|Dong embracing pregnant me - Dec 2004|
I love words.
I super know that he loves me. I have never doubted that he did, not for one second, even when we were having some rough spots in our marriage before (mostly caused by my disappointments with him!), whereas he, in more than one instance had told me, "You know what? You don't really love me. I love you unconditionally. But you? You don't love me, at least, not for being just me."
I remember during those times, thinking, "Well, that is how it should be right?!? The man SHOULD LOVE the woman more." I heard that idea spoken somewhere, (probably some local afternoon showbiz talk show) and felt that I was justified to be the one "more loved" than the one being the "more loving" one. (A caution on believing the worldly "wisdom" given out by worldly TV programs! Always check it against God's Word!)
And yet, I was baffled.
I mean, wasn't I "tolerant" of his "cluelessness", of his "lack of direction" and "leadership skills" (from my point of view)?
Wasn't I taking charge of the family and being so responsible for everybody since he felt "lost" in some areas of his life?
Wasn't I so self-reliant that I didn't need nor ask for his help anymore?
Shouldn't he be "happy" I was not a bother to him at all? I was so amazing! (Says me!) I was really good at being the family's leader!!!
not speaking in his own love language.
|We are both Touchy-Feely.|
"Even if sometimes we have our disagreements, I LOVE YOU. I love you so much!", along with a gift for the said occasion.
I am just extremely glad and grateful though, that the Lord had freed me from my numerous bondages when I gave up my life to Him last year, and when I submitted to my husband as unto the Lord. Yahoo!!! :) Praise the Lord! :)
I felt led to write about it because so many commenters on my mentor's April Cassidy's, The Peaceful Wife Blog, kept on mentioning this book by Dr. Gary Chapman. Early this year, my sister Erica sent me a link to its website, and so I took the love test in January.
Dr. Gary Chapman is a renowned marriage counselor, and director of marriage seminars. The 5 Love Languages, is one of Chapman’s most popular titles, topping various bestseller charts for years, selling upwards of seven million copies and landing on the #1 spot of the New York Times best-seller list. Chapman has been directly involved in real-life family counseling for more than 35 years.
1. Words of Affirmation:
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
2. Quality Time:
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
3. Receiving Gifts:
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
4. Acts of Service:
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
5. Physical Touch:
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
|My career was based on my ability to speak many, many words. ;)|
|Dong shows us he loves us with all sorts of actions, including|
inflating a lifesaver with his own air, because the pump is not working!
|He inflates one more...|
|... and one more!|
|My husband, waiting to assist me in giving birth via lamaze - VRPMC hospital|
May 20, 2010
|And there he is, coaching me and holding my hand when Reuben came out! |
Belated happy 4th birthday Reuben!
"Every child is born with a love tank and I compare it to a gas tank in a car. When the love tank is full the world looks beautiful and we feel loved. When the love tank is empty we feel discouraged and uncertain about ourselves and our relationships.
Rarely do couples share the same love language. I don’t recommend giving up on a relationship because of this difference, however, it can create an atmosphere of frustration when you think you are doing a good job at expressing your love and yet the other person is not feeling loved. If you don’t understand the love language concept, then you really “don’t know what else to do.” If however, you understand that they speak a different language, then you can learn to speak that language."
I still continue to read God's Word till now, and it continues to encourage me and give me hope. It was also through the daily reading of His Word that I got to know Who our Sovereign God really was/is/and ever will be. In knowing Who God truly is, I got to know too who I truly was -- a wretched sinner, in need of His Mercy -- and yet He loves me, He sent His Son to die for me, and He sent His Holy Spirit to help me live a righteous life. I was floored and even more humbled.
1 Peter 3: 1-5 and applied it to Dong. I wanted to win him over WITHOUT A WORD with my respectful conduct and behavior. I really went all-out in my biblical submission to my husband. So much so, that Dong was a bit taken aback. He even said early on in my submission journey, "Honey, you don't need to go all-out. You have done so much already. You don't need to do this, you know.." To which I said, "But I want to. I am convinced this is what God wants me to do."
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
1 Corinthians 7:4
4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
14 What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good[a] is that? 17 So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
7 Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
|With our youngest, Isabelle Veronica - Aug 2013|
As Dr. Chapman encourages us,
"I highly recommend taking the love languages profile in the back of the book or at the website, www.5lovelanguages.com. After taking the profile then share your results with your loved one(s) so they can know specifically what makes you feel loved and I recommend you encourage them to do the same."
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! :D
May we all be richly blessed! :)