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Saturday, July 5, 2014

My Male Boss vs. My Husband -- To Whom Should I Submit?!?

I am with police authorities here for a PCSO TV show, with Kuya Jojo A - 2011

ALL authority comes from God.

Romans 13:1-5

13 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. 
The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

Saint Paul further stresses in his letter to the Romans that:

Romans 13:6-7

This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. 

In short, we are all under God-ordained authority, and we are asked to submit to them despite and in spite of their many flaws and imperfections. We do this in obedience to the Lord. If our leaders are ungodly and evil, and abuse their authority, that is their sin and their problem. They would be answerable to God for that. But as far as we, Christians, are concerned, we are asked to submit to ALL authority. We will be answerable to God for that.

1. We are under the authority of the government/
Bureau of Internal Revenue (for Filipinos) -  
"If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue..."

Mark 12:17

Then Jesus told them, "Give back to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, 

and to God the things that are God's." And they were amazed at Him. 
Kim Jacinto Henares is the Philippines' Bureau of Internal Revenue Commissioner.

2. Wives are under the authority of their husbands -  
"...if respect, then respect..."

Ephesians 5:33

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, 
and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
My husband is my authority in marriage.

3. Children are under the authority of their parents -
"...if honor, then honor..."

Deuteronomy 5:16

16 “‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, 
that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land
 that the Lord your God is giving you.
As parents, we have authority over our children.

Authority would also encompass that of the Church, one's bosses, and all relationships where there is a superior/leader and there is a subordinate/follower.

* * * * * * *

I will not be talking about the first. God knows the Philippines is under a government whose leaders are questionable in character, and whose motives for "serving the country" are dubious at best and contemptible at worst.
The sad state of affairs in our country

I will also not be talking about the last. It goes without saying that to honor our parents is truly admirable and expected of us children, and expected too from our own children. 
Our 3rd child, Reuben - 2012

I will talk about the one at the middle, in line with the Peaceful Wife Philippines' ministry of spreading God's Design for marriage. :)

With my sister Erica and my late father, Ruben - April 17, 2004

As per what was written in St. Paul's epistle to Ephesians, a "wife must see to it that she respects her husband" (Eph 5:33) because  "the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior." (Eph 5:23)

Christ calls us wives to RESPECT our husbands UNCONDITIONALLY, regardless if they are to our mind, respectable or NOT ("Respect the uniform" or "Respect the God-ordained position."). In the same way, husbands are called to LOVE us wives UNCONDITIONALLY too, regardless if we are lovable or loving,  or NOT. It's a tall order, I know, but that is what is written in the Bible:

Ephesians 5:25

English Standard Version (ESV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

1 Peter 3 

Worldwide English Version (WE)

Wives, respect and obey your husbands in the same way. Then the husbands who do
 not obey the word of God will want to know God. They will want to know God because their wives live good lives, 
even though they say nothing about God. 
They will see that you live holy lives and respect your husbands.


In this day and age where women, (thanks, but no thanks too to the Feminist Movement), have believed the deception and have fed into the lies of the evil one that 'A CAREER OUTSIDE THE HOME IS MORE VALUABLE AND FULFILLING THAN BEING A WIFE AND MOTHER' (this blog writer included before the Lord opened up her spiritual eyes!); more and more women are finding themselves spread too thin, and perpetually tired from being overly busy at juggling too many roles (that are not necessarily God-given).

In her book, "Lies Women Believe And the Truth that Sets Them Free",  Nancy Leigh De Moss says:

Half a century ago, a handful of determined women set out to achieve a philosophical and cultural revolution. Convinced that women needed to throw off the shackles of male oppression, they wrote books, published articles, taught college courses, marched in streets, lobbied Congress and in myriad ways succeeded in capturing the hearts and minds of millions of women.
Voting for women was one of the great things the feminist movement has achieved. Sadly, it has gone way out of hand, usurping now God-ordained roles that brought true freedom for us as biblical women.

They redefined what it means to be a woman and tossed out widely-held views of a woman's priorities and mission in life. Concepts such as virtue, chastity, discretion, domesticity, submission and modesty were largely eliminated from the vocabulary, and replaced with choice, divorce, infidelity, and unisex lifestyles. The daughters and granddaughters of this "new" view of womanhood have never known any other way of thinking.

One of the most devastating objectives of the this "new" view of womanhood has been to demean marriage and motherhood and to move women -- both physically and emotionally -- out of their homes and into the workforce.
Statistics indicate that the gender gap has narrowed dramatically in matters of hiring practices, pay scales and educational opportunities -- results that activists have worked long and hard to achieve. But what about the unintended consequences of this newfound freedom? Whoever expected we would have to live with such things as...

- pressure placed on women by their peers to "do more" than be "just a wife and mother"
- the status of a "homemaker" being devalued to something less than that of a serf
There is no higher calling than to be a wife and mother.
- millions of children coming home from school to empty houses
- families that seldom sit down and have a meal together
- women gaining enough financial independence to free them to leave their husbands
- women who don't have the time or energy to cultivate a close relationship with their children and who end up permanently estranged from their grown children
- emotional and physical affairs being fanned by married women spending more quality time with men at work than they do their own husbands
Affairs are so common among bosses and their secretaries.

- women being exposed day after day to coarse language and behavior and sexual innuendos in the workplace

- mothers giving their best energy and time to persons other than their husbands and children, leaving those women perpetually exhausted and edgy

* * * * * * *

Modern women are really a force to reckon with. Many women already hold high positions or are bosses in various fields -- governments, hospitals, law offices, schools, banks, etc. But, I am sure you'd agree with me that female bosses are still the exception rather than the rule, and that majority of women are still under the authority of men. Most women are in positions or jobs wherein they are still under the supervision of male bosses. 

"In determining our priorities as Christian women, we must first ask: Why did God make women? What is His Purpose and Mission for our lives? The Word of God provides women of every generation and culture with the Truth about our created purpose and primary role and calling. When we embrace the Truth and establish our priorities and schedules around it, we experience true liberation." (De Moss)

1) Woman was created by God to be a help meet and companion of Man.

Genesis 2:18

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone;
 I will make him a helper suitable for him."

* * * * *

2) In God's Design, when Man and Woman get married, they are no longer two different individuals but ONE.

Gen 2:24
 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
 Mark 10:8

"and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one,"

Matthew 19:6 
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

* * * * * 
3) God created a Married Woman to have her husband and children as her priority.

Titus 2:4-5 " love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

Today's post is about that tricky dilemma:

If by the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, we become one with our husbands and if according to God's Design for Marriage, we are under their authority... 

When a woman is under a male boss, who has the right to give orders or command a female subordinate to do things (job-related, of course!), what happens when this arrangement already clashes with her own husband?

 To whom should she submit?!? 

To whom should she defer?!?

Dec 2012

I needed a male perspective and so I asked my husband, Dong about this. He said he was no expert at the subject, but I said, I wanted to hear from a husband's/man's point of view, and this was his take on it. To wives in "hairy" situations, this might prove to be an eye-opening read:

How would you feel if your wife was always outside of the home, working, and following her boss?
"If my wife was always outside of the home, always busy with her work, always jumping at the slightest text or call from her boss, I would feel VERY JEALOUS. When too much respect is given to another man, whether a colleague or (especially) her superior, who gets her TIME, ATTENTION and RESPECT, I would feel a bit threatened. 

If there is a LOT of respect for another man and too little for me, I would feel very unloved   
Ben Tulfo had me as his cohost in Bitag in 2012. He was also my employer. I do respect him a lot, but
I was always wary not to put him or his opinions, above my husband.
Good thing if my wife always came home, still doing her roles as my wife and the mother of our kids.  But, if she is spent and exhausted from having served her "master" at the office to the best of her abilities, and always came home cranky, exhausted, and disrespectful to me, then I would really feel ANGRY. I might start retreating into myself and since I, like most men, do not like rocking the boat, I would just turn cold.

But what if it is the wife that earns more or is providing for the family?

If the woman earns more, the husband would feel that he does not have a say anymore because of the financial aspect and might just keep quiet while already feeling resentful of her and/or the situation. It becomes even more difficult.

Our UNTV Boss and my co-anchor, Daniel Razon. He was a good boss.- 2012
By 2012, I was already being prepared by the Lord for my submission journey,
so I deferred to Dong a lot in terms of  career decisions, but was still largely unsubmissive.
A year later, (September 1, 2013) would be my year of fully letting go and letting God, 
and giving up my broadcasting career in order to pursue God's Will for me, in our family.
Problem is, so many women are like that. They get jumpy and overeager to please their male bosses, all gushy and respectful about them, while leaving no room anymore for respect or eagerness to please their own husbands. 

It's common that women are sexually lured by their bosses to have an affair with them. It is common too that women just feel "used" by their bosses in the end, who have no plans of ever leaving their true wives. For the women, the fantasy's over, so welcome back to reality... but they've already fallen into temptation, to the detriment of their husbands.

What should a husband do if his wife is always deferring to her boss over her own husband?

The ideal thing would be to tell his wife to quit and leave it to God and to him (the husband), to provide for their family.
Pregnant with our first - 2004

But life is far from perfect and ideal, and so the best thing the husband can do is to GIVE MORE LOVE to his wife. She might be craving for his love. She might even be craving for his attention or (justifiable) jealousy. They should bring their situation to light. Communicate.

He should tell his wife that this extreme closeness or respect for the boss was affecting him as a man and as her husband, and that she should learn to say "NO" to her boss too. She should learn to prioritize. While it is important to respect a superior, she should know her place in the family.

As an employee, one can easily be replaced. But one's role as a wife and mother is irreplaceable.
Working per se is NOT a problem nor is it a sin. But when one's
career is taking too much of the wife's/mother's time away from the family,
there is disorder and misplaced priorities. Not God's design for the family or the marriage. - 2010

When the husband says this, he should be gentle but firm. He should not act like a wimp. This would further lead to (more )disrespect."

My husband, as he himself had admitted, was no expert in these things, but he is a good man and he is a loving husband, and I feel that what he shared here should be given a lot of weight. 

What he said also holds true for authorities like pastors, preachers, priests and religious leaders. Though they are spiritual authorities, wives do not have covenant relationships with those men! Women are not under their headship and these godly men should never take over the God-ordained position of the husband in the family and in the home. But that is topic for a different post ;) ...

So to the question, When there is  conflict between 

"The Male Boss vs. The Husband --
To Whom Should I Submit?", 

if we are to follow God, it must be to our husbands first and foremost, and not to our male bosses. (The world will say otherwise, of course.)

Romans 12:12

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--
His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Your boss may be rich, good-looking, established, respectable, sweet-smelling, a great dresser, and oh so fine; but please tone down the admiration a bit (or a LOT!) sisters!!! 
If you are attracted to your boss, be wary! That might be a snare!

Turn down the respect knob for other males (especially bosses) a notch (or two or three...) and turn up the respect knob for our husbands a notch (or two, or three...or ten! "Todo na to!"/Maximum) higher. They deserve our RESPECT not because they have earned it, but because they were ordained by God to be our authorities; and we are ONE with them.

 Ephesians 5:22-33 part

April 17, 2004 
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b]32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

May we all be richly blessed! :)


P.S. It is my personal opinion and conviction that if any authority is asking me to sin, I will still submit and will still be respectful, but I will not necessarily obey. I will follow the dictates of my well-informed and clean conscience, after much prayer and discernment.  (Acts 5:29)

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