Honey, Was I Disrespectful?

Ephesians 5:33

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,

and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

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I used to think that I was a pretty "good" wife.

You see:

- I didn't nag.

- I didn't scream or yell at my husband.

- I didn't curse him.

- I didn't throw things at him.

- I didn't gossip or complain about him in private nor in public.

- I didn't give him "big eyes" when I didn't like what he was doing. 

- And a whole lot more of "respectful" behavior (to my mind!)

Awhile ago, over breakfast, I asked my husband: "Honey, before the Lord convicted me of my sins, and before I submitted to God and then to you, was I ever DISRESPECTFUL? Or were you aware that I even was disrespectful?"

He said, "I knew you did not respect me because you basically were just going about what you wanted to do, not really minding what I had to say, but I don't think you were really disrespectful. I basically allowed you to do what you wanted to do, so I couldn't blame you fully for anything. I was also at fault. I allowed it to happen."

Then I said, "So, in a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being MOST DISRESPECTFUL, where do you think I'd fall?"

I was not "that disrespectful", according to Dong. But I sure was
unsubmissive!!! :( (2011)

He said, "5. Or maybe less than that. You were not really "DISRESPECTFUL", but that didn't change the fact that I felt really bad about our situation. I felt miserable and my reactions to your "independent" thinking (Note: I went about with my life without consulting him or asking what he thought about certain decisions) were I think but normal."

I said, "Sorry about that. That was the pattern of my parents' marriage. Papa just basically allowed Mama to do whatever it was she wanted to do. I never saw Mama ask Papa what he thought. It was basically "to each his/her own". I thought that was how we should be too..."

I write about this, because even though I was "NOT VERY DISRESPECTFUL" according to my dear husband, it still hurt him and our marriage. Human beings, fallen as we are, are really bound to hurt one another, but it should not be done deliberately nor with the favorite excuse of "It's just the way I am. I am really like this. I cannot change."

Because, we can change.

Not on our own, though.

God can change us.

But, we need to ask Him to do so first. He will not change us without us opening the doors to our hearts first.

Respect is PART of love. 

It is the language that speaks LOVE to our husbands, the same way loving words/gestures speak LOVE to us.  When we do not respect our husbands, and I don't mean just being respectful like not cussing/screaming/throwing things at them, but real RESPECT, the kind we give to our God-ordained authorities who were designed by God to be our protectors and providers, we not only disobey God's commandment to us as wives, we also malign His Word.

No matter how often a woman goes to church, prays the rosary (for Catholics), gives to charity, or even reads her Bible... if we do not RESPECT our husbands, we blaspheme God's Word. :(

Titus 2: 4-5 

And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

What exactly is RESPECT IN MARRIAGE? Read this. And what do husbands think is DISRESPECTFUL? Read about it here. 

If you are having problems in your marriage, dear sister in Christ, stop asking the Lord to change your husband. You cannot change anyone else but yourself. Stop being your husband's Holy Spirit and making or "helping" him "change". Only God can convict hearts and change people. Focus on you and your own walk with Christ.

May we all be richly blessed! :)