Dong has always been supportive and admiring towards me and my ambitious self. Not once did he stop me from pursuing my dreams or from reaching my goals. He was always there for me, allowing me to reach greater heights. He was always the wind beneath my wings. It's just me who was greatly discontented with him and his "lack of ambition." I was "tired" from being lifted so high up in the sky. I wanted him to do some flying on his own too! I was afraid to go out of the stratosphere with all his raising up of me!
I was Ben Tulfo's Bitag Angel whole of 2012

Dong was/is always SUPER SUPPORTIVE of 
anything I did/do. -- 2003
I am glad the Lord humbled and humiliated me. When He did, I fell flat on my face. I was too self-righteous and proud. I believed myself to be more than what I actually was, and I judged my husband to be less than what he truly was. 

When I saw myself through God's Eyes, I repented. I had mountains of sins that I was so blind to. When I saw my husband through God's Eyes, I was ashamed. Dong had always loved me unconditionally, while I had not respected him and had loved him only conditionally. :(


Hmmm... what's the point of this post? :)

Well, this blog is written for Type A individuals such as myself, with passive, Type B husbands. So, if you are married to this kind of hubby, please do not make the same mistake I did. Do not judge yourself to be better, and him to be inferior. 

That is SO NOT TRUE! :(

The Lord uses our partner's weaknesses to conform us more and more to Christ. It is in our differences that we are able to practice and develop virtues that we might otherwise not be able to gain or to develop, if our husbands were "perfect" (which is impossible by the way, given that we are but human and fallen at that). 


A SHOUTOUT to all Type A women out there!!!! 
Please stop controlling your husbands! 
GOD IS IN CONTROL. 
He's got you and your whole family covered. 
Let go and let God... and let us all learn from what our Type B husbands usually do, that is, to: RELAX, BE COOL and BREATHE. ;)

(That way too, we lessen our risk of heart disease 
and high blood pressure! Haha!)


Donating my Type O blood with my Type A personality So that's why
I am O.A.! - 2011 ;)


Romans 12:3-6 part:
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.

May we all be richly blessed! :)












2 comments:

  1. Nikka,
    Would you mind me asking what it was that God used to convict you back in September of 2013?? I don't recall ever reading what it was that the Lord used to convict you and open your eyes to respect and Biblical submission towards our husbands. Great article!! ~ Eliza :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Eliza! :)

      Let me say that the Lord had implanted a desire to submit to my husband as early as April 17, 2004 when I got married to Dong after reading the book "Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free" by Nancy Leigh de Moss.

      But, it took me a good 9 years and 4 kids after, to finally let go and let God.

      I still had SO MANY unfulfilled dreams within that time period and I ruled my life back then, so I did what I wanted to do! I am grateful the Lord was patient with me because I have no regrets whatsoever as far as career was concerned. I was like St. Augustine though who proclaimed the famous words of "Please make me chaste...but not yet!" Chastity was not my problem though, so to personalize it for me, it was more like "Please make me still...but NOT YET!"

      It was a string of events that made me STOP. I had NO CHOICE.

      In late 2012, at the height of my busy career...

      - I got pregnant with our fourth, much to my husband's and my surprise (We were practicing rhythm method!)
      - I had to resign from my broadcasting job due to some misunderstandings with some superiors.
      - I experienced religious persecution for being a Catholic Christian from a sect of a different belief.

      In early 2013...
      - We were able to sell off the only property left by our deceased parents - an emotional event for me
      - I had a huge rift with an immediate family member which hurt me so a lot.

      I wrote about it in this post... http://peacefulwifephilippines.blogspot.com/2014/03/jesus-take-wheel.html

      Sorry, I could not link it. :P

      I believe the Lord, knowing I was all or nothing, gave me "everything" in 2012, then left me with "nothing" to hold on to in 2013. I was so out of my comfort zone, that I was left broken and helpless. It was when I broke down that he broke me free from all my bondages...

      In September 1, 2013, even before my mind could process it, I suddenly blurted out to my husband, "Honey, I am tired of leading. I will now follow you. Lead our family where you want it to go..." I was as surprised as he was that I even SAID it.

      And the rest is history. :) What was your convicting moment, Eliza? Hope you can share it as well.

      In Christ,

      Nikka

      Delete

Feel free to comment. I would love to discuss things with you. :)