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Thursday, June 26, 2014

When A Wife Treats Her Husband As Her Child



With our first child, Therese, and just a year or so married -  2005

I call Dong, "Daddy",  "Honey", and "Lovey".

He calls me "Baby", "Honey" and "Beauty" or "Sexy" (Yee-ha!) , but never "Mommy".
To him, "Mommy" is his mother, Wowa Letty.
Wowa Letty, Dong's very kind mother

Some couples call each other "Daddy" and "Mommy", and there is nothing wrong with that. It's a lovely term of endearment to one's spouse as the co-parent of their God-given children.

It becomes a problem though when by calling the wife as "Mommy", the wife becomes and acts like the husband's own mother!!! 

That's a line that should NEVER be crossed, if one is to follow God's commandment between married couples and if one is to have a godly and biblical marriage!

I have heard of wives calling their hubbies along with their sons as "my boys", or "my babies", or something to that effect. While I think it is quite sweet to be nurturing towards one's husband, a wife has to be VERY wary not to treat her husband as one of her sons
Reuben, 2nd son
Andre, 1st son


















Doing so would cross over from being just caring to mothering to smothering, if not held in check! There is nothing more 'UNSEXY' than treating your husband as your child!

Treating your husband as your son (whether the eldest or the youngest or somewhere in between) is actually                 VERY DISRESPECTFUL!!!

Remember it is written in the Bible that:

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Titus 2:4-5

so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.


Men are the HEADS of their wives and wives are to be subject to their husbands. 

* * * 

Parents are the HEADS over their children.

Ephesians 6:1-3

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.
Colossians 3:20

Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is
well-pleasing to the Lord.
January 17, 2014

I wrote a post on how to still honor our parents while already being subject to one's husband, once married, here.


For this particular blog post though, what the Lord led me to write was about exercising seeming 'parental authority' over one's husband, which goes clearly against Scripture and creates disorder and abnormality within the marriage.

The Bible points out that ALL authority comes from God.

Romans 13

New Living Translation (NLT)

                                                          Respect for Authority

13 Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God. So anyone who rebels against authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and they will be punished.

April 17, 2004

In marriage, our husbands are our God-ordained authorities.

Here’s the bible verse from 1 Peter 3:1-6 from the New Living Translation:
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

* * *

When a wife acts like her husband's mother, she is guilty of mixing up her God-ordained role as parent to her children (over whom she has every right to correct and direct), and mis-using that parental authority over her husband, over whom, she has NO AUTHORITY correcting, leading or directing, given her God-ordained submissive role as helper or supporter, in the marriage.


Yes, it is important to point out once or twice (in a respectful manner, of course) when one's husband is errant or is sinning, but NO, it is not okay to continue to correct and direct him every day, as though one's husband had no mind of his own or was inutile, and needed his wife's correction, mentorship, and direction, at all times.

It not only maligns God's Word (Titus 2:5), but it also muddles up God's design for marriage and authority. Wives have NO AUTHORITY over their husbands! That's a spiritual coup d' etat!
This was Therese as a baby :) - 2005

Here's an excerpt from a sister in Christ's blog, Kayla of www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com, where she talks about in her post, "Are You Just, Um, Well…..Better Than Him?" , how wives act as though they were the "Holy Spirit" towards their husbands, convicting them of their sins and trying to make them change (as though that's humanely possible!!!), in effect, letting their sin of PRIDE get the better of them, thinking themselves to be better than their men. For her full post on this topic, please click here


3.) We turn our husband into a child.
Instead of seeing ourselves as a team with our husbands to work together to grow in Christ, we eventually look down on our husbands long enough for their sins and their “too slow at repentance” behavior and start seeing them as children or chore instead of a best friend and lover.

And worst of all, we have found this so humorous. How many comedians, websites, Facebook statuses, and Pinterest pins are being shared and quoted with remarks like

“I don’t have three children, I am married to the fourth.”

“Men are babies who stop having a mom and get a wife instead.”

“I thought I was done raising children but apparently my husband will never grow up.”

This one is so NOT  a baby. I am his "baby". ;) - 2006

______________________________________________________________________________


I hear this often, even among people close to me, and I used to laugh about it but ever since the Lord changed me and convicted me, I could now only muster a fake smile.

It's just NOT FUNNY anymore.:( 
It's actually quite SAD and PATHETIC. :( 

The moment a wife already thinks she has earned a "son" from having a husband, is the moment ALL RESPECT has flown out the window.

While we respect our children and their rights, we do not submit to them; they submit to us. We are still their moral authorities. The moment a child always gets her way and the parents submit to his/her every whim and caprice, is the moment that child had become the HEAD of the home, and it won't be surprising if that child grows up to be spoiled with misplaced feelings of entitlement -- an ungodly setup which will surely lead to ungodly results.

A wife may act respectful towards her husband without really RESPECTING him. If the wife really respected her husband, she would not take from him the reins in the marriage; she would not dictate to him what to do and where their life should lead them; she would not act as though she was morally superior to him and "tolerant" of his mistakes all the while waiting for him to"get his act together" like a clumsy/naughty/hard-headed child.

A godly wife would RESPECT her husband by first of all biblically submitting to him, and by also:

- not leading the family
- not second-guessing her husband's decisions
- not being critical of her husband
- not being judgmental towards her husband
- not "stealing" the provider role from her husband/ being too self-reliant
- not being overprotective towards her husband
- not deciding for her husband
- not ruling over her husband, and surely...
- ... not joking about her husband being 'one of her children' to others!

In my Bible reading this morning, something struck out for me, from the Book of Sirach (part of the Deuterocanonicals in Catholic Bibles) that further led me into writing about this post today. While Ben of Sira/Ecclesiasticus lived in the days of old and his teachings rants could be viewed by some, as patriarchal at best, and misogynistic at worst; much wisdom can still be gleaned from them:

Sirach 25 

13 Any wound rather than a wound of the heart! Any spite rather than the spite of woman!
16 I would sooner keep house with a lion or a dragon than keep house with a spiteful wife.
17 A woman's spite changes her appearance and makes her face as grim as a bear's.
18 When her husband goes out to dinner with his neighbours, he cannot help heaving bitter sighs.
19 No spite can approach the spite of a woman, may a sinner's lot be hers!
20 Like the climbing of a sandhill for elderly feet, such is a garrulous wife for a quiet husband.
21 Do not be taken in by a woman's beauty, never lose your head over a woman.
22 Bad temper, insolence and shame hold sway where the wife supports the husband.

23 Low spirits, gloomy face, stricken heart: such is a spiteful wife. Slack hands and sagging knees: such is the wife who does not make her husband happy.


25 Do not let water find a leak, nor a spiteful woman give free rein to her tongue.
May 2014


Two verses struck me here.


Verse 22 where it says that when the spiteful or "wicked" wife SUPPORTS (directs, leads, rules, babies, mothers, provides for) the husband, there is much anger, reproach, and PLENTY of SHAME.

Verse 23 where it says that a dejected spirit, a sad face, unseen wounds, idle hands (lack of desire to provide or to work) and unsteady knees (physical ailments) are found, when a wife brings her husband NO HAPPINESS.

While I would like to point out that it takes two to tango, and it would be HARSHLY UNFAIR to blame it ALL on the wife, if one has a husband who is exhibiting these kinds of pitiful behavior and physical and/or mental ailments, it would be wise and humble to ask oneself:

 "Am I contributory to this?"
April 17, 2014 - 10th wedding anniversary


Before writing this article, I asked Dong if he would find it disrespectful if I started "babying" him. He said, "I would not mind being helped or served, such as with preparation of meals or whatever, but when you start treating me like a child who has to be taught what to do, how to act, how to behave, what to think... then, that is REALLY DISRESPECTFUL."
 He also said something wise that should make us wives  go into deep introspection:

20 lbs ago and just bf-gf :) - 1997








I am glad the Lord opened up my
spiritual eyes. Otherwise, there would
         be NOTHING to be joyful about. - Aug 2013
"Women should think of who and what their husbands were before they got married to them. Were their boyfriends happy, energetic, with some spunk in their walks and postures, healthy, etc...? Then, compare that to now. Are the men unhappy, depressed, walking and moving as though hopeless, having so many sicknesses... after they got married to their wives? Maybe the wife has done something to make him that kind of pathetic man. Maybe he is who and what he is now, thanks, but no thanks, to his wife! Just think about it...."

I am thinking about it! Good food for thought, huh? :)

Here's hoping and praying that the next time a wife thinks "babying" her husband to the max is love, may she also be aware that though this is sweet (for a relatively short period of time --short as in, on rare/few occasions, not as a way of life), she should STOP this emasculating gesture because husbands were designed by God to be the one doing the "babying", not the other way around.

(Note: In no way am I saying that wives should be treated as children nor that they should act like children, with tantrums and childishness and all! "Babying" in this post means taking good care of their wives, the way husbands could and should, just as God had commanded for them to do.)

Husbands were designed to be OUR protectors, not the other way around. 

Husbands were NOT designed to be our babies. They were designed to help us make babies. Hehe. 

And, think of it this way: Would you want to "train" your husband to be a wimpy scaredy-cat, who cannot defend and fend for himself, and who is dependent on you for EVERYTHING?!?  

What a turn-off, right?!? 
A man acting like a baby is NOT how God designed our husbands to act!
                           Photo Credits: Captura

That's clearly a man asking to be DISRESPECTED, if one ever came across such a man!!!! 

1 Peter 3:7 

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
These are OUR babies. :) - April 2013


May we all be richly blessed! :)











4 comments:

  1. Hi Nikka,
    Quick question- what is Sirach 25? I thought it might be Ecclesiastes, but there is no chapter 25 in Ecclesiastes. Is there another name for Sirach? Thanks,
    WC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi WC!

      From Wikipedia:

      The Book of the All-Virtuous Wisdom of Joshua ben Sira commonly called the Wisdom of Sirach or simply Sirach, and also known as the Book of Ecclesiasticus or Siracides or Ben Sira, is a work of ethical teachings from approximately 200 to 175 BCE written by the Jewish scribe Shimon ben Yeshua ben Eliezer ben Sira of Jerusalem.


      The Book of Sirach is accepted as part of the Christian biblical canon by Catholics, Eastern Orthodox, Anglican, and most Oriental Orthodox. In addition, like the Churches of the Anglican Communion, the Lutheran Churches include it in their lectionaries, and as a book proper for reading, devotion, and prayer.

      The book of Ecclesiastes is different from the Book of Sirach.

      Also from Wikipedia:

      Ecclesiastes is one of 24 books of the Tanakh or Hebrew bible, where it is classified as one of the Ketuvim (or "Writings"). It is among the canonical Wisdom Books in the Old Testament of most denominations of Christianity. The title Ecclesiastes is a Latin transliteration of the Greek translation of the Hebrew Koheleth (meaning "Gatherer", but traditionally translated as "Teacher" or "Preacher", the eponymous author of the book.


      Ecclesiastes is presented as the autobiography of Koheleth, the Teacher. Koheleth's story is framed by voice of the narrator, who refers to Koheleth in the third person, praises his wisdom, but reminds the reader that wisdom has its limitations and is not man's main concern. Koheleth reports what he planned, did, experienced and thought. His journey to knowledge is, in the end, incomplete, and the reader is not only to hear Koheleth's wisdom, but to observe his journey towards understanding and acceptance of life's frustrations and uncertainties: the journey itself is important.

      _______________________________________________________________________________
      I love these two books of the Bible. :) Along with Proverbs, these two books are so full of practical and godly wisdom from men who have lived long enough to pass on what they have learned about life, about people, and about God.

      Sirach is part of the Deuterocanonical books which the Catholic Church recognizes and which our fellow Christians, the Protestant churches, do not.

      From Wikipedia:

      The Catholic deuterocanonical scriptural texts are:

      -Tobit
      -Judith
      -Additions to Esther (Vulgate Esther 10:4-16:24)[21]
      -Wisdom (or Wisdom of Solomon)
      -Wisdom of Jesus ben Sira (or Sirach or Ecclesiasticus)
      -Baruch, including the Letter of Jeremiah (Additions to Jeremiah in the Septuagint)[22]

      Additions to Daniel:
      -Prayer of Azariah and Song of the Three Holy Children (Vulgate Daniel 3:24-90)
      -Susanna (Vulgate Daniel 13, Septuagint prologue)
      -Bel and the Dragon (Vulgate Daniel 14, Septuagint epilogue)
      -1 Maccabees
      -2 Maccabees


      _______________________________________________________________________________

      Hope I was able to answer your question. God bless! :)

      Nikka



      Delete
  2. Yes, that answers my question. Thanks so much Nikka,
    WC

    ReplyDelete

Feel free to comment. I would love to discuss things with you. :)