There Are Three Types of Biblical Men, But Only One Type Of Biblical Woman?!?

I write this post just as a way to clear my thoughts, so please bear with me, dear reader, as I hash through it, not knowing at this point if I will arrive at a decent answer to appease my thoughts. :)

It all started with the controversial author, Debi Pearl's even more controversial book, "Created To Be His Help Meet." This continues to be a hot topic at my mentor's, April Cassidy's, The Peaceful Wife Blog. It's that type of book. You cannot stop talking about it. ;P

In her book, Ms. Pearl stated that there are three types of men, who bear the different personas of The Blessed Trinity.

There is Mr. Command Man, who bears the image of God the Father.

There is Mr. Steady Man, who bears the image of God the Son.

And there is Mr. Visionary Man, who bears the image of God the Holy Spirit.

I wrote about it in detail, in this post.

In summary, and in my own words:

On the upside, Mr. Command Man is a born leader, very responsible and courageous.

On the downside, Mr. Command Man can be very bossy, domineering and intolerant of others' faults.

On the upside, Mr. Steady Man is faithful, dependable and loyal.

On the downside, Mr. Steady Man is too laid-back, passive and lacking in conviction.

On the upside, Mr. Visionary Man is a dreamer, a visionary, and an idealist.

On the downside, Mr. Visionary Man is too eccentric, high-strung and impractical.

But no matter what type of personality your husband may possess, he still is called by God to love his spouse the way Christ loved the Church and was willing to sacrifice His Life for it.

Ephesians 5:25

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church 

and gave himself up for her,

My husband Dong is as laid-back, cool and passive as they come, but when I am in danger or when men bully me or boss me around, he has proven to me in more than one occasion that he was ready to get down and dirty, to the point of a nasty and bloody fistfight, just to save me from harm and to show that person that he had no right to treat me, his wife, that way! What a man! :)

I tell you, during those times, I just gazed in awe at how much my passive husband really LOVED me! Those instances all happened by the way, when I was still unsubmissive to my husband. :( Imagine, he was willing to get hurt and to hurt others physically just to protect me, even when I was most disrespectful to him at that time!!!

What's the point of that sharing?

Well, to explain somehow that "laying down one's life for your wife" the way Christ loved His Church, does not only 'naturally' occur to the slay-the-dragon types or the Mr. Command Men.

LOVE, when it is real, allows ANY type of man to do extraordinary things for his loved one in spite of his perceived weaknesses, as with the Mr. Steady's, who are usually thought of as "too passive" or "in the middle" to "rock the boat"; or the Mr. Visionary's who are usually thought of as "too eccentric" to be heroic.

For the past weeks, given my love for categorizing people into "types",  (I know not everyone likes being typecast, but I enjoy finding out where I usually fit in or where others fit in so I can understand myself or others more.) I have been thinking about what type of wife I might fall under. Surely, I was Type A and Dong was Type B; he is/was passive and I am/was dominant, but my mind kept on going back to Ms. Pearl's wonderful categorization of the husbands.

Can those categories be applied to 

women as well?!? :) 

I was thinking, we women too were created according to the image and likeness of God...

Genesis 1:27

27 

So God created mankind in his own image,

   in the image of God he created them;

    male and female he created them.

... so maybe, just maybe, what was applicable to the husbands could be applicable to us wives too!!!!

To be honest, give or take a few changes here and there, I fit exactly into the mold of Mr. Command Man, except that I am a obviously a woman, and expecting my husband to serve me and submit to me was not exactly feminine nor was it godly. :(

Following my conviction by God and conversion of heart after repenting for my mountains of sins in September 1, 2013, I now abide by this Bible verse and live up to it, as best as I can daily:

Ephesians 5:22-24

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

Cleofe-Alejar Nuptials - April 17, 2004

My husband Dong fits Mr. Steady to a "T". I fit the Mr. Command Man's description quite well too. So maybe, just maybe, I can borrow Mrs. Pearl's categorization for a while and make the males into females. Like this:

Mrs. Command Woman

             Mrs. Visionary Woman    and

   Mrs. Steady Woman

If to men, the godly Command Man is the closest "peg" (basis/icon) of what a godly leader of a home should be;   to wives, the godly Steady Woman fits the "peg" of the meek and submissive wife the most.

Exciting proposition, right?!? :)

But before I begin, here's a 
DISCLAIMER:

These categories that I am about to write are not written by bestselling author, Debi Pearl, nor are they found anywhere in her book, blog or other reading materials. These are just my weak attempts at trying to fit myself into a category as a now submissive wife. In no way was this blog post written to make fun of, override Ms. Pearl's thoughts or steal from Ms. Pearl's wonderful Chapter 8 in the "Created to Be His Help Meet" book. Most of my categories' ideas and info however are borrowed and carried over from the 'Three Types of Men'(pp. 59 to 72) she wrote about in her book. All perceived errors from the transferring of character traits from men to women are mine. This blog post is just for my musing purposes, while allowing you readers to muse with me. Hope that it will be a fun read :)

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Anyway, here goes nothing. :) 

For the record, I can most relate to being a Command Woman.

Mrs. Command Woman

Command Woman of the World "Peg"

Hillary Clinton

Former U.S. Secretary of State, Senator and First Lady
She has political plans on being the first woman U.S. President.

Command Godly Woman "Peg"

Queen Esther (Esther 1-8)

A Jewish woman who was selected by the Persian King Ahasuerus to be his wife through a contest.
She used  her position for the purpose of saving her own people.

Her God-Given Traits:

- She is a born leader.

- She has a very captivating personality.

- People are drawn to her and have immediate respect for her -- both men and women.

- Women want to emulate her and men are a bit intimidated by her.

- She is not afraid to speak her mind and voice out her opinions.

- She is usually chosen to be an officer in her school or as the president of some organization.

- The Command Woman is usually highly popular and highly esteemed by her peers.

- She usually will hold some high-profile job/career and will excel at it. She can be the manager of a company/bank/business. She can also be a politician, a journalist, a judge, a lawyer or a teacher, or any job/career where she can take charge of things or be in a leadership position.

- Command Women usually have full-fledged careers.

Her Strengths/Weaknesses:

- The Command Woman usually feels highly responsible for the people around her. Although it is not her duty to worry and mind everybody's business, she makes it her business to mind others' businesses, considering other people's problems as her own! If she is a godly woman, this will come across as a nurturing gesture and as a genuine concern for others, but if she is far from God, she will only come across as a tyrant and a nosy woman, who gets involved in matters that do not concern her! She will be thought of as overbearing and as overstepping her boundaries. Basically, a pain to live or be with. It's either people want to have her as their leader/Mother Hen, or they just want to flee from her lest she poke her nose again into their territories! For better or for worse, it is her nature to control (either others or herself)! 

- The Command Woman sets a very high standard for herself . In effect, she raises the bar for other people to follow. If she is godly, this inspires others to do their best and to become better individuals, but if she is not godly, this just frustrates the people around her who find her quest for perfectionism tiring and unattainable. The ungodly Command Woman will surely not bridle her tongue towards those people who do not meet her standards. She is quite intolerant with other people's faults, and is usually incapable of seeing her own.

- The Command Woman usually projects an air of being put-together or being "all that".  She usually does not voice out her insecurities towards other people, and these are known only to the ones closest to her. She revels at the attention and respect she gets from being an (over)achiever.

How This Translates in Marriage:

- If a Command Woman is married to a Command Man, a power struggle will surely ensue. The Command Woman usually thinks she is right and will not yield. The Command Man, of course, won't yield too! "Matira matibay". Whoever is "stronger in conviction" will end up the "winner", but of course we know nobody wins in this sort of "contest".

- If a Command Woman is married to a Visionary Man, the Command Woman, if she is godly, will most likely be actively involved in her husband's ideologies, ideas, and projects, but if she is far from God or does not believe in biblical submission, this type of woman will just do her own thing as her husband pursues his "weird" agendas alone. To each his own.

- If  a Command Woman is married to a Steady Man, it usually becomes a female-led marriage. She is dominant, he is passive. She will most likely lead the family and take over the headship of the home, while her Mr. Steady husband acquiesces in deference to her, for the 'sake of peace.'

The Command Wife's Role as a Biblical Help Meet

- A wife of this personality, if convicted by God and repents fully has a great capacity to be a great help meet. A godly Command Woman usually is intense and a very good leader. You know what they say about good leaders.. They make really good followers.

- And so, if the godly Command Wife is able to acquiesce her commanding role and accept her supportive role, she can use her very strong personality (bridled strength) to empower her husband's leadership. Her Command Husband will no longer fight for headship with her and will therefore have more confidence in his leadership as he no longer views his wife as a threat but as his ally.

- The Visionary Husband will delight in sharing with her his dreams and visions and will encourage her to join him in his agendas and causes.

- The Steady Husband, finding his voice (and balls!) again, will man up to the challenge and will start becoming more proactive instead of passive.

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Mrs. Visionary Woman

Visionary Woman of the World "Peg"

Angelina Jolie 

Special Envoy of UN High Commissioner for Refugees.
She has conducted more than 40 field visits around the world, becoming well-versed in the 
phenomenon of forced displacement and a tireless advocate on their behalf.

Visionary Godly Woman "Peg"

Anna the Prophetess  (Luke 2:36-38)

Anna the Prophetess is a woman mentioned in the Gospel of Luke. 
According to that Gospel, she was an aged Jewish woman who prophesied about Jesus at the Temple of Jerusalem. 
She appears in Luke 2:36–38 during the presentation of Jesus at the Temple.

Her God-given Traits

- She is usually the one who seeks out hypocrisy and injustice and makes this known to others.

- She calls people around her to a higher standard to try to attain an ideal world.

- These are usually the shakers, the changers, the dreamers.

- The Visionary Woman can get the entire family upset about issues close to her heart: not exposing the children to TV for its perceived harmful effects to their impressionable minds; eating only organic, gluten-free food/totally no junk-food; vaccination/totally against vaccination...

- A visionary woman, if she had a career would probably be a political activist, an organizer and instigator of any front-line issue. If there is a mass gathering for "Anti-Abortion"/"Pro-Lifers", and she feels strongly about that, you will find her holding placards and attending that rally!  She is passionate about her causes and beliefs. She loves making the world a better place and always strives to achieve this, even if it seems impossible.

- She can also be, like the Visionary Man, a gifted inventor or maybe, an artist. The Visionary woman is also most likely to be creative.
- The Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with her words, music, writing, voice, or actions. She is the “voice…crying in the wilderness”... striving to change the way humanity is behaving or thinking.

-  These types of women are usually nitpicky about doctrines and rules, from proper attire in church to how the Communion should be received - by hand or on tongue (for Catholic Christians), etc...

- They will easily pick up and relocate without any idea on what they are going to do there for a living at their new location.

- If these women are not wise, they can easily be touted as pushy and out-of-touch with reality, concerned with overly idealistic things that do not matter at the present moment.

Her Strengths/Weaknesses:

- Since she can be very one-track-minded about her ideals, a Visionary Woman can either inspire people to take up her cause or be turned off by her overzealousness. Not many people in the Philippines would rally for Mali the Elephant's animal rights to be transferred to Thailand from the Manila Zoo, for her to die in her native land, for instance.

- She is very creative and enthusiastic about her ideas! Some are outright brilliant, others maybe downright weird. If a man is married to a Visionary Woman, he better be appreciative of her eccentricities which makes her exciting and daring! There is never a dull moment with her, so he better be ready for an adventure! One has to be a just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if he is to enjoy the (wild) ride!

- Over time, she will be more practical. If people think you are weird, maybe you are a Visionary!

  (Wait a minute, maybe I am a Visionary Wife too!!!! )

How This Translates in Marriage:

- If a Visionary Woman is married to a Command Man, though there may not be as great a power struggle as two Command Spouses, it may still create great friction. Command Men usually want their wives to attend to them fully and all her passionate causes and agendas which take much of her energies and time, may not sit very well with this type of husband.

- If a Visionary Woman is married to a Visionary Man, well, good for them! Ha! They can join each other's causes, attend each other's rallies, convince other people of their ideas, and basically light each other's matches. The only problem I see here is when the two Visionaries, though both idealistic, are poles apart in beliefs whether in politics, in religion, in bringing up kids (homeschooling vs private school) or in something as seemingly minor/major (from whoever's perspective!) as having their son circumsized.

- If a Visionary Woman is married to a Steady Husband, this may be a good match too. Mr. Steady's are known for their loyalty and steadfastness. Any cause that Mrs. Visionary Wife might promote can be supported by Mr. Steady. Just don't expect him to attend the rally. Don't worry though; he will be with you in spirit.

The Visionary Wife's Role as Biblical Helpmeet:

- Already a bit reckless and free-spirited, if a Visionary Wife wants to be an effective help meet to her husband, she has to temper that spirit a bit (or a lot), or redirect it. A wife of this personality, if convicted by God to submit to her husband and prioritize her family, would be an exciting bubble of energy that could empower her husband's leadership and inspire the children. Instead of being at the forefront of every cause, she could make her own marriage her own godly cause, and focus all her energies into making her home an ideal, godly home. She could also be a great influence to her husband (no forcing, just hinting) in pursuing some of her causes, without having to be at the forefront herself.

- Her Command Husband will be empowered by her zest for a godly marriage and who knows, he might decide to support (or ask his subordinates to do so) his wife's worthy cause of feeding the hungry children of Africa .

- Her Visionary Husband will enjoy having her in for the "ride" as he tackles his own projects without the fear of clashing with or lack of support from his wife. He might even take the lead (as she gives her own inputs and contributions) in his wife's pet causes.

- The Steady Husband will benefit most from having his godly Visionary wife boost his morale because of her enthusiasm for him and their family. His stick-in-the-mud nature will get a much desired/needed adrenalin rush from having an adventurous and high-spirited Visionary wife. 

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Mrs. Steady

Steady Woman of the World "Peg"

Former Philippine President Corazon C. Aquino
Though she became the country's (hesitant) 11th president when Ninoy Aquino was assassinated,
because of her gentle demeanor and soft-spoken voice, the whole country fondly called her "Tita Cory" or Aunt Cory, 
over the more formal "President Cory" or "President Aquino". 
She unabashedly considered herself even while already the Philippine President, a "plain housewife."

Steady Godly Woman "Peg"

The Blessed Mother of Jesus, Mama Mary (Luke 1:46-1:56)

The key to Mary’s openness to God was her humility. Mama Mary was humble because she knew that God the Almighty wanted to do “great things” (Luke 1:49) in her, not by her own power, but by the working of his power — not by her wisdom, but according to the wisdom of his plans and purposes.

Her God-given Qualities

- She is usually very cool, mild-mannered and soft-spoken.

- She would be the first to say in a crowd or when she visits your home,
"Don't mind me. Pretend I am not here."

- She is very easy-going, laid-back and relaxed.

- She is fiercely loyal, steadfast and faithful.

- She is almost always at the middle, not given to extremes.

- She is usually balanced and stable, not leaning towards stressful perfectionism nor edgy eccentricity.
- Among the three types, Mrs. Steady is the most likely to have no qualms about being a stay-at-home mom or a housewife because of her very "grounded" personality.
- Since she is not prone towards being "overly ambitious" like Mrs. Command Woman nor "too idealistic" like Mrs. Visionary Woman, Mrs. Steady, who is content in staying in the background, is the wife most likely to give up her job/career in order to support her husband's plans which may/may not include homeschooling the children or attending to them fully.

Her Strengths/Weaknesses:

-  She makes well thought-out decisions (It may take time, like a LOT of weeks kind of time) but it's usually wise and of course, never rash.

- They are "too cool" though sometimes, and because of this "coolness", they will allow foolishness and error without dissent.

- She is usually adored by the children for her gentle manners.

- She is usually taken for granted because she rarely asserts herself or her concerns. She is the first to avoid both controversy and the spotlight.  She is content to blend in the background.
- She never puts undue pressure on people to perform miracles. She does not expect her husband to serve her. She does not create much tension wherever she may be, and when you are with her, you will rarely feel hurried, pressured, pushed or forced.
- One of her perceived "weaknesses" is the lack of pressure or "expectations" from her husband or the family. Without expectations, goals and new mountains to climb, everything is so-so, day-in and day-out. However, this can also be a perceived strength to those who love having a non-exciting,  mundane, steady, predictable life. (Hey, I am somewhat this Missus too! I am a super homebody, I risk having cabin fever ;) )
- Among the three types, the Mrs. Steady is probably the type who has the tendency to become a "doormat", if she is not assertive enough.

How This Translates in Marriage:

- Actually, among the three personality types, this is the one closest to the ideal help meet. Why?

- Because if she is married to Mr. Command Man, her easy-going nature will make it easy for her husband to lead her because she'd be more than happy to follow. She is so "lead-able".

- If she were married to Mr. Visionary, her ability to create an unhurried, no-pressure home environment will allow him to pursue his exciting ideas and she would be more than happy to go with the flow. 

- If she were married to a fellow Mr. Steady, her lack of expectations on her husband will allow him to lead more daringly since he is given a lot of leeway, and she would be more than happy to support him on whatever path he chooses.

That is, if she is a godly woman.

If Mrs. Steady was also Mrs. Lazy, then nothing much gets done and she won't be an effective help meet to her husband and won't be instrumental to his success. She will be too laid-back and apathetic to really "care."

- The Command Man who expects to be served will not be served.

- The Visionary Man who expects to have an ally for his brilliant ideas will not have anybody cheering him on.

- And even the usually cool Mr. Steady Man will not find satisfaction in having her as a partner in life. He is already laid-back, but lazy is waaaay more than just being easy-going. It is sloth meets apathy.

The Steady Wife's Role As Biblical Help Meet

  - A godly Steady Woman likes having to walk beside her man, as her husband grows in his own right before God and her.

- She brings peace and safety to her husband's soul. Her gentleness is not a sign of weakness but of bridled strength. Her hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom.

-  Since she is content to just stay in the background, Mrs. Steady must learn the perfect balance of being quiet as opposed to losing her voice. For her to be an active help meet, she must bring all of her good virtues to her marriage and not be afraid to speak her mind, albeit respectfully.

- Mrs. Steady should not confuse biblical submission with being a doormat or not having any say, in anything. Remember, doormats do not glorify God either!

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THE ULTIMATE BIBILICAL 

HELP MEET PEG:

It can be summarized in Titus 2:3-5

3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers.[a] Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,[b] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

A godly, biblically submissive woman also has to be familiar with Proverbs 31, to be an active help meet to her husband -- whether Command, Visionary or Steady. The Proverbs 31 woman is the ultimate "peg" as far as biblical womanhood is concerned. 

"Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value." (Prov 31:11)

* * * * *

So, regardless of personality type -- whether you are the strong command woman, the idealistic visionary woman or the laid-back steady woman...
YOU are called to:
  respect and submit to one's husband (as unto the Lord), so as not to malign the Word of God.

Biblical Submission does not make us renounce or dispose of our God-given talents. That would dishonor God!

Biblical submission encourages us wives, to use our God-given capabilities to empower our husbands' leadership, as we fulfill our own God-given roles as help meets to them. We are instrumental to the fulfillment of our husbands' God-ordained callings and roles.

We bring into our marriages our commanding personalities, or idealistic tendencies, or our steadfastness... and temper them accordingly, based on the type of man the Lord had given us to be our partners in life (Mr. Command Man, Mr. Visionary, Mr. Steady).

We die to ourselves daily, in order to conform ourselves more to Jesus. There is no perfect personality or temperament, for we will only be made perfect in heaven. But, and while we are still here on earth, we will do our best (with Christ strengthening us), to be the "perfect" help meets to our imperfect husbands, given our human limitations and imperfections.

A transformed life lived in obedience to God's Word, and lived out genuinely in front of one's husband (and others) is the most powerful witnessing a woman can do for God.

1 Peter 3:1-6

3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,

P.S. Special thanks to Mrs. Debi Pearl and her book "Created to Be His Help Meet". Her archetypes on the three types of men made me understand and cherish my laid-back and loving Mr. Steady husband Dong so, so much. I may not have totally agreed with the author on all her theologies/thoughts/pieces of advice and even her style of writing (too direct and blunt for my taste), but I did get pearls of wisdom overall from the book, and really LOVED her famous Chapter 8. If only for that, I would suggest you read it. You will be enlightened by it, as it enlightened this blog writer. :) Thank you for reading this post, dear sisters in Christ! 

May we all be richly blessed! :)