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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Husband-Bashing -- Wives' Favorite Pastime

With my brother in law, Jojo A. Even if he is already talkative for a man, being a talk show host; by virtue of
my being a woman, I can out-talk him on any single day, if I want to! ;)

Researchers say that the average person has about 50,000 THOUGHTS per day.

Researchers say too, that women speak at an average of 20,000 words daily compared to
only 7,000 words for men. 

This means, that on the average, 
women talk nearly three times as much as men!

This means that out of the 50,000 thoughts people have in their minds per day, 
women speak out 20,000 words (30,000 +/- thoughts remain unspoken)
while men speak out only 7,000 words (43,000 +/- thoughts remain unspoken).

This means, by far, women out-talk men on any given day.

We are BIG talkers!!!!

But what do we talk about, really?!?


Dong loves talking to me about sports!

I am a woman and I can out-talk Dong on any given day. Most of the time, we talk about God, the Bible and my Theology classes. Oftentimes, we talk about the children. Sometimes, we talk about movies, video games, sports, news and other people... On the rare occasions in the past, when I was a rebellious and unsubmissive wife, we talked about our hurts and pains towards each other. Now, that kind of talk was painful and emotionally charged!

He is my best friend, so I find myself wanting to talk to Dong more than any other human being! I can talk to him forever! I can also just be silent with him, while holding hands, forever!

But, I enjoy talking too with my girl friends!!! 
I enjoy listening to my friends talk about their lives. - Jan 2014

Being a woman, nobody understands the female psyche more than a fellow woman.
 It takes one to know one.

And so I know, that women can be chatty, catty, and nasty. 

Aside from talking about other women, we usually find ourselves talking about our husbands. In most occasions, the talk can get downright disrespectful, and what is surprising is that we women actually seem to enjoy this kind of berating talk

I know, because before the Lord convicted me of my sins, 
I joined in the "fun."
A lunch date with my Filipina Homebakers Online friends - May 2014

Sure, I never talked badly about Dong behind his back (not because I had nothing to say, but because I was putting up a front that all was well, when in fact I too was very self-righteous and condescending towards him, before the Lord showed me my monumental sins!), but I laughed with my friends and sided with them, and joined them in their husband-bashing. It was "enjoyable" then, before I realized how totally sinful and pathetic it really was. :(

Sad to say, husband-bashing is the favorite pastime of wives. And what is even sadder is that we see nothing wrong with it! 

But what did the Lord say regarding this matter?

Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

While it may be true that one's husband is errant, irresponsible or unfaithful, for such is the sad state of affairs in this fallen world; it does not solve anything by tearing him down in front of others. It is one thing to want to seek advice to heal the marriage, and in that desire, one has to divulge a not so flattering picture of one's husband; but it's another thing to just tear him down to pieces in front of one's girl friends where he will surely be pronounced: "Guilty as Charged"! He is not there to defend himself, and we are only hearing one side of the story!

Really, ladies, what do we gain by tearing down our men?

Do we feel more righteous, more holy, more entitled to our hurts and disappointments, than our husbands?

Do we feel that telling people about our husbands' faults makes us appear better and wiser in their eyes?

Do we feel that maligning our husbands' names somehow alleviates us of our pains?

What do we want to achieve, really, with all this 
husband-bashing? :(

While it is wonderful to have ready ears to listen to us while we rant, we should also be wary of putting down our husbands, our God-ordained leaders, in front of friends who will be looking down on them with great disrespect or mock our husbands in their minds, once we are done with our oh-so-juicy stories.

I am not asking that we lie about our husbands (or pretend like I did that nothing was wrong!), but I am asking that we hold every one of those 50,000 thoughts captive and make all of them obedient to Christ, in order for our tongue to utter ONLY (20,000) kind words about not just our husbands, but others as well.

2 Corinthians 10:5
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Matthew 12:36
36 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,

James 1:26
26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.


 We are all sinners. Men and women alike. 

Romans 3:10

As the Scriptures say, "No one is righteous--not even one.

Men are not "more" sinful than us. In God's eyes, sin is sin, and we ALL fall short.

Were it not for God's Grace and Mercy, we would ALL be rotting in hell.

But, God loves us SO very MUCH!
With my closest college buddy, Yeng - July 2014

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

We were ALL bought for a price. That's why we are so precious in God's Eyes!

1 Cor 6:20

You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Conversation over coffee - Feb 2012

Jesus died for ALL of us - men and women alike. 

Jesus ALSO died for that lazy, irresponsible and philandering husband of yours too 
(whether you believe it or not)!

The way to lead your husband back to God and to make him repent of his sins is not by looking down on him or nagging him; but by encouraging him, loving him, and respecting him --- starting with what comes out of your mouth, in the company of other women.

Tell God about your husband's faults and failures. Then let God do His Work. We can never change another human being. It's the Holy Spirit's Job to convict and to change people. Last time I checked, we are all still but humans, and God is still God. ;)

We can never achieve a great and godly marriage if we continue with this demeaning and totally unChristian pastime of husband-bashing (or any kind of bashing for that matter!). 
It is offensive to God. 
It is sinful in His Eyes. 

Instead, let us do what the olden women of times past did in order to save their errant spouses, that is:
With my closest friends from my baking group - 2011

1 Peter 3:1-5

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 

We are called to win over our husbands without the 20,000 words we are wont to spurt out daily. 
Stop the bashing, start respecting!

We are called to win them over by our pure and reverent behavior (without a word). 

This is a clear case of when "TALK IS CHEAP" and "SILENCE IS GOLDEN"
 (but not stony or icy silence!!!).

Wives, let's stop the husband-bashing!!!

Let's start focusing on our own sins and how we can repent of them, instead of always pointing an accusing finger towards our spouses.



In fact, it's the opposite. It makes us judges and jurors. 
And the Lord clearly opposes this, for those roles are His and His alone.

Luke 6:37
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

May we all be richly blessed! :)

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