I really, truly, finally let go and let God on September 1, 2013.
I still felt empty.
- getting pregnant (by surprise) in the middle of 2012 to our fourth child
- unduly resigning from the TV network I was working for due to problems with higher-ups on my contract
- selling off the only property left by my deceased parents and encountering so many problems with the sale itself
- a shaking of my (Catholic) faith following some real religious persecution from people of a different faith
- a very hurtful rift with a close family member
- being tired over-all of being always afraid for the future, etc...
"The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart,
With that, the Lord personalized this next verse for me. He told me....
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name, Nikka. You are Mine!"
And I was all His.
December 26, 1975 - September 1, 2013
R.I.P. old Nikka
This was my R.I.P. day -- the day that I died (to my self).
* * * * * * *
Before I died to myself though,
the Lord had to convict me first
of my many, many sins...
- of pride
- of bitterness and resentment
- of unforgiveness
- of envy and jealousy
- of self-righteousness
- of lack of trust in Him
- of lack of faith in Him
- of lack of hope in Him
- of putting things in my hands, and not His
- of vanity
- of slander and gossip
- etc. etc...
1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
Oh yes, I gave Him some space alright, but He was not content with being a Resident in the 1/100th part of my heart (which was all the space I could afford to give Him!). He wanted my WHOLE HEART. He wanted my WHOLE SELF.
I was not ready to give it to Him before, because I was so "busy" pursuing my worldly ambitions of being "established", "honored", and "esteemed", in my field. I was so "busy" controlling my life, Dong's life, and our marriage. I was so "busy" cherishing past hurts and sins committed against me. I was so "busy" listening to my sinful flesh, to the world and to the enemy!!!!
|36 weeks with 4th baby|
I prayed so hard and asked for His Forgiveness, and the Lord filled me up with His Spirit. I knew then that I would be able to hurdle another childbirth. I knew that I was going to be okay. And my former decision months before I gave birth to get ligated after the delivery, (because I couldn't bear the thought of another baby) I set aside. My conscience could not take it. I chose to trust in God Who opens and closes wombs, instead.
I would not put it in my hands. I put it in His Hands.
|Isabelle Veronica - 2 days old -- April 19, 2013|
And so I gave birth on April 17, 2013 (our wedding anniversary) to a beautiful baby girl, my namesake (whom my husband Dong named after me because she supposedly looked like me) Isabelle Veronica.
When I shared with Dong just a few days back, that I was so scared to give birth to her because I "cursed" myself by saying it'd be the death of me, he told me: "Maybe it meant that you would die to yourself (without you knowing it). That your old self would die...."
And I said, "Wow! I never thought of it that way! Yes. I am glad I "died", but not physically! :) "
1 Timothy 2:15
"But she will be delivered through childbearing, if she continues in faith and love and holiness with self-control."
|Singing at an MCGI function - April 2012|
|Grade 6 Ilang-Ilang section of the School of the Holy Spirit, QC|
I am the one in front, 5th from left.
Beverly is the one at the 4th row, 1st from left.
Back then, I was pregnant and in despair over my life, and though I said "Yes, sure, why not?", I was not really ready to give my time or talent just yet. I was too engrossed in the drama of my life to come out of my misery.
To my delight, she said, "Yes Nikka. When could we meet?"
The Lord timed it so, that I was no longer seeking my own glory, but His Greater Glory!
Well, I could SING from the tips of my toes to the top of my lungs !!! :)
|With Mika, Bev and James -- The New Levite Voices :)|
Prayer Meeting and Bible Study -- April 24, 2014
Seminar 2: Salvation
which was to serve Him... fully.
I have accepted His Call to make my home, my ministry and to spread His Design for Marriage to all, via this blog and via my Titus 2 mentoring to wives who ask for my help and prayers. But, He wanted me to go a step further by using my God-given voice to sing for Him, via the music ministry!!!
|Catholic Life in the Spirit Seminar - April 27, 2014|
On April 27, 2014, I was "officially" reborn! :)
life in the Spirit is just beginning!:)
|With the organizers, the participants and the music ministry|
He is the Alpha and the Omega.
|New Nikka with my daughter Therese - 2013|
The new Veronica is alive!!! :)
With God's Grace and Mercy, He has filled me up with His Spirit!
I thank you Father God for loving me; for giving me Your Son, Jesus, to save me; and for making my walk with Christ wonderful because of Your Holy Spirit, Who is bearing much fruit in my life.
|Flanked by Mika and Bev and the CLSS participants|
"But of that day and hour no one knows,
not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son,
but the Father alone."
May we all be richly blessed!!! :)