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Monday, May 5, 2014

The Dearth of Godly Women Mentors (The Titus 2 Women, Where Are They?!?!?)

There is a dearth of godly women mentors in the Philippines today. 

There is a dearth of godly women mentors in the whole world, period. :(

Day in and day out, we are inundated with worldly advice that promotes women "empowerment", raising "self-esteem", of seizing all of life's opportunities, and making the world one's "oyster". There is nothing inherently wrong or evil in any of those, I aver. It is wonderful to feel good about oneself and to achieve some level of success in this world. We were created to somehow make a difference in this planet, after all. 

But, when the "be-all and end-all" of existence is just to please 
ME, MYSELF and I, then that is where the problem lies.

We really never find ourselves and our true life purposes in our families, in our careers, in our churches, or in our very own selves; no matter what the world says. 

We are only able to find our true purpose when we know God and who we are, in connection to God. Then, we find more meaning in our lives by giving of ourselves fully in our relationships and affiliations.

- We know God; we get to know who we are. (We are sinners, in need of His Mercy.)
- We know God; we get to know why we are here. (To seek Him, serve Him, love Him.)
- We know God; we get to know where we are headed. (Eternal Life in Heaven)

It does not work like this:

- I land the job of my dreams, I find my "calling".
- I meet the man of my dreams, I find my "reason for being".
- I live in the country of my dreams, I find my "paradise".

That is foolish. :(

- Apart from God, and our relation to Him, we really do not "find ourselves".
- Apart from God and our relation to Him, we really cannot "find our purpose."
- Apart from God and our relation to Him, we will NEVER "find meaning in life."

It is with this thought process in mind that I go about with this post. 

I only found peace and joy in this season of my life, AFTER I found God, and let Him take control of all aspects in my life.
I found my authentic self, AFTER I got to know the Lord as Who He was/is, not What I thought He was/is, through the Bible.
I found my purpose/s in life AFTER I submitted unto the Lord.
 I found my purpose as a person, wife and mother AFTER I submitted to my husband, as unto the Lord.

* * * * *

As a married woman with four young children, all under the age of ten, I wish I had known earlier what was really expected of me once I got married. :(

Whitney Houston in Cosmo
My "marriage peg" was not exactly godly nor biblical. It was something straight out of a Cosmo Magazine as a "Fun and Fearless Female", I guess. I was "taught" and raised to be extremely ambitious, career-driven, and self-reliant. I did not know that marriage was a partnership and that each spouse had God-given roles. I thought all along that it was "to each his own"; "You do your own thing, I do mine, then let's meet at the end of the day and exchange points." Well, that kind of mindset nearly destroyed my marriage. :(

I am glad the Lord convicted me of my sins and so, in September 1, 2013, I was "born again." (I am a Catholic Christian, by the way, and still am.:) I repented for my sins and surrendered my all to God. That same day too, I decided to submit unto my husband, Dong, and "kill" my controlling, domineering, self-righteous self.
Good riddance, really!

Two short weeks after submitting to Dong, I "chanced" upon April Cassidy's blog, The Peaceful Wife. That's a "divine appointment", right there! This further reinforced for me, that I was on the right track in my respect and Biblical submission journey. Since then, April has been a good friend and my Titus 2 mentor too, in this narrow path that we tread, along with other Peaceful wives, all over the world.

Why do we need a mentor?
Because we should not trust ourselves.

Proverbs 28:26

"Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool,

    but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered."

We would need somebody that we can be accountable to, or who could correct us or even rebuke us, if necessary. Of course, it goes without saying that no mentor is infallible. Only God's Word is without error, and only God can really correct and straighten our paths, but it helps to have a godly human mentor too, walking with us in this journey.

I am 38 years, 129 days, 8 hours, 35 minutes, and 10 seconds old; as of the beginning of this post. For those reading this who are younger than me, this may prove to be an enlightening post. I am appointing myself as your Titus 2 "aged woman" mentor. :) (Note: I love being older!)

This is the reason I started this blog too, after my husband suggested I write a similar blog to April's, meant specifically for Filipinas all over the world (God's Word is for all races and nations though, and so everyone is welcome to read this.:) ). I wanted to mentor wives who were younger than me, so that they can learn from my mistakes and sins, and either not tread my wrong paths or encourage them to straighten theirs.

This is the Bible verse I follow:

Titus 2:3-5

“The  aged women likewise, that they be in behavior  as becometh holiness,  not  false  accusers,  not  given  to  much wine,  teachers  of  good  things;  

That  they  may teach  the young women  to  be sober,  to  love  their husbands,  to  love  their  children,  To  be  discreet,  chaste,  keepers at  home,  good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” 

For those wives older than me by a few or many years, this post may be taken from the point of view of a young woman who has some "wisdom" to share, through no merits of her own, but by God's Grace alone.

I share with you a Bible verse from the Book of Job, when Elihu, a much younger man, felt compelled to speak the Word of God, despite being young in stature, among elders:

Job 32:6-10

So Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite said:
“I am young in years,
    and you are old;
that is why I was fearful,
    not daring to tell you what I know.
I thought, ‘Age should speak;
    advanced years should teach wisdom.’
But it is the spirit[b] in a person,

    the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding.
It is not only the old who are wise,
    not only the aged who understand what is right.
10 “Therefore I say: Listen to me;    I too will tell you what I know.


What should we teach the younger ones then, before they get married or while being married? What should our own mothers, aunts, grandmothers or women elders have shared with us, before we got married?

To do these 8 things below, in order for God's Word 
to not be reviled or blasphemed:

  1. to be sober
  2. to  love our husbands
  3. to  love our  children
  4. to  be discreet/self-controlled
  5. to be chaste/pure
  6. to be keepers/to be busy/to be working ... at home
  7. to be good
  8. to be obedient to our own husbands

We do these 8 THINGS though, only after this important Bible verse: 

Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

The order would be something like this:

  1. God the Father (Who is Sovereign over all)
  2. Jesus Christ (Who submitted to the Father)
  3. Husband (Who submits to Christ)
  4. Wife (Who submits to Christ first, then, to her husband)

Ultimately, both the husband and wife, 
submit FIRST to Jesus.

We do not immediately submit to our husbands, without first having submitted to God. Doing so, would be nothing short of idolatry! We do not just follow everything our husbands tell us to do, without having the right attitude and correct frame of mind and heart. We Biblically submit to our God-ordained authorities, our spouses, because we are following Christ's commandment for us to do so. We do not do all of the 8 things first, then conveniently put Christ in the picture after, when things are "not going well" in our marriage.

It is GOD first.
Our husbands come only a (not so near) second.

We submit to GOD first.
Then, we submit to our husbands, as unto the Lord.

If they become more loving husbands because of our submission, praise God!

If they continue to be detached and not so loving, in spite of our submission, praise God still!

Ultimately, no matter what the outcome, we do Biblical submission for Christ. Our eyes are set on God. We focus on our side of the equation and on our own God-given role as help meets, and we leave it to God to convict or transform our husbands' hearts. 

Focusing on the 8 THINGS alone will not make us have joy and peace. We can seem "perfect" and be all of those in our eyes and even in other people's eyes, but without Jesus, all those will still not be enough to experience true peace and joy. Those may even "enchain" us instead of "free" us. They can easily make us "legalistic", doing everything to the letter but not being transformed by God's Spirit, which makes all those "good actions" still seem empty.

Nothing and no one can occupy that God-filled void in our hearts except God Himself.

So what do we have to do then?

We do the 8 Titus THINGS the godly way:
  1. To be sober (We do our best to moderate all our behavior, including not being addicted to wine or alcohol/spirits, and instead fill ourselves up with the Spirit as we read God's Word.)  
  2. To  love our husbands (We love our imperfect husbands with the love of the Lord.)
  3. To  love our  children (We love our very energetic and oftentimes naughty children, with the love of the Lord.)
  4. To  be discreet/self-controlled (We ask God to take control of our lives, while we do our best to practice self-control on our sinful thoughts and behavior.)
  5. To be chaste/pure (We do our best to hold every thought captive for Christ the moment a temptation crops up, so as not to sin.)
  6. To be keepers/to be busy/to be working ... at home (We embrace our God-ordained roles within the home with much peace and joy, accepting it as God's Will for us that to take care of our families is our utmost priority, even to the point of having to give up a very busy career, if it goes against that priority.)
  7. To be good (We try to be "perfect" as our heavenly Father is perfect, knowing all good comes from God, and all we have to show for is our sins.)
  8. To be obedient to our own husbands (We respect and obey our God-ordained authorities not because they are always right or  perfect, but because we know that God will manifest His Will for us by directing us and our paths, through our errant husbands. The only time we can choose NOT to obey our husbands is when they are leading us to sin against God Himself. Then, we have to choose to obey God, and not Man, but we still do so respectfully. Acts 5:29)
Ultimately, we do all the 8 THINGS for the Lord, in order that His Word will not be maligned nor blasphemed.

Because, dear sisters, no matter how "spiritual" or "holy" or "religious" or "learned" about God we may be, if our home is in chaos, and we are disrespectful and unsubmissive to our husbands (like I was before!), we give God a really BAD REP. :( 

Good thing if it is only us whom we may put in a bad light, but if it is God's Word we are maligning, yikes! We are walking FALSE ADVERTISEMENTS. We are doing God a disservice!  They see us and our "good works", but they DON'T see God. :(

Who is mentoring you, dear sister? 

Is it your mother, your close friend, your neighbor? Is it Oprah or Dr. Phil?!? (Note: I loved Oprah growing up. I still do.  But I do not anymore consider her words as gospel truth.;) Maybe it is time to reassess just how their pieces of advice are molding you to become the person, wife, or mother that you are now. Is it making your marriage better or making it break apart? Is their advice worldly or is what they say, based on God's Word? 
Do you believe in Oprah's quote?
How about Matthew 16:26's "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?
Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?" Which one is more true for you?

If we profess ourselves to be Christians, we have to follow Christ and His Word. Not some new age guru. Not some popular TV talk show host. 
And definitely, not some blogger like me!!! 

Ultimately, it is between you and God. People like me or my own mentor, April, share what we've learned in blog sites such as these, so that we can help you realize that you are not alone. That we hear you. That we know where you are coming from. But that's just about it. 

What I would like to do though is to POINT YOU TO CHRIST. You have no need for me!!! You can forget about me the moment you finish this post! Don't worry, I won't feel insulted or offended one bit. :) You have no need for my counsel or "wisdom".   All you need is Jesus and His Wisdom. But, if posts such as these, allow you to waken up that hidden longing for God, then, this little ministry of mine, would not have been in vain. Praise God for that! :)

As always, though, my prayer is that: 
I decrease in order for God to increase
All errors, mistakes, imperfections are mine
All Wisdom, Knowledge, Inspiration are God's.

Sirach 10:26

"Do not feel proud when you have only accomplished your work."

Luke 17:10

So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'"

Are you in need of a Titus 2 elder, dear sister? Look for one now. It is lovely to have someone to mentor you in this seemingly archaic path.

If you are already a godly older woman who could mentor and share so much wisdom with the younger ones, do so now, dear sister in Christ. Do not hold it in! The world needs more of YOU! :)

May we all be richly blessed! :)


  1. Where can I look for a mentor or how do I ask for one? I have been attending a church but I have not met anyone there. It is not possible for me to go to any other activities they have because I have a very unusual work Schedule. My husband also encourages me to work 6 days a week, which I don't mind. Before I go to work and on my day off I cook and clean. He is not connected with God and has only been to church once with me and he was very uncomfortable. He also only thinks I should give 5 to 10 dollars a week as an offering. God says we should give 10 percent. If I did that it would cause a lot of issues. I was wondering what your thoughts are on this? I asked him what I could give and he said 5 or 10 dollars and I said ok with no further discussion. I just started working on respecting my husband this past week and I tried several months ago and failed miserably because I don't think I was putting God first. The few days I have spent respecting him this week and before I saw such a huge difference in him it makes me sad. Sad that I have affected him in such a negative way in the past. That's why I am afraid to talk about giving more money when he does not go to church. I think it could be disrespectful in his eyes? I'm not sure!

    1. Hi Girly21!

      This is what my own mentor, April, said on the subject of tithing. I think it answers your dilemma perfectly. :)
      God’s Word says that the “husband IS the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” (Ephesians 5:22-33) It’s not that he “could” be or “should” be. He is. I can’t take that role from him – even if he is not a believer. God gave the authority to him and God did not give it to me. God’s wisdom is much greater than my own! I have to be willing to reject our culture’s warped and ungodly model of marriage, femininity and masculinity and authority in marriage. Then I can humbly accept that God did this for my good, my husband’s good and our family’s good and for God’s glory.
      I used to expect a LOT of specific things from my husband. I would harp on my husband about how he needed to be “a better spiritual leader” and then I would list off things I thought he needed to do in order to qualify for being a “good” spiritual leader. (see how many of these things are things God has commanded him to do, and what are just my personal preferences, or ideas I read in a book!) My list included things like:
      -praying with me daily (with HIM initiating the prayer, not me – if I had to initiate the prayer, then that didn’t count as him praying with me in my mind.)
      -him taking me to church weekly or more
      -him taking me to the church I thought was best (because I was always right about everything, after all! And I clearly knew much better than he did where we should go. – this is one thing he put his foot down about. He required me to go to the church he thought was best. Now I completely see the wisdom in his decision and I am glad he didn’t go along with me.)
      -him tithing (what I thought was an appropriate tithe – my definition of 10% before taxes)
      -him giving generously to many other charities that support orphans and the poor in addition to the tithe
      -him giving time to serve God in a ministry
      -him having a long “quiet time” with God of his own daily (that I could observe)
      -him praying a lot on his own (and me knowing all about it)
      -him reading the Bible to me/with me/to our children
      -him not watching tv anymore
      -him spending more time talking with me about deep spiritual things and connecting with me spiritually

    2. None of these things on my list are really wrong. They are all “good” things. Many of them are very godly things. The problem here is that I was placing myself in the position of JUDGE (with evil thoughts )over him and whether he is doing a godly enough job for ME.

      My husband answers to GOD for his leadership and how he handles his God-given authority. He does not answer to me.

      Who am I to say how he should lead? If he is not sinning or asking me to sin – I am sinning against God if I do not cooperate with my husband’s leadership. Who am I to add things that the Bible never even said he needed to do? How arrogant, condescending and prideful that was of me. My list reminds me a lot about some of the lists the Pharisees had. And Jesus did not have joyful words for them – He called them a brood of vipers, and whitewashed tombs.

      God made my husband the head of our home (I Corinthians 11) – HE needs to be the one who decides how he leads. If I try to tell my husband that he is leading wrongly – I need to be extremely careful! There have been times that I fought against my husband’s leadership that I was actually fighting God. I can tell my husband what I want and how I feel (respectfully – and usually once) and then, if he is not asking me to sin, I cooperate with his leadership – even if and especially when I do not agree! THEN I TRUST GOD TO WORK THROUGH MY HUSBAND FOR MY ULTIMATE GOOD!

      This is ultimately all about my faith or lack of faith in God and His Word – NOT about my faith in my husband!

      We wives are sometimes so intent on trying to take over the lead ourselves because we pridefully think:

      I know better than my husband
      I know best
      I know better than God
      I should be in charge. I’m a much better leader than he is.
      I know God said the husband is the head, but that just won’t work in my situation. Surely God didn’t mean it to apply to me, or He didn’t mean it to apply in 2012 America.
      Exactly how to calculate the tithe before or after taxes is not really addressed in the Bible. I don’t think I can argue that my husband was sinning in the way he calculated our tithe. But my attitudes were very blatantly sinful.
      Actually, II Corinthians 9:7 says, “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion.” So it is my husband’s responsibility to decide how much he wants to give. I can say what I want to give. But he decides what to give to church, if he will tithe, how much he will tithe, if he gives to other charities. And I know that many women assume that not tithing is a sin. But I don’t find anywhere in the New Testament that mandates that Christians must tithe 10%. We are to be godly stewards. I love the idea of tithing. We are to be generous to the needy and to our believing brothers who are impoverished and in need. I believe in tithing. But if my husband decides not to tithe, then I let him make that choice. My husband does tithe, but I don’t monitor him. I allow him to decide how he handles that between himself and God.


      Now, I ask my husband for what I want (once) i.e.:

      -I want us to give more to X charity
      -I want you to pray with me, please
      -I want to have family devotions
      -I want to help orphans somehow
      -I want to think about adopting a child
      -I want to read the Bible together sometimes
      Then, I leave it with him – and I don’t bring it up again. Or I may email him about it once every year or so. ie: “Honey, I would really love to give more to an orphanage. I trust you to do what is God’s best for our family about that.” And then I don’t bring it up again for many, many, many months. I don’t nag. I don’t try to force. I pray that God will lead our family through my husband and give him godly wisdom to lead. If he doesn’t bring it up again. That’s ok. I have my answer. And I trust God to work His will through my husband.

      Whenever I see my husband do something I appreciate as our leader, I thank him verbally or in an email or text for what he did and tell him how much I admire him.

      Then I rest against God, trusting Him, and I lean back and rest against my husband and trust him, too. And I wait. In the meantime, I praise God, pray, minister to others, care for my family, am filled with thanksgiving, joy and peace."
      Hope this helped? :)
      You can read about the comments and discussion here:
      I am very happy that since you started respecting your husband, there has already been a remarkable difference. While it is sad that we have affected them negatively in the past when we were clueless to God's Design in Marriage, starting now, we can continue to empower our husbands' leadership, by respecting them and submitting to them, as unto the Lord, every day.

      Excited how the Lord will continue to transform your marriage, Girly!

      God bless you and your husband.


  2. Thank you so much for your response. It feels great to get good advice based on God's design not worldly distorted views. Especially when you are new at this :) Thank you so much for giving me the Scripture about giving. I was feeling very bad after two Sundays at church on giving and giving 10% before taxes. Now I think more about it Satan may have tried to discourage me by making me feel like I could never go to church and do what's right if my husband does not want to go. I need to read as much as I can of God's word because I believe I am easily deceived by my own thoughts. I also keep having this crazy thought if I am a Christian I can't try to look good on the outside. I currently get cosmetic procedures for anti aging and I am not sure if that is a sin? And if that is a sin would make up be a sin or hair color be a sin? I know this may be a crazy question but it has been an obsessive thought the past week I have been trying to commit my life to God. My thoughts are your gonna be ugly if you are a Christian you won't be able to take care of yourself and God will punish me for being vain. I'm sorry for bombarding you with crazy questions. I just don't know who to ask and I have tried to pray about it but I'm still confused.

    1. Hi Girly 21!

      We are going to be "walking, breathing, living" ambassadors of Christ and as such, we should conduct ourselves properly. I do not think that coloring your hair (I color mine too!) or putting on creams on the face (I put those on too!) are sinful. I do not know about cosmetic procedures though. Are you planning to have cosmetic surgery, sister? If so, for what reason? Only you can determine if you are doing this for purely selfish reasons. I would encourage you though to be as "naturally" beautiful as possible. Aging is not something to be frowned upon. It is something to feel blessed about! We should age gracefully. :)

      I used to be very vain and loved looking too sexy. :( I was not conducting myself as a Christian who loved God. I was conducting myself as a woman who wanted the world to notice her. :( Though nobody could see our hearts, for only God can do so, it would be best to look nice and tidy at all times, without being vain. I used to fret over pimples, weight gain, etc. The world was so much within my soul. :( We should strive to be healthy, to look good, for God. :) Be wary of crossing over to vanity...

      This passage speaks of what is truly beautiful in God's eyes, and in your husband's eyes too:

      1 Peter 3:3-5

      3" Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands"

      Do not hesitate to email me at or just drop comments here, like you are doing,should you have other concerns. :) I will do my best to help, and point you to Scripture.



  3. Thank you so much for your response and email address! I do botox for wrinkles and I feel like I do it to keep my husband attracted to me. My husband looks at playboy magazine and checks out women in front of me. Once and a while they seem too young for him to stare at and it's a huge turn off but it also hurts and makes me feel like I have to try extra hard to keep his attention. I know what he does is not a reason for me to do or not do something but it's hard to have to share his attention with a stranger. My aunt is the most religious person I know but never see her due to living in different states, and she has had several surgeries done. It's just a confusing thing for me to know where I should draw the line and what's ok.

    1. Hi Girly,

      I do agree with you that it is a great problem to know where to draw the line.

      From my correspondences as a broadcaster, I have had the chance to interview women who went under the knife. What starts out as a "minor" cosmetic procedure becomes another "minor" cosmetic procedure after another. Before they know it, they are already ADDICTED to surgery. :( They could not stop themselves. There is always a flaw they see. They feel that with just one more nick, one more tuck they will be okay... that they will stop, but they never do. In fact, they spend tons of money just "correcting" perceived imperfections in their bodies and faces! And yet they are still NOT CONTENT. :(

      I Timothy 6:
      6 "But godliness with contentment is great gain."

      If we profess to follow Christ, I believe that we have to throw away the concept of what the world thinks is "beautiful." We should not allow ourselves to be defined by media, magazines or whomever. God created you. You are beautiful in His Eyes. You are perfect just as you are. :)

      I think, one should really search for hidden "idols" (idolatry). Is it for you -- beauty, youth. a sexy body? Tear that out and throw it away. For as long as we "serve" those "idols", (things that we need to have in order to be 'happy'), you will never be happy. For it is only in Christ do we find true peace and lasting joy.

      God bless you! :)


  4. Thank you so much for all your responses :) they mean a lot and give me a lot to think on!


Feel free to comment. I would love to discuss things with you. :)