What if I was older than Dong? Would it matter?
In this respect and submission journey, it is relatively "easier" to respect and submit to an older man, than it is to submit to a younger one. The age factor makes it a bit more "natural" to do so (although one still has to decide to biblically submit -- the real "natural" or carnal desire is for the wife to control her husband as part of Eve's curse for disobeying God, regardless of age - Genesis 3:16) .
We were so young here. 21 and 28 - 1998I say this, based on my own life experience as a rebellious and unsubmissive wife to Dong, considering that he was already older than me. Although seven years younger, I still felt that I was more mature than him, and that I had to take charge and lead the family because he was (to my mind) clueless and lacking in direction. I could only thank God that Dong was not my age or was much younger than me! I would have totally emasculated him, nagged him to death, and driven him nuts! His being older by seven years was a great deterrent for me NEVER to go overboard. I was "disrespectful", but only in so far as always wanting to be in charge, but never as far as dishing out orders, being overbearing, or mothering him.
It also helped that though my husband was passive and soft-spoken, he was never a wimp. I remember one instance when I was very disrespectful towards him early in our marriage, pre-children. I was hormonal and the weather was soooo hot that time. I was not in the best of moods, and I gave him the "talk to the hand" gesture, because I did not feel like talking to him while he was asking me a question. I got a good earful from him to not treat him that way! His voice was loud and his face was really angry(and he rarely raised his voice nor got angry)! That memory stayed with me. I did not want Dong that mad at me ever again! Since I was generally respectful of people older than me (It's the Filipina in me. We are taught to respect our elders.), I was very wary NEVER to cross that fine line between just being stubborn to being "bastos" or rude towards him.
Dong rarely gets mad at me, so when he does, I take notice!
In the Bible, the normal marriage was that of a younger woman married to an older or MUCH older man. This was the norm. It still is in all parts of the world.
1) Adam and Eve
Genesis 1:27 indicates that God created man and woman within the span of the "sixth day" (Genesis 1:31), along with the other land-based creatures. The Genesis 2 account seems to expand upon that with all the various potential helpers for the man, Adam. There wasn't one that was just right, though, for Adam, so Eve was created. Now, if Adam was created before all the beasts, and Eve was created after, and it all happened on the sixth day of creation, the maximum amount of time involved would be about 12 hours -- sunrise to sunset, at least by today's standards.
This all assumes, of course, that the days in Genesis 1 are literal, 24-hour days, with an "hour" and a "day" being of roughly equal length to what we now consider an "hour" and a "day." (Galilee Dawn - Wiki Answers)
AGE DIFFERENCE: Adam older than Eve by a few hours
2) Abraham and Sarah
With God, everything is possible!
Based on Genesis 18: "Three days later, three men approached Abraham’s tent. He invited them in and Sarah went to prepare food for them. She was listening from the opening of the tent, however, when one of the "men," who were really messengers from God, predicted that she would have a child. She laughed; after all, she was 90 years old and Abraham nearly 100! Yet God predicted that in one year, she would give birth. One year later, when Abraham was 100, Sarah’s son, Isaac, was born." (Jewish Virtual Library)
3) Mary and Joseph
Source: Jesus Pictures
"How old Saint Joseph was at the time he married Mary is a question of great interest to the modern mind because of the conflicting ideas expressed on this subject. For many centuries the idea prevailed that Joseph was an old man of eighty years when he married. Even today in some of our churches there are still statues and pictures that would appear to corroborate this view.It is interesting to note that the earliest known paintings or pieces of sculpture in the catacombs show Joseph as a young man, probably no more than twenty-five years old. This trend continued until the fourth century. But from that time almost to modern times, Mary's husband is pictured as a man of advanced years."(EWTN.com)
Most sources say that Mary was around 14 years old to 14 and a half when she got married to Joseph.
AGE DIFFERENCE: Depending on the source, Joseph could be older than Mary by 11 years or 66 years, or even more!!! What an age gap!
There is also the marriage of Ruth to the much older Boaz, Rachel to the older Jacob, Rebekah to the older Abraham, young Jewish Esther to the much older King....
Their common denominator was that they were all younger women married to older (or much older) men.
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The Bible does not prohibit against marriages wherein the woman is older than the man, but I am assuming that there is a bit of a challenge with this type of setup, given that women under the curse of Eve really have it in their sinful nature to want to rule over their men -- and a younger husband, if he is not godly or mature, will really be ruled over, almost definitely by his older, unsubmissive wife!
My theory may have some tinge of truth in it, because according to a very recent study....
"Researchers found that men mature 11 years later than their female counterparts at the ripe age of 43.
Researchers looking into the differences in maturity between genders revealed that both men and women believe that males remain "immature" well into their late 30s and early 40s, according to the Daily Mail.
On the other hand, the study found that women mature completely at the age of 32.
Grow up! Will Ferrell and John C. Reily played immature men who still lived with their parents in the comedy, 'Step Brothers'.
The poll revealed that eight out of ten women believe that men "never stop being childish" about passing gas, burping, eating fast food late at night and playing videogames.
Other signs of immaturity include staying silent during arguments, not being able to cook a simple meal, and repeating the same old jokes and stories when they're with the guys.
It's not just women who think men are childish. Men themselves were nearly twice as likely to describe themselves a immature than women, with one in four men admitting that they are actively immature.
However, being immature isn't just fun and games. The survey found that three in ten women have ended a relationship because they lost patience with their partner for being too immature. Nearly half of women have been in a relationship in which they felt they had to "mother" their partner, according to the UK survey. In fact, the survey found that the average female respondent had to tell her partner to "act his age" more than once a month and at least 14 times a year.
The poll found that women were twice as likely as men to feel that they were the "adult" in their current relationship, and one in four women felt they were the ones who made all the important decisions in the relationships.
Researchers note that there are some benefits to being immature. The survey revealed that four in ten people say immaturity is sometimes important because it ensures that the relationship stays fun and fresh, and one in three people believe immaturity helps in bonding with children.Source: Counsel & Heal - Mental Health
Of course, there will always be exceptions to the rule, wherein the younger husbands are more mature than their older wives (and I have witnessed this firsthand), but generally, I think most would agree with me that the situation of a younger man married to an older woman is ripe and fertile ground for much DISRESPECT -- especially if the wife does not believe in biblical submission.
HOW DOES AN OLDER WIFE SUBMIT TO AND RESPECT A YOUNGER HUSBAND?1. Submit to God first, then to your husband second.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
2. Respect the "uniform" or the position, if you cannot respect the person (yet).
| Manny Pacquio (3rd from left), our world-class boxing champ is |
a reservist master sergeant in the Philippine Army.
Even without the uniform though, he is most respected! :)
However, you, dear sister, could start asking God to change how you view your husband and ask the Holy Spirit to convict you of any sin you may be knowingly or unknowingly cherishing in your heart, which may include pride, self-righteousness or being judgmental.
3. Resist the urge to mother him or control him.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
4. Allow him to be his own man and to mature in his own time.
|A defunct Philippine TV show of a man who is under the dominion of his wife.|
Sirach 25 (GNT)
22 When a man is supported by his wife, there is sure to be anger, arrogance, and humiliation. 23 A bad wife will make her husband gloomy and depressed, and break his heart. Show me a timid man who can never make up his mind, and I will show you a wife who doesn't make her husband happy.
2 Peter 1:6
and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness,
5. Be a "Titus woman".
This is the perfect verse for the older woman. :)
What is important is that we live up to fulfilling our God-ordained roles. As long as we focus on Jesus and on His Commandments for us husbands and wives, I believe that regardless of age, we will be able to experience much peace and joy in our marriages. :)
Be the (older) godly wife who would stand by her (younger) spouse as God transforms him into the man/husband/father God wants him to be! :)
Don't stand in God's Way!
May we all be richly blessed! :)